Two Birthdays and a Scarecrow
The couple in the silver Corvette was lost, driving through a thick, pea soup fog. They were unable to see where they were going because of the heavy mist, and they had misread the signs along the side of the road.
Earlier in the day, they had been on an assignment to meet a contact, deep in the countryside of Virginia. On their way back, Lee made a wrong turn in the dense haze, not realizing it until they had gone way off-course. “Damn it, this day has been one major screw up,” he grumbled. “First, I forget the phone, until it’s too late to head back for it. Second, the contact doesn’t show, so the assignment is a bust. Third, I made a wrong turn, and didn’t realize it until we were completely lost. And fourth, to top it off, I can’t see a blasted thing in front of me,” he continued his diatribe as he turned down yet another road.
Amanda shifted slightly within the confines of her seat belt. She reached her left hand behind Lee’s neck and kneaded his taut muscles with her fingers. “I’m sure we’ll find someplace soon; a place where we can ask directions or at least wait until the fog lifts.”
Lee placed his left hand on top of Amanda’s, halting her magic fingers. “I know, but we need to find a phone to let Billy and, especially, your mother know we’re going to be late. What else can go wrong today?”
As soon as the words were uttered, he heard a popping sound, and the car lurched to the left. Quickly, Lee grabbed the steering wheel to maintain control of the vehicle. He had been driving fairly slowly due to the fog and was able to bring the Corvette to a stop on the side of the road without any problems. His fist hit the dashboard in frustration. “Me and my big mouth.”
Amanda knew Lee was at his breaking point. He hadn’t wanted to go on this milk run assignment, but no one else was available. Plus, Billy had told them that if they took the assignment, he would give them a three-day weekend.
Lee leaned back against the car seat, closing his eyes for several seconds and taking slow deep breaths to try to calm himself down. The tension in his body started to ease, and he knew he had a job to accomplish. As he opened his eyes, he grabbed the keys from the ignition. Sitting back up, he shifted to look at Amanda. “The sooner I fix the tire, the sooner we’ll be on our way, and the sooner we’ll find our way home.”
Amanda opened the passenger door causing the dome light to cast a slight illumination within the interior of the vehicle. Looking deeply into his eyes, Amanda gently ran her right hand along his cheek and kissed him tenderly on the lips. “Let’s go,” she told him as she opened the glove box and retrieved the flashlight that was stored there for emergencies, and then exited the car.
Lee followed her out of the car. He closed the driver’s door and knelt down to look at the flat tire. Amanda aimed the flashlight at it, so he could see as he ran his hands around the rim, checking for any imperfections. Luckily the rim didn’t appear to be damaged. He stood up and they walked around to the trunk. Putting the key in the lock, he opened it, lifting out the spare tire and leaning it against the rear of the car. He gave Amanda the lug wrench to hold, and he picked up the jack. They returned to the front of the ‘Vette and the flat tire, and Lee popped off the hubcap. Amanda handed him the wrench, so he could loosen the lug nuts. Then he placed the jack under the lift point and began pushing up and down, raising the front end off the ground.
He knelt back down in front of the tire and started to remove one of the nuts. “Amanda, hold out your hand; I don’t want to lose these. They’re hell to find, especially in the dark.”
Amanda continued to point the flashlight and held out her other hand. Lee picked up the hubcap and handed it to her, he didn’t want her getting her hands dirty, if he could help it. As he took off each of the five nuts, he dropped each of them in it. Then he removed the tire, and felt along the tread, trying to find the reason it had blown. “See here; we ran over a nail,” he told her as he pointed out the protruding piece of metal.
In a matter of moments, he rolled the tire to the trunk and returned with the spare. He looked at Amanda, who had a perplexed frown on her face. “What’s the matter?” he asked as he attempted to examine the area around them. He couldn’t see anything through the fog.
“I thought I heard music.”
Lee listened carefully. “Music? I don’t hear anything.”
“I guess it was my imagination.”
