Let There Be Light
Lee was unusually quiet and his partner noticed his pensive mood.
"What is it, Lee?
"I'm not sure, Amanda. It's just that something doesn't feel right about this."
'This' was their latest assignment.They were supposed to stake outa warehouse situated on the Potomac. Once there, they were to be approached by a man named Keller, who supposedly had information regarding the latest leak at the Agency. This whole case was puzzling and Lee was becoming frustrated that as of yet, they had been unable to make any breaks in the case. Of course, this wasn't even supposed to be their case. Tonight, this weekend, they were supposed to be off-duty enjoying a weekend together as husband and wife, something that they rarely got to do without the Agency or the boys schedules getting in their way.
"Why is it always us, Amanda? Why are we the ones who always seem to be called in at the last minute?" expressed an aggravated Lee.
"Lee, he's only a half hour late. Maybe he just got tied up in traffic. You know how the Beltway can be at this hour. Besides, Mr. Melrose said no one else was available," Amanda whispered hoping to put her husband at ease.
"Yeah, I know," he said dragging his hand through his hair.
The Agency was definitely short-staffed. And, it seemed in recent weeks that the majority of the top agents had succumbed to a variety of ailments and accidents.
"I'm going in to look around. You get on the horn to Billy and tell him this is a bust." Lee pulled his gun out of his shoulder holster and started toward the door.
Amanda headed toward the car to call Billy. Just as she opened the door, she heard an explosion. She whirled around to see Lee's body flying through the air. Frantically, she called the Agency and reported an agent down then ran to Lee's limp body. He had been thrown about thirty feet as best she could imagine. She carefully checked his body to assess the damage. He did have some minor scrapes and cuts, but, otherwise seemed okay. Except for the fact that he was unconscious. She checked to make sure he was breathing. His right arm was bent at an odd angle and she believed it was broken, but that injury did not appear to be life threatening.
"Lee," she called out to see if he could respond to her. She gently shook him. He moaned slightly but did not open his eyes. By now, Amanda could hear the wail of the ambulance siren and knew help was on the way.
Billy and Francine arrived first and Billy asked, "How bad is it?'
"Well, sir, he is breathing and doesn't appear to have any life threatening injuries but he has been unconscious since it happened."
"Exactly what did happen?" Francine asked. "You were merely supposed to meet a source and now Lee is lying here!"
"Francine!" Billy shouted.
The whole time Amanda never took her eyes off her partner. As the paramedics approached, she leaned over to him and whispered into his ear, "I love you, Lee Stetson. Don't you ever forget it!"
She joined the crew in the ambulance and accompanied him to the hospital. Nervously, she paced in the waiting room hoping the doctor would soon come and tell her if Lee was going to be okay. His words kept echoing in her mind, 'something doesn't feel right about this'.
Billy and Francine soon joined her in the waiting room. It has been over an hour and there still had been no one to tell them what was going on with Lee. Finally, Amanda could wait no longer.
"I have to know how he is," she pleaded with the nurse. "Could you please try and find out for us?" she asked as firmly, but politely as possible. She was exhausted, but no amount of coaxing from Billy or Francine could make her sit down and relax.
"I need to call Mother and the boys," she stated matter of factly.
"Amanda, you don't have anything to tell them at this point. Maybe you should wait until we know Lee's condition," Billy said gently.
He knew how close this family had become. It was the best thing that ever happened to the agent he thought of in many ways as a son.
"No sir, at least they have a right to know that Lee is here. Anyway, a few more people praying for him certainly can't hurt." Her voice quivered slightly as tears rolled slowly down her cheeks.
"Amanda, let me call them. Right now your place is here in case the doctor comes out or Lee needs you. Turning towards Billy, Francine said, "I'm heading back to the Agency to try and make some sense of this case and what happened tonight." With a gentle hug, Francine made her way down the hall to a pay phone.
The door to the trauma room opened and the doctor emerged. Both Billy and Amanda jumped up off the couch and ran to him.
"How is he, doctor?" she asked.
"Right now he's resting comfortably. He does have a severe concussion as a result of the blast. He still hasn't regained consciousness and that has me greatly concerned. He is in a coma, which may be his body's way of dealing with this trauma. I'm afraid we won't know the extent of his injuries until he regains consciousness. The cuts and scrapes are superficial and he separated his shoulder. We are taking him to x-ray now to determine the extent of his head injury."
Amanda was visibly shaken. "May I see him before you go?" she asked.
"Yes, but only for a minute."
"Thank you," Amanda said as she raced into the room.
Amanda went straight to Lee's side and grabbed his hand. She didn't know if he could hear her, but she had to try. "Lee, it's time to wake up. No more sleeping on the job, Scarecrow," she said softly trying to lighten the mood and mask the fear she was feeling.
He didn't respond and Amanda thought her heart would stop beating. She leaned carefully over him, trying to avoid all the medical equipment. Gently, she kissed his lips and whispered, "Don't leave me, Lee, I need you." Her lips hovered above his for just a moment. She leaned forward to kiss him again, this time with a little more force. She almost didn't have time to register the slight tightening of his hand around hers before the doctor came into the room announcing it was time to go. Amanda was unwilling to let go of his hand, but knew this was for the best.
The result of the CAT scan was not good. He suffered some brain swelling. The doctor reassured both Amanda and Billy that this was normal in cases like this.
"So what can we expect?" Billy asked.
"Well," the doctor began, "we'll keep him sedated for a while – in order for the brain to heal. After that, we'll begin a series of neurological tests to determine what, if any, permanent damage had occurred. Right now, the best thing both of you can do for him is go and get some rest. If his condition changes in the least, I will give you a call."
"No way am I leaving here without him, doctor. Please!"
Turning to her boss, she pleased, "Mr. Melrose, please, I need to be here with him. "
Billy noticed the look of desperation and determination in her eyes. He knew it would be futile to try and talk her into going home so he said, "Give me a minute to speak with Dr. Carter alone."
Amanda wrapped her arms around her body in an attempt to stop herself from shaking. How could this be happening? This was a simple assignment. And, they were supposed to be on their way to dinner and a movie tonight. Now Lee was in a coma. She sighed and gathered all her inner strength. Lee was going to need her now and she would do everything in her power to bring him back. She turned as she heard Billy approaching.
"Amanda, the doctor has agreed to let you stay. I explained to him Lee's 'affection' for hospitals and suggested that you are the only one to keep him for tormenting the entire medical staff." Billy chuckled and Amanda visibly relaxed. "Now, will you do something for me? Will you please try and get some rest?"
Amanda threw her arms around Billy's neck and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Thank you, sir," she said. "And thank you for caring so much for Lee and me."
Lee had been settled into his room and Amanda waited until the nurses left. She reached out to take his hand. The need for physical contact was overpowering. She sat next to him and gently rubbed his forearm while her cheek rested against the back of his hand. She would wait as long as she had to for his man who was her life to come back to her. The steady movement of his chest and the gentle humming of the machines quickly lulled her to sleep.
Dotty opened the door to Lee's room and saw her beloved daughter and son-in-law hand-in-hand. She approached quietly and laid her hand on Amanda's shoulder.
"Mother," Amanda cried as she reached up to hug her. "When did you get here?"
"I only just walked in. How is Lee?" she asked.
Amanda related his medical condition and looked down at him. "You know, he looks so peaceful lying there. It's almost as if he were de…"
"Amanda King Stetson, don't you dare say that," her mother admonished. "I know he is going to be okay, you just have to give him time. He'll come back to you. You'll see!" With that, Dotty gathered her daughter close and rocked her gently.
After a while Amanda seemed to gather strength from her mother's closeness and comforting words. She turned to Dotty and said, "Mother, why don't you go on home and explain to the boys what has happened. I plan to stay here tonight in case Lee needs me."
Dotty knew better than to try and talk her daughter out of staying the night. She hugged her gently and leaned down to gently kiss Lee's forehead before leaving the room.
Amanda was now alone with her vigil. She had wanted time alone to spend with Lee but this was certainly not the way she envisioned it. She again gathered Lee's hand in her own, somehow hoping the physical contact would restore the connection they had. She began talking to him. Telling him about nothing and everything. She relayed stories about the boys growing up and about her own childhood. She wasn't ready yet to pour out her heart to him. She wanted to keep things light so, if he could hear her, he wouldn't hear the fear and desperation in her voice. She simply couldn't bear the quiet in the room. So she talked until she was all talked out. She began to chuckle and leaned close to Lee's ear. "You know, I can keep this up all night. I know how much you enjoy hearing me ramble on about things."
She laid her head on his chest and listened to the steady beating of his heart. "Lee," she called his name again. "Lee, if you can hear me, you need to wake up. I need you here with me."
She could stand it no longer. The tears she had been holding back all day began to fall. "Please, wake up so I can look into your beautiful hazel eyes again."
She sighed. The physical and emotional toll of the day's events weighed heavily upon her. She was exhausted and the beating rhythm of Lee's heart along with the monitors lulled her to sleep.
