Conclusion : A Better Place

4247 Maplewood Dr.

Saturday, March 3, 2001

3:15 PM

'She's come so far.'

Half-hidden in the kitchen doorway Lee watched his daughter as she wiped the
coffee-table with a cloth, humming a song under her breath. He remembered the
day over a month ago, bringing her home from the hospital--dark eyes fearful,
skin bruised--clinging to his arm--frightened of the smallest noise--a shell of
the kid she'd once been. And now--

Jenna looked up and saw him. She smiled—Lee didn't think he could ever tire of
looking at her smile. "Hey dad."

"Hey there, munchkin." Walking over Lee wrapped her in a brief hug, kissing the
top of her head. "How's it going?"

"Pretty good--I was just dusting the table--I've dusted all the furniture in
here."

"Dusted the--" Lee shook his head reflexively. "Why?"

"Well it really needed it, and since we have company coming over--I also cleaned
my bedroom--it was a little messy."

"Dr. Pfaff's coming over here to see all of us--he's here for a session--not to
critique the furniture--and he certainly does not need to see your room."

"But Dad--he's company."

"Yeah, maybe, Jenna--but even so--" At that moment Dotty and Amanda came into
the family room. Amanda carried a bowl of chips--and Dotty carried some dip.

"Let's just put them over here, Mother." Amanda said. "That way everyone can
reach them--you did a great job dusting, Jenna--everything looks really nice."

"Thanks," Jenna said.

"Chips and dip?" Lee said. "Why chips and dip?"

"We usually put out something whenever company comes to visit--you know that."
Amanda said.

"Amanda, this is--it's just Dr Pfaff. You don't need to go through all this
trouble."

"He's still company." Amanda and Dotty said in unison. Lee groaned. At that
moment the doorbell rang.

"That must be him," Amanda turned to Jenna. "Sweetheart--can you get the door?"

"Sure, Mom"

Jenna went to the door and opened it. Dr. Pfaff stood there on the front step.

"Hey there, Jenna." He said.

"Hi." Jenna opened the door wider. Dr. Pfaff stepped inside, shaking out his
umbrella before putting it in the stand next to the doorway.

"It's raining cats and dogs out there--I'm glad to be inside and out of
that--oh hello," Dr. Pfaff said as he noticed Dotty. "I don't believe we've
met--I'm Dr. Pfaff."

"Dotty West," Dotty extended her hand. "I've been wanting to meet you--my
granddaughter's told me so much already--she says you've really helped her."

"Grandma--" Jenna flushed a deep pink.

"I'm glad to meet you too." Dr. Pfaff shook Dotty's hand. "And I'm glad that
I've helped Jenna--though she really did most of the work herself." Jenna said
nothing, Lee noticed. She just stared down at the carpet.

"Why don't we all sit down over here on the sofa?" Amanda's voice broke the
silence. "Dr. Pfaff--can I get you anything to drink--coffee or a soda?"

"A soda would be fine, Amanda." Dr. Pfaff went over to the bookshelves, scanning
the row of family photos.

"This is an interesting one, Jenna--" he picked up a photo. "Why are you
gritting your teeth?"

"Let me see--" Jenna walked over. "Oh that one--I was missing a tooth and I
didn't want to smile, but the photographer kept asking me to anyway."

"So you smiled with all your teeth showing?" Jenna nodded. Dr. Pfaff smiled as
he put the photo back. Part of Lee wondered what kind of game Pfaff was
playing--and then he mentally kicked himself for thinking that. Pfaff was here
for no other reason than to help Jenna--and maybe the pictures were a part of
that--somehow. He wasn't prying. But then Pfaff picked up a photo of him and
Amanda--what on earth was the man doing? Lee ran both hands through his hair,
fighting for calm.

"Wouldn't you like to sit down?" he asked Pfaff.

"Sure." Dr. Pfaff sat down on the sofa--Jenna sat beside him and Lee sat beside
his daughter. Dotty took a seat in the armchair opposite.

 "So--how is everything going?" Dr. Pfaff took the soda that Amanda offered.
Amanda sat beside Lee on the sofa, wrapping her hand around his.

"Pretty well, I guess," Jenna said

Dr. Pfaff took a sip of his soda. "Is school going well?"

"It's okay," That was what Jenna said--but Lee could hear the underlying anxiety
in her voice. "Classes are good--my grades are much better now."

"It's easier to concentrate?" Dr. Pfaff asked.

