Action Returns
I haven’t seen action in ages.
Different women all the time. I don’t think they cared about him. They only wanted his body, and he only wanted theirs.
Could you be serious about women called Candi, Randi and Bambi?
The brunette, Amanda, is different. I can’t explain it. She’s been here several times, and he hasn’t put any moves on her. He wants to--he dreams of her at night. Tossing and turning, calling out her name.
Wait, they’ve just entered. It looks like I’ll be busy tonight. They’re kissing. He’s leading her towards me.
My springs will be jumping.
*****
Boxers
It had been a long night. Lee had gone upstairs saying he wanted to get an early gift ready.
Amanda opened the door to their bedroom. In the center stood her husband, he wasn’t completely naked. He had boxers on.
Not his usual ones. These were made of green silk. Instead of the usual slit in the front, a flap decorated like a present with a bow with the words ‘Do Not Open Till . . .’
“Looks like it’s a gift for you, not me.”
“How bout for both of us?” He wiggled his eyebrow and the flap moved.
*****
I Spy
Who do they think they’re kidding?
Am I blind? Am I invisible? I see everything.
The handholding, his hand on the small of her back, the tender looks they give each other. I’ve caught them several times under the mistletoe when they thought no one was looking.
It’s all in the eyes. You can see the love reflected there. That can’t be hidden. It’s been there for a long time. It took awhile for both of them to realize they were made for each other.
I may not be a spy, but I know two people in love when I see them.
*****
Mud Puddles
“Stop!” She couldn’t believe the sight before her. Father and son were covered in mud from their feet to the knees of their pants.
She placed her hands on her hips. Not allowing them any further into the room.
“What in the world have the two of you been up to?”
Father and son looked at each other and giggled.
“Playing, Mommy.”
“Playing in what?”
“Mud puddles.”
Her son grabbed her hand and tugged. “Come on.”
Her husband seized her other hand and they led her outside. The three spent the afternoon kicking, splashing and playing in the mud puddles.
*****
Happy New Year
Five
Four
Three
Two
One
The music played, balloons fell from the ceiling, glasses clinked and lips met.
Another year gone. A new one begun. Friends had passed on. Others celebrated with them, remembering the good times and bad.
Twenty-five years Scarecrow and Mrs. King were a legend in the Agency. The torch would be passed to a new generation they’d help create.
*****
Pounding
Amanda squeezed her eyes shut. The storm raged outside, thunder pounded in the distance.
It didn’t help she was being assaulted on all sides.
Lee’s pounding didn’t help her headache one iota either. She covered her ears in attempt to drown out the sound.
Would he ever stop!
“Lee stop that rhythmic pounding!”
“But you told me you wanted the door fixed.”
“Not tonight, sweetheart. Come pound me instead.” She’d heard a good romp of sex was a sure cure for a headache. Now she’d find out if the myth was reality based.
Lee flung the hammer down.
“Hell, yeah!”
*****
The Book
The book sat there, begging to be read.
He had found it by accident while cleaning out his closet and left it on the coffee table.
Did he want to open it?
He traced the Kappa insignia with his fingertips. He’d forgotten he owned this.
College memories.
No. It’s the past.
He tossed it into the fireplace and watched the flames flick the edges of the yellowed paper, igniting it into a ball of fire.
The last of the black books. History. He didn’t need them anymore.
He had all he needed now.
He had his wife.
Amanda.
*****
Trash
You can tell a lot about someone’s trash.
Francine always has a lot of chocolate wrappers hidden underneath wadded papers.
I can tell when Mr. Melrose is having a bad week by how many empty bottles of Tums I find.
Dr. Smyth’s office I hate to clean. It reeks of smoke and ashes are everywhere. Not to mention the cigarette butts.
Scarecrow’s trash is different. I used to find lots of pieces of paper with women’s names and phone numbers on them. Not any more, not in a long time.
I think it has something to do with Mrs. King.
*****
Watch Where You Step
Stop going into the neighbors’ yard. You’re being naughty.
Why do they keep thinking I’m the one trampling the flowers next door?
