IFF

Thursday, February 22, 2001

9:15 AM

“Here, munchkin—let me help you with that,” Lee leaned over his daughter, taking the seatbelt from Jenna’s hand, fastening it securely around her. “There—that should be—” his voice faded away as he saw that Jenna’s eyes were tightly closed, her fists clenched—breathing rapid.

He had leaned over her—Lee silently cursed himself for not thinking about that—especially after what this last session, what Jenna had remembered—

“Jenna—keep breathing—open your eyes, you’re safe—just look at me.”  After a few minutes her dark eyes opened and focused on him.

“I’m sorry,” he told her. “I never meant to scare you.”

“Dad, really— it wasn’t you,” Jenna said. “I don’t know why I acted that way—I guess I just—”

For a few moments Lee just looked at her—her face was so pale, eyes huge—dark hollows underneath her eyes—a testament to how little sleep she’d been getting these past couple of days—still-damp hair stuck to her forehead—even her hands shook slightly. 

‘She’s only a child—she’s been through so much—too much.’ Lee could feel his anger rise. Pfaff had warned him it wouldn’t be easy, but this was just—

“What’s wrong?”  Jenna asked him.

“Nothing’s wrong—nothing at all.” He started the car and put it into gear as he pulled out of the parking lot. “Don’t worry about it—we’ll get you home and then you can get some rest.” 

“Yeah, rest sounds good,” Jenna’s eyes were starting to close. “Is it okay if I—”

“It’s just fine.” 

Within seconds his daughter’s head slumped to one side—Lee listened as her breathing became slow and even—her chest rose and fell—her chest—

He remembered when they’d found her—the way Jenna had panicked when the paramedic had checked her ribs.  Lee remembered thinking at the time that the bruising was a little severe for a simple fall—he’d certainly had his share of bruised and broken ribs in his lifetime—but in the rush of activity that thought had been shoved to the back of his mind and forgotten.   Bruised ribs were painful enough, Lee thought—and pressure to the area would’ve produced severe pain. A grown man would’ve— Christ, even he himself might have broken under that, given enough time. And Jenna had already been injured—drugged, so weak by that point—Lee’s hands tightened on the wheel at the thought—in his head he could imagine his child’s voice—tearful, shaking—telling Johnston what he’d wanted to hear, anything—begging him—just to make it stop. To make the torture stop—because that’s what it had been—that bastard’s only goal had been to cause Jenna more pain.  

“Daddy—there’s a monster in my closet.”

“Monsters aren’t real, munchkin…even if they were, daddy would never let them get you.”

How wrong he had been.

With a shock Lee realized that he was pulling into his own driveway—he’d been so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even remember the drive. He looked over at Jenna.

“Munchkin, we’re home,” he said softly. She didn’t stir—he raised his voice slightly. “We’re home now—come on.”  Reaching over he unfastened her safety belt and gently shook her shoulder. At that Jenna murmured something unintelligible and turned onto her side. 

“Jenna,” Lee called her name one more time before coming to a decision. He was going to have to carry her— but could he do it without her panicking on him?

‘Only one way to find out.’

Getting out of the car on his side Lee opened the passenger door and bent over Jenna—supporting her back while he slid one arm under her knees, lifting her, cradling her sleeping form against his chest. Jenna’s eyes opened slightly as he balanced her, fishing for his house key.

“It’s okay,” he told his daughter. “I’ve got you now—you’re safe.”  He watched in relief as her eyes closed once more.

 4247 Maplewood Dr.

 9:35 AM

 Carrying Jenna inside, Lee placed her on the sofa, removing her shoes and covering her with a soft blanket. Again Jenna’s eyes opened briefly.

 “Dad? What—where—”

 “Shhh… Jenna—you’re home—you’re safe.” Part of him wondered how many times he’d have to say those words before she started to believe it—before he started to believe it himself. He took one of Jenna’s hands in both of his, squeezing gently. “Just rest now.” 

 “Home?”

 “Yeah, you’re home.” 

 “Okay—little sleepy now—just rest—”

 Lee sat there for a few moments, just watching Jenna, making sure that she was completely asleep before he released her hand. 

 SMK SMK SMK SMK

 10:45

 Where was it?