"Much easier," Jenna said. "Sometimes I still have to read something twice--I
think it's getting better, though."

"That's very good. I did hear that there was a girl who was harassing you," Dr.
Pfaff said.

"There is--actually, there was," Jenna said. "But I think after this last time
she'll leave me alone."

This last time--Lee's eyes met Dotty's and then Amanda's--he could tell that
they were as clueless as he was.

"Tell me what happened this last time," Dr. Pfaff said.

Jenna drew in a deep breath. "Terri Morgan--she came up and started picking on
me--the way she's been doing since I came back to school."

"When you say that she's picking on you, what do you mean?" Dr. Pfaff asked.

Jenna's voice was low. "She called me 'Scarface Stetson'--she told me that no
matter how much concealer I used, everyone could still see my scar."

"And the school just lets her do this?" Dotty said--Lee could hear the anger in
his mother-in-law's voice.

"Grandma, the school can't stop everything." Jenna turned to look at Dotty as
she spoke. "I mean--it's not like she's beating me up or anything--she just
wants to be nasty to someone--and I guess I'm her target."

Her target. Lee heard Amanda's sharp intake of breath as her hand tightened
around his own--he felt his jaw clench as he saw the pain in his daughter's
eyes. He'd known about some of this already, but hearing the details--surely
Jenna had enough to deal with already--she shouldn't have to put up with this
kind of bullying--he held himself in check though--he wanted to hear how Jenna
had dealt with it.

Dr. Pfaff leaned forward. "What else did she say?"

"She told me I was faking everything--that I was lying about the kidnapping--she
called Lisa ignorant for believing me."

"How did that make you feel?" Dr. Pfaff asked.

"Mad, mainly--but it's just--" Jenna paused. "I mean, I know the truth--I know
what really happened because it happened to me. I don't think that Terri would
be jealous if she knew--and I wouldn't want anyone to go through what I went
through--not even her."

"I see." Dr. Pfaff took a sip of his soda. "What did you tell her after she said
all this?"

"Just something I heard Francine say once," Jenna said. "I told her that if
ignorance was bliss, she should be the happiest person alive."

"Good for you." Lee said it aloud without actually meaning to. Amanda gave him a
little sideways glance and smiled.

"Maybe," Jenna said. "I'm just thinking that maybe I should've ignored her--I
didn't want to go down to her level."

"Do you really think you did go to her level?" Dr. Pfaff asked. "I'm all for
ignoring people like that whenever possible, but she confronted you, Jenna. You
had to stand up for yourself and you did--I think you should be very proud of
yourself."

"That's true," Jenna said. "I didn't really think of it that way."

"You said that you don't think she'll pick on you again," Dr. Pfaff said. "What
makes you think that?"

Jenna paused. "Because the other kids were on my side--and also because the
counselor Mrs. Brooks told Terri that she was going to be suspended if she was
late for class one more time--but I think she knew--the way she acted after
Terri left--I think she knew what Terri had been doing."

"It sounds to me like you handled yourself pretty well," Dr. Pfaff told her.
"Any nightmares recently?"

Jenna shook her head. "Not lately."

"Are you still doing your relaxation exercises before bed?"

"Yes--I think it helps," Jenna said. "It doesn't always stop the nightmares
thought--sometimes they still come."

"Well the only real cure for that is time, Jenna. The nightmares will gradually
start to fade--become less frequent and a lot less intense."

'Time,' Lee thought. The question was--how much time? With what was coming
up--he glanced briefly at Jenna. She was stronger, he could see that. He just
hoped she'd be strong enough for what was to come.

 "Is there anything else that we can do to try and prevent nightmares?" Amanda
asked.

"Sure,"Dr. Pfaff said. "The relaxation can work--soft music might help--avoiding
caffeine before bed works too. You need to avoid watching anything that's
violent or frightening--that may trigger a nightmare. It's also a good idea to
avoid getting overheated at night. These won't prevent every nightmare--but
they may prevent a few."

"Why have the nightmares stopped lately?" Jenna asked.

"Probably because you've started talking about all of your experiences," the
doctor said. "When you were holding things inside, trying to suppress them--they
would come out in your nightmares--and now that things are out in the open you
probably won't have as many--and we're going to work on bringing your fear down
to a manageable level." He looked at Jenna. "What about flashbacks--have you
had any?"