Chapter 2
Lee was at peace. It was the most peaceful feeling he had ever felt in his life. He didn't know where he was and for a brief moment he didn't want to do anything that might disturb this feeling. He was in no pain and seemed to be floating. What was going on? He couldn't seem to make his brain function. He opened his eyes and tried to look around. All he could see was white, a fog-like whiteness. He was alone, as far as he could tell. He was not afraid and began to think that this might be a place he would like to stay. Something, though, was not quite right. He was unable to put his finger on it. As his mind began to clear, he realized what it was. He was alone. Utterly alone! That scared him more than anything. He had spent most of his life alone. It was a feeling he had grown to hate especially since she came into his life. Also, he was beginning to hear the voices again. He couldn't hear what they were saying but he knew soon he would hear them in earnest. Whatever this peaceful place was, he knew he could not stay here alone. He needed to find his way back to his life – to his Amanda. He had to find the way out of here so he began to search frantically for a door – anything that would lead to his escape. He began calling out to her. Maybe she was searching for him as well. "Amanda!"
Amanda sat up with a jolt. Had she been dreaming? She thought she heard something. She looked at Lee. He didn't seem any different. She squeezed his hand and gently called his name. "Lee, I'm right here waiting for you." "Please, wake up." She felt the slightest pressure of his hand and then heard him moan softly. She jumped up and called to him again. "Lee, I love you. Come on now, open your eyes."
"mmmmda"
"Oh, Lee!" she exclaimed, tears running down her face. "Lee, are you really back? Can you hear me?'
She watched his face and saw his lips moving slightly. She turned her ear toward his mouth and she heard him whisper, "Love you."
"Oh my gosh!" With that she depressed the call button on his bed. While waiting for the nurse, Amanda leaned over and kissed Lee gently. "I love you, too!"
When the doctor came in she told him what was going on and he began asking questions and evaluating his patient. "How do you feel, Mr. Stetson?"
Lee tried to open his eyes and speak at the same time. Those two tasks seemed like more than his body could manage for the moment.
"Awful" was all he could manage.
The doctor laughed and said, "That's how you should be feeling considering what you've been through."
Almost as soon as he had awakened, Lee was going back to sleep. The doctor assured Amanda that he was fine and that rest was what he needed right now. He added that she, too, should get some rest.
Amanda decided she would call Billy and her mother to let them know that Lee had awakened briefly and no longer seemed to be in a coma. He was resting comfortably. After making the calls, she returned to his room and pulled the chair nearer to his bed so she could be near enough to touch him. She leaned in and whispered in his ear. "Lee, I am right here if you need me. Thanks for coming back to me." With that she kissed him tenderly so as not to disturb him. She looked down at him and saw the corners of his mouth turn up slightly. Grasping his hand in hers, she sat down and offered up a prayer of thanksgiving. She could do nothing more but sit there and stare at him until sleep once again overtook her.
Chapter 3
Amanda awoke to the sound of moaning. She jumped up and touched Lee's face trying to comfort him. He began to thrash around and she quickly spoke to him. "Shh, it's okay, Lee. You're in the hospital and you're fine. Calm down, please, so you don't dislodge anything. As she talked, she gently stroked his face and hair. Under her gentle touch, Lee calmed down. "Are you okay, now" she asked. "I'm going to get the doctor – I'll be right back."
As she left, Lee tried to open his eyes. His head hurt badly and his shoulder was killing him. He reached up and rubbed his eyes hoping to clear them. He didn't know how long he had been out nor did he know the time of day or night. Lee heard Amanda and the doctor come in and he looked in their direction but saw nothing. He shook his head slightly hoping to clear his vision. Of course, that action certainly did nothing for the pain in his head. He grabbed his head in an effort to stop the pain.
"Let me get you something for that," the doctor said. He began writing in Lee's chart as he continued his examination. As he shined his penlight into Lee's eyes, he became concerned. "Mr. Stetson," he asked, "how many fingers am I holding up?"
Lee looked toward to sound of the voice but he was unable to make out anything. "Ah….how about four?"
"Mr. Stetson, can you see anything at all?"
"It's awfully dark in here. Why don't you turn on some lights and maybe I could see how many fingers you are holding up," he said in a surly tone.
"Lee, the lights are on," Amanda assured him.
"Mr. Stetson, let me ask you again, can you see anything at all?"
Lee took a moment to try and focus and then the realization hit him. An anguished sigh escaped Lee's lips. "No."
Amanda gasped and the doctor looked at her as if to quiet her down.
It's okay, Mr. Stetson, sometimes, in cases like this, it takes a while for the vision to return.
Once again, Lee began to get agitated. Amanda reached over to try and calm him. Her touch surprised him and he flinched. She gently laid her hand on his chest.
"What does that mean, doc?" he asked.
"Well, you have sustained a serious head injury. Your brain has been bounced around inside your head. That has caused it to swell and that may be putting pressure on your optic nerve, which could be the reason you are unable to see at the moment."
"Is it? Uh …...can it be …um…will I be able to see again?" Lee asked quietly almost not wanting to hear the answer.
"Let's not dwell on all that just yet. Let's give it a few more days and then we'll run some tests to see exactly what's up. The best thing you can do right now is to remain calm and get some rest. Your body needs time to try and heal itself. Now, let me give you something for your pain." With that, the doctor left.
The nurse came in and gave Lee a shot. Almost immediately, he began to get drowsy. "Amanda!" he called out.
"I'm right here, Lee." Listen, I'm going to leave you for a bit. I have to report to Billy and I have to go home to let Mother and the boys know you are okay. You are okay, Lee. Right now you need to rest. I'll be back as soon as I can, all right?
"mmmda, stay with me til I go to sle..."
She smiled down at him gently brushing back his tousled hair from his forehead. She loved watching him sleep. He reminded her of the boys – so peaceful and childlike. His even breathing assured her he was asleep so she slipped out of his room to find the doctor.
SMK
"I can't lie to you Mrs. Stetson, this is serious. When I examined him this morning, there was no response to light. Whether this condition is permanent still remains to be seen. As I mentioned, we will be running more tests to see if we can determine the cause of the blindness. There is always reason to hope, of course, but in this situation, I can only tell you that it doesn't look good. I'm sorry, I wish I could be positive."
"Thank you, doctor. "
Amanda sat trying to weigh the information she had just been given. "Doctor, please don't tell Lee about our discussion just yet. I think I should be the one to tell him if it looks as if his …. condition remains permanent." She couldn't bring herself to say the word blindness. This was something that had never entered their minds. She and Lee lived in a dangerous world and realized on any given day their lives may be in danger. Both of them had been shot, tortured, drugged and beaten. They had even discussed death because it was a part of their every day lives. But this, this was something else entirely.
Chapter 4
Lee made progress each day. His head no longer hurt when he moved it and his shoulder was feeling better. He was in many ways his old self when it came to the 'hospital routine'. He grumbled and groused at all of his nurses and agreed only to behave when Billy ordered him to or when Amanda was there to threaten him with bodily harm. Only then did his sense of humor return.
"And what, pray tell, do you have in mind?" he asked wiggling his eyebrows.
"Keep pushing, Stetson, and you'll find out," she laughed. "How 'bout a sponge bath?" Remember, I used to be a Bedside Bluebell. I'll bet I can find a nice, ice cold sponge to use."
The only problem was he still was unable to see. He had been in the hospital two weeks. He had undergone a battery of tests, all of which were inconclusive. The doctors could find no reason for the blindness and therefore could give no prediction as to its permanence. The only thing they could decide on was that it was time for Mr. Stetson to be released.
He had driven the entire staff crazy asking to go home and frankly, they had done everything they could for him medically.
Amanda kept Billy apprised of Lee's condition. They both discussed his mental state. In many ways, he seemed to be behaving normally, under the circumstances. However, Amanda had noticed that Lee had yet to experience any kind of emotional release regarding his condition. It was as if he were playing a waiting game. Maybe his sight would return and so rather than deal with the possibility of it not, he chose to simply ignore it. Dr. Pfaff had confirmed her fears. He explained that before Lee could deal with the possibility of his blindness being permanent, he first needed to acknowledge it and then begin the deal with it. Once he did that, the road to recovery would still be a long one, but the journey would be a much smoother ride.
SMK
It took quite a bit of convincing, but Amanda had finally done it. She convinced her mother and the boys that Lee would be fine and that they should continue with their summer plans. Joe was planning to take the boys on a month-long vacation to the Rockies and Dotty had planned a cruise with Aunt Lillian. Everybody was willing to put his or her plans on hold when Lee was injured. But, as Amanda explained, it was going to take him some time to get use to being home and deal with his blindness. He was going to be working with a trainer during this time and she was going to help him each step of the way. Lee also wanted them to know that they shouldn't cancel their plans because of him.
The boys visited him in the hospital several times and asked a zillion questions, which he patiently tried to answer. Once they were assured he was okay, they agreed to go. He was deeply touched that they were so concerned for him. He had grown to love these boys as if they were his own. He also enjoyed Dotty fussing over him. She was determined to mother him whether he liked it or not. The only thing that made his hospital stay tolerable was the food she managed to sneak in to him. This had been their secret. Even Amanda hadn't known. Lee discovered Dotty was as good at keeping secrets as her daughter.
