Part Eight : Fear
IFF Headquarters
Monday, February 5, 2001
8:30 AM
This had been a very bad idea. Jenna knew that now. She sat in a chair in the
lobby, her hands clasped in her lap. It was quiet here--so quiet that she could
hear the soft tick-tock of the clock on the far wall.
'What am I going to say to him?' Jenna wondered. She'd thought of things back
home, but now--she just wasn't sure anymore.
What were Dr. Pfaff and Dad discussing that was taking so long? How screwed up
she was? And why did a film company have a psychiatrist anyway? She'd asked dad
about that this morning--his face had turned red, he'd muttered something about
filmmakers having a lot of stress before changing the subject entirely. Her
forehead itched--absently Jenna scratched at the scar on her forehead, her
fingernails scraping the special lotion that Dr. Kelford had given her--it was
supposed to minimize scarring.
But minimizing would only make it smaller--it wouldn't make it go away--nothing
was going to do that. When putting on the lotion this morning in front of the
mirror Jenna could feel the soft patch of ridged skin under her fingertips. Her
own face had stared back at her in the mirror, dark eyes wide--and the scar had
been there.
She was starting to feel like it would always be there.
"Going on a little ride, Jenna," Gary Johnston's voice was soft as he ran the
barrel of the gun across her cheek. "Would you like a ride?"
'No!' she thought fiercely. If she just didn't think about it--about what
happened--
"Jenna?" Mrs. Marston's voice made her jump. Jenna looked up--the older woman
stood beside her.
"I didn't mean to frighten you--I was just wondering if you'd like a glass of
water or maybe a soda."
"I'm fine, thanks."
"Let me know if you do." Mrs. Marston's hand rested briefly on Jenna's
shoulder--she went back over to her desk.
Jenna glanced upstairs--towards the still-closed door that Dr. Pfaff and her
father had disappeared behind. How much longer would this be? From outside she
could hear the sound of traffic, people walking by, talking and laughing.
Maybe she should just leave. Just stand up and go back out the door. If she did
that, though--she'd be all alone--Jenna squeezed her hands together until they
hurt, fighting to stop the shaking.
The front door opened and a tall man with graying hair stepped inside. He shot
her a quick glance before turning to Mrs. Marston.
"Good morning, Mrs. Marston," the man said. "The word--" he broke off--as at
that moment the door upstairs opened. Jenna looked up as her father came down
the stairs.
"Jenna, come on, we're ready." Dad came to a halt when he saw the other man.
"Hey Stetson," the other man said. "It's been a while."
"It has," Dad said. Jenna rose from her chair to stand beside him. "Jenna, this
is--Frank Duffy--he--ahh--he works in my department. Frank, this is my daughter
Jenna."
"Nice to meet you," Frank Duffy said. "I've heard a lot about you, Jenna. How
are you doing?"
"Fine," Jenna said.
The man smiled. "That's very good to hear."
'He knows,' Jenna thought. 'He knows what happened.' She could tell by the way
he stared at her. Heat rose in her cheeks and she looked down at her feet.
Dad spoke up. "Look Duffy, I'll see you later, huh?"
"Sure, Stetson," Duffy replied.
Jenna let Dad lead her up the stairs. At the doorway he paused suddenly, turning
towards her, taking her hands in his.
"Listen to me, munchkin." His eyes bored into hers. Jenna could see the fear and
the pain--it made her feel bad--she'd never meant to cause him any of that.
"It's going to be okay," he told her. "I know you can do this. You'll be fine."
"I'll be fine," Jenna repeated.
SMK SMK SMK SMK
"Come right in, Jenna--I'm Dr. Pfaff."
Dr. Pfaff was a small man--smaller than Dad was, anyway. His hair was dark brown
and peppered with gray. The man's eyes peered at her from behind a pair of
glasses--in his hand was a half-eaten chocolate ice-cream bar. For some reason
Jenna had been prepared for a guy wearing a white-lab coat, looking like
something out of ER--she certainly hadn't expected this.
"You can take the sofa if you like." Dr. Pfaff pointed. "It's very comfy if you
need to lie down."
Jenna shook her head. "No, that's all right." It did look comfortable--but if
she was lying down he'd be standing over her--she just couldn't do it.
"Well how about an armchair?"
Jenna hesitated, looking at the large cushioned chair that he'd just indicated.
Her ribs were starting to hurt now--she hadn't taken any painkillers this
morning--it would feel great to be able to sit, but--she looked at Dr. Pfaff.
"Are you going to sit down too?" she asked.
Dr. Pfaff and her dad exchanged glances.
"If you'd like me to sit down I will," Dr. Pfaff said.
"That would be nice," Jenna said.
