The Whisper of a Touch
By M.C.Hart
Chelbingo@yahoo.com
Chapter 1
Sitting in the small sterile area, the cold metal of the hard barely cushioned chair back biting into her muscles, Amanda shook violently her body’s reaction ignored by her numb mind. Everything around her was a blur of color and white noise. Hands trying to console, to comfort, voices whispering softly, none of it registered passed the fog of despair that held her captive.
Tears slid unnoticed down her checks, the tremors that rocked her body sporadically causing her to draw ragged, unsteady breaths of air never interrupted the slow rocking of her traumatized form in the small waiting room. With her arms wrapped tightly along her breast, her fingers digging harshly into her upper biceps she stared at the opposite wall, her eyes glazed over with fear.
They had done all they could for her now; the small gauze along her forehead was the last remnants she carried of her physical damage from the night.
Billy Melrose had been there when they brought his people in. He had stood by while the doctors and nurses swarmed the ambulance and Amanda emerged in very nearly the same state she was in now. His heart had leapt into his throat when he saw her. She had been covered in blood and had mutely allowed the doctors to whisk her away into the emergency section of the hospital.
That had been over eight hours ago and since then he had discovered that she had been only slightly injured with the grazing of the bullet along her forehead. Someone had cleaned her up and placed her in a pair of hospital scrubs by the time he had been allowed to see her. Since that time she hadn’t said more than one word, and he had no idea what had gone wrong.
He felt like he was losing control despite his fight to stay calm. Every time he looked toward her small form rocking in the chair he wanted to throw up. What should have been a normal apprehension of their suspect had turned into a blood bath. Now he had three dead agents, one in critical condition and the only person that could fill in the blanks was in boarder line shock and not responding.
Rubbing his face slowly with a trembling hand he quietly crossed the small distance between them and sank down beside her in a chair. “Amanda…” he whispered yet again, reaching out and laying a tender hand along her arm. “I need you to talk to me.”
Her expression never changed, nor did the stiffness in her body and its gentle swaying. Her quiet sobs echoing throughout the small, enclosed area of the intensive care waiting room ripped at his heart.
He wanted nothing more than to draw her into his arms and try to ease the pain she felt, but he had tried that and failed several times earlier. She didn’t want his embrace and the man she needed to hold her right now was unable to.
“Amanda, they’re doing all they can,” he tried again, covering her pale, white hand with his stronger one. “I need you to tell me what happened. I know you’re upset and frightened, but I need my agent to talk to me for just a little bit,” he begged. “I need to know what went down in that warehouse.”
Her breath caught in her throat, as her eyes widened from his words. He could feel the tremors in her body increase and wrapped a protective arm around her shoulder. “Just for a little bit,” he encouraged, patting her hand affectionately.
“Lee…”
Her voice was raw and tight, it sounded as if she had ripped the name from her throat, forcing herself to make the syllables heard. His heart ached to hear the gut wrenching agony of emotions that filled the name. In that instant the door before them opened with a groan, drawing his attention upward into a stern faced doctor standing in the threshold.
“Mr. Melrose, could I have a word with you please?” he asked, taking in their forms.
He swallowed the fear that coursed through his frame at the man’s expression and nodded slowly. “Ye…yes of course,” he somehow managed, giving her one last encouraging squeeze and rose shakily to his feet. Feeling a cloud of doom settling over his shoulders, he made his feet take the few steps required and met the dark haired doctor at the threshold.
It took everything he had to look up and meet the doctor’s unwavering gaze. “You have news?” he heard himself ask in a low tone.
“Yes,” was all the man said before taking a breath. “There were two bullet wounds. One hit here,” he explained, pointing to his own body, “in the lower stomach and the other here, in the chest cavity. There’s been extensive internal bleeding and several vital organs have been impaired.”
He closed his eyes, fighting to keep his body from shaking as the news sank in. ‘Oh god, no…’ His knees felt suddenly weak as he reached out and grabbed the door frame to keep himself upright as the doctor continued.
“We’ve repaired as much as we could of the liver, but there’s going to be some damage. Three ribs were broken in the passage of the upper bullet; the fragments tore through his left lung like shrapnel. That lung has since collapsed and took some doing to try and stabilize it again. Now we’re repaired what we could and stopped the bleeding as far as we can tell, but…” he shook his head, taking a breath.
“The prognosis isn’t good,” he confessed in a low tone. “He’s lost a lot of blood, his vital signs are irregular and I’m not at all happy with his blood pressure at this time. His body’s gone into shock. We’re trying everything we can to stabilize him, but you need to understand there’s only so much we can do,” he offered as an apology.
Billy felt himself nodding before he even realized it. His body was on autopilot, the section chief taking over when the man could not. “I understand,” he muttered, when nothing about the situation was remotely comprehendible. His eyes slid slowly across the room to the small-framed woman sitting quietly lost in her own world of hell. He felt as if she already knew the outcome of this talk before they’d even had it.
“We’ve placed him in the ICU if you want to go back,” the doctor stated. “It might be for the best…does he have any family that you’d like for us to contact?”
“No,” Billy choked out the word, shaking his head. “Not, really.” ‘We’re his family. We’re all he’s ever had,’ he thought looking toward Amanda. It would do little to make the call, he knew getting a hold of the one relative would be time consuming and difficult. In his heart he hoped that the man would come, but he wasn’t certain. Regardless there was little to do right this moment and the call to Francine could wait just for a few more minutes.
“I see,” the doctor returned with a nod. “I’m sorry I couldn’t bring happier news.”
“So am I,” Billy whispered, darting his eyes back to the taller man. “Thank you for all you’ve done,” he managed, holding out his hand. The doctor took it gently, giving it a small shake. “Is he…is there any chance of him waking up?” he asked, needing to know, but dreading the answer.