He leaned down to put on the tire. “Let me finish and we’ll get out of here.” He took the lug nuts from the hubcap and quickly screwed them in place, and lowered the jack. Then he knelt back down to tighten them with the wrench and replaced the hubcap. After stowing everything back in the trunk, he noticed their hands were dirty and searched for something to use for cleaning up. “Lee, what are you looking for?”
“A rag, a towel, anything to wash our hands with.”
“I have some wet wipes in my purse. I always carry them with me, with two growing boys, you never know when they’ll be needed.” Amanda told him, as she went to retrieve the wipes. Pulling one out, she handed it to Lee, then she took one for herself and they proceeded to cleanse their hands. When they were finished, they threw the used wipes into a carton that Lee kept in the trunk for trash.
Amanda grabbed him by the shoulder. “There it is again; do you hear it?”
Lee cocked his head and listened. “Amanda, I don’t hear . . .” Then he heard it, the faint strains of music. He turned in the direction of the sound. “It’s coming from over there,” he pointed towards the source of the sound.
“Maybe they’ll have a phone and can give us directions,” Amanda, hopefully, replied.
After securing the car, they made their way towards the music. A short way through the trees, they saw a distant glow shining eerily in the fog. As they moved closer to the source of illumination, they saw a light hanging over a doorway, but they couldn’t see anything else because of the haze. There was no doorbell or knocker, nothing with which to let the occupants know visitors were present. A gold plaque on the door read ‘The Gutter.’
Lee knocked on the door, when no one answered, he put his hand on the doorknob and turned the handle; it wasn’t locked. As he opened the door, the music became a little bit louder, but was still muffled as if it was a great distance away.
Amanda clutched his arm when he started to enter. “Lee, should we just walk in?”
He turned to Amanda and shrugged. “If they didn’t want people walking in, they should’ve locked the door.” Come on. Let’s see if we can find a phone. I’m not sure, but this may be some kind of underground nightclub.”
They walked through the door, and Amanda closed it behind them. Before them lay a long hallway; a row of lights along the ceiling illuminated their path. Amanda gripped Lee’s hand tightly as they began to walk through the corridor. “I’m not sure I like the looks of this place. Something doesn’t feel right; it’s eerie.”
“I know. What’s odd is that the hallway is gradually descending. We’re walking down, towards something. Hopefully, whatever is at the end of this passage is friendly.”
Several minutes later, they began to see doors with golden nameplates and a light shining over each, stating what rooms lay within. They passed the hot tub, sauna, gymnasium, media, computer and mud wrestling rooms. Lee heard Amanda groan when they passed the door to that particular room. Then the plates changed and, instead of room names, the names of people were engraved on them. Karen, LeeZa, Melinda, Dawn, Kim, Nancy, Jess, Ana, Rita and dozens of others names were listed, all female. Lee was beginning to wonder if they’d stumbled into a brothel.
Soon, they came to the entrance of a large room. The perimeter of the room was darkened, and a group of women were mingling around the center and on the side away from them, which was lit. Huge potted plants stood on each side of the doorway and Lee inched his way behind one. As they made their way along the wall, they found some decorative screens, which also concealed them from view. “I think we should stay hidden, in the shadows, until we figure out what’s going on.” He didn’t know why, but the hairs on the back of his neck were standing on end, giving him an uneasy feeling that things were not what they seemed.
“It looks like they’re preparing for some kind of party,” Amanda whispered into his ear.
“Oomph!” Lee let out a cry as he banged into one of several unseen chairs, then leaned down to rub his leg. He looked out into the room to see if anyone had heard him. Luckily, the music was still playing and everyone seemed engrossed in decorating and talking. Lee and Amanda sat down on the chairs and watched the activities going on around them.
Tables were laid out all around the room with flatware, china and centerpieces, which to Lee looked like scarecrows, increasing his feeling of uneasiness. Dozens of laminated movie posters and photographs were hanging from the ceiling on wires. A buffet and bar were opposite from where they sat. Suddenly, the music stopped, and they were able to hear what the women were saying. After following the conversations for a while, Lee and Amanda began to put names to faces, and tried to figure out what was happening. They continued to sit, silently, and listen, hoping to gather more information.