For the most part, Lee was tolerant of his stay in the hospital. As long as he had company, his mind was occupied. However, it was those times when he was alone in his room that a sense of foreboding threatened to overwhelm him. The monsters of his childhood began threatening at those times – fear and loneliness each began their assault on his mind. He heard their quiet whispers in his mind. He felt as he did after his parents died and he was whisked away from the comfortable life he knew into a world of commands and orders that left the five year old bewildered and frightened. He reacted as he had learned from years of experience – he fortified the walls around his heart with bravado and began shutting himself off from the world. Even Amanda noticed the change in him but she was at a loss as to what to do to help him.
SMK
After two weeks in the hospital, the day had finally come for Lee to go home. The hospital staff decided a going away party might be a little over the top so instead, they settled on all being there to see him wheeled out the front door.
"I think you can hear a collective sigh of relief, Scarecrow," Amanda laughed as she helped him into the car.
They arrived at home and Amanda assisted Lee by guiding him as she had done before. Only this wasn't one of their cases, this was very real. Her knowledge of working with the blind helped them on that case and would be most helpful here as well.
"Boy, am I glad to be out of that hospital," Lee stated.
"I'm sure they are all glad you are home too." Amanda smiled.
SMK
She was amazed at how quickly Lee was adapting. Actually, it surprised him to. He wasn't sure if it was his Agency training or his mind's ability for quick recall. He hadn't yet allowed himself to think this might be a permanent situation. He was too busy trying to simply function. Once he had his bearings, he could get from one place to another without doing too much damage to the furniture or his shins. Amanda did her best to assist him without being to overprotective. She found herself wanting to do everything for him, but Lee was not about to stand for that.
"Amanda, I'm not a child!" he snapped at her when she tried to help him dress or eat. "I don't need your help."
Although his words wounded her, she tried to remember that he was the one who was hurting. She needed to be strong for him as he had been for her in California. She also knew, that when the time came, he was going to need her. For that, she was willing to overlook his surliness.
SMK
They had been home for three days. To Amanda, it felt like three weeks. Lee was becoming more withdrawn and more disagreeable. Dinner conversations they used to share now became strained events of Amanda talking and Lee grunting one-word answers. She observed him on different occasions simply staring into space or pacing behind the sofa. He reminded her of a caged animal – angry, frightened, and in pain. In talking with Billy, he suggested that maybe Lee should meet officially with Dr. Pfaff to discuss this whole situation. Amanda knew Lee would be highly resistant to that idea. She could feel him withdrawing from her further each day.
SMK
Lee knew he was in trouble. He was losing his fight with his childhood monsters. They managed to follow him into his adulthood and they were once again wreaking havoc with his life. In the past, he had been able to keep them at bay until he was able to deal with the turmoil they brought to his life. He learned to fortify the walls around his fragile heart until he could painstakingly mend the broken pieces. But walls he had constructed around his heart had suffered a few cracks caused by his persistent partner. Amanda had found a way to wheedle her way past those walls to find a place in his tattered heart. He had welcomed her entry, albeit reluctantly at first, because she had demanded nothing from him in return. She had simply become first his friend, then his partner and now his wife. Her acceptance and love for him had been the salve that began to allow his heart to heal, but it was still a long way from becoming whole. The Scarecrow, yes, it was definitely the correct code name for him, but not because of the no-brain analogy. He thought about the small stuffed scarecrow Francine had once given him. He hadn't known why he'd kept but occasionally he studied it as it peered down at him from the top shelf in his closet. He felt as if his heart were indeed a patchwork of pieces haphazardly held together with the thinnest of threads just like the patches that covered the clothes of his namesake. But now, he felt as if those threads were beginning to unravel and if he were unable to stop them, he realized the monsters would win. He had to fight them as he had in the past – by himself.
SMK
Amanda observed the subtle change in Lee. This problem though was something she didn't feel she could discuss with anyone. Since they had come home, Lee had been very distant from her. He seemed reluctant to seek out her touch, hold her or kiss her. Of course, she hadn't expected them simply jump into bed upon his return home. But, he did spend two weeks in the hospital and they had returned home to an empty house. She thought that by now Lee would have made some advances toward her. He wouldn't even allow her to simply touch him, pulling away if she put her arm around him or laid a hand on his shoulder. When she tried to initiate a moment of intimacy, he had simply turned away from her saying he had a headache or was not in the mood. This definitely was not normal behavior for her husband. Or maybe it was. Even though they had been married for over a year, Lee was still uncomfortable and unpredictable when it came to the complexities of dealing with his emotions. He had made great strides in all the years Amanda had known him and she knew she was part of the reason he had been able to begin to open up. He still carried so many scars from his childhood and early years at the Agency. But now, Amanda felt that he was reverting to the loan wolf he had become when she first met him. Not only had she been deeply hurt by his resurfacing insecurities, she was also afraid that should he continue to spiral downward, she would eventually be unable to bring him back. Amanda felt she was losing him and it was killing her knowing she hadn't been able to help him. She decided she had to do something. She called the hospital from the phone upstairs so Lee would not overhear her conversation.
"Dr. Carter, this is Amanda Stetson. I'm calling you about my husband."
Amanda explained Lee's unusual behavior. She wanted to ask the doctor if Lee could resume physical exercise and contact. She thought maybe a trip to the gym for him to work off some of his anger might be helpful. She was somewhat embarrassed to discuss the other problem, but the doctor assured her that physically Lee was healed. They agreed to have Lee's physical therapist make the suggestion regarding the gym. He would be there to assist Lee. All Amanda had to do was get him there. With the plan set in motion, Amanda called upon their dear friend, T.P.
"T. P., I need your help," Amanda quickly related over the phone. She told him what was going on and she needed his help to get Lee to the gym the next afternoon. She had ulterior motives for getting Lee out of the house. She was going to surprise him with a romantic dinner. Maybe after a workout at the gym, he would be more receptive to her advances.
Chapter 5
"Man, o man, it's great to get out of the house," Lee said brightly to T.P. "And, it's good to see you." Those words tumbled out of his mouth before he knew he said them. Funny how many references there are to sight, he thought wryly.
Lee's Physical Therapist led him to the treadmill and showed him how to manage the controls. Soon Lee was running and beginning to feel somewhat human. After running about five miles, he told the trainer he wanted to work out on the body bag. He spent the next half hour working the bag. He was unconsciously able to direct some of his anger into the blows he inflicted. It was as if he was physically fighting his monsters and his mind began to clear. With each blow, he was beating down the monsters so they couldn't get at him. He couldn't believe how much better he began to feel. He began to think about Amanda and how selfish he was being by shutting her out of his life. He was bothered greatly about his treatment of Amanda. She had been by his side through this and he was being a jerk by pushing her away. Still, he was not ready to deal with the fact that he may be permanently blind. He was able to make one decision, however, after a shower he was going home and apologize to Amanda. He began to worry that he may have done too good a job at pushing her away. Could he make her understand what he was feeling and why? Heck, he wasn't sure he understood himself what he was feeling. What would become of him if he lost Amanda? That thought he quickly pushed into the uttermost part of his mind. If he dealt on that, he knew he would be helpless to fight this battle in which he was engaged. This whole situation was unlike anything he had ever faced before. Fear began to creep into his thoughts.
SMK
Amanda was relived to see a somewhat different Lee come through the door that evening. He thanked T.P for coming to his rescue and agreeing to make an unscheduled trip to the florist. He stood inside the front door and felt his feet were glued to the floor. What could he say to make her understand? Lee was debating what to do next, but Amanda beat him to the punch.
"Evening, big fella," she said seductively. She reached out to touch him and for the first time, he did not pull away.
"Uh…I….uh….," he stammered. "I ….uh." He ran his hand through his hair signaling the distress he was in. He took a deep breath and tried again.
"I…uh…brought these for you," he finally managed to get out in a rush holding out the flowers like a peace offering.
"Oh, Lee, they're beautiful. Thank you so very much." With that she leaned up and kissed him gently on the cheek.
'Take it slow, Amanda. Don't scare him to death,' she chided to herself.
"How was your afternoon at the gym?" she asked leading him into the living room.
He began to relax a bit as he put his arm around her. Lee had always been amazed at the physical connection he and Amanda shared. It had been with them from the beginning although it took them both a long time to realize it.
"It was great – I had a great time. I did some running and work on the body bag. I feel like a new man!" he stated with an enthusiasm she hadn't heard from him in a long time.
"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"Yeah, I am. What's for dinner?"
"I made one of your favorites, chicken stew. Come on, if your ready to eat, I'll serve it up."
She started for the kitchen but he called out for her.
"Amanda, wait, please." The look on his face was pleading with her.
Amanda froze in place fearing Lee was going to again indicate he did not want to spend the evening in her presence.
"Look, I want to apologize for the way I have been acting this week. You have been great trying to help me and I have been acting like …well, like a jerk. I'm really sorry and I promise that my behavior is going to change. I honestly don't know how you put up with me sometimes," he said contritely.
Letting out a huge sigh of relief, she laughed saying, "that's one of the many challenges I love about you Scarecrow."