The look in the doctor’s eyes would haunt him for the rest of his life. “We’re truly not expecting it,” he admitted. “All of our readings indicate he’s slipping into a coma. Every treatment we’ve tried has come up negative. The body can only fight for so long.”
“There’s no chance?” Billy whispered heartbroken.
“I hate to give people false hope Mr. Melrose. With the extensive damage I encountered combined with the massive blood loss and trauma to the system… the odds are slim to none. We’ll do everything we can until the time comes… but I wouldn’t expect a miracle. He could survive like this for an hour or a year. In cases like this there’s really no set guidelines to follow.”
Billy nodded, feeling his heart beating wildly in his chest, nearly choking him with its torment. ‘Wouldn’t it have just been better if he’d died instantly like Mark, Shelia, and Ian? How is she going to be able to handle this when I’m barely holding on?’ he wondered as his eyes once again moved to Amanda’s form.
The doctor sensing that they needed a few minutes alone to collect themselves after such news took a breath and spoke again. “When you’re ready, just go to the ICU and the nurse will direct you to his room. I’ll keep you posted if by chance there is a change in his condition.”
With that he stepped away and left Billy to his own haunted thoughts. As the door swung shut, hitting him slightly in the side, he stepped back and allowed it to close blocking them from the outside world.
This was the worse part of his job, losing people. What hurt more than anything was not only was he losing an agent and a friend, but he was losing someone that felt like a son to him. Had he not needed to be strong for the woman sitting across from him, he would have bolted for the nearest restroom and retched until the churning bile in his stomach had depleted itself.
He knew what they did was dangerous, he knew that at any day, any time, their number could come up and it would be all over. He had feared this day for years. From the moment he had felt himself getting close to the young man that had all but swaggered into his office that first day, arrogant and proud, spitting fire and turning heads, he dreaded what might happened.
He had told himself not to get involved not to form attachments of strong friendships it was the cardinal rule in their business. But there had been something about that young man something that he couldn’t turn away from. He was reckless and head strong, but he had seen something inside, something that he had hidden away from all others and Billy had been drawn to him.
When Amanda had stepped into the picture by sheer accident four years ago, it had been like having a present dropped into his lap. She had been perfect, compassionate, caring, understanding and above all the rest, tolerant of his maverick’s ways. She had turned the loner of the DC branch into one half of the best team he’d ever had the privilege of commanding. She had tamed the beast that others called uncontrollable and he had hoped that by doing so it would help protect both of them in the field.
‘But it didn’t help, did it?’ he chided himself weakly. ‘It didn’t prevent this from happening.’ Before he realized it he had moved across the room and sank down in front of her on his knee, reaching out to take her hand.
“Amanda…Amanda listen to me,” he whispered, trying to break through to her somehow. “I want you to come with me, but I need to you try and compose yourself just a little, okay? Lee’s out of the operating room and we can go back to see him now.”
He watched her features closely, waiting for a reaction to his words. After a long tense pause, she blinked, squeezing his hand ever so softly in her smaller one. “Lee…” she whispered lowering her eyes to finally actually see him for the first time in hours.
He nodded, trying to force a smile. “Yes, he’s out of the operating room. The doctor says we can go back to the ICU and see him. I want you to come with me, but I need you to get yourself under control. I don’t know if the nurses will allow you back while you’re so upset.”
She moved her head slightly in a nod then licked her dry lips with the tip of her tongue. “k…” she agreed in a small and fragile voice. “how…” she couldn’t manage to finish the thought as her fingers tightening in his hand.
For just a brief moment he debated as to how much to tell her knowing that if she knew the truth she would be devastated, but realizing in the same moment that if she didn’t and she wasn’t prepared it would kill her. So taking a deep sorrowful breath, he spoke. “Not good, he’s still unconscious. The doctors don’t know when he’s going to wake up… or if…” he finished, feeling tears forming in his eyes.
Fresh tears slipped over her checks as she shook her head, mouthing the word “No,” over and over. He eased in and drew her quickly into his embrace, holding her trembling body against his with force. She fought him, but only for a short time, her fist pounding along his back and shoulders until she collapsed into his arms sobbing.
“Don’t do this Amanda, please,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut as he held her. “I know it hurts but you’ve got to be strong. Lee wouldn’t want you this upset.” Refusing to relinquish his hold, he knelt there, offering her the comfort she needed from his touch, holding her small form in his embrace as if he could wipe away her pain with his hug.
After what seemed like an eternity she finally calmed down enough for him to pull back and reach a weak hand up to wipe at her tear stained face. “I want you to go back with me,” he repeated again. “They have him stabilized and the doctor said we could go. Can you calm down enough to do this?”
She nodded, still fighting the racking sobs that convulsed her body periodically as she struggled for control. “Ye… ye…yes…” she managed after the third attempt, “I ne…need to se… see him.”
“I know you do,” he returned with a soft smile. “We’ll go back and stay as long as you like, okay?”
She nodded again, her entire body trembling with emotions. Rising slowly he pulled her up with him, taking the majority of her weight against his body as he slowly led her across the room and out the door.
* * *
Standing at the door of room nine in the ICU, Amanda felt her knees trembling and wobbled dangerously in Billy’s embrace as he shot her a questionable look. Her entire world lay beyond that lone wooden door, he lay there dying. As much as she needed to be there at his side, she wasn’t sure if she could make it.
Everything came crashing in on her as she reached out and placed a shaking hand along the doorframe, her heart willing her to move but her body locking down. The ragged breath she tried to draw stopped somewhere in her throat nearly gagging her in the attempt. Her senses spun wildly out of control, causing the room to shift dangerously at a forty-five degree angle. Had Billy not tightened his hold on her swaying form and pushed the door opened silently, she would have never made those few short steps that took her into the room.
