Check

IFF Headquarters

Tuesday, February 6, 2001

8:19 AM

A stress disorder.

Lee showed his pass to the guard as they pulled into the Agency's parking lot
and he pulled into his assigned space and turned off the engine.

He glanced over at Jenna. She had brought a magazine with her this morning--her
head was down as she slowly turned the pages.

As Lee watched her the questions from the form he and Amanda had filled out late
last night filled his head--looking at that form had made Lee realize what he
did know about Jenna's experience--but at the same time it also made him acutely
aware of the things--the details that they didn't know yet.

'Where did the event occur? Who was with your child? How often did this
happen? How long did it last? How badly was your child hurt?'

Stress disorders--that's what the checklist had said. Dr.Pfaff had said it was
for diagnostic purposes--he hadn't made an actual diagnosis, though--not yet.

A stress disorder.

The mere thought of it made Lee feel cold inside. Stress disorders were
something that affected soldiers in the midst of war--burnt out agents who
needed to be reassigned to desk duty--as a marine and agent, Lee had witnessed
his fair share of these things--men who just finally cracked under the pressure.

But Jenna wasn't a soldier--she wasn't an agent--Lee didn't like to think that
she could be suffering the same sort of stress--

And yet the signs-- the bad dreams, physical complaints, flashbacks--it was all
there in black and white.

"Dad, are you all right?" Jenna had closed her magazine--she was staring at
him, her expression concerned.

'She has enough worries of her own--she shouldn't have to be worrying about me
on top of it all," Lee thought.

"Dad?" Jenna repeated.

"I'm fine, munchkin," he told her. "I was just thinking about stuff. How are you
doing?"

"Okay--I'm a little nervous, but not nervous like I was before. I think it'll be
okay--Francine said that I can take things slow."

Francine. Last night Jenna had actually managed to sleep through the entire
night--no nightmares at all. The flowers he was having delivered to her were
small compensation. Lee knew that he really owed her--big time.

"She's right," Lee said to Jenna. "No one's going to try and rush you or
pressure you--I promise."

"I know." Jenna sighed. "It's not going to happen overnight."

"No, not overnight--but it will happen." Lee said. "Just do what your mother
said--trust him." Part of Lee still couldn't quite believe he was saying that.
He could feel the form in his inside jacket pocket as he helped Jenna unfasten
her safety belt. They hadn't told Jenna about the form on Pfaff's
recommendation--He had said that it would only create needless anxiety. And
after the nightmares that Lee had been having anxiety was the last thing he
wanted to cause his daughter.

"I'll try," Jenna said as they got out of the car and walked towards the
building. "Dad--why do you ring the bell to come in to the office?"

"It's just a security measure," Lee said. "Listen--do you mind sitting out in
the lobby for a little while again this morning? I just want to talk to Dr.
Pfaff first."

"Sure--there's nothing wrong, is there?"

"Nothing's wrong," Lee said as the door opened for them. He handed Mrs. Marston
a card with the password written on it. "I promise--there's just something I
need to discuss and it'll just be a short time. Okay?"

Jenna smiled. "Okay--I'll just read my magazine. You'll be right back out,won't
you?"

Lee hugged her. "I won't be long at all."

SMK SMK SMK SMK

"Thank you for this," Dr. Pfaff took the form from Lee--scanning it quickly
before putting it on the desk. "I'll study it in greater detail later. How have
the past two nights been for Jenna?"

"Well, Monday night was pretty bad," Lee said. "Tuesday was a good day for
her--she managed to sleep through the whole night."

Dr. Pfaff raised his eyebrows. "Really? That's promising. What happened Monday
night?"

"Well--" Lee hesitated. "I--that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about.
I was the one who had a nightmare Monday night."

"About the kidnapping?"

Lee nodded. "The thing is--my nightmare woke Jenna up--she didn't hear the
details, thank God, but still it upset her--she was worried that she was a
burden. I can't risk that happening again."

Dr. Pfaff was silent for a moment. "Are you saying that you want to schedule an
appointment for a session of your own?"

Lee didn't meet the Doctor's eyes directly as he spoke. "If it stops these
nightmares and helps Jenna--then yeah. I want to do it."

"I see."