Amanda crossed to him and put her arms around his neck. He pulled her into his embrace and buried his head into the crook of her neck. She felt him relax and she did the same. Maybe this would be the turning point. They remained within this embrace for quite sometime, neither of them wanting to break the spell and both gaining strength from the other. Finally Amanda pulled back and said, "I think it's time to eat!"
He allowed her to slip out of his arms but before he let her go completely, he took her hands in his and said again as he kissed them, "I really am sorry, Amanda."
She smiled and whispered, "I know. And, I forgive you. Now let's eat because I am starved.
The dinner was actually a pleasant experience for the first time in many, many nights. Lee was actually interested in what Amanda had to say as she caught him up on the activities of the boys and Dotty. He realized how much be had missed while he was being such a jerk. Over dessert, their conversation turned to the Agency and the case they had been working on. Although Amanda felt encouraged by Lee's small steps, she was also deeply saddened. She longed to look into those beautiful green eyes and see him looking at her – into her very soul.
"You mean to tell me there are no new leads?" he asked incredulously. "It's been over two weeks and we still have nothing."
"Hmmm, uh, well, at least there haven't been any more security leaks from our section," she stated.
"What about the warehouse explosion? Didn't anything come from that?"
"No, it has been officially declared an accident – a natural gas explosion," she answered. "Francine is still working on the case. She said she would let us know if she found any new leads." She noticed he was beginning to become irritated. "Hey," she said softly, "I thought we agreed there would be no shop talk during dinner."
"Okay, okay, I give up, but later I want to call Billy and talk with him about this case.
"Why don't you help me carry these dishes into the kitchen and then I have a surprise for you," she said.
"A surprise for me. Oh, Amanda, I certainly don't deserve a surprise," he said sheepishly.
"Well,…..maybe this one's for you and me both," she chuckled.
She led him into the living room and sat him down on the couch. "I'll be right back," she uttered. " I think I'll go change into something more…..comfortable." With that she raced upstairs.
Amanda felt more nervous tonight than she had on her wedding night. 'What if this doesn't go well? What if he pushes me away again? I'm not sure I can deal with that. I hope I'm not pushing him too hard.' She had so many questions swirling around in her mind. 'Time to bite the bullet. There's only one way to find the answers to these questions.'
She changed into one of Lee's favorite negligees. He bought it for her for their honeymoon and although she hadn't gotten to wear it much at that time, it had become his favorite for 'special events.' Before going downstairs, she lit several candles around their bedroom. She was on her way out the door when she spotted her perfume on the dresser. 'Might as well go all the way' she thought sprizting herself.
SMK
Lee heard her coming and he turned in her direction. Before she reached him, he could smell her perfume and the scent was intoxicating. She sat down beside him and he put his arms around her caressing her almost reverently.
"So, you have on my wedding present," he laughed softly.
"I thought it would be a nice homecoming present. Welcome home, Mr. Stetson," she sighed as she kissed him softly. She reached up to touch his face and began to deepen the kiss. Her heart fluttered when his mouth opened for her. A cross between and sigh and a moan escaped from her throat. When the kiss broke, they were both visibly affected.
"Oh Amanda, I have been such an idiot," he said thinking about all he had missed. "I have missed holding you in my arms like this and kissing you like this," he whispered as he leaned in for another kiss.
"I've been here all along, Lee," she sighed as she gave herself over to the effect he was having on her. "Do you feel up to a dance or are you too tired?"
"A dance would be great," he said pulling her to her feet.
She went over to the stereo and then returned to his arms.
As they began to sway to the music, Lee began to notice certain things. It seemed to him that even though he could not see Amanda in his arms, he could feel her in a way he had never felt her before. He was conscious of how she felt against his body, how well she fit against him. He also noticed that he could smell each of the different scents that he had come to know as Amanda's; her perfume, her shampoo, her own scent as they mulled together to invade his nostrils. He felt her warm breath on his neck and it caused what felt like electrical currents to erupt on his skin each time she breathed. He tasted her lips briefly and began a journey down her face to her neck. His lips sensed the different tastes and textures of her skin. As he made his way back to her ear, his tongue darted out to tickle her lobe. Her giggle was music to his ears. In the past, his seduction skills had only one goal in mind – to enable him to score with whatever lovely he happened to have in his arms. But that had all changed when he met Amanda and their relationship moved beyond friendship. He enjoyed this romantic foreplay. He delighted in giving her pleasure and his only goal was to please her in every way possible. But what was happening to him tonight was something beyond his experience. He was so overcome be all these sensations, he almost didn't feel his knees buckle.
Amanda immediately tensed. "Lee, are you okay?" she asked looking into his face. "Do you want to stop?"
She prayed silently that his answer would be no. That was the hardest questions she had ever asked him. She wasn't sure if she could stop at this point. She was enjoying the moment too much. And, she needed this as well. But, if he needed to stop she would for his sake.
He laughed and pulled her closer into his embrace. "No way!" he exclaimed. What ever was happening to him, he sure as heck didn't want it to stop.
They continued to dance around the room this way, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally Amanda lifted her head from his shoulder and moved her lips to his ear.
"Would you like to continue this upstairs?" she whispered.
Lee's answer to her question came in the form of an exasperated "Oh yes!"
Not willing to let her go, he bent down and lifted her into his arms.
"Oh Lee, your shoulder…."
"feels fine," he said caressing her neck.
Amanda was so caught up in the magic that she didn't see the impending disaster. She opened her eyes just in time and hollered, "STOP!"
Lee froze and let Amanda fall from his arms. What had happened? Did he do something wrong? Why did she suddenly want him to stop? He was terribly confused and frustrated. A thousand things passed through his mind and none of them were good.
Amanda regained her balance and looked at him. Seeing the confusion pass over his face she reached up to take his face in her hands. She pulled him very close so she could whisper in his ear.
"I guess we got a little carried away and neither of us was paying attention." She stopped to kiss him hoping to reassure him that it was okay. "It's just that," she started to laugh saying, "you were about to run us both right into the wall." She paused again to kiss his face, giving him time to comprehend. "I figure one of us with a concussion is about all we can handle Scarecrow!"
She wrapped her arms around him to pull him close and she felt him relax. Thank goodness. The evening could have ended right then and that wouldn't have made either of them happy.
"Now, if you will let me lead the way, I think we can make it to the bedroom with no more mishaps."
Chapter 6
She led them into the bedroom, which was warmly aglow with the candles she lit earlier.
"Mmmmm,…..my favorite…..vanilla, right?" he asked breathing deeply.
With their earlier interruption forgotten, they began to explore each other's bodies in earnest. One of his greatest joys was watching Amanda as he made love to her. He loved to see her face and her body's responses to his actions. He loved to see his love for her reflected in those rich, luminous eyes. With that pleasure now denied to him, Lee was again amazed at how all his senses seemed to be in a heightened state. As he laid Amanda down on the bed, he heard her quick intake of breath as he settled down next to her. His fingers began to wander over her body. As they did, they felt to him like they were on fire. He didn't know if it was just him or because the touch of Amanda inflamed him. Each time he touched her, he could hear her soft moan of pleasure. She seemed to guide him with her sighs, telling him where and how she wanted to be touched. He was willing and more than able to give her what she wanted. She was a willing participant and partner, not submissive in any way and yes, he had to admit, he enjoyed taking what Amanda so unselfishly offered to him. Another feeling began to overtake him. So intense were his sensual experiences that he almost felt as if he were floating above the two bodies entangled on the bed below.
She had to touch him, to feel him…it had been so long. Her hands found their way inside his shirt and she pushed it up until she could taste his skin. As her lips closed over his skin, he uttered a low groan, which only further inflamed her. She quickly disposed of his shirt and he reached for the bottom of her gown.
"I don't think you'll be needing this again tonight," he said in a whisper. Pulling Amanda into his embrace their bodies connected skin to skin. Lee heard the sound Amanda made – somewhere between a sigh and a moan. They came together in a kiss. Soon the rest of his clothes followed and she delighted in looking at his body so ready and waiting for her. Even though he couldn't see her, he could tell by her breathing that she was looking at him. He knew those beautiful brown eyes would be almost black with the desire she held for him.
He closed his eyes for a moment feeling the moisture begin to form in them. He heard a rustle of movement and felt Amanda move over him.
"It's been a long time," she whispered as she bent down to caress his chest.
He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. "Yes it has…too long, but that is about to change."
He gently pushed her on to her back and proceeded to worship her body first with his hands and then his lips. He thoroughly enjoyed her taste, her touch as she ran her hands over his back, and the delightful sounds she made as he roamed over her body. Listening to Amanda's breath, quickening, and her sighs and moans, intensified his experience. In all his escapades, Lee had never experienced love making like this, not even with Amanda. The intensity was frightening but he could not ascertain why. He froze feeling the fear settle over him once again.
Amanda was ready to explode and felt she could wait no longer. "Lee, please, I need you now. Please don't make me wait any longer," she pleaded.