Nothing could have prepared her for the sight of her husband lying in the bed, his quiet form surrounded by several life giving machines. She choked back her cry of despair and struggled to stay on her feet as Billy carefully led her to his bedside, his strong arms supporting and guiding her the entire way.
Reaching out with trembling hands she engulfed his lax one into her embrace, lifting it slowly to her chest, her tears continually streaming down her face. Desperate to feel once again the warmth of his touch, she whimpered as she brought his cold, clammy hand to her quaking lips and tenderly kissed his fingers.
“Lee…” she all but begged sinking down beside him on the bed. He was deathly pale, his skin almost chalk white against the stark ivory sheets and covers surrounding him. The only color in his pale complexion was the dark, almost black circles that surrounded his eyes.
Her breath caught again in her throat as she forced herself to take in his form, seeing all the wires and monitors attached to his body, helping to keep him alive. An oxygen tube jutted from between his soft, tender lips, the tape that held it in place obscuring any chance of her feeling those wonderful lips against hers again. Memories of all the times he had kissed her, had caressed her with his lips, the way he made her heart soar with just the gentlest embrace of his mouth drew a gasping sob from her throat.
Clear tubing and wires snaked along his torso and arms, preventing her from drawing his still form into her embrace for fear of pulling something vital out. The constant slow bleep of the heart monitor and the rasping suction of the respirator echoed dully throughout the room only interrupted by her soft sobs.
Forcing her eyes from his slack face she drew her attention momentarily to the monitor near his head, registering only the slow, fluctuating heartbeat and the ungodly low numbers that indicated his blood pressure. They were too low she didn’t need a medical degree to know that a human body couldn’t sustain with such low numbers.
‘He’s dying!’ her mind screamed back at her as she clinched his hand all the more tightly in hers as if to prevent the enviable from happening by her grasp alone. ‘Oh God please don’t take him from me! Not now! We barely had time to realize our love. Please don’t take him, we’ve got so much ahead of us.’
Reaching out with a trembling hand, she laid her palm lightly along his cold face, caressing him with all her love. “Lee… Lee… I’m here honey…I’m here…” she whimpered, blocking out Billy and everything else in the room. All that mattered was her husband and his fight to stay alive. “They say…they say you’re hurt pretty bad, but…but I want you to… to fight… do you hear me?” she whispered, running a slow finger along his temple. “Fight baby, don’t leave me like this… I’m not ready… I’ll never be ready to lose you…”
Closing her eyes she gave in to the sobbing tears that sprang again from her eyes, coating her face in their wetness. “Oh Please God Lee… Don’t leave me…” she gasped, lowering her head. She vaguely felt the strength of Billy’s hand lay on her shoulder and give her a squeeze as her mind slid back to the night before and the horror that it held.
* * * * * * * * *
They had treaded their way slowly through the large shelves of crates along the lower floor of Warehouse 507 listening to the distant voices ahead of them. Sheila and Mark were to make the contact while Ian made his way along the back and she and Lee moved in from the front.
They had been setting this little sting operation up for over a week, baiting and maneuvering Malivak, one of the Soviet’s top operatives, into their trap. Everything had been going as planned, the noose was tightening. They were preparing to move in for the kill when Lee stopped her with a hand, motioning for her to be silent.
The voices had taken on a harder tone, and she heard Mark stumble over his words. Something was happening! “Stay here,” Lee had mouthed back at her and with her affirmative nod, he moved around the outside edge of a crate and slid out of sight.
Left crouched down behind a row of crates, Amanda could do little but listen and tighten her grip on the small gun held in her slick palm. She could hear the voices echoing back at her and tensed as she Malivak curse.
“What do you mean?” Mark shot back, the tremor in his voice unmistakable. ‘Don’t lose it Mark, he’s going to see through you,’ she thought frantically. Mark Elliot had only three years into the agency but he was good, damned good, and that was the reason Lee had hand picked him for the team. He’d held up through many tense situations without falter, but now what she was hearing in his voice was clear to all in the area. Something had rattled him and rattled him good.
“I don’t like being taken for a fool!” Malivak hissed in his thick rough accent. “Do you seriously think that I would allow someone such as you to disrupt my plans? I’m not as gullible as you American’s may think!”
“Look I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Sheila returned with strength. “You know why we’re here…”
“Shut up!” Malivak growled, and Amanda heard the distinctive cocking of a gun.
‘No, no, please not this!’ she thought frantically easing out from behind the crates to see if she could spot Lee.
“I’m not stupid enough to come alone, nor do I plan on allowing you out of here alive!” Malivak growled.
‘Don’t do anything!’ Amanda thought, seeing Lee crouched no more than ten feet in front of her, his gun leveled toward the trio standing across the distance. ‘Francine’s on her way with backup! They should be here any minute, just hold off and wait!’
“Look, there’s no reason to…”
Whatever Mark had planned to say never passed his lips. An instant later the warehouse echoed with the report of several shots ringing Amanda’s ears from the intensity.
Then Hell erupted around them.
She barely saw Lee fire off two rounds before a bullet whizzed passed her head and embedded itself into the crate behind her. She ducked instinctively, pivoting around and letting off a couple of random shots of her own before falling back into the shadowed area behind her.
“Lee!” she shouted her heart in her throat, adrenaline and fright surging through her system. She ducked again as several shot landed along the boxes she was hunkered behind.
“Stay down!” he yelled back amid the spray of bullets. “I’m coming!”
“I’m trying!”
She ducked again, sliding her hand up and releasing a few more shots in the general direction of the man or men that held her down. ‘Where is Francine?’ she wondered frantically as a new spray of shots plummeted her hiding spot.
