“Sweetheart?” Amanda tapped on Jenna’s bedroom door.

“Come in!” her daughter called.

Amanda pushed open the door. Jenna lay on her stomach on the bed, pen in hand, a notebook and her math textbook open in front of her.

“Just finishing up this last little problem,” Jenna told her. “Then I’m done,”

“Sounds good.” Amanda sat down on the edge of the bed. “You know, you were awfully quiet during dinner.”

“Yeah,” Jenna said. “I guess I just have a lot of my mind, that’s all.”

“That’s understandable.”  As she spoke, Amanda smoothed Jenna’s hair back from her face. “Want to talk about what’s on your mind?”

She had to talk to somebody, Jenna knew. If she didn’t she was probably going to burst. And now that it was finally just her and Mom—

“I’m a little nervous,” Jenna admitted. “Well, a lot nervous, actually. I mean, I wasn’t at first, but now that I know it’s really happening I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Do you mean the date?”  Amanda asked. Jenna nodded. “What are you nervous about?”

“Only everything,” Jenna rolled over onto her side to look at her directly. “I’ve never been on a date before, Mom. I don’t know what to do or even how to act. And Lisa keeps reading all these rules to me, telling me to look great and be mysterious and not to criticize his mother—how am I supposed to keep all of that in my head?”

“What makes you think you have to keep all that stuff in your head?”

“Well if I don’t I might make a fool of myself,” Jenna replied, thinking back to the horrible dream she’d had. “I don’t want to do something stupid and screw everything up. Dad told me to just relax and be myself and I guess that’s good advice but still—” 

“But you’re still nervous.”  Amanda finished Jenna’s sentence.

A small sigh. “Pretty much. I don’t know anything, though—I don’t even know how to kiss.”

“Well you probably don’t have to worry about that,” Amanda told her. “Not on your first date, anyway.” 

“I certainly hope not.” Jenna said.  “What happens if I do mess something up, though?”

How to say this?  Amanda recalled her own fist date—how nervous she had been—all the little things she worried about. Of course she’d been a bit older than Jenna, but still— “Think about it this way,” she suggested.  “You and Chris are friends, right?”

“Right.” 

“And you enjoy spending time together, don’t you? You have fun talking on the phone?” Amanda asked.

“Sure,” Jenna said. “He’s fun to talk to.”

“Well then why not try to approach it that way, as two friends just going out to have fun?”

“But this is a date,” Jenna said. “I’m supposed to be glamorous, mysterious—”

“Says who?”

Jenna groaned. “Mo-om—”

“Listen to me,” Amanda told her. “Chris wants to go to the movies with you.  With Jenna Stetson. Not with some mysterious, glamorous person—he asked you. So, there’s no reason why you have to act differently or be anything other than who you are.”

A long silence. “You’re right,” Jenna replied finally. “I know you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right,” Amanda said. “I’m your mother.” She ruffled Jenna’s hair and Jenna smiled.

“So, just be myself and have fun, huh?” 

“That’s the idea.”

“Can I wear makeup?”  Jenna asked. “I know I can’t all the time, but is a special occasion, isn’t it?”

“Well—” Amanda would have to see how Lee felt about that—he was already more nervous about this date than Jenna was, and throwing makeup into the mix—  “We’ll see about that, okay?

“What about heels?”

“You’re still a bit young for high heels,” Amanda said. “Maybe something with a low heel would look nice though. And you do need a new outfit—you’ve grown quite a bit. We might also want to think about getting you a bra before too much longer.”

Grown quite a bit, getting a bra—thinking about that brought Jenna back to her dream—the horrible dream.  “Mom?” 

“What is it?”

“Do you think I might be—you know—starting my period soon?”

Amanda could see the worry in her daughter’s face. “It’s hard to say, but it’s always a possibility. Why do you ask?”

“Nothing really—just this weird dream that I had that I stared.” During my date, Jenna added silently, not wanting to say that part out loud. “I know it sounds silly, but I don’t want to be caught by surprise and have an accident or something.” 

My growing girl, Amanda thought to herself—growing every day. “It doesn’t sound silly at all,” she said. “If you’re really worried you can always carry a pad in your purse just in case. That’s what I do.”

“That’s a good idea,” Jenna said.  “Thanks Mom.” 

Amanda pulled her into a hug. “Anytime, sweetheart.”

SMK SMK SMK SMK

Friday, May 3, 2002

4247 Maplewood Dr.

7:00 PM

“These are awesome!” Jenna gave both Amanda and Dotty a hug as she took the shopping bags.  “Oh Mom—Grandma thank you so much.” 

“You’re very welcome, sweetheart,” Amanda told her.