"I just--" damn, this was hard. Lee ran his hand back through his hair. "I don't
want her to go through anything else because of me. The kidnapping was bad
enough."

"Lee, the kidnapping wasn't your fault." Dr. Pfaff told him. "You know that,
don't you?"

Did he? Lee couldn't seem to bring himself to reply. After a while he heard Dr.
Pfaff sigh.

"All right--I'll schedule a session for you tomorrow morning--one for now. We'll
see how it goes from there."

IFF

Wednesday, February 7, 2001

8:35 AM

"Good morning, Jenna," Dr. Pfaff said. "Don't you look nice today."

"Thanks," Jenna said.

"Did you want to sit in the armchair again or would you like to try the couch?"
Dr. Pfaff asked.

"The chair," Jenna held the arms of the chair as she slowly sank down into the
cushioned seat.

Dr. Pfaff watched her. "Are you still in a lot of pain?"

"A little bit," Jenna admitted. "Not that much right now, though. Some days are
better than others."

"I see," Dr. Pfaff said. "And your head?"

"About the same." Jenna put the magazine in her lap.

"Is that one of those teen magazines?" Dr. Pfaff asked.

"It's Bop--I was mainly looking at the pictures." Jenna didn't tell him about
how she had tried to read an article--only to find that she couldn't
concentrate--after reading the same paragraph three times she'd finally given it
up.

Dr. Pfaff knelt beside the freezer and pulled out an ice cream sandwich. "Sure I
can't interest you in any ice cream?"

What was it with Dr. Pfaff and ice cream anyway? Maybe if it was hot outside,
but in February--"No,I'm fine," Jenna said quickly.

Just like he'd done before, Dr. Pfaff sat in the chair facing her. He leaned
forward slightly as he unwrapped the sandwich. "You were saying that some days
were better than others with the pain. Do you have pain medication?"

"Some." Jenna looked over at her dad, standing there as he had before--keeping
himself in her sight. She turned her head and met Pfaff's eyes. "I have a
prescription at home, but I don't take them."

"Why not?"

"They make me feel sleepy and out of it--I don't want to be out of control."

"You like to be in control?"

"Yeah." Realizing how that sounded, Jenna tried to explain. "In control of
myself I mean--I don't mean that I want to be in control of another person or
something."

"I think I understand what you mean." Dr. Pfaff said. "Your dad was telling me
that you had a good day yesterday."

Jenna smiled. "Yeah, I went out with Francine--we went to lunch and we talked a
lot--I got my ears pierced and a new outfit and some new shoes."

"Sounds fun."

"It was fun," Jenna said. "Oh and I got some makeup too--but that's just for
the house and maybe special occasions."

"That's a smart idea. My daughter didn't wear makeup until she was in high
school."

"How old is your daughter?"

"She's grown up now--I went to her wedding this last October." Dr. Pfaff took
another bite of the ice cream sandwich. "Were there any bad dreams last night?"

"No--if I dreamed anything I don't remember it."

"What kind of things did you and Francine talk about?"

"Clothes,school, even boys a little bit--" Again, Jenna looked over at her dad
as she spoke--she knew how he felt about the boys issue. "But not a whole lot
about boys--and then we talked about this--and she told me that she'd been to
see you before."

"That's true," Dr. Pfaff replied. "What else did she say?"

"That talking to someone would make me less afraid."

"Do you believe her?" Dr. Pfaff asked. "After all, talking to her made you feel
less afraid."

"I guess it did." Jenna hadn't really thought about it that way, but now that
she did she could see Dr. Pfaff's point. "But talking about the
kidnapping--about what happened there--it's different."

Dr. Pfaff finished the ice cream sandwich and threw the wrapper into the
wastepaper basket. "In what way is it different?"

Jenna stared down at her lap. "It's just that talking about--it--the
kidnapping--it makes me feel like it's happening all over again--like it's going
to happen again-- I mean, I know it isn't but I can't--I can't stop feeling that
way. And you probably think I'm crazy now--"

"Look at me," Dr. Pfaff said. Jenna lifted her head. "Jenna, I do not think that
you're crazy. Everything you're feeling right now is very normal for someone
who's been through a very frightening situation."