Amanda's pleas brought Lee back to earth. He took her lips with his own. At the same time, he moved over her to settle between her legs. As his tongue demanded entrance to her mouth, his lower body also demanded its entrance. Amanda cried out from the dual, sensual assault on her lips and body. She immediately wrapped her legs around him and together, they climbed the mountain of passion. They settled into a rhythm as old as time as they climbed to the summit. Lee's lips left Amanda's long enough to move to her ear as he whispered, "I love you," and they crested the top of the mountain together. Amanda's arms were wound tightly around Lee as if she would never let go.
As their breathing slowly began to return to normal, Lee tried to roll off Amanda so he would not crush her. But she was unwillingly to break their contact just yet, so she turned with him to keep them joined. Her hands cupped his face as she whispered through her tears to him.
"That was so absolutely beautiful. Thank you for coming back to me. I love you."
With that she kissed him tenderly. He pulled her closer to him and simply held her until she fell asleep. Her even breathing told him that she had fallen asleep and so he turned onto his back separating them but keeping her in his arms. He lay there waiting for sleep to overtake him, but it would not come. This evening's experience was extraordinary and yet unsettling. Almost like the experience he had in the hospital, almost like an out of body experience. What was happening to him? Lee found himself confused and shaking. The voices of his monsters began again to infiltrate his thoughts. The fear he had experienced earlier was descending over him again. Deciding sleep was not going to come, he slipped out of bed. He pulled the covers up over Amanda's sleeping form. Grabbing his discarded shirt and sweats, he made his way downstairs.
Chapter 7
Lee sat in the window seat with his elbows resting on his knees and his head in his hands. There were so many things running through his head he couldn't make sense of any of them. He heard them again- the monsters – telling him they were coming for him. He began hearing them just after his parents died. Every time they reared their ugly voices at him, he lost something or someone in his life. He knew from past experiences that his life was again going to undergo a major change and he wasn't sure if he could handle another life-altering experience. Hadn't there already been enough in his life? Losing his parents at such an early age had left him with an ache he could never conquer. He had suffered through other losses – the loss of Dorothy, Eric, his partner, and Eva's betrayal of his love. Some how, he had found a way to move through those terrible experiences. He learned to live with his job, knowing that each day could be his last. But this somehow was different. He had never gotten over his parents' death and he knew he never would. No child who lost both parents at once would. He had managed to live with the terrible numbness he felt daily because of their absence in his life. He often thought how different his life might have been if they had lived. He wondered if he would still be the same man today if they hadn't been killed. He wished he had been given the opportunity to find out. His eyes filled with tears.
Then there was Dorothy. He was a brash, young agent recently recruited for the newly organized Oz network. Paul Barnes was right in bestowing his code name because there were many times Lee reacted out of bravado instead of brains. He knew he was putting himself and Dorothy in danger by falling in love with her, but he couldn't stop himself. And in the end, in his mind at least, it was that love that ultimately caused her death. He had let her get too close to him and she, like his parents had been taken away. What was it about him that caused the people around him to suffer?
He vowed not to let anyone close to him again, because if he did, he was certain they would be taken from him and taken from him in a violent manner. For a while, he was able to maintain the loner profile. But Eric and he were assigned as partners. Lee fought their pairing for a long time. Eric suffered through Lee's protests about working with a partner and eventually they became a team. Lee slowly learned to depend on another human being, something he told himself he was never going to do again. Not only did they become a team, they became friends, good friends who shared the same ideals about life, love and the passion for their work. They truly believed they were making a difference in righting the wrongs of the world. Lee let his guard down and allowed himself to care about Eric. He used to have nightmares about Eric being shot while they were on a case together. Then finally, fate reared its ugly head and Lee's nightmare became a reality. Eric was killed during a bad bust and Lee felt completely responsible. Why did he always end up losing the people he cared about most? Why did it always happen to others and not him? He couldn't answer these questions. As much as he wished for answers, he could not find them.
His thoughts drifted to Eva. Once again, he had opened his heart only to have it broken. If it were any consolation, at least she hadn't died. She had simply used him to get what she wanted. He believed he had finally found the love of his life, someone with whom he could share a bright future, but that was taken from him as well.
Each of these events had taken a huge piece of his soul and it frightened him to think that there may not be much left to lose. That realization finally dawned on him. Each time he had to rebuild his life, the task became more and more difficult. He was frightened – more so than he had ever been in his life. He had a similar feeling when his parents died but because he was only five at the time, he didn't have the perspective to understand the implications of their deaths or how it would change his life.
The voices were now becoming louder telling him they were getting closer. He realized now he was faced with yet another loss. This was different than anything he had ever experienced. If he were permanently blind, could he comprehend all the ways in which his life would forever change? He certainly couldn't work for the Agency any longer. That was the only job he ever had and one that he loved passionately. He was recruited out of the military and for the better part of his life he had a connection with the Agency. And, he was good at what he did. Could the monsters take that from him as well?
The more he thought about all this, the more frightened he became. He had been in desperate situations before. He had been shot before, drugged, beaten, among other things, but he had learned that in every case, he had control over the situation if he would be patience and wait. Something usually happened which allowed him to gain the upper hand. The bad guy would be distracted and he would make his move. Only this time, he had been patience and there was still no way out of this. This was a silent enemy that appeared to have him beaten and that scared him to the core of his being. Yet another piece of his soul had been taken and he was overwhelmed by an overpowering sense of helplessness. Tears rolled down his face as the realization settled over his being.
.
The monsters were gaining control. Just a bit more and they would have him. They would succeed in permanently breaking the heart of the Scarecrow. Soon you'll be alone and we will have won. It was time to reveal their trump card.
Lee was frantic. The events of earlier in the evening began to invade his thoughts as the fear began to overtake him. Now, he realized why he was so afraid. He thought about another loss, one he knew he certainly couldn't bear. One that hadn't happened yet. Just the same, this was one he was going to have to face because everyone he ever cared for ended up being taken from him or leaving him. With a daunting realization, he knew this would end the same way. She would end up leaving him. Perhaps doing so sooner than later would be best. Best, he thought ironically, for whom? He and Amanda shared a strong bond, a connection that went beyond the physical. They seemed to be attuned to each other in a way he had never before experienced. She was the person responsible for showing him that it was okay to open his heart and take the risk – to allow himself to be loved and to love again. Their earlier lovemaking had shaken him to his very core because it touched him so deeply. It went way beyond the physical joining of two bodies. It was as if their souls had become joined.
In his despondent state, his thinking grew more and more irrational. What could he possibly offer to her now? He could be no good to Amanda because he could not do the one thing had always promised her – to keep her and her family safe. Could he really be selfish enough to think that she would want to stay with him in his current state? Heck, he could barely take care of himself and he knew he couldn't and wouldn't be pitied. He knew he couldn't be a burden to her, not after all she had been through in the last five years. A chilling calmness settled over him as the realization set in. The loss of Amanda from his life would be the last straw, for he could see no reason to continue. She would take the final piece of his heart and he would have nothing left on which to rebuild. Feeling totally alone and not knowing what else to do, he began to sob.
Chapter 8
Amanda stirred rolling over to reach for Lee. She woke up suddenly realizing he was no longer in bed and hadn't been there for a while because his side of the bed was cold. Amanda jumped up and threw on some sweats and a t-shirt and went in search of her husband. She heard a muffled sound coming from downstairs and followed the sound to Lee sitting in the window seat. Amanda had never seen him like this and she was frightened. She rushed to his side and reached out to take him into her arms. He knew she was there before she reached out for him. She carefully gathered him into her embrace laying his head on her breast and enfolding him in her arms. She gently rocked him back and forth trying to give him the comfort he so desperately needed. No words were shared, for right now, nothing could be said that would help.
After a while Lee pulled back from Amanda's embrace. "I'm sorry," he said in a tone barely audible.
"Lee, you have nothing to be sorry about," she said as she gathered him once again in her arms. She trailed her fingers through his hair hoping the gentle action would soothe him. She didn't know what had brought him to this state, but she knew he was so very fragile at this moment. She was frightened that she might not be able to help him through this and thought about giving Billy or a call. As Lee sighed deeply, she knew she would do whatever it took to take away his pain. After all, he had been there for her after she was shot in California. He had been her strength not only that time but also on countless other occasions including her kidnapping by Addi Birol. She leaned on Lee more times than she could count and this time, she was going to help him work through this.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked tentatively. "Come on, let's go over to the couch."
She reached down to take his hand in hers and he squeezed it lightly. She led him to the couch and simply sat down beside him letting him take the lead. She could believe the picture of her husband sitting before her. He looked utterly dejected and lost, much she thought like the little boy who had been told that his parents were not coming back.
"Amanda," he said hoarsely, "I …"
He paused not yet sure of his ability to continue.
"I'm so scared," he uttered breathlessly not realizing he had revealed his thoughts out loud. "I've never felt like this before – not even when my parents died. I just don't know if I can deal with this."
Amanda was not quite sure she was following him so she hesitantly asked, "Deal with what, Lee?"
"Being blind," he said flatly. "I've always been able to find a way to take advantage of any bad hand I've been dealt, but I can't seem to find a way out of this one. I have lost so much in my life and so much has been taken from me, I'm just not sure how to go on from here."
