Trial by Fire—the Aftermath
Epilogue 3 Friday morning, 10am just outside Dr. Pfaff’s office within the Agency
Amanda opened the door to Dr. Pfaff’s office and nearly ran into Lee.
He caught her by the arms and stilled her forward motion, “Hi Amanda.”
She stopped and looked into her partner’s eyes. It calmed her, “Hi Lee.”
“Are you doing OK? Everything going OK with you?” He glanced at the door to Dr. Pfaff’s office. Lee was concerned, Amanda had appeared somewhat agitated when she had stormed out.
She took a calming breath. “Yeah.” She paused, “No nightmares, no flashbacks, so I’m OK.” She shook her head ‘no’ slightly, which she knew Lee would pick up on.
He took her hand, “I’m glad—but you can call if you need to. You know that.”
She smiled at him, “Yeah, I know that. Thanks for being such a good friend, Lee.”
He smiled back, “That goes both ways, Amanda.”
Dr. Pfaff stepped in, “Good morning, Scarecrow. Are you ready?”
Lee scowled, “Yeah, sure doc. Let’s get this over with.” He turned toward his partner as she left, “See you around, Amanda.”
“See you, Lee,” she replied as she left.
“Come in, Scarecrow—make yourself comfortable,” Dr. Pfaff showed Lee into his office.
“Yeah, fine doc,” Lee said in a less-than-enthusiastic tone. He sat in the same chair Amanda had.
Dr. Pfaff made a note of it once he had settled on the couch and retrieved his notebook. “How have you been sleeping? Any more nightmares?”
“No. I was glad to get back home. That hospital gave me the creeps.”
“Yet you chose to stay another night,” Dr. Pfaff countered.
“That was for Amanda,” Lee retorted.
“But she said she didn’t need you to stay,” Dr. Pfaff spoke deceptively mildly.
“She was just being nice. She didn’t want to impose.”
“How do you know that?”
“Amanda is my partner. I know her—we’ve worked together for almost three years now. I would hope I’ve gotten to know her in that time.”
“I see. Did you sleep well the last two nights?” Dr. Pfaff tried again.
“Yeah, I was OK.” Lee replied noncommittally.
“Did you dream?”
Lee had expected this question—he certainly wasn’t going to tell Dr. Pfaff he had erotic dreams about his partner—but he didn’t want to make anything up, either. “I don’t remember if I did or not,” Lee lied.
“I see.” Dr. Pfaff made notes. “Now that you’ve had a couple of days to think about it, do you have any thoughts or insights about what Mrs. King went through last week?”
“I really wish it hadn’t happened—but it did.” He sighed. “Hopefully it won’t change her.”
“How do you mean that?”
“Amanda’s an innocent—she’s not a trained agent—she hasn’t seen all the crap most agents have…” Lee trailed off remembering some of the less pleasant things he had encountered in his career.
“She’s been with you for almost three years. Surely she’s seen some ‘crap’—as you term it—in that time.”
Lee shifted uncomfortably, “Yeah, she has. But she’s still … innocent. She is always surprised and dismayed when people do bad things. She still tries to see the good in everyone.”
“And you don’t?” Dr. Pfaff countered.
“I never did.” Lee shot back.
“Never?” Dr. Pfaff was incredulous.
“Not that I remember,” Lee said resignedly.
“Are you worried that Mrs. King might lose that innocence—that ability to see the good in everyone?”
Lee was hesitant, “I don’t think that she’ll ever lose it. But she might not be as innocent—she may become more calloused and less surprised at how bad things can get.”
Dr. Pfaff nodded. “Would you feel differently if she had been raped?”
Lee’s jaw clenched at the unexpected question, “That didn’t happen, thank God.”
“But what if it had?” Dr. Pfaff was persistent.
Lee spoke through a tight jaw, “Then we’d have to deal with it.”
“And how would you deal with it?” Dr. Pfaff pressed further.
“I don’t know. It would depend on Amanda—how she reacted.”
“I see,” Dr. Pfaff replied mildly, “So you base all your actions on how your partner reacts to circumstances?”
“What?” What was this guy getting at anyhow?
“Do you base all your reactions on how your partner reacts to circumstances?”
“What the hell kind of a question is that? You asked how I would deal with Amanda being raped and I said it would depend on how she dealt with it.” Lee was determined not to give the guy anything more about this subject.
Dr. Pfaff nodded. “I see.” He consulted his notes, “When you’re in the field with Mrs. King do you try to shield her from the more unpleasant aspects of your job?”
“Sometimes.”
“Give me an example.”
“Ah—I needed to meet a snitch at a sleazy bar—a real dive. I went in alone.”