Lee scanned the shelves in the family room. It had to be here—Amanda was scrupulous about keeping those kinds of things in specific places. His eyes fell on a stack of photo albums

There it was—on the very bottom— a thin, pink volume stuck in between two blue ones. The binding had acquired a thin layer of dust—Lee brushed it off. The gold leaf letters on the front proclaimed “Jenna Leigh Stetson, born 1/30/1989—My Baby Book.”  Lee could still remember when Dotty had given it to them—the day they’d brought Jenna home from the hospital.  A late shower present, she had called it—and a family tradition.

On the sofa, Jenna made a soft sound—stirring slightly in her sleep.  Lee held his breath as he watched his daughter—finally releasing it once she’d relaxed back into sleep.

He went into the kitchen, sitting down at the table as he opened the book.  The inside of the cover was a scrawl of blue and purple  crayon—Lee’s mistake for letting a then three-year-old Jenna take a look at the book. Personally—he thought it added to the charm. He flipped past the statistics page listing the height and weight, time of birth—Jenna’s first photo—looking slightly dazed—but didn’t every newborn?  Photos of Dotty holding Jenna, Billy, Jeannie,  Phillip and Jamie—there was even one of  Francine—they should’ve gotten the photo where Jenna had spit-up all over Francine’s new blouse, Lee thought, smiling at the memory.  His eyes fell on the photo that was his personal favorite—Amanda had taken it—the photo showed Lee in the rocking chair in the nursery, holding Jenna while he was sound asleep, his eyes closed—head nodding forward. On the white space underneath the Polaroid photo his wife had taken a black Sharpie—calling the picture “Sleepy Daddy”.  Lee ran his fingers over the photograph as the memories flooded back:

“Hey, munchkin, what’s wrong, huh?” he’d  bent over the crib—Jenna had  wailed, her small fists clenched—face damp with tears. He’d lifted her, checking her diaper—relieved to discover that she wasn’t wet or messy—the whole diaper thing was something he hadn’t quite adjusted to yet. 

“Are you hungry?”  He’d asked. “Is Daddy’s girl hungry?” He’d carried her downstairs to the kitchen.  Amanda always kept a bottle in the fridge. Lee had pulled it out, running it under warm water and testing a few drops on his wrist. He’d carried Jenna back upstairs to the nursery and rocked her as she fed, emptying the bottle—putting a cloth over his shoulder he’d burped her.

After that he’d just held her, watching her eyes slowly closing. The chair had creaked slightly as he’d rocked her—holding her against him as she’d relaxed in his arms—

Then Lee thought of Jenna, lying helpless in that backseat as Gary’s large hand covered her ribs and abdomen—smiling at her terror—pressing down until she cried out in pain—

‘I have to stop this,’ he thought—trying to close his mind to the images that thought had produced. . ‘I have to.’  Pfaff had told Lee to focus on the positive—that Jenna was home now—they had found her. She was safe and sound—though part of Lee still wasn’t completely convinced about the ‘sound’ part.  While he was relieved to find that Johnston hadn’t actually violated Jenna—what he had done was bad enough. And now that it was out in the open would Jenna really be able to deal with it? Would she come through without permanent scars? 

He just wasn’t so sure.

The ringing of the phone jerked Lee from his thoughts—going into the kitchen he picked up the cordless.

“Stetson residence.” 

“Hey,” Amanda said. “I just thought I’d call—see how everything is going. How’s Jenna?”

Amanda’s tone was deceptively casual—Lee could detect the underlying anxiety. Somehow he didn’t think that he should tell her the latest over the phone—she’d been so upset yesterday—Lee wanted to wait until he was actually with her—until he could hold  Amanda in his arms and comfort her.

“She’s fine—” Lee lowered his voice slightly.  “She’s sleeping in the living room—she fell asleep in the car coming home.” 

“Is she all right?  She’s not sick, is she?”  

“No—she’s not sick, Amanda—just tired—it’s all just—it’s taken a lot out of her.” 

“What’s taken a lot out of her?  What did the session uncover?” 

“So—uh—” Lee’s mind raced. “How’s Lillian?  Is she doing better?”

“Lillian is fine, Lee—please don’t change the subject. Just tell me.” 

“I—” Lee ran his hand back through his hair.  “I think I should wait to tell you face to face.” 

“Tell me what? What is it? Gary Johnston didn’t—”

“No—thank God—no he didn’t.”  

“And you’ll tell me when I come home?” 

