A Coming out of Sorts
Jenna and her best buddy, Robin from next door, were playing in the
backyard under the watchful eye of Jenna's mother, who was preparing
dinner. The window over the kitchen sink was open and she could hear
the girls talking and occasionally giggling as only little girls can
do. Amanda wasn't really listening to what they were saying. She
just knew as long as she could her them they were close to the house
and safe. In addition, Hershey, their chocolate lab was in the
backyard with the girls and he would alert Amanda to any danger that
might be present.
"Hi, Daddy," an excited Jenna exclaimed when Lee pulled into the
drive.
"Hi, yourself, Punkin," he said as he picked up the little girl and
tossed her into the air.
Jenna squealed and Lee laughed. "And hello to you too, Miss Robin."
Robin coyly batted her eyes and softly said, "Hi, Mr. Stetson."
"What are you girls up to today?" he asked giving Hershey a pat on
the head.
"Just playin'… That's all. Want to join us?" Jenna asked.
"Maybe in a little bit. Let me check on Mommy and take a shower
first. Then if there's time before dinner, I would be happy to play
with two such lovely ladies as you."
The girls giggled and went back to their tea party and Lee headed
into the house.
"Hey, good lookin'! What's shakin'?" He walked over to Amanda,
wrapped his arms around her and kissed her soundly.
"Hey, yourself, handsome. How come you're so late? I thought the
meeting was supposed to be over at two." She glanced at the clock
and it was 4:15.
"Well," he began as he snatched a carrot from the salad she was
preparing, "Callahan went off on a tangent and nobody could shut him
up. You know how those budget meetings can be."
"Yeah, I'm just thankful I didn't have to be there," she replied as
she swatted his hand.
He laughed and said, "I'm going upstairs to take a shower. Sitting
in that room all afternoon with Smyth smoking that damned cigarette,
has me smelling like a smokestack. See you in a bit," he hollered as
he headed up the steps.
Unbeknownst to Amanda and Lee, four little ears heard the exchange.
After a few moments, the girls came into the house and Jenna
announced that they were going up to her room to play.
"Okay, Sweetheart, dinner should be ready in a little bit. Robin, if
you would like to stay for dinner I can call your mother to see if
it's okay."
"That's okay, Mrs. Stetson. My Mom is cookin' my favorite tonight,
beanies and weenies. I don't want to miss that," Robin replied
giggling with Jenna at the mention of weenies.
"All right girls, you go on and play. I'll call you when dinner's
ready." Amanda went about the kitchen preparing dinner while the
girls headed upstairs. They were almost at the top of the stairs
when Jenna took Robin's arm and pulled her to a stop.
"We have to be REAL quiet now or my Daddy will hear us. Tiptoe, like
me," Jenna said and proceeded to tiptoe up the last two stairs and
down the hall to her parents' room. "Shh," she whispered as she
tugged on Robin's arm to pull her down in front of the bathroom
door. "My Daddy's takin' a shower so maybe we'll get lucky." The
girls sat patiently for a few minutes when they heard the water shut
off.
Sure enough, moments later, the bathroom door opened and a very naked
Lee stepped into the bedroom nearly falling over the girls who were
seated right outside the door. "What the ….." he exclaimed as he
jumped back into the bathroom and slammed the door. "Jenna!"
The sternness in his voice caused both girls to jump up and race
downstairs. They clamored down the stairs and into the kitchen,
racing toward the door.
"What's gotten into you two?" Amanda asked as the girls streaked
by. "You're acting like your tail's on fire."
Both girls giggled and Jenna said, "Robin's gotta go. Me and Hershey
are gonna walk her home, okay?" Before Amanda could answer they were
both out the door and calling for Hershey. Since Robin lived right
next door, it was common for Jenna and Hershey to walk Robin home
through the backyard. And since Amanda could see them through the
window, she allowed it.
"Jenna! Jenna, you come hear right now, I want to talk with you," Lee
bellered as he came down the steps. "JENNA!"
"Lee, calm down, what's going on? Why are you so upset?" Before Lee
could answer the phone rang and he snatched up the
receiver. "Stetson," he said curtly. "Yeah, hang on a minute, he
said. "Amanda, I've gotta take this call in the office. Will you
hang it up once I pick up the extension?" he asked but he was already
heading toward their office.
"Wait, Lee, what happened with Jenna? What's going on?"
"Amanda, its Billy. I have to take this. I'll be back in a few
minutes."
Amanda decided it was time to get to the bottom of this. She headed
outside and called to Jenna. But there was no answer. She called a
second time and still no answer but Hershey was sitting under the
tree that held the tree house. It seemed whenever Jenna knew she was
in trouble, she would head for the tree house to hide. "Jenna, I
know you're up there. And I want you to come down, now!"
"No, Mommy, I can't."
"What do you mean you can't?"