“Isn’t that dangerous?”
“I’ve worked solo before—I’ve gone in solo before—I can handle it.” Lee replied.
“Why did you feel the need to spare Mrs. King that experience?”
Lee ran his hand through his hair—he was in deep water here. God how he hated the shrinks. “She’s a lady,” he began, “She isn’t used to the low-life’s that populate those places. She shouldn’t have to deal with their … advances.”
“Does she often get … advances when you’re working?”
“Hell yeah. Every time I go with her to some embassy thing—as cover—if I leave her alone for even a minute I come back and some joker is trying to hustle her.”
“Does she encourage these advances?”
“No. She tells me she’s just minding her own business and these guys walk up to her.”
“I see. And how is that bad?”
“If we’re there for work we should work—not socialize.” Lee was getting frustrated with this line of questioning.
“And you never—socialized before Mrs. King was your partner?”
“That’s different—people expect a guy alone to check out the ladies—it would look weird if he didn’t.”
“Do you do that when you’re with Mrs. King?”
“No.”
“No?”
“No. Our cover is that we’re together—so it would look strange for me to be checking out other women.” Lee stated matter-of-factly.
“I see. Do you have any plans for the weekend?”
‘Here it is,’ Lee thought. ‘Good thing I anticipated this.’ “Yes,” he replied.
“What do you have planned?” Dr. Pfaff asked.
“I’m going out tonight with an old friend—just a quiet dinner—maybe dancing.”
Dr. Pfaff nodded and made notes, “And what about tomorrow night?”
“I’m still exploring my options, “Lee said with a wink and a smile.
“Can I assume tomorrow’s plans hinge on how your date goes tonight?”
“You could,” Lee replied smugly.
“What did you do yesterday?” Dr. Pfaff asked.
“I went to my tailor—got fitted for a couple of suits. Bought myself a couple of shirts and ties. Dropped off a load of stuff at the cleaners and picked up a couple of things. I looked for some new shoes, but I didn’t find anything I liked that fit well. The job is really hard on my wardrobe. Then I rented a couple of movies and watched them in the evening.”
“Dr. Pfaff was making notes, “What did you do for dinner?”
“I ordered Chinese.”
“What are your plans for this afternoon?”
“I’ll get the car washed and detailed.”
“And then?” Dr. Pfaff looked expectant.
“Then I’ll get ready for tonight.”
“Who are you going out with tonight?” Dr. Pfaff asked quickly.
“Evelyn,” Lee used the name of an old girlfriend.
“Tell me about her.”
“She’s tall, brunette—great figure.” Lee smiled.
“What does she do?”
“She’s an image consultant.”
“An image consultant?” Dr. Pfaff was puzzled.
“Yeah. She goes to TV stations and tells the talent how to dress—how to interact—how to read with more meaning—maybe gives them makeup tips—kind of the modern equivalent of charm school for TV personalities.” Lee had listened to Evelyn talk endlessly about her job on their dates.
“Have you been seeing her very long?”
Lee shrugged, “I look her up now and again. She travels a lot so she isn’t always in town.”
“Are you serious about her?”
“Are you kidding? She’s a good date—nothing more.” Lee was dismissive.
Dr. Pfaff took a paternal tone, “Someday you might want to settle down.”
Lee’s answer was automatic, “Maybe—but not today.”
“Do you feel that Mrs. King will still be an effective partner for you?”
“Yes,” Lee replied without hesitation.
“Do you think she has fully processed her experiences of the past week?”
“I hope so. That’s more your department.”
“But you said she could call you if she needed to talk,” Dr. Pfaff countered.
“Yeah, so what? That’s what partners do.”
“So you have no worries about her ability to respond properly in the field?”
“No. None,” Lee was decisive.
Dr Pfaff turned the tables, “What about your ability to react or respond in the field?”
“Amanda was the one kidnapped and drugged—not me.”
“What would you do if something happened and she was kidnapped again?”
“I’d go after her and rescue her,” Lee shot back.
Dr. Pfaff wrote, “What if she was injured?”
“I’d get her to a hospital.”
“What if she was killed?”
Lee clenched his jaw, “I’d make sure she was really dead—do what I could for her family—and then find and kill the bastard that did that to her.”
“We aren’t vigilantes here, Scarecrow. There’s no room for personal vendettas.”
“Murder is still a crime, doc. And if she was killed in the line of duty—well it’s my duty to make sure they don’t get away with it.”
“What if she was killed in a car accident?”
“Accidents can be staged, doc. I’d check it out thoroughly.”
“Mr. Melrose feels that partnering you with Mrs. King has made you more cautious.”