An instant later she heard running footsteps and tensed as someone flung themselves beside her, and nearly covered her with their weight as bullets sprang up around them. It only took a second for her to register her husband’s form before he smashed into her. “Glad to see you,” she grunted, sliding around as they untangled themselves quickly.
He gave her a quick smile, then shot off two rounds before ducking down beside her. “Reloading!” he hissed, unlatching the clip from his gun and digging into his pocket for another as the spent clip clanged against the concrete floor.
She shot off a couple to distract their assailants as he popped the new clip in and nodded quickly toward her. “Reloading!” she muttered falling back as he assumed his guarded position. “Where’s Mark and Sheila?” she questioned, concentrating on her gun and the new clip she was feeding into its void.
“Dead,” he returned, sliding his eyes to hers for just a brief moment before turning his attention back to the men that held them at bay. “Shot point blank. They had no where to go.” Rising up he fired back, then ducked down as a rain of bullets sprayed their crates. “I don’t know about Ian! I haven’t heard from him,” he growled.
“Oh God…” she breathed, forcing the fear down as it shot through her spine. This wasn’t good, they were pinned down and their backup had yet to arrive. They didn’t even know how many men they were up against.
As if sensing her alarm, he reached out and squeezed her hand quickly. “We’ll be fine Manda, Francine’s going to be here any time. I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise,” he assured her with a smile.
“I know,” she returned, feeling the tension easing slightly from her frame. Despite their current situation, she knew her husband would do just as he said. She never felt safer than when she was at his side.
Rising once again, Lee filled the area with return fire before dodging back behind their cover with his wife. “I just wish I knew how many we were up against and where the hell they were,” he grumbled, looking overhead and around them quickly. “We’re sitting ducks if they get behind us, we’ve got no where to go.”
Firing again he looked back toward her as he sank down, motioning to her gun. “Conserve your ammo, I’ve got one clip left after this then I’m out. I’d prefer not to be left empty handed if Francine doesn’t get here soon.”
“She’ll be here,” she returned with a nod.
“I know.” Again he blessed her with a quick smile then they both cringed as several shot filled the wooden crates around them, flinging tiny pieces of wood across their forms. “They’re getting closer. I’ll cover, you see if you can find their position!”
With that he turned and fired out into the surrounding crates, as she vainly craned her neck around attempting to spot movement. A dark figure moving just off to their right caught her eye as they both ducked back behind the pile, Amanda squeezing her eyes shut as the rain of bullets fell again. “To the right, behind the large stack of three crates just off the end,” she muttered, holding the gun tightly in her hands. “I saw one, but I don’t know where the others are.”
“Too close, they’re trying to catch us in a cross fire!” he hissed shaking his head. “Where the hell is Francine? We can’t hold them off much longer!”
As if in response to his heated question a loud voice rang out across the distance. “Lee!”
Their eyes met quickly, both smiling at the sound echoed through the expanse. “Francine! We’re over here!” Lee called frantically, then ducked as several more shots filled their location. “We’re pinned down!”
“Hold on!” came the response.
Lee rose, shooting quickly as Amanda glanced around frantically. The instant her eyes registered the movement across the way from them, she rose up screaming the gun in her hand automatically turning toward the man. “Lee!”
She fired once before the man mimicked her actions and she felt the searing burning pain erupted along the side of head. Her vision blurred and she fell back, sprawling against the wall of the crate. She felt the gun fall from her hand and the clanging sound of it hitting the concrete beneath vibrated through her head.
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion after that. She saw her husband pivot then the look of utter horror cross his features as he registered the blood running down her face. His harsh scream of “No!” split the air as he twisted around, his gun firing toward the man that had shot her.
The next thing she knew his body had jerked roughly, once, then again before he was thrown back into the wall. She saw his gun fly out of his hand and pinwheel away, twisting and turning through the air as Lee hit. The loud thud of his head smacking the concrete as his limp body settled down beside hers nearly made her scream.
She tried to move, to go to him, but her body refused to cooperate. Her breath was nonexistent the pain in her head agony, but the fear for her husband overrode her own injury. Rolling to her side, her stomach desperately trying to empty itself from the wave of dizziness the movement produced, she reached out a weak hand, grabbing his arm.
“Lee…oh God, Lee… talk to me…” she whimpered, pulling herself toward him. Dragging herself forward, no longer concerned for the gunfire she could remotely hear in the back of her mind, she reached out, tugging at his shirt as she fought her way to his side. Her arms felt like lead, her vision swam with blurred colors and images. She fought not to pass out.
“Baby… talk to me…” she whispered again, then with one last tug she found herself beside him. Lifting her head she fought back the scream that clawed its way out of her throat at the sight of his injuries.
His entire front was saturated in blood, a ragged hole along his stomach pumped warm blood from its depths with each irregular beat of his heart. But what finally produced the scream that rocked her body was the large opening in his chest where the second bullet had drove home.
Running her hand weakly along his form, she gasped, falling forward, laying her head against his side as the darkness she had been fighting finally took her prisoner. Her last waking thoughts were of her husband and horrendous damage of his wounds.
* * * * * * * *
“I need you Lee…” she whimpered, looking down at the silent form of her husband in the hospital bed. Her hand slowly slid up into his soft, feathery hair, caressing it tenderly. “Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me…”
“He’s trying Amanda, he’s trying to fight,” Billy whispered, his voice cracking with emotions. “I just pray to God he’s got the strength needed.”
* * *
It took some doing but after several tries Billy finally persuaded Amanda to sit down beside the bed in a chair he had pulled over. She refused to release Lee’s hand, clasping it tightly in hers, her thumb drawing tiny circles along the back as she continued to talk to him.
