Some Justice—Part Five

Wednesday, March 28, 2001 
 
5:30 PM  
 
 
"Are you sure that you don't want me to carry that?" Lee asked his daughter as he watched her struggle with the backpack. "It seems pretty full."   
 
Jenna shook her head, teeth gritted. "No—I'm fine—I'm not sure why I brought it inside anyway."   
 
"I don't want you to hurt yourself, munchkin."  
 
"I said I can handle it."  
 
"I know you can—I know." Lee had the feeling that she wasn't actually talking about the backpack at all. Jenna slid into the passenger seat of the 'Vette, putting the backpack on the floor. 
 
"Hey," Lee asked. "Did you want to turn on the radio? Maybe that group you like will be playing."   
 
"I don't feel like listening to music right now, Dad."   
 
She wouldn't even look at him—she just stared down at her lap, her hands clenched. Lee tried another tactic. "Look—I know this session was hard on you—if there's anything I can do—" 
 
"Well you can't," Jenna snapped. "No one can."  
 
"Jenna, I'm not your enemy, all right? I'm here to help you—that's all I'm trying to do."  
 
"I know—I'm sorry," Jenna's voice trembled—Lee could tell she was on the verge of tears. "Just take me home—I want to go home." 
 
"Home it is." Lee put the car into gear and pulled out of the parking lot—traffic was backed up all up and down the road—horns honking—up ahead Lee could make out the flashing lights of a police cruiser—a shrill siren blast as an ambulance and a fire truck made their way down the road. 
 
Great—an accident on top of everything else—the way things were going they'd be lucky to make it home in time for dinner.  
 
He glanced over at his daughter—her head still down—shoulders practically hunched up around her ears—tense, fearful—he had to look away again—Jenna hadn't been this bad in a while, not since— 
 
"My name is Marcie Ann Johnston—please don't hurt me—" almost two months ago—but that particular nightmare was still fresh in his mind—the way she'd cowered, trembling violently—whimpering when he'd tried to touch her—part of Lee had hoped those days were long gone—but this last episode— 
 
"Daddy—Gary—he's here—"   
 
'This just isn't fair,' he thought. 'She's been through too much already—' Rage surged through him. Everything had been going so well—now this—it felt like they were right back at the beginning. Pfaff had said to expect setbacks around this time, Lee knew that—but still— 
 
"If you lose your cool in the courtroom the way you did today, it could be disastrous for our case."  Mr. Dutton had taken him aside after the session and warned him. Lee knew the man was right. This was what he'd agreed to—they had to be hard on her—to prepare her for anything the defense might try to discredit or intimidate her.  
 
"This is going to be difficult for her," Dr. Pfaff had told him two weeks ago—back when they'd planned these sessions.  "But if we let her walk into this blind they'll really hurt her"  
 
A little pain now, or a lot of pain later—that was the choice to be made—the choice he had to make. Personally Lee didn't want Jenna to have any pain at all—she'd already dealt with more than any child should have to in his opinion—but that choice wasn't his, not really—not anymore. All choices had been taken out of his hands one January morning. Gary had ripped Jenna away from her family, her home—changed her—changed all of their lives forever.   
 
'I couldn't stop this from happening—couldn't protect her then—and I sure as hell can't protect her now—' Sitting there in Mr. Dutton's office while Mr. Welling questioned her—his voice harsh, the tone condescending—his daughter's face—so pale—dark eyes wide, body trembling as she recounted the details of her ordeal—and Lee was just expected to stand there impassively while she was attacked—her testimony ripped apart—  
 
All this was for Jenna's own good—in the long run—Lee just wasn't sure if he could follow through with it.  

"Damn!"  The word burst from Lee's lips as a truck cut him off, preventing him from merging into the other lane.  Clenching his right hand into a fist, he thumped the steering wheel hard. 
 
"Are you mad at me?" 
 
Jenna's voice broke the silence. Lee turned to look at her.  
 
"You are," she said. "Aren't you? You're mad at me."  
 
"Mad at you? Of course I'm not mad at you."  
 
"But you are mad—you're mad at something, I can tell." 
 
"Well—I'm upset about the traffic, munchkin—it's got nothing to do with you—believe me."   Jenna said nothing in reply—she bit down hard on her lower lip.  "Why would you think that I was mad at you?" he asked her.  
 
"Because I failed—I let you down."   
 
"What? Jenna—you did not let me down—and I'm certainly not mad at you, all right?" 
 
"But dad, if I hadn't had that flashback—" 
 
"You had the flashback because Mr. Welling went too far—that man was way out of line." A blue van stopped to let him into the next lane—finally, they were moving. "I'm mad at him, not you."     
 
Jenna took a deep breath. "I'm not so sure that he did go too far."   
 
"Jenna—he had no right to lean forward like that—and if that defense attorney even tries to—"  
 
"But all Mr. Welling is doing is trying to prepare me for what the defense—what they might do. He's trying to help—isn't he?"  
 
Trying to help—but all Lee could think of was the terror in Jenna's face as the lawyer had leaned towards her— "Yes, I guess he is,"  he said out loud.   
 
"It's not going to be easy though—I mean, the defense isn't going to be nice to me."  
 
Lee shook his head grimly. "No—the defense won't be nice to you. They care about winning—and they'll probably do whatever it takes."   
 
"Do you think I can do this?" Before Lee could answer, Jenna piled on more questions.  "What happens if I have another flashback—if I have one during the hearing or the trial?"  
 
"That won't happen."  
 
"How do you know it won't happen? Dad—this last one—I didn't even see it coming." 
 
"Well, that's why we're doing this now—so you can see it coming—you will be able to do this—it's better that you have a flashback now so that you don't have one in court." 
 
"That's not what you said during the session. You said—" 
 
"Munchkin—I know what I said," They were at a light—Jenna was looking at him—she was waiting for an explanation—Lee fumbled for the right words. "I just—I really wish you didn't have to go through all this—any of it."    

"I don't really have a choice, though," Jenna's voice faltered slightly. "Do I? If I don't—Gary might go free—I want him where he can't hurt me or anybody else."   
 
"Yeah," Lee said. Part of him still entertained the idea of something more permanent for Gary, but thoughts like that wouldn't help Jenna right now. "I want that too."   
 
"I was trying so hard to be strong—" Jenna's voice faltered slightly. "I thought I could handle it and I couldn't—I can't—I feel so scared, even when I try not to be—and what happened today—I really made an idiot out of myself—didn't I?" 
 
Anger surged again—his hand tightened on the steering wheel. Lee hated seeing her like this—even in prison, Gary was still hurting her.  They were at a light now—he could see the pain in Jenna's eyes as she looked at him—he fought to keep his voice very calm.  
 
"Listen to me, okay?  Everyone there knows what you've gone through—you don't have to hide your feelings—it's natural to be nervous and afraid."  
 
"People will feel sorry for me—they think I can't handle it—and even I'm not so sure myself. If I can't—" 
 
"You can," Lee told her. "I have faith in you—we're going to keep preparing—and you'll get through this—we both will. Okay?"  
 
Jenna smiled sadly. "Thanks, Dad."

TBC