********
“Hey, Cal, can you please help me put up the ‘Pin the Tail on Bruce’s Naked Ass’ game?” Cheryl asked the girl who was decorating the tables with the miniature scarecrows.
“Sure, no problem,” Cal replied as she walked over to help hang the poster. “I love that picture of him. ‘Double Jeopardy’ is one of my favorite movies. I absolutely love the part in the shower, it’s so hot,” she continued gushing. “This was a great idea. We love playing with his ass; although, I’m not sure I’d stick pins in it.”
“Haven’t you seen? We won’t be sticking pins in; we’ll be sticking feathers on his ass with tape. We wouldn’t put holes in our favorite man,” Cheryl explained.
Across the room, Bubba yelled at the two girls setting up the buffet. “Hey, Mel? Colleen? Is the special birthday cake ready?”
Both girls turned around. Mel shouted, “Yes, Everything’s ready for Bruce.”
“You bet,” Colleen added, “Bruce’s going to pop out of the cake, later, to surprise the birthday girls.”
They then went back to putting out food and talking about their children.
“Where are Bruce’s special boxers? Were they delivered? “Alleycat asked the group. “I can’t finish dressing him if I can’t find them. I’m his valet, and I have to have him ready in time for the surprise,” she added, walking around the room searching for the elusive apparel.
“Hang on, I’ll help you look for them, but first I need to refill my beer,” Bubba said as she opened the tap on the beer keg.
“Chug, chug, chug,” Lynda laughed at Bubba. “I knew I’d find you next to the beer. You should drink wine coolers; they’re much tastier.”
“Nope, Bruce says he likes a woman who can handle her beer; he prefers it himself.”
“Mwa ha ha,” Lynda chortled, “Bruce likes women who can handle lots of things.”
The women in the room continued searching for the boxers. Finally, one of them held up a carton. “I found it,” Meg shouted, walked over to Alleycat and handed her the underwear.
“Oh, my gosh, Meg, what do you have attached to your arm?” Bubba asked.
Meg laughed and lifted up her arm. “Oh, this? It’s my Bruce blow up doll. Isn’t he cute? The handcuffs are fur lined.”
“I have to know, Meg, who’s your supplier? All the gutter girls will want to have their very own Bruce doll. It’ll make a great gift for one of our gutter parties,” Cheryl laughed.
“Okay, ladies, I’m off to finish dressing Bruce,” Alleycat told them, holding the carton of boxers high in the air.
A cheer of, “Bruce, Bruce, Bruce,” reverberated throughout the room as Alleycat departed.
After Alleycat left to dress Bruce, Steph shouted, “Come over here, everyone. Look what we have to eat. Cheese filled wieners.” She took a bite and cheese oozed out of the hot dog. “I bet someone ordered these specifically for me, and I see cream filled éclairs.”
“Guilty,” Cheryl said as she raised her hand in admission. “I thought you could use a little incentive to finish your story. I know you’re having trouble writing the sequel to ‘Hot Diggity Dog.’”
“What happened to the bloody music?” Moose asked in her very British accent. “Chanda and I need to practice our dance for Bruce.”
“Never fear, partner, music we will have,” Chanda replied.
The music started again, and Chanda and Moose hopped up on the bar. Both were clad in very revealing leather outfits and were holding whips. The ladies all crowded around the bar, watching while the women practiced. Even though the party was not in Bruce’s honor, they wanted to give him a little present.
“Whip it, Moose, whip it, Chanda,” the group yelled in unison.
Suddenly, the music halted. “It’s almost time. We still have to put up the sign.” Ashley, the voice of reason, told the group. “I saw Alleycat taking Bruce to the kitchen. Pam and Sarah will be here, soon.”