As he spoke his mind was still reeling from all the scenarios he had envisioned. He was becoming more and more agitated and he got up from the couch and began to pace behind it. His fingers ran through his hair as he fought to regain some control.
"First my parents and then Dorothy and Eric and even Eva. They've all been taken from me and taken a piece of my heart with them. I'm not sure I have anything more left to give."
The voices were laughing inside his head because they knew their victory was at last at hand.
As he said that, he remembered his final thought regarding loss. He stopped his pacing for a moment and turned to face Amanda and if he were willing his eyes to see her one last time. The tears began again as he realized what he needed to do next. He knew his every existence depended upon what he had to say and her reaction to it. If he were to be utterly alone, he needed to know now and not have her pity him or stay with him out a sense of duty.
Amanda wanted to reach out to him – to touch him. Theirs had always been a deep connection and again, she felt him slipping away from her. If she could only touch him,…to reestablish the bond between them. But, he seemed to need some space as he tried to put all his thoughts into words.
He began haltingly. "Amanda, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want you to know that I will always love you. I want you to listen to what I'm about to say without interrupting, okay?"
Tears began to fall down Amanda's cheeks because of the finality she heard in Lee's voice.
Lee continued, "I love you and I love the boys and even Dotty. You and your family have meant more to me these last five years that you will ever know. But, I want you to know…."
Could he really go through with this? Gathering all the resolve he could muster, he took a deep breath and continued.
"Amanda," he paused again trying to gather his strength because he knew what he was about to offer could be a life changing experience from which he would probably never recover. Still, he owed it to her for all she had done for him and because he loved her so.
"Ah, since it looks as if this condition I have – being blind – is going to be a permanent thing…'ll understand if, um, if you….."
He was faltering badly and knew he was about to lose it completely.
Amanda tried to help him say what was on his mind. "Lee…what are you trying to say?"
"That…I'll understand if you don't want be stay married to me anymore. I don't want to be a burden to you or your family and you have your hands full with Phillip and Jamie. If you want a divorce, I won't fight you on it," he whispered in a hushed tone as the words tumbled out of his mouth. As soon as he said them, he held his breath trying to brace himself for the words he knew would be Amanda's answer.
Get ready Stetson, here it comes.
Amanda felt as if she had been kicked in the stomach. She tried to say something but the words would not come out. In fact, she was at a loss for what to say. She simply sat there on the couch dazed. She, along with Billy and Dr. Pfaff, discussed Lee's possible reactions to his blindness, but nothing had prepared her for this.
The silence was deafening and seemed to last an eternity. Fearing the worst, Lee slumped to the floor falling to his knees with an agonizing sob for he knew he had lost the remaining piece of his heart and soul. The tenuous thread that held his heart together began to unravel. He had lost Amanda to this silent enemy and his life would never again be the same. He felt so alone and lost but he could do nothing.
The sound of Lee's heart wrenching cry shocked Amanda out of her stupor. She shot up off the couch and bent down to him. She grabbed his shoulders and shook him gently in an attempt to get him to listen to hear.
"Lee," she whispered.
He didn't answer. She tried again and still he did not answer. She thought momentarily about leaving him and calling Billy, but she simply couldn't leave him. Not like this.
She shook him a little harder this time and called his name.
"Lee, listen to me. I love you with all of my very being. There is no way I could let you go. You have brought such happiness into my life. And, I owe you for helping me become the person I am today. I couldn't have done it with out you."
She wasn't sure she was getting through to him. Tears were flowing freely now but she had to make him listen – to make him understand.
"Lee, can you hear me? I love you and nothing will ever change that. Nothing. I don't care that you're blind. I'm thankful that you are still here with me to share my life. I wouldn't have it any other way. No matter what, I will always love you."
With that, she took his face in her hands and kissed him softly on the lips. "Lee, I love you for who you are." She kissed him again hoping that she was able to break through his overly wrought emotional state. "There is no way on God's green earth that I will ever leave you. Do you hear me? I'm not going anywhere. I love you so much."
For the first time, she felt Lee stir.
"You…don't…you aren't…going to…leave me?" he asked unbelieving.
"No, I'm not. Not now, not ever. I love you, Lee Stetson, and don't you forget it!" she whispered tearfully.
"But…why?"
"Because you are the love of my life, my soul mate and I couldn't go on without you in my life."
She reached out to encircle him with her arms and he did the same. They simply held on to each other for dear life. His tears mingled with hers and still they held on.
Amanda pulled her arms from around him momentarily. She gently took his face between her hands and looked into his hazel eyes. Although they were unseeing, she could still the love he felt for her reflected in their depths. She slowly dropped her hands to his shoulders to push him into an upright position and leaned forward to place the softest of kisses in the middle of his chest.
Lee felt her kiss and at his sudden intake of breath thought at first his heart would stop beating. Instead, what he felt was an incredible calming wash over his body. Amanda's love flowed through him like a soothing balm. He could feel the tattered pieces of his heart meld together and beat even stronger. For the first time in his life, his heart felt whole.
He gathered her into his arms and simply held onto his savior. Tears continued down his face, but these were tears of joy.
The monsters stopped their laughing. Victory had not come as they had planned.
Chapter 9
After a long time the tears stopped and Lee took Amanda's face in his hands. His thumbs wiped away the remaining tears. His fingers lightly caressed her hair.
"Are you sure? I mean I don't want you to feel you are obligated to me just because I can't see."
"Lee. Listen to me," she said in a very quiet and calm voice. "I could not even imagine my life without you in it. I love you with all my heart."
"What did I ever do to deserve you," he whispered placing a light kiss on her lips. "How can I ever repay you? Amanda, do you know how much I love you?"
"Yes, I believe I do," she whispered as her voice cracked with emotion. "Lee, you love me enough to risk letting me go because you thought that's what I wanted. But all I want, all I'll ever want is you," she told him. They came together in a kiss that held all the love they both possessed for each other.
After a while she asked hesitantly, "Are you okay, now?"
Waiting for his reply, she held her breath, not completely sure if this storm had passed. He simply nodded and let out a long sigh.
"Lee, I think you have forgotten something," she said pulling back from his arms and brushing the hair out of his face. "Remember our wedding vows – to have and to hold, from this day forward, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for all the days of our lives."
He nodded not quite sure where this was going.
"Well, I intend to hold you to those vows, Scarecrow, you understand?" she chuckled softly. "For all the days of our lives – no matter what. Now, let's go upstairs."
She took his hand and led him up the stairs. She knew things would be okay now. Lee still had a difficult road ahead of him but the emotional dam had burst and he would, with her help, make it over to the other side.
She sat him on the side of the bed and went into the bathroom and got a washcloth. Coming back into the bedroom, she first stopped and got a clean t-shirt for him.
"Come on now, we need to get you out of this wet t-shirt."
She helped him pull off the wet shirt and then she began wiping his face with the warm washcloth in an effort to wash away the last of his tears. Her lips lightly followed the cloth as she kissed him tenderly. She used the cloth on his chest and arms before helping him into the clean shirt. Lee was touched by her gentle actions but was becoming very sleepy. The events of the past several hours had left him both physically and emotionally drained.
She helped settle him into bed and leaned down to whisper in his ear, "Remember, I promised you a sponge bath."
She stepped back and changed her own shirt before joining him in bed. Tonight he would sleep in her arms and she would be the one giving comfort. As soon as they were settled, they both fell into an exhausted sleep.
Chapter 10
Amanda awoke and leaned over to look at the clock. She was mildly shocked to see that it was already after ten. Normally, she never slept past seven, but then, last night had been anything but normal. She reached down to gently brush back the hair from her still-sleeping husband's face. He didn't waken and she had to smile. He looked so peaceful and so different from the distraught man she happened upon last night.
She went downstairs to make coffee and begin breakfast or brunch since it was so late. She thought about calling Billy to let him know what happened. As she was making the coffee, the phone rang.
"Good morning, Amanda," Billy said. "I'm sorry to bother you on a Saturday morning, but I wanted to check on Lee. How's he doing?
With that, Amanda relayed to Billy some of the events of last night. "He's still sleeping – he had a pretty rough night last night."
"Do you think you can bring him to the Agency today? We think we may have a lead in this case and I need the two of you on this as soon as possible."
"I'm not sure, he's still pretty fragile. Dealing with emotions of any kind are not Lee's strong suit," she stated. "I'll have to ask him when he gets up and see…."
"Ask him what?"
Lee was standing before Amanda. She hadn't heard him come downstairs.
"Mr. Melrose wants us to come in this morning, that is, if you're up to it."
She wasn't sure how to gauge his reaction because he had such a strange look on his face.
"Lee, if you don't think this is a good idea, that's okay." She reached out to grasp his arm.
"It's okay. Let me talk to Billy."
After a brief discussion, Lee said, "Okay, we'll see you about one in the Q-Bureau."
Amanda took the phone from his hand and asked, "Has there been a break in the case?
"I'm not really sure. He wants us there to review the scant evidence they have and perhaps give a new perspective on the case."
