Jamie King sat at the head of the dining room table but he did not feel priviledged.

He called this family meeting. As embarrassed as he was, it was an emergency. His only consolation was that Phillip was not here to witness it.

He looked up as his grandmother had squeezed his shoulder and stared into his face.

"This chandelier light isn't any better, Jamie. It's stuck and I can't get it out."

His mother had seated herself to his left and gestured to the paper she held. He couldn't remember a lecture as long as this one. She had recited the orthodontic instructions on the appropriate foods to eat.

He heard the front door shut and pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose. His smile gleamed as Lee set the Waterpik box on the table.

"This is what the orthodontist recommended, Sport. I hope that it works."

'Thank goodness for compassionate step-fathers. I'll never eat that candy again.'

end

He couldn't believe his eyes and tried to keep from laughing with little success.

"Stop laughing and help me."

"What exactly is the problem?"

"IT'S STUCK AND I CAN'T GET IT OUT."

"How?"

"I was relaxing and I saw the drip. I started to play with it. Then somehow my big toe got stuck in the faucet. "

"Should I call a plumber?"

"No! Get mother she'll know what to do."

Lee couldn't help but grin at the sight of his wife sitting in the bathtub with her big toe stuck in the faucet.

"Dotty can you come up here please."

*****As soon as I read the challenge line, an old episode of the Dick Van Dyke show came to mind where Laura gets her big toe stuck in the bathtub faucet.

More Misunderstandings

Saturday, May 16, 1998

2:30 PM

"Oh come on," Amanda said. "I'm sure there are worse ways to spend a
Saturday afternoon."

"There are also better ways," Lee kept the cordless phone balanced
against his shoulder as he loaded the dishwasher.

"I know that babysitting isn't exactly your cup of tea—"

"That's putting it mildly."

"—but Jason Maxwell's mother was feeling a little down today and
Mother and I thought that a shopping trip might cheer her up."

"But then someone needed to take care of Jason, right?" Lee poured the
detergent into the compartment and closed the dishwasher.

"Well he is Jenna's age," Amanda said. "I'm sure they're keeping each
other entertained."

"Entertained?" Lee repeated. "Isn't this the same Jason who used to
pull her hair and shoot spitballs at her in class? The one who used to
try and take her lunch money?"

"Come on now-that was in Second Grade."

"The same Jason who spends most of his class time out in the hallway
for being too disruptive?" Lee said. "You really want this little
thug-in-training around Jenna?"

Amanda sighed. "Goodbye, Lee, I have to go now."

"A-man-da!" There was a click. Lee gave a sigh of his own as he
hung up the cordless.

"Ow!!!! Stop it!"

Jenna's cry came from the family room. .

"That does it." Lee said to himself. He was about to march in there
and teach that little Jason a lesson when he heard Jason's voice. He
paused near the kitchen entrance, just out of sight, but where he
could hear everything that was being said.

"Sorry, Jenna I was just trying to help."

"Well you're not helping, you're squishing me-take your hand out of
there."
.
"I can't figure out why it's not working."

"You stuck it in backwards, that's why," Jenna said. "I thought it
might come right back out but it's not –IT'S STUCK AND I CAN'T GET IT
OUT."

"Well it's stupid anyway, with all that kissing." Jason said.

Kissing? In his shock Lee took a step backwards, biting his lip to
suppress a yelp of pain as the back of his head connected with the
sharp corner of one of the kitchen cabinets.

"Really?" Jenna said "You didn't think it was so stupid when you
wanted to play it."

Lee's hands clenched themselves into fists-he fought to stay
calm-reminding himself not to jump to conclusions…..

"So what do we do now?" Jason said.

"I don't know," Jenna said. "But whatever it is we won't be watching
The Little Mermaid."

The End

SMK SMK SMK SMK

“Amanda Jean West.” Dotty glared down at her daughter, shaking her head.. “You really are a precocious child. However did you manage to put yourself in this situation?”

Amanda looked up awkwardly at her mother. Between the sobs and hiccups she managed to choke out, “Pinto and I were just playing follow the leader. I thought there was enough room for me to get through, too.”

“You guessed wrong.” She tried to twist Amanda’s head and push it past the banister rails. “IT’S STUCK AND I CAN’T GET IT OUT.” Heading towards the kitchen she thought, “Maybe butter will work?”

++++

He stood on his porch and watched two children walk hand in hand
along the sidewalk. One child, a sandy-headed boy, leaned in close to
whisper in the ear of the other child a beautiful, dark-haired girl.

From his perch on the step, he could see tears falling down the
little girl's cheeks. The boy stopped, looked around and spotted him.
A smile bloomed displaying both of the boy's dimples. He took off
running down the street, dragging the girl behind him.

"Barney! Barney!"

"Lee! What is it? What's the matter?" He met the kids on the
sidewalk, squatting down to be eye-level with the children.