"I'm normal?" Hearing that made Jenna feel a little better.

"Very normal. But still, you'd like to be able to talk about it without feeling
so much anxiety."

Jenna nodded.

"Why don't we try something?" Dr. Pfaff said. "We'll start to talk about what
happened to you--and whenever you start to feel anxious--or if you start to feel
like it's happening again--I just want you to focus on something in the room and
concentrate on your breathing--on taking slow breaths."

"I can't take really deep breaths," Jenna said. "Not with my ribs."

"No," Dr. Pfaff told her. "I don't want you to take really deep breaths--I just
want you to breathe in slowly--hold it for a couple of seconds and then exhale
slowly--like this--like I'm breathing. Try it."

Breathe in slowly, hold it, and exhale slowly-- Jenna did it a few times-- there
didn't seem to be any pain. "I don't see how this will help."

"Well how it helps is that it gets your body to relax," Dr. Pfaff told her. "It
slows your heartbeat and lowers your blood pressure. There are more relaxation
techniques we can practice later on, but this is a good one to start with. Do
you want to try?"

Jenna wanted to--in her head she could hear her Mom and Francine, telling her
that it was okay, that she could trust him--keeping it inside wasn't helping,
she knew that, but still--

"Munchkin?" Dad's voice broke into her thoughts. "No one's going to rush
you--we're going to take this slow and stop whenever you start to feel
uncomfortable."

"Okay." Jenna said. "Just stay here, Dad--please don't leave."

"I'm not going anywhere." Dad said.

"Maybe you'd feel better if your dad sat next to you." Dr. Pfaff suggested.
Jenna nodded. Dad picked up another chair and sat it beside hers.

"Let's start when you were coming home from school." Dr. Pfaff said. "What time
was that?"

"It was after eleven," Jenna said. "They sent us home early because of the snow
and Lisa and I were walking together. We were talking about my birthday party."

"Where did you say goodbye to Lisa?"

"About a block from my house--it was only a block, so--I thought it would be
okay to walk the rest of the way home."

"You'd done that before."

"Yeah, a couple of times." Jenna wrapped her arms around herself. "I thought--I
really thought it would be okay. When I got closer to the house I saw a black
van--it was going in the same direction--but I didn't think anything of it--not
then. The lights were on--it was cloudy. I remember feeling cold--I--I--just
wanted to get inside where it was warm." The memories washed over her--Jenna
couldn't control the shaking of her voice.

"Breathe," Dr. Pfaff told her. "In and out, just like we practiced." Jenna
did--after a minute or two she began to feel calmer.

"You said you wanted to get inside where it was warmer?" Dr. Pfaff prompted her
gently.

"Yeah, and so I went inside, put my backpack on the hook and then--someone--I
mean Gary--he grabbed me from behind. I tried to fight but I was surprised and
he was stronger--there was a cloth over my face and everything went dark."

"What do you remember after that?"

"I woke up in a bedroom--the door was locked, the windows--they all were boarded
over. I felt sort of sick." Jenna's hands clenched. "I tried to get the door
open, the window open--tried to call for someone but nobody came."

"How did you feel?"

"Scared--confused--especially after I saw my face in the mirror with short red
hair--and there was a photo of her--Marcie--on the bookshelf--she looked just
like me--and then I heard footsteps--"



"I'm not Marcie...My name is Jenna Leigh Stetson..."

"Get back in the room...there's a good girl..."

"Suzanne, why don't you go and make some coffee? I can handle--Marcie..."

His eyes, so blue, so cold behind the gun--he towered over her--his hand
grabbing the back of her neck, squeezing so tight--

"No--" Jenna tried to breathe the way he told her to do but her chest felt
tight--she couldn't get enough air into her lungs--her head began to pound--

"Jenna," Dr. Pfaff's voice broke through. "You're here--all of that happened in
the past--it's over now. You're safe."

Safe. A hand was holding hers, Jenna realized--Dad's hand. As her breathing came
back down to normal the rest of the world settled back into focus.

"I'm sorry," Jenna said. Her head was now throbbing in earnest. "I guess--I
didn't get very far."

"You did fine," Dr. Pfaff told her. "But I think that's as far as we'll go for
now--see you again this Friday."