"Daddy's mad at me and I'm not coming down," she said tearfully.
Amanda realized that this was going to call for some Class C
interrogation on her part so she climbed up the ladder to the tree
house. Once inside she sat down on one of the princess chairs and
quietly asked once more, "Jenna, why do you think Daddy is mad at
you? Did you do something to make him mad?"
Jenna's bottom lip began to quiver and tears rolled down her face.
Amanda gathered the little girl into her arms and slowly rocked her
hoping to assuage her fears. "Sweetheart, you know Daddy could never
be mad at you. He loves you very much. Remember, he told you the
other night that he loves you this much," she demonstrated holding
her arms out at her sides. "And just last week, didn't you and Daddy
go horseback riding?" At the mention of the pony farm, Jenna's face
brightened.
"Yeah, that was fun. I got to ride the spotted pony and Daddy said I
was the bestest one there," she stated proudly.
"See that's right, Daddy could never be made at you. You're his
little princess."
"Mommy," she stated emphatically, "I'm not his princess, I'm his
punkin."
"Of course, my mistake. Now can you tell me why you think Daddy's
mad at you?"
Jenna shook her head and looked down into her lap, but Amanda gently
lifted her chin and gave the girl an encouraging nod.
Jenna hemmed and hawed a bit, her tiny hands twisting in her lap.
Temporarily forgetting that she was upset, her eyes began to sparkle
and she whispered, "Can you keep a secret, Mommy?"
Amanda chuckled, "Yes, sweetie, I think I can."
Jenna leaned forward, wrapped her arms around Amanda's neck and
whispered in her ear.
"What do you mean you saw him naked? And Robin, too!" The words `Oh
My Gosh' were on the tip of her tongue but she held them back.
Jenna exclaimed, "Mommy, sshhhh! Somebody will hear you."
"I'm sorry, Sweetheart. Listen, why don't we go back inside? We'll
sit down together with Daddy and see if we can straighten this out."
As they climbed down the steps, Amanda was thinking how she was going
to explain to Robin's mother what had happened.
They reached the kitchen the same time as Lee. "Jenna!" he exclaimed
and at the same time Amanda shouted, "Lee!"
"Why don't we all sit down and talk this out," Amanda said. She
helped Jenna into one of the stools at the counter. "Lee," she said
as she inclined her head toward another one of the stools.
"Okay," Lee said drawing a deep calming breath, "do you want to tell
me why you and Robin were sitting outside our bathroom door while I
was taking a shower?"
Jenna squirmed in her seat. "Hmm, well…it was …cause we just wanted
to …we wanted to see your hoo hoo."
"My what?"
"Your hoo hoo, Daddy. Daddys have them and boys have them and well,
Alex Braxton in our class was going on and on the other day about how
boys were better than girls because they have hoo hoo's and girls
don't and that girls were dumb because they'd lost their hoo hoo's
somewhere along the way. So we wanted to see one so we could tell
Alex he didn't know everything like he thinks he does."
`It must be in the genes', Lee thought, `she rambles just like her
mother.'
Amanda was doing everything in her power to keep from laughing. Just
the thought of four year olds discussing hoo hoo's was enough to send
her reeling.
Lee looked to Amanda and quickly looked away in order to keep from
laughing himself. "Look, Jenna, I'm gonna tell you everything you
need to know about," he stuttered for a moment, "hoo hoo's. They're
poison and you should stay away from them."
Amanda's eyes widened at Lee's comment and she was about to say
something when Jenna piped up.
"They are not poison, Daddy!"
He was almost afraid to ask but ask he did, "And how do you know
that?"
Jenna proudly sat up straighter and replied, "Because if they were,
the dog would be dead!"
Both Amanda and Lee burst into fits of laughter. Soon Jenna joined
in and they all giggled.
Amanda was the first to recover. She said, "How about we have
dinner. Young lady, you head upstairs and wash up. Then, you and I
and your Daddy will have a little talk.
The end.
Author's Chapter Notes:
This story is based on a routine I heard Jeff Foxworthy do on one of
the Blue Collar Comedy Tour specials. If you've heard it, you know
what's coming. If not, I might at this time insert a spew alert.
The story that Jeff told has been somewhat modified to fit our
favorite spy family but I thought it fit so well with this week's
theme. So with kudos to Jeff, here's my story… Hope you enjoy!
Takes place two years after the mystery marriage has been revealed.
Lee and Amanda have a 4 year old daughter, Jenna.
the Blue Collar Comedy Tour specials. If you've heard it, you know
what's coming. If not, I might at this time insert a spew alert.
The story that Jeff told has been somewhat modified to fit our
favorite spy family but I thought it fit so well with this week's
theme. So with kudos to Jeff, here's my story… Hope you enjoy!
Takes place two years after the mystery marriage has been revealed.
Lee and Amanda have a 4 year old daughter, Jenna.