Out of breath, Lee panted, "IT'S STUCK AND I CAN'T GET IT OUT. You
have to help us."

"Calm down, Lee, and tell me what's wrong."

The girl cried harder and Lee turned back to her. "It's okay, Linda.
Don't cry. Barney will know what to do."

Barney took the boy by both shoulders and turned him around. "Now,
Lee, I can't help until I know what the problem is. Tell me and we'll
see what I can do to help."

"Yes, sir." Lee swallowed and began his tale. "It was that awful
Bobby Mitchell. He thinks just because his father is the base
commander, he can do whatever he likes. I really aught to pop him one
right in the nose."

"There will be no popping anyone, young man. Understood!"

"Understood. But he really needs one."

"Never mind. Finish it."

"Well, after recess we all went back inside and sat down. Linda sits
in front of Bobby. Our teacher had to go home, so Miss Williams was
teaching the class. She doesn't allow anyone to eat in the classroom.
Bobby was chewing gum and when Miss Williams asked him to throw it
away. He said he wasn't chewing any. Miss Williams walked down the
row to see for herself, Bobby stuck his gum in Linda's hair. I tried
to get it out, but it's really stuck in there good.

Linda is afraid to tell her mother. She doesn't want her mom to tell
on Bobby. Linda's dad may get in trouble with the Commander. I told
her her dad would be okay, but she's still scared."

Barney pulled a handkerchief out of his back pocket and handed it to
Linda. "Come on, let's go inside and I'll see what I can do. Don't
worry Linda, everything will be all right."

He had no idea how he was going to help. If Lee had gum in his hair,
he'd just give him a crew cut. He certainly couldn't do that to
Linda. Maybe, he could try some WD-40.

END.

Author's note—to remove gum from hair, use either peanut butter or
olive oil. Both work really well.

Francine Desmond walked into the Q Bureau.

Her senses were immediately put on the alert that something was not
right.

The door had been unlocked but there were no signs of life inside the
office.

She put files down on Amanda's neat desk.
She smirked when she heard voices coming from inside the vault.

"Would you believe this, Amanda? IT'S STUCK AND I CAN'T GET IT
OUT."

Francine smirked, her mind was in the gutter.

"What are we going to do now, Lee? Mr. Melrose is waiting for the
file that is in that drawer!"

"Let's find Leatherneck. Maybe he'll have some ideas."

Francine sighed and waited for Lee and Amanda to appear.

end

Lee Stetson opened up his young daughter's door. He was upset to
find her seated on her bed in tears.

"Jenna, Sweetheart. What's the matter?"

Jenna tried to hide her sobs and sniffles behind the Scarecrow doll
which she clutched in her hands.

"It's just awful, Daddy!"

"What is?" Lee waited patiently.

"Everyone keeps telling me that the tooth fairy is coming very
soon. But she can't! Lee scooped her up into his arms and sat on
the bed. "The tooth is, oh my gosh! IT'S STUCK AND I CAN'T GET IT
OUT!"

"Jenna, things like this take time. It's going to come out when it's
ready."

"Daddy, please! Can you write the tooth fairy a letter? She is
going to think that I am a dork if she comes and it's not under my
pillow!"

"Jenna, she would never think that you were a dork. Trust me on
that, hmm?"

"Okay."

"Go on downstairs, now. Your grandmother is ready. She's taking
you to the movies to see The Hunchback of Notre Dame!"

"Yea! Bye, Daddy!"

"See you later, Sweetie!"

Jenna left the room. Lee smiled as he picked up a crayon and a piece
of colorful paper.

"JAMIE!!!!! Please bro, come here I need you!"

"Hold your horses Phillip, let me end up this game-level, and I'm
with you."

"K, but fast, because if Lee came home before I got it out, I'm
toast."

Entering the laundry room Jamie couldn't stop laughing: From Phillip
were visible only the feet, the rest of his body was hidden half
under half beside the washing machine.

"What the hell, did you do if you're so scared of Lee's arrival at
home, after all he can help?"

"No, No way he would help, well maybe he would, but only after he
would kill me," were Phillip's words after getting out from that
tight spot.

"You don't make any sense, why he would kill you?"

"Geez! Remember that he promised he would take us to the game this
weekend, if we do our chores while mom and grandma are relaxing at the
spa. Well I wanted the new game we saw Tuesday in the store, and I
offered to wash some things too. Lee agreed and because he was
already at the car, he told me to pull out from his jeans back-
pocket, the envelope with mom's ring, you know the one that got
bent, and Lee took to be fixed."

"Yes, I know which one, but...."

"Let me finish dorkface! Remember as well that Lisa called while I
was getting ready for the next load in the washer, and in a hurry to
speak with her I forgot to take out the ring. I found it in the
filter, but it kind of slipped from my hand and roll under the
washing machine and now IT'S STUCK AND I CAN'T GET IT OUT!"

"Ok, did you see it there?"