“When you come home tomorrow—I swear.”  

“Not tomorrow—I’m coming home this evening. Mother’s staying behind for another day—Captain Curt showed up and she’ll get a ride home with him.” 

“He just shows up in Richmond?” 

“I know—things are definitely getting more serious between them,” Amanda said. “Lee this cell phone’s about to die—I’ll see you later—we’ll talk then, all right?” 

“We’ll talk then, Amanda—I love you.”

“I love you too, Lee. Give Jenna my love—I’ll see you both soon.” 

Lee turned off the phone. 

Coming home tonight—his heart sank as he took in the stains on the counter, the dirty dishes in the sink—the rest of the house wasn’t much better—with all that had been going on housework hadn’t exactly been foremost in his mind.

‘I have to clean—Amanda can’t possibly come home to this mess.’ 

And if he was going to make any headway he needed to start—right now.

4:30 PM

Lee finished scrubbing and rinsing the last of the dishes—putting them in the drainer—he didn’t dare to attempt the dishwasher—Amanda was the only one who really knew how to handle that machine.  The laundry had been done and folded—he’d even managed to dust the furniture—well, some of the furniture, anyway.  He wasn’t the housekeeper that his wife was but the place certainly looked better than it had. The only thing Lee hadn’t done yet was the vacuuming, but with Jenna asleep in the living room it wasn’t exactly a good idea.

Walking into the room he stared down at his daughter, still asleep on the sofa. She had been sleeping on and off for most of the day—her eyes would open for brief periods—looking around, probably reassuring herself, Lee guessed—and then closing again. No nightmares, thank God—and she seemed relaxed—not all curled up—but some of that could just be sheer exhaustion—these last two days had been emotionally and physically grueling for her.

He sat beside Jenna on the sofa—she stirred slightly but didn’t awaken.  A lock of hair fell into her eyes—Lee reached out and gently brushed it to one side. So pale, he thought—she really hadn’t been eating enough these past two days. Sudden inspiration struck him— something Jenna would love—he only hoped there was enough in the kitchen to make it work. 

 5:30 PM

It was ready.

Lee put the bowl on Jenna’s plate. Carrying it into the living room, he placed it on the tray table that he’d set up beside the sofa. What else?  Something to drink, that was it—running back to the kitchen he poured her a big glass of milk.  Holding the glass he grabbed some napkins—Amanda was always telling him not to forget the napkins.

Lee went back into the living room and put the glass and the napkins next to the plate on the tray table.

“Munchkin,” he shook her shoulder gently, praying that he didn’t startle her. “Come on—wake up.”

“What—” Jenna’s eyes opened, slowly focusing on him. “Something wrong?” 

“No—nothing’s wrong—I just want you to eat a little something—that’s all.” 

“Eat—No—I’m not—hungry—not now—I just want to—let me go back to sleep.”

Lee sat beside her. “Jenna—come on,” he urged. “You need to eat something—just a little something and then you can go back to sleep.”

Jenna sat up, rubbing her hand across her face. “But I’m really not hungry.”

“Please?  Look, I made some soup—it’s beef and vegetable—you love that kind.”  Picking up the spoon he moved it towards her mouth. “Just a little bit.”

Jenna frowned. “Dad—I’m not a baby.” 

“I know that—I know you’re not—here, you take it.” 

He handed her the spoon and she took it, sipping the soup. Lee moved the tray table closer to her, watching as Jenna ate a few more spoonfuls. 

“It tastes good, Dad—thank you.” 

 “Don’t mention it.” 

“When’s Mom coming home?” Jenna asked.  “I think you said, but I can’t remember.”

“Tonight—she was going to stay one more day, but since your Grandmother’s getting a ride home with Captain Curt she decided to come home early. She’s missed you.” 

“I’ve missed her, too.”  Jenna took another spoonful. “Do you think that Grandma’s going to marry Captain Curt?”

“It’s hard to say—but it’s possible.” 

“I like Captain Curt—he said he’s going to teach me how to fish one day.”

“That sounds like fun.” 

“Hopefully—I wouldn’t go fishing now—it’s too cold.” 

Lee liked to hear her talking like this—about normal things—her face definitely looked less pale now—a faint tinge of pink colored her cheeks and lips. “I think he means in the spring, munchkin. How are you feeling?”