"Are you sure you're up to this?" she asked tenderly. She hadn't yet been able to gauge his emotional state.
"Yeah, I am. Maybe it will do me some good to think about something else for a change. Amanda, come here," he said tenderly as he held out his arms to her. "I want to thank you for last night. What you did….what you said ….well, it means so much to me. I don't think I would have been able to go on if…"
He stopped as the painful memories of last night came to his mind.
"Shh….it's okay. Lee, who else would watch your backside if I weren't around?" she smiled up at him.
They held on to each other in a firm embrace simply letting the love flow between them.
The voices of the monsters were now silenced.
Chapter 11
Lee and Amanda arrived at the Agency and went straight to the Q-Bureau. Since no one was in the lobby, their entrance was unobserved. Although many of the other agents knew Lee had been injured, no one but Billy, Amanda, Francine, and Dr. Pfaff knew the extent. Billy thought it best to keep Lee's blindness a secret as long as possible.
"It's good to see you both. How are you doing, Lee?" Billy asked, the concern in his voice evident.
"Well, let's just say, I've had better days, but then again, I've had worse," Lee stated with a wry grin. "What have you got for us and who's working on this case?"
Billy brought them up to speed which didn't take very long because they didn't have much.
They were still reviewing the leaks trying to determine a connection when they heard a commotion down in the lobby. Billy went to investigate and found Francine hobbling up the stairs on crutches.
"What in the world happened to you?" Billy asked with concern in his voice.
"Oh, it's nothing, just a little fall down the stairs. It's not even broken, just badly bruised," Francine stated as she related the circumstances of her fall. She was taking a load of laundry to the basement in her building and she simply tripped on the stairs.
Amanda almost laughed out loud at the thought of Francine with a laundry basket full of clothes.
"I'm glad you weren't badly hurt, Francine," she said trying to keep the smile off her face that was threatening to break forth.
"Anyway, I guess I won't be able to meet that informant today. Maybe you should go in my place, Billy."
"No, Billy shouldn't be the one to go, there's got to be somebody else," Lee said matter of factly.
"Lee, there is no one else available. Every other agent we have is out. Oh, wait, Fielder is available. Maybe I can take him with me as back-up, just in case," Billy said as he headed out the door to get Fred Fielder. At least he was a warm body and could if put to the test call for back-up if need be.
SMK
Francine and Lee began discussing the case while Amanda began searching for information on the computer. While they addressed the information that had been leaked, Amanda ran a check on the agents Billy said were unavailable. She thought it odd that so many agents were down for one reason or another. As her list grew, she became more concerned. Although several had experienced severe injuries like Lee, no one had been killed – just incapacitated. The list she came up with was rather frightening; it read:
Lee Stetson concussion gas explosion
Ray Walters broken arm fall from tree
Bob Evans burns kitchen fire
John Hinkle bruised sternum car accident
Brian Johnson broken leg skiing accident
Josh Trumbull stomach ailment food poisoning
Jerry Adams lung infection near drowning
To the list she added Francine's name.
"Lee, Francine, look at this," she stopped short realizing what she'd said but decided to continue on. "This is a list of all the agents that suffered accidents in the last two months. Don't you think it's strange that all these agents,….let's see, Walters, Evans, Hinkle, Johnson, Trumbull, and Adams, plus the two of you, have suffered some kind of injury from an accident? Is everybody here becoming overly clumsy or what? It just doesn't make any sense and that's a really huge coincidence if these are really all accidents."
"Yeah, that is strange," Lee said.
"Do you think that maybe some of these weren't really accidents but deliberate acts made to look like accidents?" she asked as her fingers began to fly across the keyboard again.
"Amanda, run a check and see what if any cases we may have all worked on together. Maybe that's the connection, but why? If somebody is making a run at the Agency, it's a pretty poor job. There's got to be something we're missing."
"Already working on it," she smiled at him.
Lee began pacing in the cramped office. This was his way of working through a problem. Amanda was busy with the computer search and Francine got up to get a file. Before she could stop it, Lee and Francine collided and Amanda rushed to their sides.
"Oh my gosh! Are you all right?" She went first to Francine who was sprawled on the floor. Amanda helped Francine collect herself and Amanda fetched her crutches and helped her back to the couch. Next she went to Lee who had remained upright but was frozen in place not quite knowing what had happened. Amanda put her arms around him and led him to his desk.
"Listen, you're both gonna hafta stay put! We can't afford any more mishaps!"
Noting everyone was okay; they all let out collective sigh of relief and a laugh.
Amanda's research turned up what was their first breakthrough in the case. There was only one case where all of these agents had worked together. It was the Sandtrap case.
Chapter 12
"Yeah," Lee said as he began remembering the case. It was about seven years ago. We had gotten word that someone was trying to kill the Vice President. We are all assigned various duties to protect him.
"Why was the Agency assigned – I thought that would have been a job for the Secret Service?" Amanda asked looking at Lee.
"We were asked to assist because the Secret Service were having a few problems of their own. It seems they were experiencing some leaks – nothing serious just blown surveillances and miscommunications. Billy was the newly appointed section chief and he wanted us to solve this case before any more leaks surfaced or something indeed happened to the Vice-President."
Francine nodded her head at Lee as she recalled the case. "We all worked in different aspects of the case and reported directly to Billy with whatever information we came up with. It was Billy who put all the pieces together and found the man responsible – Winston Norton."
Amanda began to run a computer check on this Norton. "He was released from prison only one month ago. Hasn't reported to his parole office in two weeks. "
"Francine," Lee asked, "Where was Billy going to meet this informant? We may have inadvertently sent him right to Norton."
"Now why do you think that – Billy is never the one to meet an informant – it's always one of us. How would the guy know Billy would be at the sight?"
"Don't you see Francine, he's eliminated everybody else. Billy's the only one left," Amanda stated.
"And, we just sent him out there blind," Lee said in a flat tone. "Let's get moving. We may still be able to get to warn him before he walks into something that none of us will be happy about."
"Now wait just a minute," Amanda said rising from the computer and coming around to stand in front of Lee. "We can't just go charging in there with no plan. In case you two have forgotten, neither of you are in a very good position to help anybody."
"We can't just let him go out there…he'll be a sitting duck," Lee exclaimed.
"Lee's right, we have to do something," Francine uttered.
"Right we have to do something, but we have to come up with a plan. Now, where is this meeting supposed to take place?" Amanda asked.
"At the E Street Warehouse," Francine said.
Oh no, not another warehouse thought Amanda.
"Yeah, I know that warehouse. I've met Auggie there on several occasions," Lee stated excitedly.
"Amanda, do you think you could be my eyes and guide me through the warehouse to find Billy? We don't have much time and there's no one here that we can assemble as a back-up team," Lee said as his mind raced.
"Are you nuts?" Amanda asked. "Do you think you can simply walk in there and ask this…..this Norton to let you take Billy and go home?"
"Amanda, there's no other way. Right now we have the element of surprise. Norton doesn't know about my blindness. We have to take the chance for Billy's sake."
"Okay, but I sure don't like this. What equipment are we gonna need?" she asked and she began to write down the things Lee was rattling off.
"Listen, you go down to supply and get this stuff and Francine and I will work out the details of the plan," Lee reached out for her hand and she took it and squeezed it firmly.
"Don't you two go anywhere 'til I get back," she said as she hurried downstairs.
Chapter 13
They were on their way to the warehouse. Francine was helping Lee with the earpiece and receiver he was going to need. All three had firearms although they hoped there would be no need for them. Amanda had also procured a wheelchair for Francine. At first Francine protested but soon realized that in order to be any help on this assignment, she wasn't going to be able to maneuver on crutches. Amanda chuckled to herself. This looked like something out of a 'Keystone Cops' movie – one agent in a wheelchair, one that couldn't see and one that was, well, not at all in favor of what they were getting themselves into.
SMK
Billy was waiting in the warehouse wondering just where this informant was and what information he was going to be passed. He had an uneasy feeling about this. Somehow, it just didn't seem right. He knew Fielder was somewhere undercover but that didn't give him much of a sense of satisfaction.
The door to the warehouse opened and Billy took cover behind some of the boxes. He waited for the informant to show himself before stepping out into the light. What he saw surprised and shocked him. Standing before him was a young child – about ten or twelve.
"Hey, mister, you here?" asked the boy. "I got a message for you. But first, I gotta see you."
The young boy looked around. He was scared but pretending to be a tough guy so he could indeed earn the hundred dollars the man outside had promised him.
"Come on man, show yourself."
Billy stepped out of the shadows and said, "Okay, here I am. What do you have for me?"
The boy threw an envelope on the floor and turned to leave. Running, he stepped through the door before Billy had a chance to react. Billy reached down to pick up the envelope. When he stood back up, he realized that he was no longer alone.
"It's good to see you again, Mr. Melrose," the man in the shadows said. "It's been quite a long time. I've spent the last seven years looking forward to the day when I would see you again."
Billy was at a loss for he could not recognize the voice and he had yet to see the man speaking to him. He started to turn around to confront his adversary when he heard the cocking of a gun.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you."
