Part Eighteen: Trust
4247 Maplewood Dr.
Tuesday, February 13, 2001
8:30 PM
Lee sat in the armchair, facing the sofa where Jenna sat, dressed in her
pajamas, her head lolling back against the sofa. Jenna's eyes were closed, her
breathing slow and regular. Amanda sat beside her, holding Jenna's hand while
Lee continued to read aloud from the sheet of paper.
"Now relax your whole body," Lee instructed. "Imagine you're a rag doll and try
to relax all the muscles in your body. Notice how you feel, relaxed and
calm--take a slow breath in and hold it--" he omitted the word 'deep'--Jenna
had stopped using the rib belt but she was still experiencing too much pain to
take really deep breaths "--okay, now breathe out--you did very well. Whenever
you're ready you can slowly open your eyes."
"Sweetheart?" Amanda said when Jenna's eyes remained closed after a couple of
minutes. Slowly they opened and focused.
"How do you feel?" Lee asked her.
"Better." Jenna yawned, covering her mouth with her hand. "But I think--I think
I almost fell asleep right here."
"Well that's okay--the whole idea is to get you relaxed enough so that you can
sleep well." Amanda supported Jenna while she slowly stood.
"I understand," Jenna said. "I'm sorry about panicking at first--it's just that
closing my eyes, it felt a little scary. But Mom holding my hand helped."
"Hey--you don't have to apologize--we understand." Lee stood, pulling his
daughter into a brief and gentle hug. "Anything that helps you is all right."
Jenna smiled slightly. "Good night Dad--I love you."
Lee kissed her forehead. "Love you too, munchkin."
"Come on, sweetheart," Amanda said. "Let's get you into bed."
"All right--wait--are the doors and windows all locked?" Jenna asked. "I think I
forgot to check."
Hypervigilance--one of the signs--Lee and Amanda shared a brief glance.
"It's fine, sweetheart, you don't need to check." Amanda rubbed Jenna's back as
she spoke. "Your dad will make sure that everything's locked, don't worry."
"Dad?" She turned to look at him. Lee could see the anxiety in his daughter's
eyes. "You'll check?"
"Don't worry--I'll check everything," he told her.
Lee stood there for a moment, just watching as Amanda led Jenna up the stairs.
SMK SMK SMK SMK
"Jenna's sound asleep." Amanda said as she walked into their bedroom. "And she
seemed a bit more relaxed. Hopefully she'll sleep through the night--" her voice
faded away as she took in the flowers, champagne and the glasses on the
nightstand.
"These are from your mother." Lee was sitting on the bed. "I think she was
worried that with everything going on we'd both forget."
"I didn't forget." Amanda went over to where her purse was and unzipped it,
pulling out the small box she'd retrieved from the jeweler's during her lunch
break. She sat down on the bed beside her husband. "Happy Anniversary, Mr.
Stetson."
Lee opened the box. Inside was a wristwatch--Amanda watched as Lee stared down
at the watch, which held a family photo of himself and Amanda, Phillip, Jamie
and Jenna. Jenna stood between Phillip and Jamie--a wide smile on her face. She
had been giggling at something that Jamie had said as they'd attempted to pose
for the photo, Amanda recalled. Only a few months ago, but now it seemed like a
lifetime.
Lee's expression was unreadable as he stared down at the watch.
"Lee?" Amanda felt suddenly hesitant. Had she made a mistake?
"Amanda, it's wonderful." Lee pulled her close, her head resting against his
chest. "Thank you--and here--" opening his nightstand drawer he pulled out a
rectangular package wrapped in silver paper. "For you, Mrs. Stetson--I guess
that great minds really do think alike."
Carefully Amanda unwrapped the package, staring at the photo in the silver
frame--the same photo. She looked up at her husband. "You too?"
Lee nodded. "Yeah--it--it was just--we were all together that day, all happy--I
guess I wanted us to remember that time."
"That was my reason too," Amanda confessed. She twined her fingers with his.
"And to let you know that this will work out--we'll all be happy again--I know
we will."
Lee smiled. "Happy Anniversary, Mrs. Stetson." he bent down, his lips meeting
hers.
SMK SMK SMK SMK
Kenmore Middle School
Wednesday, February 14, 2001
8:00 AM
"Got everything you need?" Lee asked as they pulled up in front of the school.
"Yeah, I think so." Jenna held up her new backpack. "I had some homework and a
little bit of studying last night--I think I got everything done okay."
"Well that's good," Lee said. "And you got a good night's sleep--no nightmares
last night."
"That's true." Jenna looked down for a moment, biting her lower lip. "But--"
"What is it, Jenna?"
"Just--I mean, it sounds silly, but everything with school seems harder--if that
makes any sense," Jenna said. "The homework last night took me twice as long as
it used to--just trying to concentrate on it was--"
"Was what?" Lee prompted her. "Tell me."
"It doesn't matter," Jenna sighed. "I don't even know if what I'm saying makes
any sense--just never mind."
"Look,this is only your third day back," Lee said. "You've had a lot to deal
with these past few days--it's no surprise that you might have a little trouble
with homework. Give yourself some time."
Jenna was silent for a moment. "All right."
"Other than that, how was yesterday? Were the other kids hard on you?"