Lee nodded, “I’ve heard him say that, yes.”
“Has it?”
Lee shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe,” he grudgingly admitted.
“You might consider if she’s made you too cautious—might you be so concerned for her welfare that you’re not aggressive enough?”
Lee was miffed, “Look—before, you said I was too cocky and aggressive—now you’re implying I’m soft. You can’t have it both ways. Amanda and I are an effective team—look at our solve rate. Billy is just fine with things as they are—and he’s our boss.” Lee stopped abruptly before he said too much. If he didn’t know any better it seemed like Dr. Pfaff was trying to break him and Amanda up as partners—never mind the dating thing. Was this a plot of Smyth’s? Was Smyth using Pfaff as his tool? He’d have to ask Amanda what Pfaff said to her—this was becoming surreal.
Dr. Pfaff continued, “I’m just exploring possibilities here. This experience will take time for both of you to process—your lack of nightmares notwithstanding. My role is to make sure neither of you suffers any ill effects or that your effectiveness separately or as a team isn’t compromised by all of this.”
“Doc I’ve been through worse stuff than this, and I’m still around doing the job—and very well, I might add.” Lee replied.
“Yes, we know you lost your last partner, but it took you several years to recover.”
“Hey! That was pretty bad, but I got past it. And it took a lot less than several years. You make it sound like it took Amanda to …” Now he had done it. He’d played right into the guy’s trap. Like a rookie. “I think about Eric now and again. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t gotten past it and moved on.”
“Have you?” Dr. Pfaff asked softly.
”What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You nearly lost your partner again. You should expect to be confronted with a lot of the same issues you dealt with when Eric died.”
Lee was feeling a bit desperate, “Amanda is OK—you said so.”
Dr. Pfaff pinched his nose. “Yes, she is OK—but it was still a difficult ordeal for you both, and you both can expect some long-term repercussions. I’m here to help you deal with them in a way that will allow you to regain your perspective—not wallow in emotion.”
“Wallow in emotion—what the hell are you really getting at here?” Lee was angry.
“I hope to ensure there is no co-dependency in your relationship with your partner.”
“Co-dependency—what the hell is that in plain English?”
“You are partners, and that implies a certain level of trust and reliance upon each other—but you have to be able to operate independently and as individuals as well. An ordeal like this can cause unusual acceleration of emotional ties—sometimes inappropriately so.”
“What bull—“ Lee took a deep calming breath. What could he say to defuse this ticking bomb? “Amanda and I are partners, and friends—best friends,” he began slowly. “We care about each other—as partners and friends. I don’t think there are any inappropriate emotional ties here. As Amanda says—we watch each others’ backs. I’m not going to blow a case just because Amanda might get hurt. We’ve been in some pretty tight situations—and we’ve always made it out OK. We don’t dwell on it and we don’t play “what if”. We concentrate on getting the job done—and living our lives. I have my life outside the job—and Amanda has hers.”
Dr. Pfaff nodded. “Just so you understand what the possible outcomes are. We want you and Mrs. King to be an effective team.”
“Yeah—me too. So does Billy.”
“Let’s talk more about Eric. It’s been a long time since you mentioned him.”
“You brought it up.”
“Yes, but you responded—usually you just change the subject or refuse to reply.”
“It’s almost four years since he was killed,” Lee mused as if to himself.
“Yes?” Dr. Pfaff looked expectant. Lee sat calmly with a placid expression on his face.
The silence drew on … and on … and on. Lee wasn’t going to say any more, so he just sat there. It was easier than answering endless stupid questions from yet another shrink.
Finally, Dr. Pfaff backed down and asked a question on a different topic. “What do you envision for your future, Scarecrow? Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years? Twenty years?”
“I don’t know. Why should things have to change?”
“Time changes all of us. Life is constant change.”
Lee shrugged, “If you say so.”
“So what do you plan for yourself in the next year—two years—five years?”
Lee shrugged again, “I don’t have any special plans—just keep doing the job. Why should I change anything? My life is going pretty well as it is.”
“Do you have any ambitions in administration? Do you plan to be an agent in the field forever?”
Lee shook his head, “I don’t want to push paper. Or attend endless meetings. I like being in the field where the action is.”
“You’re 36—don’t you think that you’ll eventually slow down? Don’t you think you’ll ever retire?”
Lee got a distant look, “Even the great ones have to retire sometime.”
“Amanda say that?” Dr. Pfaff asked perceptively.
“Huh? Yeah—about Paul Barnes.”
Dr. Pfaff nodded, “I see. Paul Barnes was highly stressed and on the verge of burnout.”
“Isn’t that sort of thing supposed to be confidential?”