"Not exactly," Lee heard the hesitation in Jenna's voice. "It was more
like--when I was in the bathroom at Goofy Golf I had trouble getting the door
open in the stall--for a minute I flashed back to being trapped in that room--I
felt shaky and a little lightheaded. It was only for a second, but still--"

"I see," Dr. Pfaff nodded. "How did you handle it?"

"I just tried to breathe, like you said--I tried to focus--and not to panic--and
finally I managed to work the lock and get out," Jenna said. "I didn't tell
anyone about it--I felt a little stupid freaking out over something like that."

"There's no reason to feel stupid," Pfaff assured her. "It sounds like you
handled it really well--whenever you start to become panicked the most important
thing to focus on is your breathing. You're doing very well, Jenna--that's part
of the reason I wanted to talk to you here."

Jenna frowned. "Part of the reason? What do you mean?"

"Well, since you're handling things so well--you don't need to see me as often,"
Dr. Pfaff said. "I think we can cut our sessions down to once a week."

Jenna didn't say anything for a couple of moments--her face had turned a little
pale. Lee held his breath, waiting to see what her reaction would be.

"You really think I'm doing that well?" Jenna asked.

"Yes I do," Dr. Pfaff said.

"Maybe," Jenna said. "I mean, sometimes I feel like I might be--and then other
times I'm not so sure. I still don't feel the way I used to."

"Well it's only been a little over a month," Dr. Pfaff countered. "But think
about how far you've already come. I'm not saying that everything is fine
now--but you really are getting better."

Jenna stared down at her hands, not saying anything.

 "I can remember when you first walked into my office--you wouldn't even look at
me," Dr. Pfaff said. "But you've been able to talk about your fears--about
everything that happened to you--personally I'd call that a big step."

"I just--" Jenna sighed. "Everything you're saying--it all makes sense--I just
wish I felt more--wish I felt more normal."

"You will," Amanda said. "Sweetheart, think about when you first came home from
the hospital--how scared you were--those bad dreams every night--you've really
come a long way since then--and you're getting stronger."

Jenna lifted her head. "I know, Mom--but I still--the fear's still there--it
hasn't really gone away--maybe I've just gotten better at hiding it."

"Darling, listen to me--anyone who's been through what you've been through would
be afraid," Dotty said. "Frankly, I'd be more worried if you weren't afraid. But
you're handling it really well."

"Your grandmother's right, munchkin," Lee told her. "The fear is normal. The
important thing is that you're dealing with that fear--you're not letting it
overcome you. I mean, think about the massage you got at the spa--a couple of
weeks ago that would've really frightened you."

"That was nice," Jenna admitted. "At first I didn't think it would be but it
really wasn't bad at all. But still--" Her fingers went to her forehead,
rubbing. "I know Terri was trying to be mean--but maybe--maybe she did have a
point--I can't hide this."

That scar again, Lee thought. He stood, walking over to her. Kneeling in front
of her he took her hands.

"Come here," he told her.

"Where are we going?" Jenna asked.

"Just over here--to the mirror. I want you to look at something."

Jenna stood. "Dad, it's not necessary--I've seen my face before."

"I'm not sure you have--just humor me, all right?"

"Okay." Jenna let him lead her over to the mirror in the foyer. Lee stood
behind her--moving her bangs aside slightly.

"Look at it," he told her. "Really look at it--remember when your stitches first
came out--how red it looked--see how it's fading?"

Jenna's voice was doubtful. "Yeah, it does look smaller, but it's still
there--that hasn't changed."

"No, that hasn't changed--but it's smaller--and it's going to keep fading--" Lee
looked at her face in the mirror as he spoke. "I see a very strong girl in that
mirror, Jenna--I see someone who went through a lot and still tried to fight
back--someone who survived. That scar is a sign--you didn't let Gary beat you
then--and you won't let him beat you now--will you?"

Jenna shook her head slowly as she stared at her reflection. "No--I won't."
She turned to look at Lee, dark eyes bright with tears--happy tears. Without
another word Lee wrapped his arms around her—along with Amanda and Dotty--they
surrounded her.

SMK SMK SMK SMK

It was weird, Lee thought. He never would've seen Pfaff as the child type, but
there the man was, sitting next to Jenna on the sofa as she showed him one of
their photo albums.

"And this was Easter when I was four years old," she was saying. "Dad dressed up
as the Easter Bunny that year for the egg hunt--there's a picture of him on the
next page--"

Pfaff raised his eyebrows as he looked at Lee. "Easter Bunny?"