The man came up behind Billy and shoved the gun into his back. Grabbing his shoulder, the man directed Billy to a small room. Upon entering, he quickly blindfolded Billy, sat him in a chair and tied him, well, actually duct-taped him to the chair.
"Just who are you and what do you want?" Billy demanded growing somewhat impatient.
"I told you, I've waited a long time for this. I've had to learn patience and now you will have to as well. How are things at the Agency? Running a little low on agents? I hear you have experienced a series of, shall we say, unfortunate accidents. I can't believe none of you even questioned this string of accidents. It took some doing, but I managed to get to them all, even the great Scarecrow. Desmond was the last so now there's no one left but you. You are the one I want the most."
Billy was not really listening to the ravings of this madman. Instead he was trying to figure out who this maniac was and how he could get himself out of here. Surely Fielder would begin looking for him soon. Maybe….
His thoughts were cut off by something the man said.
"Are you listening to me? Have you figured out yet who I am? I have the distinct honor of being your first collar as section chief of field operations at the Agency. Now do you remember?
At last Billy had a name to go with the voice. "Norton," was all he said.
Chapter 14
The beleaguered trio approached the warehouse. They made their way inside. Amanda left Lee and Francine by the door and she headed up to the rafters in order to secure a place from which she could guide Lee.
"Okay, Francine, you stay here and guard the door. It's his only way out so don't let him get past you," Lee said as he reached out to touch her shoulder.
"Lee, can you hear me?" Amanda whispered into the small microphone.
"Yeah, do you have anything yet? Do you see Billy yet?"
"Not yet so I'm going to move a little further in."
"Amanda, please be careful."
Lee held his breath listening all the while for voices or noises that might indicate where Billy was.
"Lee, I see him. He's in a small room to your right. Start walking straight ahead and I'll tell you when to turn."
Lee listened carefully to Amanda's instructions. His gun was drawn and he hoped he could reach Billy in time. He wasn't sure what he was going to do once he found Billy. He hoped he would be able to overpower Norton and Billy would be safe.
Lee reached the entrance to the small room in record time. Amanda's directions led him there but what was he to do now. He listened as Norton talked with Billy.
"Why did you have to meddle in my affairs? If you had just such left things alone, no one would have gotten hurt. I just wanted to shake up the Agency and the Secret Service to show you both how vulnerable this country really is. Secrets are flowing out of Washington on a daily basis and no one seems to want to do anything about it. I had a plan and you stopped me. Now things aren't any better than they were before. If you had only stayed out of this…"
Lee could tell Norton was beginning to lose it. He had to do something fast but he was unsure what. All at once there was a loud crash in the warehouse.
"Lee, go to your left – there are some boxes you can hide behind."
Lee did as he was told and crouched behind the boxes just as Norton came running out of the room. He began a frantic search of the warehouse to determine where the noise had come from.
From the sound of footsteps, Lee determined Norton was nowhere near him. "Amanda," he asked, "What was that?"
"I'm not sure but you better use it to your advantage – get to Billy and fast."
Lee made his way to the room and called out Billy's name.
"I'm here, Scarecrow. How did you find me?"
"I'll explain later. Right now let's get out of here."
Lee was startled to find Billy bound with duct tape. This was definitely going to take some time to get him free. He pulled a small pocketknife from his jeans and began cutting at the tape.
"You're gonna have to help me here Billy. I don't want to cut you."
"Lee, Norton's on his way back – get out of there," Amanda whispered into Lee's earpiece.
He passed Billy the knife and ducked out of the room before Norton returned.
"All right Melrose, who's is out there. I know there aren't any more agents available. What's going on?"
As his tirade continued, Billy worked on cutting himself free.
Lee decided it was time for another distraction. "Amanda, we need another distraction to get Norton out of there so I can get Billy."
"Roger!"
Lee waited and soon he heard the tumbling of boxes unto the floor. Way to go Amanda, he thought. Norton flew out of the room and headed in the direction of the sound. Lee rushed in to free Billy so they could make their escape. Billy already had one arm free and was working on the other when Lee arrived.
"Okay, let's go," Billy said grabbing Lee by the arm. They entered the warehouse from the storage room and hit the floor as gunshots erupted.
"Oh my gosh!" screamed Amanda.
The gunshots caused Fred Fielder to spring to life. He entered the warehouse and shouted for Billy. As he ran toward the center of the warehouse, Norton reached out and grabbed him.
"Now, I have another pawn. Come on, let's go."
He pushed Fielder toward the storage room. Fred, being Fred, tripped over his shoelace and fell face first unto the floor.
Norton was outraged. He pointed his pistol at Fielder and prepared to fire. Before his shot rang out, Billy came up from behind him and in a very menacing tone said, "Drop it!"
Norton was not going to buy this. He wanted his revenge so he wheeled around towards Billy firing as he did. Billy dodged the bullet stepping to his right. Instinctively, Lee dove toward Norton to knock the gun out of his hand. Unfortunately, he could not see Fielder on the ground and he tripped over the inept agent. By this time, Amanda moved toward the trio with a two by four in her hand. Swinging it with all her might, she hit Norton over the head and sent him crashing to the floor. Billy soon had the situation under control and Francine was leading the back-up team to the center of the action.
Fielder slowly got up from the floor and rubbed his head. Amanda had to laugh but her laughter was short-lived. In all the excitement, she hadn't noticed that Lee was still on the floor. She ran over to him thinking he had been shot. Instead, she found him again unconscious. When he tripped over Fielder, he hit his head on the steel support beam supporting the roof of the warehouse.
Chapter 15
Déjà vu. Amanda was again pacing the emergency room of the NEST hospital waiting on word about Lee's condition. He had not regained consciousness during the trip to the hospital. She was worried that this injury on top of his recent concussion would result in serious, permanent damage. She felt a tight knot in the pit of her stomach.
Just as Dr. Carter came through the exam room doors, Billy entered as well from the hall.
"How is he?" she asked tentatively almost not wanting to hear the bad news.
"Well, he has suffered another blow to the head. I don't think it's quite as serious as the last one but because of the proximity in time, it is still something to be concerned about. He is calling your name but hasn't fully regained consciousness. We have a few more tests to run.
Amanda headed for the door and the doctor stopped her.
"Just a minute, please Mrs. Stetson. Let us get him settled into his room for an overnight stay. Once that's done, you can see him."
Billy gently led her away from the door and said, "Come on Amanda, let's go get some coffee. I'm sure by the time we're back, Lee will be in his room."
Billy could feel her shaking slightly as he led her down the hall to the cafeteria.
After fetching their coffee, Billy sat down by Amanda.
"Amanda, trust me, Lee will be fine. You know he's got a pretty hard head," he chuckled trying to lighten her fears.
SMK
They made their way back to the waiting area. It was only a brief while before Dr Carter reappeared. 'You can go in and see him now. Oh, by the way, I have….."
Amanda didn't wait for the doctor to finish. She wanted to see Lee, to make sure he was okay. As long as he was alive – that's all that mattered to her. She didn't care what shape he was in, she was just thankful he was alive.
As she entered his room, it all looked so familiar – all the machines and tubes. Her hands flew to her mouth in order to suppress moan. She looked at him lying there and her heart melted. She walked to the side of his bed and took his hand in hers.
Her actions brought Lee back from the light sleep he had drifted into. His head hurt terribly but he knew he was going to be fine. Amanda was here – his lifeline. He called out to her.
"Amanda," he whispered, "I'm glad you're okay. I thought something had happened to you. They wouldn't tell me anything when they brought me in here."
"I'm fine, Lee." She leaned over and gently kissed him.
Slowly he opened his eyes. What he saw was like an angel standing before him. At first it frightened him but the more he looked at it, the more clearly it came into focus. What he saw standing over him was the beautiful face of his dearly beloved wife. A smile began to creep across his face. As the picture before him became more clear, the smile grew wider. He reached out to touch her face. As his hand settled on her cheek, his thumb gently wiped away a tear.
"Hey, don't cry, I'm okay."
His hand found its way to her neck and he gently pulled her down so he could give her a kiss. As their lips broke apart, Amanda pulled back slightly from his face.
"Say, Mrs. Stetson, that's a lovely blue Georgetown sweatshirt you are wearing."
As he said this he began to pull her head back toward his lips. Amanda's lips were locked with his before the implications of his words sank in. She sprang apart from him like his lips were on fire.
"You can see, oh Lee, you can see, really you can see! How…why…what happened?" The words tumbled out in a rush.
"Well, I don't know for sure. Heck, the doctor's not even sure why it happened. Let's just say it's our little miracle."
She was so excited she didn't know what to do. She flung herself into his arms not caring about hospital policy or protocol. She began spreading kisses all over his face. With his arms wrapped around her, she slowly took his face in her hands and looked into his hazel eyes. Dark brown locked with hazel. Ever so slowly, she kissed each of his eyes and then looked down at his face.
"I thought I might never see the light in your eyes again. She simply stared at him as the light from his heart shown though his eyes for the love of his life.
The end
Story Notes:
Not my characters but I love 'em just the same.
Author's Chapter Notes:
This takes place after the fourth season. The marriage is common knowledge.