Billy didn’t know what more he could do than offer her the moral support his presence gave. He’d tried to talk to her but she wasn’t responding to his voice or his touch. To him it looked as if she had blocked everything else from her mind but Lee.
That scared him.
He knew this was going to hit her hard. He’d seen the growth of their relationship over the years and knew that regardless of what they wanted everyone to think, Lee and Amanda held deep feelings for each other. It was more than simple friendship. Amanda’s grief filled pleas to him proved that had there been any doubt in his mind.
His death was going to destroy her.
He had stayed at Lee’s bedside as long as he could, the constant reminder of his friend’s fate dragging at his heart with every hissing pressure of the respirator forcing each breath throughout his still body. The strong, independent, dynamic young man he once knew as Lee Stetson looked incredibly small and vulnerable lying amid the snaking wires and tubes.
Knowing he was getting no where with his attempted consoling of Amanda, he quietly whispered that he was stepping out and all but fled the sterile room. She didn’t even register what he had said or that he had left her.
Feeling the door slowly shutting behind him, Billy leaned against the wall, allowing his eyes to close in defeat as he sucked in a ragged breath. Bringing a trembling hand to his face, he rubbed his eyes roughly, trying vainly to compose himself.
‘Oh God Lee, how did this happen? I’m not ready for this… she’s not ready for this,’ he groaned inwardly, forcing himself to push off the cool wall and make his way down the quiet hall.
He needed air.
Making his way as quickly as possible down the long corridor, Billy threw open the side door and bolted out into the brightness of mid morning. Squeezing his eyes shut, the cold, hard steel of the rail digging into the warm flesh of his palms, he tried to steady himself against the rapid flashes of memories filling his head.
Lee grinning like a Cheshire cat in the bullpen after he and Amanda closed the case involving Fredrick Dunlap. They had been after Dunlap for over a year and it had taken his dynamic duo to get involved and capture the man in a little over two days. They had both received a commendation from the President for that job, Lee more than happy to hang Amanda’s proudly on the bullpen wall for all to see.
The way Lee’s eyes used to spark in anger at any derogatory remark made toward Amanda in his presence. His over protectiveness of her, the way they always seemed to be touching each other even if it was just to brush their fingertips together.
The time Lee had locked him out of the Q-bureau when he knew damn good and well that they were inside and quite probably engaged in an intimate moment between the two.
The constant jibing barbs that both Lee and Francine seemed to enjoy sharing, even though he knew neither meant the harsh words they threw at each other.
Fighting the tears that filled his eyes, Billy took another shuddering breath and straightened his form quickly. 'I can’t let this get to me. I have to continue. I have a job to perform and I can’t do it in this condition. I’m going to miss that boy something terrible, he was like a son to me, but I can’t let it interfere with my job. We all knew the risks! People die in this line of work, end of discussion. I’ve got to be professional about this and hold my grieving for private.’
With that in mind he took a few more precious seconds to compose himself, then slowly opened the door and made his way back into the hospital building. Hunting down the nearest pay phone, he took one more breath, then grabbed the receiver off the wall and quickly punched in the number.
It took only one ring before it patched through and he heard the voice across the line. “Francine Desmond speaking.”
“Francine it’s Billy,” he returned, surprising himself at the calmness of his voice.
“Billy! What’s the word on Lee? How’s he doing?” she asked frantically, the fear in her voice evident. “We’ve all been worried sick about him.”
Closing his eyes for just a moment before he spoke, Billy broke the news he was dreading. Somewhere in the back of his mind, despite the absurdity of it, he thought if he didn’t tell others that maybe somehow this horror wasn't actually taking place, that it was all a hideous bad dream.
But it wasn’t. It was reality and he had to tell their coworkers the truth. “It’s not good,” he admitted quietly. “The doctor isn’t expecting him to wake up.” With those words, a heaviness fell over his heart nearly suffocating him with its weight.
The silence on the other end was nearly deafening. He could almost see the expression on her face, the tears that were welling up in her eyes, the disbelief of the reality of the situation.
Lee was dying.
When no response was forth coming, he spoke again. “Francine, Francine are you there?”
“Yes sir…” she muttered in a cracking tone.
“I need you to do something for me,” he continued quietly. “Try and find the Colonel. I don’t know where to start looking, check Lee’s personal files and see what you can come up with. Do it as quickly as possible I don’t know how long he’s going to be with us and I think his uncle should be here if he'll come.”
“You don’t think he’ll come?” she whispered in confusion and shock.
“I don’t know. He and Lee have never been on great terms with each other, but that boy deserves to have him here!" he growled back, then immediately caught himself and controlled the building anger. “He’s the only family Lee has and… and if he doesn’t make it in time to say goodbye the least he can do is attend the funeral.”
“Yes sir,” she returned weakly then paused. “How’s Amanda?” she asked in a sincerely sorrowful tone.
“Falling apart,” he admitted honestly, rubbing the back of his neck. “She’s not taking this well at all, and I really don’t blame her. I just don’t know how to reach her. It’s like I’m not even in the room. I left her sitting beside the bed, talking to him. She’s torn up, Francine. This is really hitting her hard.”
“Tell her… Tell her I’ll be by tonight to see her,” Francine offered in a soft tone. “It might help to have… to have another woman to talk to.”
Billy nodded absently, “Yeah, it might. Lord knows nothing I say or do seems to be sinking in.” He leaned forward, posting the weight of his body on one lone hand against the wall. “I just wish…” he shook his head with a sigh. “It doesn’t matter now. Everything’s falling apart here. I can hardly stand to be in there… the way he looks… I’ll be back to the office a little later,” he muttered, clinching his hand into a fist slowly to ease the building tension throughout his body. “I can’t leave them alone just yet.”