"Yes, but I can't grab it the place is too narrow."

"Phillip I have an idea that might work, bring me from out side a
stick long enough but not too thin."

Waiting for his brother, Jamie took a chewing gum from the package
and began to chew. When Phillip brought the stick his little smart
brother put the gum at one end and release the ring from it's "prison"

"I'm forever in debt with you Jamie."

"Well don't forget it!"

"Aarrgghh!" Dotty fisted her hands in her hair.

"What's wrong, Mother?"

"IT'S STUCK AND I CAN'T GET IT OUT."

"What's stuck?"

"That song won't leave my head."

"What song?"

"The theme to the show `Green Acres.' Edna and I watched it this afternoon and it's been playing in my head every since. Green Acres is the place to be. Farm living is the life for me. Land spreading out so far and wide. Keep Manhattan…"

Amanda began to sing. "The chores. The stores. Fresh air. Times Square. You are my wife. Goodbye …Oh my gosh! Now I'm singing it too!"

(Okay now how many of you wanna shoot me because you have the song running through your head right this very minute?) ;-)

Disclaimer: none I's a claiming it since I's a wrote it.

Title: This foot doesn't taste so good.

Shout out: Hey Bruce I am right here waiting for you (hmm now whom
did I sample that from... Bryan Adams I think if not my apologies to
Bryan and the correct artist but I have trouble with me ole memory
sometimes, though I'd never forget you Bruce Boxleitner.)

If it’s incoherent: My brain has fallen and no one called time out.
So I skipped along the yellow brick road and discovered insanity is
just a state of mind (yes I know it should have been mine but I
decided to use a play on words, consider it my idiot savant moment
and if you are laughing at that, at least some times in my life I am
a savant so there, I say as I stick out my tongue and blow a
raspberry at you while gloating.)

It's stuck and I can't get it out. Lee started to say something else
on the subject but he had already lodged his size 10 in his mouth
good and firm. Nobody but nobody had a habit of sticking his foot in
his mouth quicker than Scarecrow whenever it came to his partner's
romantic life. Why didn't he just keep his big trap shut in the first
place. He knew he was already behind the eightball when he let it
slip that he'd run a background check on her latest would be
lothario, but what in the world possessed him to follow them back to
the guy's apartment last night. I still would have been okay, if I
had just kept that piece of late night surveillance to my self but
no... I had to open mouth and insert foot this morning, Lee silently
berated himself. As if that wasn't bad enough did I have to ask her
why she didn't leave the guy's apt building until one in the morning?
Stupid, stupid Lee said as he smacked himself in the forehead while
remembering what that little piece of flesh, which was usually his
friend, called his tongue, had gotten him into. how was I to know
that she only went to dinner with the guy to get him out of the house
for a few hours so his wife could throw him a surprise anniversary
party. Guess I better pay more attention when Amanda mentions her
first cousins from now on. Oh well, nothing I can do now but swallow
this bitter pill and apologise to my partner again. She didn't act
too receptive when I tried to explain earlier. I sure hope my
volunteering to be a chaperone for next week's Junior Trailblazer
spring break campfest will get her to forgive and forget. Hopefully
she will just be touched by the gesture and I'll be off the hook.
Like I could be so lucky, when she already has been complaining about
how hard it has been to get guys who are willing to take a whole week
off work to spend with their son's for this thing. Oh well, guess I
am on the hook, but if it will make my Amanda look at me as her hero
once again... It's worth that and more.

Thank you for taking this tour with me to through the wonderful world
of amandlee land or would that be kingston or Leemanda or Sting. Hey
if they were not characters from one of our favorite shows and were
real celebrities they could be one of the first real supercouple with
a combined name.

Last But not least, I wrote this to show you an example of what the
UNCF has been saying all these years... A mind is a terrible thing to
waste. It is too late for my mind... DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOURS!

Lee couldn't believe his eyes when he entered the break room.

"Beaman, how in the hell did you get in this predicament?"

"I wanted a candy bar. I put my money in, pushed the button and the candy began to fall. It became stuck. I banged on the machine to make it budge."

"Don't go anywhere. I need to get a picture of this." Lee left the room.

"IT'S STUCK AND I CAN'T GET IT OUT!" Beaman yelled. "I'm not going anywhere!"

Lee laughed. A picture of Beaman with his arm stuck inside the candy machine was perfect blackmail material.

"Hey, Zena! We only need one more story about Scarecrow and Mrs. King to get the prize. Any ideas?"

"Not a one. I'm fresh out of stuck ideas? How bout you Elvira?"

"I've exhausted myself. First I had Amanda get her big toe stuck in the bathtub faucet. Then I had Dotty get the Green Acres theme song stuck in her head. Finally, I had Beaman get his arm stuck in a candy machine. I'm fresh out of ideas."

"Ditto, I can't think of anything."

"I have something in my head but IT'S STUCK AND I CAN'T GET IT OUT!"