“I’ll just go try these on, okay? I’ll be right back down.” With that Jenna dashed upstairs.

“She must really be excited about those clothes,” Lee said as he came in from the kitchen dishtowel. “That’s the most she’s spoken all afternoon.”

“Well, Lee,” Dotty replied.  “You know that the right outfit can make any woman’s day.” 

Woman—Amanda watched as Lee gave a little wince at that word.

“I’ll just get my milk and Galliano,” Dotty looked at Amanda pointedly. “I’ve got a romance novel waiting for me upstairs.” 

“Good night, Mother,” Amanda said.  As Dotty went into the kitchen Amanda turned to face her husband. 

“You can’t take this personally, you know,” she told him. 

“I realize that,” Lee said. “Really I do, but you know, we used to talk so easily—she would come to me with all her little problems and now—” his voice broke off.

“Now what?”

“Well now I sort of feel like maybe I’m losing her.” Lee sank onto the sofa. “And I know you’re going to tell me that sounds ridiculous and it probably is, but that’s still what it feels like.” His mind flashed back to the dinner table conversation:

“So, how was school today?”

A small shrug. “It was fine.”

“Classes not too hard or anything, huh?”

“No, they’re fine.”

“How are Lisa and Christy doing?”

“They’re fine too.”

One more ‘fine,’ and Lee had been sure that his head would probably explode.  

“Hey.” She sat down beside him, rubbing his back. “You haven’t lost her. I told you that. Jenna just has an awful lot on her mind right now.”

“About the date, I know,” Lee said.  Everything was about the date these days.  That knot tightened even further. “At least tell me we’re going to get to meet this boy before he takes her out.”

“Of course we are,” Amanda replied. “I’ve spoken to his mother on the phone and it’s all arranged. She’s going to drop him off and I’ll take them both to the movies, and then I’ll pick them up after and take Chris home.”

“I see,” Lee replied.  “And we’re sure this boy’s on the level—that he’s really what he seems to be?”

“Lee, he’s only thirteen years old.”

“I’m only saying, Amanda.” His wife sighed in response, rolling her eyes. Deep down Lee knew he was being unreasonable but at the same time he couldn’t seem to stop—and he still didn’t trust this Chris—not until he had a chance to meet and assess him personally.  

“Mom?”  Jenna came into the family room. “How do I look?”

A sleeveless lavender blouse, a denim skirt and low-heeled sandals—but as Lee looked at his child he realized it wasn’t just about the outfit—it was about her in the outfit. Was it just his imagination or were there really curves in places there hadn’t been before?

Growing up—the knot in his stomach seemed to travel up to his throat and lodge there—he swallowed hard, trying to shake it.

“You look—you look very nice,” he managed to say. 

“Mom?”  If Jenna had heard him at all she gave no sign—all her attention was focused on Amanda.

‘Don’t take it personally.’  And Lee was trying not to—though at the moment it was easier said than done.

“You look very nice, sweetheart,” Amanda replied.

“Really?” Jenna asked. “It’s important.”

“I promise you, you look just fine,” Amanda said. “It’s very becoming.”

“Okay,” Jenna shot Lee a glance.  “Well can I ask you a question? It’s about—”

With that she bent down towards Amanda, whispering in her ear. What could they be talking about? Lee watched as Amanda whispered back into Jenna’s ear.  

Jenna nodded and smiled. “Thanks Mom—I wasn’t sure. I’ll just go hang these up now.”  Lee could hear her footsteps on the stairs.  He waited until he was sure she was up there before turning to Amanda.

“Mind telling me what was all that about?” he asked her. 

“It was nothing,” Amanda said. “Just a personal question she had—girl stuff, you know.”

“What kind of girl stuff?” Lee asked. “Just tell me—I mean how bad can it be, right?”

“It’s not bad at all,” Amanda said. “It’s what I told you before—whenever I tell you these kind of things you tend to overreact.”

Now he had to know. “Come on,” Lee urged. “I won’t overreact. Tell me, please.”

“Okay.” Amanda paused.  “When Mother and I were at the store we bought Jenna a little bra. She doesn’t actually need one yet, but we thought she could wear it tomorrow and it might make her feel a little more grown-up. She was just making sure that no one could see it through her blouse, that’s all.”

“Amanda, why do you tell me these things?” 

“You did ask, remember?”  Was it just his imagination or did he actually detect amusement in her reply?

“Oh, I remember.”  That’s all—wearing a bra on her very first date. Just like that. Lee ran his hands back through his hair.

By the time he made it through his daughter’s adolescence, he thought, he probably wouldn’t have any left.

TBC