"No, most everyone's been pretty nice so far--except maybe Terri--she thinks I'm
trying to be the center of attention, and I'm really not. I just want everything
to be normal again."
"I know you do, and it will be--I promise." Dad gave her a hug. "Have a good
day, munchkin--I love you."
"Love you too, dad."
SMK SMK SMK SMK
IFF
8:30 AM
"Glad to hear the relaxation exercise worked out," Dr. Pfaff said. "And Jenna
had no nightmares?"
"Not last night," Lee said. "She didn't want to lie down for the exercise,
though--she sat on the couch--she panicked a little when she closed her eyes,
but after Amanda held her hand she calmed right down."
"Well if that's what works for her then it's a good thing." Pfaff knelt down
beside the fridge and pulled out an ice cream sandwich. "Can I interest you in
one?"
"No, of course not."
"Always like to ask." Dr. Pfaff sat on the couch. "Something else on your mind,
Scarecrow?"
"I guess I just don't understand why Jenna didn't want to lie down--why she
panicked when her eyes were closed," Lee said. "Amanda and I were both in the
room--she could hear our voices--she knew nothing bad would happen to her."
"Knowing and feeling are two different things," Dr. Pfaff contended. "Right now
Jenna's very afraid of being physically vulnerable--not being in control of
herself--that's a huge issue for her."
"I can see that--I'm just not so sure if PTSD is the only problem here. I've
seen PTSD--dealt with things like that myself--and some of her symptoms are--"
"What?" Pfaff raised his eyebrows as he took a bite.
"They're--" Lee rummaged for the perfect word to describe what he was getting
at. "They're different," he finished lamely.
"Well, it differs from person to person--and there's also the fact that she's a
child." Dr. Pfaff said. "She hasn't had your experiences--you can't expect her
motivations to be the same as yours."
"Yeah, you've said that before--how do you mean?"
"Your traumas were motivated by guilt--by losing those you cared about."
"And Jenna's trauma?" Lee asked. "What is it motivated by?"
Dr. Pfaff paused, taking another bite as he spoke. "By intense fear and
helplessness--most children tend to believe they're immortal--protected--that
nothing can really hurt them. Jenna found out that wasn't true --for a child
that's terrifying--it cuts right into their sense of security."
'She learned that I couldn't always protect her,' Lee thought to himself. 'The
one time Jenna needed me to come through--and I failed.' he recalled the
nightmare from the first night home--the terrified look in his daughter's eyes
as she'd flinched from his touch, whimpering like a hurt animal. Lee reached up
to loosen a button on his collar--his throat felt constricted--he couldn't seem
to get enough air into his lungs--Dr. Pfaff stared at him curiously.
"Okay--so how does this tie into her symptoms?" Lee finally managed to speak
again.
"Children with PTSD tend to have a negative view of the world--they feel as
though it's become a dangerous place and they tend to exaggerate a danger or see
dangers where none exist. That's why Jenna feels like she can never relax--she
has to be on constant alert in case it happens again."
"And the nightmares and flashbacks?"
"Part of the same thing--her mind keeps telling her that it could happen again
at any time--and then heightens certain memories--the smell of cologne, a black
van, someone leaning over her--and makes her believe that it is happening
again."
Dear God, the more he heard about this the worse he felt--Lee began to pace,
running his fingers repeatedly through his hair. "And what if she's been having
trouble concentrating in school? Would that be part of the same thing?"
"Sure." Dr. Pfaff crumpled up the now-empty wrapper and tossed it in the trash.
"It's hard to concentrate on much of anything when your mind is constantly
telling you that you're in danger--the hormones that trigger fight or flight are
running all the time."
"How about memory loss?"
"What memory loss?"
"I got her to open up to me last week--" Lee said. "About the events leading up
to her head injury--she got to the part where he led her back into the
house--then she blanked out."
"Blanked out?" Dr. Pfaff repeated.
"She said that she couldn't remember."
"Amnesia of events preceding or following a severe head injury is not
uncommon--you've been there yourself."
"I know that," Lee snapped. "But couldn't it also be caused by her
subconsciously repressing something--something bad that happened to her?"
"Lee it's hard to say," Dr. Pfaff said. "Memory is a tricky thing."
"But it is possible."
"Yes, it is possible--Jenna received a grade three concussion and a significant
head wound--she would've been drifting in and out of consciousness at that
point. But if you recall, Lee--you were on your way over and Gary had to move
fast--I don't know that he would've had time--"
Lee had a vivid mental image of his daughter lying on the floor, bleeding and
immobile as Gary loomed over her--his stomach lurched--briefly he closed his
eyes, fighting to dispel the image. "I just want to know for sure," he said. "Is
there a way to find out? What did happen--what she remembers?"
"There's hypnotherapy," Dr. Pfaff explained. "I was going to suggest it
anyway--it is a very useful tool--we'll have to talk about it with Jenna though,
get her comfortable with the idea. The relaxation exercises should also help in
that regard."
"Anything else?"
For a few moments Pfaff just stared at him. "It's time to stop living in the
past, Lee--thinking about what you could've done--Jenna needs you now--you're no
good to her if you keep beating yourself up. She trusts you to keep her safe."
Trust, Lee thought.
But why should Jenna trust him when he'd let her down before?
"I'll try." he told Dr. Pfaff.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.