I need to talk to someone, but I can't face talking to an actual person. Not
even Dr. Pfaff. Especially not Dr. Pfaff. So I'm doing the next best thing,
I'm writing this down. I guess you could say I need to ease my conscience.

All right, if it were to be about Lee alone I'd have no loose ends to tie up.
Lee is my friend, we've known each other for a long time, and we've worked
together on many cases. If you really want to know I had a crush on him. Well,
who can resist him?

Come on! Let's face it. He is one hell of a man! Tall, slender, strong arms,
powerful hands, beautiful face with amazing hazel eyes.

It is a good thing that I didn't hopelessly fall in love with him--okay, maybe
a little--he is a loner, caring for nobody.

He was different; but after Eva's betrayal, his partner and then Dorothy's
death, he shut himself off from feelings. I was the same way, after one slip
from my line of life; I fell in love and was left at the altar. I suffered a
lot, but Lee was there when I needed a friend, and not only that, he made me
feel like a woman again.

Our relationship was short; we were too much alike to be together for long. Our
friendship grew stronger every day, and I became his only friend at the Agency,
apart from Billy, our Section Chief. But when `she' arrived everything changed.

This is hard for me, I almost blew up the entire Agency—I won't go into
details, it's all on record now. Lee got the information to stop the further
loss of agents. But he'd been followed and while looking for help, found her --
Amanda King! A housewife from Arlington, divorced with two kids and a live-in
mother!

Yes, she solved the case and saved Lee's behind, but did Billy have to enlist
her as civilian help?

I didn't know why then, and I don't know why now. Why he decided to make her
Lee's partner? In the beginning Lee laughed with me at her ramblings, teamed
with me when I teased him with her. I knew she wasn't his type -- hourglass
figure, well endowed in the right places, blondes and redheads, but all of them
a bunch of socialite floozies. With them Lee was safe, no bonds, no commitments,
and no ties; one night stands with a simple "goodbye" the following morning.
Amanda King on the other hand was the lifetime commitment, marriage type with
the whole suburban kind of life. She was good looking, in her own way, a slim
brunette, tall with brown eyes but again not Lee's type at all.

Lee was grumpy, he yelled, he barked, he did everything to get rid of her,
nothing worked. She was at the Agency to stay!

Time passed by and I noticed a slight difference in his behavior. Lee wasn't so
reluctant to work with her; he began asking for her help, and he was spending
more and more time with her. I was amazed, but Billy was grinning with
satisfaction.

Day after day their relationship changed bit by bit. Lee was slipping slowly
but steady from the steno pool, from the clubs, from all the places where he was
a regular presence before. Only to be found at home in the evenings or with
Amanda.

I have to give her credit, she does have great instincts for the job. Things
have changed now. He no longer sticks up for me. Always her. My friend is
taking her side now!

Why do I behave like this? Am I really jealous? Why?

There's nothing between Lee and me!

Maybe I envy their close relationship.

Maybe I'm mad with her for just waltzing in here after taking a package and
getting not only a job, but ending up working with the best of us. The
Scarecrow!

Maybe I'm hiding behind my job mask, maybe my feelings for Lee were lurking
under my skin, quiet and safe, because Lee the dashing ladies' man had four
black books filled with names. With Lee dating another woman every week, I was
sure about his friendship, I knew he would turn to me when he needed a friend.

When Amanda came along, she `tackled' him down to her. Little by little this
housewife `stole' my friend from me. Lee opens up to her, Lee wants to talk with
her, Lee wants to work with her, Lee spends his free time more and more with
her, Lee reaches out for her in need, Lee worries about her, Lee snaps at her
only because he is afraid of something bad happening to her. Lee wants to be
with her on assignments; Lee wants to do everything with her and I HATE THIS! I
HATE HER!

Yeah, I know this sounds bad, but I can't help it I really feel like that. Lee
has not changed his behavior towards me but his look saddens when I made sneaky
remarks about Amanda.

What is eating me alive? Let me try to explain:

Lee, raging inside the bullpen, because Billy had sent Amanda on a milk run but
as usual something went bad, shootings, arm-dealers, drug-dealers and `our'
Amanda in the middle of hell. Scarecrow heard about that and he yelled.