“I understand. Everything’s fine here, we’ll manage,” she returned quietly.
“Has there been any break on Malivak’s whereabouts since he fled the warehouse?” he questioned, turning his mind to anything but the still form of his friend lying down the hall.
“Negative, I’ve still got four teams out searching. We should have something through the grapevine eventually. He couldn’t have just disappeared. We’ll find him Billy. We’ll find him and when we do he’s going to pay for Lee and the others,” she hissed venomously into the phone.
“Okay, have all the data complied and waiting on my desk when I return. I want to stay on top of this one. He’s not slipping through our hands,” he agreed with a nod. “I’ll keep you posted if… if there’s a change in his condition.”
“Thank you. Tell Amanda… tell her we’re all thinking about them,” she concluded with a breath.
“I will,” he muttered, lowering the phone down slowly.
* * *
Amanda fell asleep later that morning under the watchful eyes of Billy. The stress and terror of the previous night finally caught up to her exhausted body. Closing her eyes and lying her head along the side of his slow rising and falling chest, she gave into the slumber with the knowledge that she could still feel him breathing beneath her.
The steady rhythmic beating of his heart beneath her ear lulled her away to dreamland to where he awaited her. Clasping his hand tightly in hers, her eyelids fluttering as her consciousness drifted, she felt him take her into his arms.
* * * * * * * * *
“Oh Lee, I’ve been so worried about you,” she whispered, burying her head into the firmness of his strong chest. His arms felt so good wrapped around her slim form, his body pressed tightly along hers, accenting to her every curve. She could smell the delightful blend of aftershave and shampoo intermixing with his maleness, forming an intoxicating haze of aroma’s around her senses, one that she would never tire of, nor wanted to escape.
“I’m here, Manda, I’m here,” he whispered reassuringly, his tender lips nuzzling and exploring just below her ear, in that little sensitive area that only he knew about, and could set her body aflame with just the slightest kiss. “You’re going to be just fine.”
“I don’t want to be fine,” she whimpered, shaking her head. “I want to be with you.” Wrapping her arms all the more tightly around his neck, she pulled him even closer to her body, intertwining her fingers through the back of his hair as if to hold him in place forever.
“I’m always going to be with you,” he returned, slowly pulling his head back despite her attempts to hold him. Lifting an arm, he brought his hand to her face, cupping her jaw lightly, allowing his thumb to stroke along her cheek. “I love you Amanda, you’re always going to be my Amanda.”
Looking into his piercing eyes brought fresh tears to her brown orbs. Seeing this Lee lifted his thumb, tenderly wiping at the tears as they flowed down her soft cheek. Leaning in he tried to kiss the warm flow of liquid away, his breath caressing her delicately with its warmth. “Don’t cry my love,” he pleaded, giving her a small smile. “I’ve never liked to see you cry.”
“I can’t lose you Lee…” she managed, in a quivering tone. “I’m lost without you…”
“I’ll always be with you,” he repeated, kissing her nose. “Just believe Amanda, believe and we’ll never be apart. You’re my world. I’d give my life for you a hundred times over.” His lips trailed along her skin, leaving tiny tingles of pleasure with each tender touch. “Nothing will keep us apart if you just believe.”
“I do… I believe…” she whimpered as he pulled back and slowly began to disengage her hands from his body. “Wha…wha… Lee… no… don’t leave me!” she pleaded, trying to stop his movements. “Stay with me!”
“I can’t, Manda… Not just now. I’ll be back, I promise…” he returned, shaking his head. “I love you, remember that I will always love you and I’ll never let anything happen to you my love.”
“Lee… please God… Come back!” she called, as he stepped away into the quickly swirling fog that surrounded them. Why hadn’t she seen the mist before? Taking a staggering step forward she couldn’t seem to close the increasing gap between them. Hands outstretched, her voice rising to a strangled cry, he continued to fade back, his hand raised to meet her.
“I love you Amanda… I’ll always love you…” his voice faded as the mist engulfed him and drew him away, leaving her standing trembling in the fog of nothingness. Stumbling forward she collapsed against the floor, tears streaming down her face, her entire body convulsing.
* * * * * * * * * *
“Lee…” Amanda moaned weakly, her head tossing against his silent form, her body gripped in the nightmare of the dream. “NO… Lee… please come back…”
* * *
Amanda awoke with a startled gasp, her eyes instantly falling on the quiet form of her husband lying beneath her. Sliding her hand across his barely moving chest, she reached out, touching his face tenderly with her fingertips. “Oh Lee… please… please you’ve got to get better. I can’t stand to live without you,” she whimpered, the tears from her dream still fresh and warm against her cheeks.
In her worse nightmares she never imagined the true feelings behind how helpless and worthless she felt at this particular moment. She had feared this day from the moment she realized her feelings for this man lying on the bed. Even before he had confessed his love for her, their friendship had been so intense, and yes, she was in love with him even then. Losing him in any capacity sent a terrifying chill down her spine, but losing him now that they were married, now that he played such an important role in her life and existence, she truly didn’t think she would be able to handle it.
She had thought of nothing but him since she’d awoke in the ambulance screaming his name. She knew his wounds were serious, she couldn’t get the image of his limp body snapping back as each bullet imbedded itself into his soft flesh, then the impact that slammed him into the floor beside her. Even now the image brought the bile from her stomach churning dangerously high in her throat, causing her to gag against the onslaught.
‘Oh baby why? Why didn’t you stay behind the crate? I was okay it was just a glancing blow. It scared you, I know it did. It scared me too, but not as bad as you’re scaring me now,’ she thought softly, running her fingers lightly along the small portion of his lips that was still showing beneath the thick white medical tape.