Jenna took another spoonful. “Okay, I guess—a little better—I’m still sleepy, though—is that normal?” 

“It’s very normal. Look—your body needs to rest. These past two days haven’t exactly been easy for you.”

Jenna’s expression clouded. ”No—that’s true,” she said softly. “It hasn’t been easy at all— Dr. Pfaff said that getting everything out will make things better, but—”

“It will, Jenna—I promise. I know it might not feel that way right now, but give it time.”

“I’ll try.” 

Lee watched as his daughter put down the spoon and reached for her milk—wincing slightly from the pain in her ribs. “Want to talk about it?” 

A slight shake of her head—Jenna took a swallow of milk and put it back down. “Not now—maybe later, though?” 

He ruffled her hair. “Whenever you want to—I’ll be here.”

“Thanks, Dad.”   Jenna covered a yawn with her mouth. “I think I might sleep a little more— if that’s okay—” her head was already down on the pillow by this time, eyes closing. “’Night.” 

Lee kissed her forehead, covering her again with the blanket. “Night, munchkin.” 

9:30 PM

“Lee,” the woman’s voice said—Amanda’s voice. “Lee—wake up.” 

Lee opened his eyes to see his wife’s face in front of him. 

“I’m sorry,” Lee rose from the armchair, stretching.. “I was waiting—guess I must’ve fallen asleep.” 

“Well to tell you the truth I thought I’d be here a lot earlier,” Amanda said. “But Lillian and Mother had another fight and Lillian locked herself in the guest room—that made it a little difficult to get my suitcase.”

“Those two never stop, do they?” 

“No—and they probably never will.”

Lee wrapped his arms around his wife. “I’m just so glad you’re home—I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, Stetson.”  Their lips met in a deep and satisfying kiss—Lee reluctantly broke it off when the need to breathe became more urgent.

 “Wow—now that was worth coming home for.” 

Lee smiled. “Glad I could oblige.”  Their lips met once more, the kiss brief this time— but just as passionate. 

Amanda walked over to the sofa where Jenna lay, still sound asleep. “How is she doing?”

“All right, I think. She’s slept most of the day straight through but I did get her to wake up long enough to get some dinner into her.  No nightmares at all.” 

“Thank goodness for that.” Amanda bent over Jenna, smoothing the side of her cheek and kissing her forehead before straightening—she looked at Lee. 

“Tell me what the session uncovered,” she said. “What happened to her—to my baby?” 

“Let’s go upstairs—” Lee kept his voice low. “I don’t want her to hear us.”   Together they went upstairs—Lee made sure the door was closed before he spoke again.

“Let’s sit down, huh? I think we should both sit down.”  He led Amanda over to the bed.

“Lee please—just tell me.”  Amanda’s voice shook slightly.

“Okay,” Lee said. “You remember that Jenna said that Gary cut her belt off.” 

Amanda nodded. “He didn’t want anything to identify her.” 

Lee took a deep breath and then let it out in a whoosh. “Well, after he did that—he called her Marcie—she told him her name was Jenna—that’s when he put his hand on her stomach,” God, this was hard, he thought. Amanda needed to know—deserved to know—but seeing the pain in her eyes was— “Gary said—he said he was going to teach her a lesson about her name.” 

“What kind of a lesson?” 

“He—he pressed down, Amanda—right on her ribs.”  Amanda was as white as a sheet now—the expression in her eyes was one of shock and disbelief.  “He pressed down until— until she said her name was Marcie—until she begged him to take the pain away.” 

“I—” Amanda’s eyes were filled with tears.  “Oh my gosh, Lee—that must have hurt so much—she must have been so frightened—she’s only twelve—so much smaller than Gary—why would he—why did he do that to her?” her voice broke. Lee gathered his wife into his arms—he could feel her trembling.  He stroked her hair, rubbing her back soothingly.

“She was no threat to him,” Amanda’s voice was shaking now—Lee could hear the anger behind those words. “He didn’t have to hurt her like that.” 

 “I know, Amanda, I know—just take it easy.” 

“But Lee— how is Jenna supposed to deal with this? How can we possibly get her past something like that? I mean I’m glad that he didn’t—but this—” 

Lee sighed.    “I don’t know—I wish I had the answer—I think all we can do at this point is make her feel as loved and safe as possible.”  His arms tightened around his wife. “But whatever happens, we’ll get through it—I know we will.”