Just because I can sneak through the fence and get in their yard.
I tell them it’s not me. It’s the man. Do they listen? No.
He stands in front of the kitchen window every night, tapping on it to get the lady’s attention. Stepping on the flowers, making a mess. Not my fault.
Next time, I’m going to leave a nice surprise for the man.
If I’m going to get blamed, I might as well fertilize them.
*****
The Water Cooler
I don’t hear about the exploits of the famous Scarecrow anymore.
How he wines and dines women.
They’re saying he’s off the market.
They speculate it’s his partner, Mrs. King.
Then they laugh. Say it can’t be her, she’s just a housewife from Arlington.
If only I could talk, I’d tell them they’re wrong. There is more to her than meets the eye, and it looks like Scarecrow has finally noticed. It’s about time. I saw it the first time she walked by me.
Maybe I can transfer to Mrs. King’s house. I’m sure she could use a water cooler.
*****
Christmas
He snuck out of bed and down the stairs hugging the walls and missing the creaking steps. If he got caught, he’d be told to go back to bed.
The tree twinkled with lights and underneath a pile of presents. Santa’s been here, he almost shouted but clamped his hand over his mouth. He sat down and found his gifts, tearing them open.
Later his parents came downstairs. “Oh my gosh! Look at your son.”
Their son slept under the tree curled up on torn paper. “Like father, like son.”
Amanda smiled. “He loves Christmas, just like you do, now.”
*****
Presents
Two. Four. Six. Twelve. Two dozen.
Blue. Green. Red. All the colors of the rainbow.
Yup, that should do it. Who said he was unimaginative in his gift giving? That he was in a rut when it came to his selections. Silk for the ladies. Wool for the men. What could be more perfect?
People always needed scarves. Didn’t they?
Wrap them up please. The long boxes fit snuggly into the shopping bag and he walked outside the store.
Over in the next aisle a figure emerged from behind the clothes rack. It’s gonna be another scarf again this year.
*****
Christmas Fun
The bedroom door opened.
“Did they see you?”
“Nope.”
“Good. Come here, Santa and get your present.” She kissed him passionately.
Closing the door she opened her robe.
His eyes widened when he saw her dressed in the red teddy. Hurriedly he pulled off his costume.
Lips met, tongues dueled and hands were everywhere. They wasted no time as their bodies joined in the mating dance and they found passion.
Afterwards they cuddled.
Outside the door two children whispered.
“He’s still in there.”
“Are you sure? Tell me again.”
“Well, I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, then the door closed.”
*****
Mile High Club
She never thought she’d be able to say she was a member of the club.
Now that had changed.
A glance at the man lying next to her told her he was awake.
“Good morning. Last night was unbelievable.” She snuggled in his arms.
“Every night is unbelievable with you.” He kissed her forehead.
“Now we can say we’re members of the Mile High Club.”
“Nope. We aren’t.”
“Why not? Isn’t this the Mile High City?”
“Yes, but to become a member you make love on an airplane, not in Denver.”
“Oh My Gosh! What time does our flight leave?”
*****
Show Time
She stood in front of the door, straightened her uniform and took a
deep breath.
She turned towards her partner who gestured her to enter.
Her hand trembled as she reached for the doorknob.
Closing the door, she winked at the mirror.
Oscar worthy.
It wasn't that she didn't know how to do these things. How she
learned, she'd never tell.
Her assignment complete, she tussled her hair and splashed water on
her face.
As far as the rest of the world was concerned, Francine Desmond
didn't know how to do anything domestic.
She opened the bathroom door.
Show Time.
*****
Spotted Dick
Phillip entered the living room and plopped down on the couch.
“How was the tea party?” Amanda sat down next to him.
“Awful. I’m never going to another one.”
“Why? What made it so bad.” Amanda ruffled his hair.
“You had to act all proper and stuff.” Phillip tugged at his tie.
“There are times you need to act like a gentleman. And it doesn’t hurt to dress up once in a while.”
“I know. But mom, the food was weird.”
“How so?”