Raising up out of the chair, she leaned her weight against the bed, lifting his right hand tenderly in hers as she sat along beside him on the white blanket. “Lee, I’m okay,” she whispered, lowering her head next to his. “You hear me? The bullet just grazed my head, it hurts a little but I’m okay.” Kissing his temple softly, she closed her eyes, laying her cheek against his cool, pale skin. “Honey, I know you’re probably in a lot of pain, the doctors said the bullets tore you up inside, but you’ve got to fight this. This isn’t the way it’s suppose to end, we’ve got too many years together. We’re going to have kids, remember? We talked about that several times. Jamie and Phillip need a little sister or brother.”
Squeezing her eyes shut, she kissed him with trembling lips along his forehead. ‘Oh God… this is killing me Lee! How can I sit here and talk to you of our future when there’s not going to be one?’ Realizing what she had just thought, she stiffened, pulling back slightly to look into his slack features. ‘No! I won’t give up on us! I won’t give up on you! If I start thinking like that, then there’s no hope. Hope is all I have left. You’re going to get better Lee!’
“Lee listen to me,” she pleaded, stroking his cheek softly. “I know you hear me, so listen closely to what I’m saying. I don’t care what you heard the doctors or the nurses say. They don’t know you like I do. They don’t know the strength and will of the great Scarecrow. You’re not going to die because I’m not going to let you,” she whispered, shaking her head as she brought a hand up and wiped at her tears quickly. “You’re going to fight, you’re going to show them that they’re all wrong, hear me? We’re going to beat this together.” Squeezing his hand tightly in hers, she brought it to her lips, kissing his fingers gently. “Together Lee, always together,” she whispered.
* * *
She was forced outside the room shortly after that while the doctor and nurses took their readings and administrated what medical attention they could. Amanda had protested her removal, demanding to stay, but they had been firm and had she not relented, the doctor had made it perfectly clear that she would be removed by force and not allowed back.
Billy had returned then, spotting her outside, her arms wrapped tightly about her torso, her eyes glazed with a combination of anger at her ejection and fear for her partner and husband. He had been coming and going throughout the day, unable to stay stationary in the quiet room for very long. Amanda hadn’t really kept all that much track of him, she knew he was there when he tried to persuade her away from Lee’s side, and had heard his words of comfort, even though the majority hadn’t sunk past her pain fogged mind.
‘He just doesn’t understand,’ she thought watching him approach. ‘None of them understand. They’ve all just given up on him and are standing around waiting for him to die! How can they be so cruel?’
“How’s he doing?” Billy asked quietly as he glanced toward the door.
“No change, the doctor’s with him now,” she muttered, not looking at him, her eyes fastened on the small intricate patterns in the tile floor.
“That’s a good sign then,” he returned, offering her a small smile. “That means he’s stabilizing.”
‘Stabilizing? A good sign? How do you see that?’ she wanted to shout, her eyes darting toward him quickly before returning to the floor. “He’s in a coma, that’s not a good sign,” she managed as civil as she could under the circumstance.
Billy sighed, then spoke again. “Amanda, I know how you feel,” he whispered, reaching for her arm.
She jerked away from him, fire dancing in her eyes. “Don’t touch me!” she hissed. “You don’t know how I feel! Is Jeannie lying in there? Is your whole life falling apart around you? How can you possibly know how I feel?”
Billy took a step back the hate in her words having the same effect on him as if she had slapped him hard across the face. In her anger and pain, Amanda hadn’t realized what she had actually said, nor the implications of her words. As much as they hurt, their meaning wasn’t lost on Billy.
“Amanda… he was my friend too,” he returned, knowing the pain she was enduring was just as intense as she said, tearing her entire existence part. “I know Lee meant so much more to you then that, but you can’t let this destroy you. I’m not going to listen to your words, or the anger behind them, I know you don’t mean them.”
“Why are you giving up on him?” she gasped, her tears fresh and warm, trailing from her misty eyes. “He’s not dead, don’t bury him Billy…”
“I’m not giving up,” he corrected, reaching for her again. “I’m being rational. You heard the doctors…”
“No, leave me alone!” she protested trying to step away from him.
“Amanda, no!” he commanded, grabbing her arms and drawing her trembling body against his. She fought him, but Billy was determined and she was so very tired, emotionally as well as physically. “No,” he repeated, holding her in his embrace. “It’s going to be all right,”
“No it’s not… not without Lee…” she sobbed into his shoulder. “Not without Lee…”
“You’ve got to be strong, he wouldn’t want this,” Billy pressed, closing his eyes to keep his own tears in check. “I’m not going to let you go through this alone, we’ll make it together…”
“I want Lee…”
“I know you do, I know,” he whispered, rubbing her back. “Just calm down Amanda, please. I need you thinking rationally, okay? Losing a partner is hard…”
“He’s my best friend… my everything…” she cried, burying her face in his jacket. ‘Don’t you understand Billy? How can I survive without his touch, his love? I can’t lose that!’
“I know,” he whispered. “I know you’re hurting, you feel like the best part of your soul has been ripped out and your heart has been left with an emptiness that can never be filled. I know the two of you had something special, you were so much more than just partner’s. You made him smile Amanda. You brightened Lee’s life in a way no other had ever come close to. He was so happy when the two of you were together everyone could see it. He loved you, I know he did.”
“I love him Billy, I love him so much it hurts inside,” she managed, fighting her sobs. “This is all my fault. I caused this…”
“No, no you didn’t,” he pressed, shaking his head.