At Billy because he sent her, at Fred because he didn't notice about the
drug-dealers, at me because I made a remark about her place should be at home
baking, and not dodging bullets. Okay, yelling at everyone because he didn't
know where was she, his little `protégée.' He didn't know about her status, was
she hurt, shot, kidnapped? Nothing at all, nobody could tell him anything about
Amanda.

At this point Lee was gun-blazing even at an absent Amanda. Why she didn't
wait for him and why she didn't call for back up.

I'm glad she didn't, maybe she will get fired.

The phone rang; it was Mrs. Marston, who told Billy that Amanda was on her way
up. Billy tried to tell Lee, but he already knew she was near. I could see the
anger and fury clearly in his eyes.

I thought that maybe this will make my day, and he would get rid of her, but I
couldn't have been more wrong!

As soon as a shaking and scared Amanda stepped out from the elevator, Lee had
covered the space in two strides and enveloped her in his arms. All the anger
and fury vanished in thin air when she raised to him her teary brown eyes and
whispered softly. "Lee, I'm sorry!"

That was all it needed to tame our Scarecrow's temper. Looking in her eyes,
after a quick glance around he placed a featherlike kiss on Amanda's trembling
lips, and tightened his arms around her.

A KISS?

What was going on? Had Lee a special relationship with Amanda?

Come on! Lee, so "manly" in all the ways with a frumpy housewife? No way! But a
kiss?

Maybe a comfort kiss, no, he doesn't do that, maybe one to chase away the fear,
but she seemed comfortable with Lee's lips on hers, she wasn't startled and
neither looked around.

Weird? Yes! But I am a spy so I spied on my friend and his so-called partner.

At first I asked myself if I would discover something, what would I do. Now
I'm stunned. Why could I not see what was between them earlier?

I know! It was all about my prejudices. Lee Stetson and Amanda King-the dashing
spy and the frumpy housewife?

NO WAY, NOT POSSIBLE, NOT EVER!

And that's why the reality strikes me hard when I found that:

---Lee's name was missing in the water cooler room next to the steno-pool

---Lee's name was present but in strict connection with Amanda's

---Lee's absence around the town socialites

---Lee doesn't take assignments without her and he is more careful and less
hotheaded

---When something is wrong with Amanda, Lee can't find his place.

Let me explain some of those situations:

If she is late.

He can't stay seated, checks with Mrs. Marston, checks the hallway, checks her
house, checks everything with agitation only to calm down in a second and wear a
bright smile when hears her voice or sees her enter through the bullpen doors.
His eyes are full of light, relief, joy and something else, a warmth that is odd
for him.

If she is sick and can't join him.

That's happened to me. I would rather deal with a thousand Russians than deal
with Scarecrow when she's sick. He's grumpy, always on the phone asking her
opinion, never up for a party like he used to be when we closed a case. All he
wanted to do was speed to her side.

If she is hurt.

This is the worst of all. If she is hurt – kidnapped, drugged, shot or anything
else, Lee would go ballistic. He hates hospitals, but once the ones responsible
for hurting her are caught, nothing can move him, he is steady like a rock
beside her bed. If those responsible are loose, well a tornado is more
appealing.

I watched him one time when somebody kidnapped and drugged Amanda. We found
her, but the look pain in Lee's eyes was plain, his body was stiff until the
docs told him she would be all right, then I saw something I never believed I
would see – a tear slowly sliding down his cheeks. My friend was in love!

The moment when Amanda awoke and opened her brown eyes, Lee's smile could've
lit the entire world. Her hand raised and caressed his tired cheek; he turned
and placed a kiss on her palm. I never saw Lee make such a tender gesture
before.

A couple of weeks later, I was the unknown witness of their love. One night,
late, near the Tidal Basin, the wind brought a heartfelt whisper to my ears.
"Amanda I love you", and my anger surfaced once again. How, from all those who
had tried, could she have been the one to steel Lee's heart forever?

Maybe I ought to try to get to really know her; to find out what caught Lee so
tight to her, what made him fall for her. And I did. All became clear when I let
myself see how willing he was to belong to someone. Someone who can build an
entire safe world from a smile for the man she loves. And for better or for
worse that person was Amanda!

Because of her and for her love, my friend is happy and now I can and I would
go to her just to say. "Thank you, Amanda!"

I thanked her, for being there for Lee.