Oh God--Lee felt heat rising in his face as he remembered that day--Amanda had
been sick with the flu so he had volunteered to fill in. It had been a warm
spring day, the costume stifling--sweat had trickled down his neck and down his
back. Little kids had been pulling him every which way as he struggled to see
out of the enormous Bunny head. Jenna had loved every second, of course--he
could still hear her voice in his head:

"Hop, Daddy! Hop some more!"

Running through the Alps had been a piece of cake compared to jumping around in
a Bunny costume, Lee thought. And there were just some things that Dr. Pfaff
didn't need to know.

Jenna started to turn the page--Lee looked at Amanda, pleading silently.

"Um--sweetheart, it's nearly five o'clock," Lee breathed a sigh of relief as
Amanda plucked the album from Jenna's hands. "I'm glad you're enjoying the
company, but you really need to go upstairs and get ready for dinner."

"Dinner?" Dr. Pfaff asked.

"We're having a special dinner at Olive Garden--just us, Billy and Francine,"
Lee explained. "I guess you could say it's sort of a celebration--"

"That sounds like a great idea," Dr. Pfaff said.

"You could come if you want," Jenna said.

Dr. Pfaff smiled. "Thank you for inviting me. But that's okay, Jenna--I have
other plans. You have a nice time, okay?"

"Okay," Jenna said. "Dad--can I put on some of my makeup?"

"Makeup?" Lee said. "I thought we agreed that--"

"You said special occasions, though," Jenna's dark eyes were pleading as she
looked at him. "Isn't this a special occasion?"

"I don't know," Lee said.

"That is what we told her," Amanda reminded him.

Amanda, Dotty and Jenna were looking at him expectantly. Three against one--Lee
ran a hand back through this hair.

"Yeah," he said. "But just a little makeup, not a lot--okay, munchkin?" He
ruffled her hair.

Jenna grinned. "Okay, dad--bye, Dr. Pfaff." She ran up the stairs.

"I'll go up there later and check on her makeup," Dotty told Lee, "Just to make
sure she's not making herself look like Tammy Faye."

"Thank you," Lee said.

"Jenna really is doing very well," Pfaff said. "She's not all the way there, of
course--but she's making progress--a celebration dinner tonight is a great
idea."

"Yeah," Lee said. "But we've got some harder times coming up soon--with the
hearing and the trial."

Pfaff sighed. "I won't kid you--it's not going to be easy on her. But Jenna has
quite a support system here--not just immediate family but friends too--and
because of all that, she's farther along than most children in her situation."

"What can I do to help?" Dotty asked. "This is my granddaughter--I want to do
whatever I can."

Dr. Pfaff turned to Dotty. "Just listen to her--encourage her to talk about her
experiences as much as possible, even if they might be difficult for you to hear
about--talking will help to lessen her anxiety. Jenna might actually talk to you
about things that she finds difficult to share with her parents."

Dotty nodded understandingly.

"What are some other things?" Amanda asked.

"Work on the breathing exercises and the muscle relaxation," Pfaff said. "She
needs to get to the point where she can use those to automatically calm herself.
A normal routine is important--I know you'll want to protect her, but you need
to guard against overdoing it. Encourage her to face her fears--to get out there
instead withdrawing into her shell--and praise her when she does--even if it
seems like a small thing."

"Is there anything we can do to help her with the hearing and the trial coming
up?" Lee asked.

"We'll be going over that in the sessions, but what you can do right now is to
monitor Jenna's internet use and television viewing," Dr. Pfaff said. "Like I
said, most of the news is sensationalistic--she doesn't need to see it. Arrange
some more special outings, day-trips--they can do a world of good. And if she
has a relapse or two just be patient--it's normal, and it doesn't mean she's
sliding backwards."

So much to remember--Lee thought. Would they be able to do it? Then his eyes
met Amanda's and she took his hand in hers.

As long as we're together, she seemed to be saying silently, we'll get her
through.

Lee gave his wife's hand a squeeze.

Olive Garden

6:30 PM

'This is nice,' Jenna thought.

The air was filled with the aroma of Italian food--in the background she could
hear a song--Mom had called it 'Mambo Italiano'—Jenna had never heard it before
but she liked the tune--underneath the table her foot tapped to the beat.

"Hey Mambo, Mambo Italiano..."

Jenna picked up a black olive and ate it--black olives were the best part of the
salad they gave you--she always tried to get as many as possible--this time Dad
had made sure that she got three of them. Out of the corner of her eye she
caught her reflection in an ornate mirror on the opposite wall--blond hair, a
lot shorter than it used to be, brown eyes, the scar masked by
concealer--Grandma had shown her how to do it perfectly. She couldn't see that
scar right now, but even with the makeup on Jenna knew where it was.