“Yes I did. When that man shot me, it terrified Lee I saw it in his face. He thought I was seriously hurt. It happened so fast… I couldn’t… I couldn’t tell him otherwise… everything was so blurry and the pain… my head hurt…” she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out the picture of his body being riddled with the bullets yet again in her mind. “He left his cover…he rose up into the line of fire and shot the man… oh God, he moved and they shot him!” she gasped, her entire body shaking with convulsions.
“Shhh… that’s enough… don’t relive it again,” he whispered, rubbing her back.
“I can’t stop seeing it… over and over… it’s all I think about…”
“I know, but I want you to try. Now take a deep breath for me and try to stop crying. I know this isn’t good for you. You’re taxing your body too far, Amanda. You need rest, you’re not getting it here.”
“I’m not leaving,” she shot back, pulling out of his embrace. “I’m not leaving his side.” Lifting a hand and wiping roughly at her face, she shook her head forcefully. “You can’t make me.”
“I talked to the doctor earlier. You can’t handle this strain with your recent injury. You’re going to collapse if you don’t rest,” he returned with the same strength.
“I don’t care, I’m not leaving.”
“Amanda be sensible. You’re not in any condition to continue this bedside vigil. Go home, see your family, rest for a while, then you can come back.”
She shook her head again, fear gripping her heart. “I can’t.”
“Yes you can. You said yourself that the doctor told you he was stabilized,” he protested.
“No, if I leave him alone he might… he might… he might not be here when I get back,” she admitted in a weak voice. “Please don’t argue with me about this. I’m not leaving Mr. Melrose.”
Billy sighed, dragging his hand across his head roughly. “God, you’re as much of a pain in the ass he is,” he muttered.
For some reason that little statement made a small smile form on her lips. “I had a great teacher,” she whispered, running the back of her hand again along her red, puffy eyes.
“Yeah you did,” he agreed matching her expression.
At that moment the door of Lee’s room opened and the doctor came out, followed closely by the nurse. He stopped next to Amanda and Billy, the nurse heading down the hall without a backward glance. “You may go back inside now,” he said quietly.
“Can you tell us anymore?” Amanda asked in a small voice, wringing her hands together before wiping her eyes again.
“No, other than he’s not responding to any outside stimulants. The respirator is still controlling the majority of his breathing; I dare not remove yet for fear of his inability to compensate on his own. His blood pressure is still dangerously low, but it is rising. Not quickly mind you, but there has been an improvement from a few hours ago.”
Amanda smiled at hearing this. ‘That’s a boy honey, you just keep holding on.’ “His breathing problem… would it be due to his left lung and the problems he’s having from its collapse?” she asked softly.
The doctor nodded fractionally. “Partly yes, we’ve got him on full life support at this point. With his readings fluctuating as drastically as they are this is the safest route. If his body tries to shut down the machines will pick up the slack and offer a helping hand more or less,” he tried to explain.
“I do need to know if he has any request concerning being kept alive in this manner,” he added, looking toward Billy. “Does he have a living will?”
“No,” Billy whispered, Amanda shaking her head as well. “If he has any hope, Lee wouldn’t want us to stop trying.”
The doctor nodded quietly. “I see… you do understand that in coma cases such as this… the hospital stay can be somewhat lengthy. I hate to bring this up at a time like this, but I’m going to need you to fill out some insurance papers.”
“That’s fine. The insurance will pay for whatever is necessary,” Billy announced with a nod. “I’ll go sign the papers Amanda, don’t worry about that,” he assured her with a squeeze along her shoulder. “Just go on in and sit with him.”
“Thanks,” she whispered, moving away from the unnerving conversation. She wasn’t ready to contemplate those type of questions, she wasn’t sure if she would ever be ready. She was more than willing to let Billy do what needed to be done on that realm.
Sliding the small chair back over near the bed where it had been before the medical personal had arrived, she sat down slowly, but not before taking his cool hand back into her warm grip. “Hey sweetheart, I’m back,” she whispered, smiling at him. “The doctors wouldn’t let me stay while they took care of you. I hated leaving, but I’m sure you understand.”
She sighed caressing the back of his hand with her thumb as her fingernail followed the lines along his palm tenderly. Lee so loved when she did that, he used to tell her it gave him goosebumps and that it tickled. She remembered many occasions where she had laid in bed next to him, just watching him sleep as she silently explored all the tiny areas of his body.
“They’re talking about things I can’t deal with right now, honey. The doctor wanted to know about a living will and the insurance papers…” she shook her head, closing her eyes. “The next thing you know Billy’s going to be shoving those damn life insurance policies at me. I don’t want the money Lee I want you. I know you meant for it to take care of me and the kids, but I just get this sick feeling in my stomach every time I think about it.”
She shuddered violently, tightening her hold on his hand. “They’re jumping the gun aren’t they my love?”
Amanda opened her eyes quickly as she felt the feather touch of a thumb caress her cheek. Startled she looked around, knowing she hadn’t heard the door open. No one was in the room other than her and Lee as she glanced around the area, feeling her heart fluttering.
The feeling hadn’t frightened her, but almost reassured her with its tender caress. ‘What’s going on? Am I really that exhausted that I’m starting to hallucinate?’
Confused she looked around again, then shook her head dismissing the feeling to her imagination. “I must be more tired than I thought,” she muttered, leaning forward as she laid his hand back on the edge of the bed, intertwining their fingers. “I’m going to rest for a little bit, Lee. I’ll be right here,” she whispered with a soft smile. “If you need me, just give my hand a squeeze okay? I’m not going to leave you.”
With that she relaxed back, laying her head along the side of his thigh, holding his fingers gently. “I love you, honey. You just rest and build your energy. I’ll be right here,” she whispered again, closing her eyes.
* * *
Story Notes:
Disclaimer : I do not own this characters, I just play with them. I get no money for the words I pen or the stories I weave. My hats off to the writers and actors that brought these characters to life.