“I absolutely refuse to eat something called a ‘Spotted Dick.’ No matter how good they say it tastes.”
*****
The Gift
She’d waited patiently all day. She even made a special dinner of his favorites.
Finally, he pulled out a chair and sat down to dinner.
“What’s this?” He picked up the small box.
“A present.”
“It’s not my birthday.”
“I just wanted to give you a present.”
He opened it and held up the gift. “I don’t understand.”
“Read the card.”
“You’re going to be a daddy. Happy Father’s Day.” The baby rattle that had been in the box dropped to the floor.
He rose and pulled her to him kissing her lightly on the lips.
“I love you Dotty.”
*****
Not My Dog
He walked along the fence line looking for any obvious signs of digging or loose boards.
He found two. He pulled a hammer and some nails from his tool belt.
Just as he was about to nail it back in place, he noticed a man slink into the backyard. He walked over to the kitchen window, trampled the flowers underneath and tapped on the pane.
No way was their dog responsible.
Maybe he’d enlarge one of the knotholes. A little spying would make retirement more interesting.
“Call me James Bond,” Ralph Ferguson chuckled and went in search of a chisel.
*****
Caught in the Act
Ralph sat in his chair waiting for the stranger to appear. He’d caught the man several times over the past week but never arriving.
Tonight would be different.
One thing had bothered him. His dog hadn’t made a sound. Normally, he’d bark whenever anyone entered the King’s backyard. He couldn’t figure it out.
He heard a rustling sound; something came flying over the top of the fence to land on the ground next to him.
A steak bone!
The dog happily munched away, to busy gnawing instead of barking.
He had his answer.
Bribed with succulent treats. Some guard dog!
*****
A Hobby
“Why don’t you call the police?” Betty clicked off the TV.
“Because he’s not doing anything wrong. He’s not breaking in or attacking anyone,” Ralph replied.
“Maybe I should tell Dotty about Amanda and the mystery man.”
“No don’t, Amanda’s a grown woman, if she wants to have a secret rendezvous she can.”
“In her backyard?”
“Yeah and he’s gone inside the house several times too.”
“Why are you so interested in the goings on next door?”
“Well you told me to get a hobby when I retired, didn’t you?”
“I didn’t mean for you to spy on our neighbors!”
*****
Word Play
“Congratulations kiddies, with the aide of Scarecrow’s knowledge of an obscure Native American language, this operation is all buttoned up.”
“I’m shocked! Praise from you!”
“Well my boy, don’t get cocky. You may be a cunning linguist, but I’m a master debater.” Smyth left the room in a cloud of smoke.
Lee burst out laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
“I’m a ‘cunning linguist.” He stuck out his tongue and wiggled it.
“Oh yeah, you’re good with that tongue!”
“He’s a ‘master debater.’” He cupped his hand at crotch level, rapidly mimicking the act.
Everyone in the room roared in hysterical laughter.
*****
Spying
She pulled the chair into perfect viewing position, binoculars in her lap.
Now the waiting game began.
Soon a mower roared to life. There he is. She picked up the binoculars and zeroed in on him. So close, like she could almost reach out and touch him. Wipe the sweat from his forehead. His t-shirt clung to his body.
“Mother! What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?”
“Spying on our neighbors.”
“HE MADE SUCH AN IMPRESSION the first time I saw him,” she sighed. “So handsome. Sexy. Dotty is one lucky lady to have him for a son-in-law.”
*****
They’d worn a path into the carpet.
“Is she all right? Is it a boy or a girl?” Lee stopped pacing.
“IT’S A BOY!” Dotty exclaimed.
“Only one? I thought there’d be more.” Phillip scuffed his shoe on the carpet.
“Yeah, I wanted at least two. One for each of us.” Jamie pouted.
“We have a girl, too.” Dotty added.
“Yes! Twins.” The boys high fived each other.
“And another girl. We have triplets.” Amanda carried three squirming puppies.
“In six months they all go to the vet to be fixed.” Lee took one of the puppies. “No more surprises!”
*****
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.