“Not if everyone can see it plainly and it becomes common gossip. That was hardly a difficult or secret diagnosis.”
Lee nodded, “I hear you, doc. OK.”
“So—do you think you might retire someday?”
“Maybe someday—but I’ve got a lot of good years yet ahead of me. Paul was running the Oz network since ’73—that’s a long time. My situation is different. It’s me and Amanda in the field. I’m not running a string of agents. I don’t want to run a string of agents. I like things the way they are.”
“Billy Melrose is going to retire someday. Would you consider taking his job?”
“Francine has that territory all staked out for herself. Like I said—I don’t want to be an administrator.”
Dr. Pfaff changed the subject, “Do you have a will?”
Lee was taken aback, “Yes. I was in the Marines—they make you make out a will before you go into combat.”
“Have you updated it since then?”
“Yes, I’m in the reserves—it’s part of the duties.”
“Who is your main beneficiary?”
“My uncle—he’s my only living relative.”
“What about your partner?”
“What about her?”
“Is she mentioned in your will?”
Lee was taken aback—he hadn’t considered making Amanda a beneficiary in his will. “No, I hadn’t thought of it,” he answered honestly.
“It’s not uncommon for partners to look out for each other that way—especially if they’re single.”
“I haven’t ever discussed it. Eric and I never talked about that. He left everything to Lois and Beth.”
“Eric was married and a father—you’re not.”
Lee shrugged, this was getting weirder and weirder.
Dr. Pfaff changed the subject yet again, “This date with Evelyn tonight, it will be the first for you in a while...”
“Huh?” Lee decided to play stupid.
“It seems you haven’t been dating as much in the past few months.”
“I don’t know. I hadn’t noticed. We have been pretty busy. The job has kept me busy. We’ve been working a lot of nights and weekends.”
“There has been little gossip about you at the water cooler. That indicates you aren’t dating anyone at the Agency anymore.”
“Yeah,” Lee was struck by an inspiration, he put a chagrined look on his face, “I decided it was better to date outside work only. Too many complications otherwise.”
“You didn’t think that way before.”
Lee looked sheepish, “I got burned a couple of times—dates comparing notes afterward. It’s just less hassle and if I keep it outside the Agency, there’s less gossip that way too.” Lee pointedly met Dr Pfaff’s eye as he said that.
“In the hospital isolation suite, when you chose a movie, it was The Court Jester. Why?”
“It was there, and I like it.”
“Why?”
“It’s funny—Danny Kaye’s best, in my opinion.”
“What about Hans Christian Anderson?”
“Too sloppy and sentimental. No guy is that blind to miss how much the dancer and her husband loved each other, even if they did fight a lot, also.”
“You argue with Mrs. King.”
“So?”
“Did your parents argue a lot?”
Lee was getting steamed—this was none of Pfaff’s business. “I don’t remember a lot about my parents.”
“What do you remember—did they argue?”
“I guess so. But it was more quiet. I think they kept the big disagreements away from me.”
“Did you argue with your uncle?”
“All the time.”
“Why?”
“That was the only way I could get anything for myself. Otherwise I’d have turned into just another airman under his command.” Lee calmed down, and took a breath. “I guess we’re just different personalities. We’ve never gotten along. Best I can say is, we tolerate each other.”
“Do you understand your uncle’s perspective?”
“About what?”
“About having to unexpectedly raise a child. His life certainly didn’t lend itself to a family.”
“You can say that, doc. But he never made any effort to change, either. I was diaper duty until I was 16.”
“Diaper duty?”
“Yeah—you have any idea how embarrassing that can be if you’re with a girl you’re trying to impress?”
Dr. Pfaff chuckled, “From your history, I would say it didn’t irreparably scar you.”
Lee shrugged and looked sheepish.
”Our time is up,” Dr. Pfaff announced. “But if you have any more nightmares or flashbacks or morbid thoughts about your dead partner, Eric,” Lee winced at that, “Please let me know. Remember, you still have a way to go to process all of this. Both of you.”
“Yeah doc, sure.”
“And I expect you to talk to Mrs. King about all this also.”
Lee was surprised, “Yeah—we usually do.”
“When do you find time to talk?” Dr. Pfaff asked interestedly.
“Mostly on stakeouts—it can get pretty dull sitting there hour after hour. Amanda and I talk about all sorts of things. It makes the time pass more quickly.”
Dr. Pfaff nodded, “That’s good to know. Partners should help each other—that’s why most agents are partnered. It helps the long-term survival rate.”
“Yeah, great.” Lee agreed. Both men stood up and Lee turned to leave. “See you around, doc.” He left the office.
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