“You’re right, Ash, lets get this done, so we can party,” Lynda yelled.
Soon, everything was ready. All preparations were done. The sign was hung; it said: “Happy Birthday, Pam and Sarah.” They were ready for the guests of honor.
At that moment, two women walked into the room, and everyone began to sing happy birthday.
Pam, blushing, sighed, “A party, for us? You shouldn’t have. “Where’s Bruce? I want Bruce for my present.”
“Don’t worry; he’ll be here shortly. He has a special surprise for you,” Cheryl laughed.
“Boo! A Party for me? Sweet, Blue Leader,” Sarah voiced her opinion as she walked around the room saying the same word over and over again, “Boo.”
*******
Lee and Amanda sat in the chairs the whole time, listening to the women. Lee still wasn’t sure what exactly what was going on, except that a birthday party was under way.
Amanda leaned over and whispered to him. “Do you think we should tell someone we’re here? Maybe we can use their phone.”
“Yeah, I think so,” Lee replied as he stood up. But, when he rose, he accidentally bumped into a large cardboard cut-out. It turned slightly and he saw that it was a picture of a man. He gulped and grabbed Amanda by the hand. “We need to get out of here. Now!”
“Lee, why are we leaving?”
“Because, Amanda, when I knocked into the cut out, I was able to see it clearly. The man’s picture looked just like me. We need to get the hell out of here, before they think I’m this Bruce guy they’re all crazy about. These women are scary.”
Pam, one of the birthday girls, heard the commotion on the other side of the room and pointed to the departing figure, yelling and running after him. “There he is. Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, where are you going? The party’s just started. Why are you leaving?”
Lee and Amanda fled down the hallway as fast as they could run. They heard numerous footsteps following behind them as they escaped the gutter. Both were breathing hard as they hurried towards the ‘Vette. Lee fumbled for the car keys in his pants pocket as they neared their destination.
He unlocked the passenger side, and Amanda quickly got in and locked the door behind her. She leaned over and unlocked the driver’s door. Lee slid into the seat and quickly secured his door and put the keys in the ignition. The engine turned over and he stepped on the gas, hard. After he pulled away, he looked in the rear view mirror and saw several women come out of the trees, onto the road, yelling, “Bruce, Bruce, don’t leave us.”
The fog had lifted, and they were able to find their way back to the main road. Lee pulled over to the side and parked for a moment, leaned back in the seat and ran his hand through his hair. “I’ve never seen anything scarier than those women. They actually thought I was this Bruce person.”
Amanda reached over and rubbed his thigh, “I’ve never seen anyone who resembled you in the movies or on television, but I’m assuming that this Bruce is an actor. Do you think we need to make a report about what we saw?”
Lee put his hand on top of hers, “Yeah, I think we need to keep them under tight surveillance. I heard one of them refer to someone as ‘blue leader.’ If they know Agency codes, they bear further investigation. In fact, I’m going to suggest to Billy that he send a female agent in, undercover, to find out exactly what’s going on in that gutter.”
“I wonder who he’ll pick to keep them under surveillance?” Amanda questioned.
Lee shifted the car into drive. “I don’t care, as long as it’s not you. Now let’s go home, Mrs. Stetson. Today has been one of the strangest days of my life.”
*****
Meanwhile, back in the gutter, the birthday party was in full swing. Mel and Colleen wheeled the cake into the room, Bruce jumped out of it, to the delight of everyone. When he was asked about his strange activities earlier, he told them he had no idea what they were talking about. He had been in the company of his valet the whole time. It was decided that their imaginations were working over time and that they all would need some private therapy with him in the very near future.
Happy Birthday, Pam and Sarah.
The End
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: Scarecrow and Mrs. King and its characters belong to WB and Shoot the Moon Productions. No infringement is intended. This is written for entertainment purposes only. Please do not redistribute or reproduce this story without my permission.
Thanks: LeeZa and Ashley your help is greatly appreciated.
Thanks: LeeZa and Ashley your help is greatly appreciated.