"Oh, before I forget." Dr. Pfaff walked over to a little freezer and knelt down.
"Do you want any ice cream? I also have ice-cream sandwiches if you like--I buy
a fresh batch of this stuff every week."
"No thanks, I'm okay." Jenna lowered herself into the armchair carefully--Dr.
Pfaff sat in a chair facing her. Dad stood nearby--as long as Jenna could keep
him in sight she felt fine.
"Do your ribs really bother you?" Dr. Pfaff asked.
"Sometimes--if I move suddenly or breathe too deep. I think they're getting
better, though--the rib belt helps."
Dr.Pfaff nodded. "How's your head?"
As she spoke Jenna's head flew to her forehead. "It's not bad--it still hurts a
little but at least the stitches are gone now. Francine's taking me out this
week to get my hair colored back and my ears pierced before I go back to
school."
"So, are you looking forward to going back to school next Monday--seeing your
friends?"
"I saw my friends at my birthday party--my closest friends, anyway--but I guess
I'm looking forward to school--I don't know." Dr. Pfaff said nothing so Jenna
continued. "Maybe I'm a little nervous about it--I mean--I don't want everyone
to treat me differently."
"What makes you think they would?"
"Well--" This wasn't quite as scary as Jenna had thought it would be, but it
wasn't easy either. "I don't know--they'll know that something's wrong
with--that something happened--I mean--it was probably on the news and all."
"I see." Dr. Pfaff took another bite of his ice cream. "And did your friends
treat you differently at your party?"
"No," Jenna said slowly, thinking back to that night. "Lisa and Christy treated
me about the same as always--but I don't think everyone will be like that when
they see me."
"What do you think that other people will be like when they see you?"
'They'll think I'm a freak,' Jenna thought. Out loud she said. "They'll want me
to talk about what happened--tell them--and I don't want to. I want to forget
it."
"I see." Dr. Pfaff's tone was completely neutral. Jenna wondered what he was
thinking about this--about her. She couldn't tell--and it was more than a little
frustrating. Her head began to ache slightly, pain radiating from the middle of
her forehead and spreading outwards.
"Your mother was telling me on the phone that you like to dance." Without
warning Dr. Pfaff changed the subject. "Had you thought of trying out for the
dance team this year?"
"Maybe--maybe later on." The thought of standing in front of an audience with
everyone staring was just way too much. Jenna stared at the carpet, tracing the
patterns with the toe of her shoe while she tried to think of something else to
say.
"Have you been getting a lot of rest--sleeping well?"
Jenna shook her head. "No."
"Because of the bad dreams?"
"Pretty much--I don't think anyone's been sleeping well in our house because of
me."
"Jenna, that's not your fault," Dad interjected. "It's not like you can help
it."
"What happens in these bad dreams?" Dr. Pfaff asked. "Look at me, Jenna."
Jenna looked at him.
"Tell me what happens."
"Sometimes--they're about Gary breaking into the house--that he tries to grab me
again. I know he's he in jail but I still--he still scares me."
"That makes sense. And in the other dreams? What happens then?"
"Just stuff--things that happened, you know--during the kidnapping."
Dr. Pfaff leaned forward. "What kind of things?"
Jenna shrugged. "Just things--I don't want to talk about what exactly."
"It might be helpful for you to talk about it. Letting it out is better than
keeping it inside--and it also might help to lessen some of the fear you're
feeling."
Fear. Jenna wasn't sure if anything could help with that. Her hands gripped the
arms of the chair, so hard that her knuckles were white--her heart beat
furiously--the sound of blood rushed through her ears--
"The more these things stay in your head the more frightening they'll seem." Dr.
Pfaff continued, relentless. "Let's start at the beginning--you were walking
home from school--"
"No--I don't want to start--I said that I don't want to talk about it. I
can't--" The pain in her forehead grew worse. She closed her eyes, rubbing her
forehead with her fingertips.
"Munchkin?" Dad's voice was filled with concern. Jenna opened her eyes to see
him kneeling in front of her. "What is it?"
"I'm fine," she said. "I'm sorry--it's just that my head is hurting."
"Hey--you have nothing to apologize for." Dad stood and looked at Dr. Pfaff.
"Maybe we should end it here, for now--"
Dr. Pfaff nodded. "I think we should--this was a productive first session." he
looked at Jenna. "It was very nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too." Slowly Jenna stood--dad's arm supported her.
"I'll make an appointment for you this Wednesday--same time," Dr. Pfaff said.
"We'll be here," Dad said.
"Very good." Dr. Pfaff stood too. "And Jenna--just think about what I said,
okay? Talking about it really will help."
"I will," Jenna said--though she wasn't sure if she believed him or not. "Thank
you."
"See you this Wednesday."
Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.