For a moment she flashed back to the shock of seeing her face in the mirror at
Gary Johnston's house--the unfamiliar red hair--eyes wide with fear--only a
little over a month ago but to her it seemed like forever. Slowly Jenna moved
her hand to her forehead and the mirror-girl did the same, feeling the ridged
skin under her fingertips.

The scar was a sign, Dad told her--a sign that she'd survived, that she was
strong--

"Hey," Dad's voice pulled Jenna out of her thoughts. Jenna turned her head to
see him looking at her, eyes filled with concern.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Sure," Jenna said. "I guess I was just daydreaming--I'm sorry."

Dad gave her hand a brief reassuring squeeze. "You're just fine, munchkin."

"Francine, would you mind passing me that basket of breadsticks next to you?"
Billy asked. Jenna looked across the table where he sat next to Jeannie.

"Sure," Francine said. "But there aren't any breadsticks left."

"None?" Billy looked crestfallen. "I thought it was supposed to be
never-ending."

"It is," Jenna told him. "If you ask for more they'll bring you some."

"Really?" Billy asked. Jenna nodded.

"And there's our waiter now." Jenna watched as Billy started to raise his hand
but Jeannie put her hand over his, stopping him.

"No more breadsticks," she told him. "Or you won't have room for your main
course."

"Well I just hope it comes soon," Billy said.

"You look very nice this evening, Jenna." Jeannie smiled at her. "And the makeup
is just right."

"Thanks," Jenna said. "Grandma helped a lot--I'm still learning."

"Well practice makes perfect," Grandma said. "Just remember that for someone
your age less is definitely more."

Francine nodded as she took a sip of her wine. "Exactly the same thing I said."

"Well personally, Jenna--I don't think the makeup is necessary--you look just as
beautiful without it," Billy said.

Dad nodded. "Exactly the same thing I said."

"Men," Francine rolled her eyes and mouthed the word as she looked at Jenna, who
put a hand over her mouth, trying hard not to giggle.

"Lee--" Mom said. "The makeup looks wonderful, sweetheart--and this is a very
special occasion."

"Thanks, Mom." Jenna said.

 At that moment the waiter came, pushing a cart which carried their entrées.

"So what's all this about, then?" the waiter asked as he passed the dishes
around the table. "A birthday or some other kind of get-together?"

"No, not a birthday," Dad glanced over at Jenna. "But it is a celebration--for
someone who should be very proud of herself."

The waiter smiled at Jenna. "Well congratulations--for whatever it is."

Jenna smiled at the waiter briefly, knowing that her face must be bright pink at
this point. Picking up her fork, she cut into the cheese ravioli she'd ordered.

"Let me know if you need anything else," the waiter said.

"How's school going?" Billy asked her.

"Okay," Jenna said. "I mean, it's not perfect, but I think it's getting
better--my friends help--and the teachers are pretty nice--I've been getting
better grades. I'm even--I'm not sure, but I think I might even try out for the
dance team."

"That's fantastic," Francine said. "Go for it."

"I might not make it, though," Jenna said. "I mean, I've been out of practice
for a long time now--and I don't know if I was all that good to start with--but
I think I'd like to try."

"Well if you don't make it the first time it's okay--there'll be other
auditions," Billy said. "The main thing is that you try, and that you do your
best."

"And that you have fun," Mom reminded her.

"Yeah." Jenna took a sip of her kiwi lemonade. "The only thing that won't be
fun, though--is all the people who'll be staring at me--I'm not exactly looking
forward to that part." She hadn't watched the news, but she'd heard enough
around school to know that she was on it--if she did make the team would that
make the news as well? She glanced again at the girl in the mirror--who was now
biting down on her lower lip and looking very nervous.

"Jenna, listen to me," Dad said. "Think about the things you've already done
this month--all you've been through--how far you've come--I think that you can
probably handle this."

All she'd been through--in her mind Jenna could see Gary Johnston's face—his
eyes. Then she pictured her Dad's face as he'd held her in front of the mirror
earlier.

"You didn't let Gary beat you then--and you won't let him beat you now--will
you?"

Jenna took a deep breath. "I think I can."

"To Jenna," Grandma lifted her glass and they all clinked them together.

The girl in the mirror smiled.

The End :)