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Part 1 - after marriage is made public knowledge
I'm movin on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
***
After a long, hectic day and an even longer, more hectic month, the house at 4247 Maplewood Drive was finally still and quiet. Lee sat down and turned on the TV, but soon his thoughts drifted. Here he was, after 32 years, part of a family again and he'd never felt better.
The stress of a mystery marriage had proven too much. They had decided almost two months ago to come clean and they had put everything on the table. After the confessions, the hurt feelings, the healing and a very simple, very small public wedding, today had been the big moving day.
When he'd married Amanda, he'd felt unprepared and unqualified to be the husband, the father and the son he thought he should be. Friend and lover he could do, but the rest...he wasn't so sure.
Since then, though, he had come to terms with a few things and he had realized his concerns and uncertainty were silly. Amanda's unconditional love had taught him to accept his past and the fact that he couldn't change it. In turn, her family had accepted him, as well. It hadn't been easy, but he had gotten more than he'd expected and after the shock of the mystery marriage had worn off, the idea that he was there to stay only cemented him more into their life. Now they knew his intentions, and they had come to accept him completely.
Amanda slowly walked to the couch in the living room where Lee was sitting quietly by himself. The evening news was on, but she knew he wasn't paying any attention.
"Hey, Big Fella," she said sitting down next to him.
He glanced up, surprised, but smiled as she moved next to him. Automatically, he raised his arm, wrapping it securely around her shoulder.
She leaned into his body, resting her head against his broad chest. "What're you thinking about?" she asked as she toyed with a button on his cotton shirt.
Tightening his hold around her, he contemplated an answer to her seemingly simple question. "You've made me so happy, Amanda."
She pulled back to look into his eyes
"I used to think I wasn't good enough for you and that I didn't deserve all this." He gestured around the humble, but homey living room: her mother's romance novels, the boys' video games and the pictures on the mantel. "I'm not proud of my past, but despite it all, you've given me so much."
Amanda smiled warmly, and brushed her hand through his soft, brown hair.
"Today was perfect...and...none of it matters anymore. If only I'd never suggested that stupid mystery marriage."
"Lee," Amanda touched his cheek so he would look her in the eye, "I was the one who agreed to it. It's not your fault."
"If I hadn't come up with the idea, we wouldn't have had to go through all this. I didn't think it would ever end."
"It wasn't that bad, Lee."
"Not that bad? Amanda, it was hell. I mean Billy, The Agency, the boys, not to mention your mother."
"Okay, so it wasn't a piece of cake, but it's over now and everyone's fine. We're fine. More importantly, we're together."
Lee leaned in closer to Amanda, his intense gaze burning into her. "I couldn't have done it without you. You were my rock through this whole thing. I don't know how you managed to stay so strong."
Amanda smiled again, gently caressing his jaw line. "I love you."
Lee kissed her softly, simply pressing his lips to hers. "I love you."
Amanda stood up then, tugging on Lee's hand. "Let's go to bed."
Acquiescing, Lee rose from the couch. He couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as he weighed the deeper meaning of her words. 'Our bed,' he thought, 'our bedroom.' He wasn't completely moved in yet, but he knew he'd never have to be without her again, nor would he have to pretend she meant less to him then she really did. He'd never felt such peace. Stopping suddenly, Lee pulled Amanda into an intimate embrace.
The question in her eyes disappeared when she met his gaze. Lowering his head to hers, he caught her lips again, this time pressing deeper. She melted into him, giving in to his gentle demands.
The man she had reluctantly agreed to save almost five years ago at the train station had finally been completely and undeniably saved...and she couldn't have hoped for more.
***
I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin on
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Part 2 - mid third season, after Over The Limit
Lee Stetson made his way through the lower levels of The Agency, heading for Billy's office. As he passed familiar faces, he nodded politely, saying hello to old friends with an occasional pat on the back from a male coworker or a bat of eyelashes and pretty smile from the female counterpart.
Most likely they had heard about his most recent success in the world of espionage. Rumors spread like wild fire in the self-contained agency. 'You'd think these people would know how to keep a secret,' he thought to himself. Though they probably knew nothing of the details, he was sure the basics of the operation were agency knowledge.
As Lee entered the bullpen, a well manicured hand on his shoulder successfully stopped him in his trek.
"Lee..." the feminine voice hummed near his ear.
Swiveling around, he turned on his most charming grin. "Kari."
She reached for his hand, leading him to the side of the room. "What are you doing tonight?" her voice was low and seductive and her hand moved to rest on his chest.
"Ahh...I thought you were seeing, um, Mark?" Lee asked.
Kari shrugged indifferently, "Not anymore. Besides," she pulled him close, her lips nearly brushing his ear, "you were always much better in bed."
Lee swallowed. 'This is ridiculous. What am I? A piece of meat?' He'd spent a few nights with Kari in the past, but somehow the thought held no appeal anymore. Removing her hand from it's intimate position, he tried to politely reject her generous offer. "Not tonight."
"Some other night, then?"
"I don't think so, Kari."
She paused, her mind not able to comprehend what she was hearing. Then it clicked and she smiled. "Lee Stetson, are you seeing someone?"
"No," he answered immediately and her face grew serious. He almost wished he had lied.
"Then why..."
She was cut off by Billy, bellowing from across the room. "Scarecrow!"
"Sorry," Lee smiled apologetically and turned quickly towards Billy's office.
"Fine!" Kari crossed her arms and let him go. She wouldn't waste anymore time on Lee Stetson.
Unfortunately, Lee couldn't avoid Francine on his way to Billy's office. "Hot date tonight, Scarecrow?"
Lee just smirked at her before opening the door.
Billy was obviously annoyed at having to take second to Lee's latest leggy blonde. "I have something for you," he said handing Lee a file. "Get started on it tomorrow."
Lee nodded and turned to leave. He knew Billy wasn't in the mood.
"And take Amanda with you."
'Amanda.' Lee was just glad she hadn't been around to see his encounter with Kari.
As Lee left the Agency, he decided he might as well stop by Amanda's tonight to ask for her help, though it wasn't exactly on the way home.
Parking around the corner, he slinked through the yard to the back of Amanda's house. As he peeked in the window, he saw she was alone in the kitchen. He tapped on the window and nodded his head toward the kitchen door, beckoning Amanda to come outside.
Setting aside her dish towel, she glanced around her surroundings, making sure she was alone. She smiled almost shyly as she snuck outside. She had never quite figured out what compelled Lee to come all the way to Arlington at night just to ask her a question. She had seen his apartment, and she knew he had a phone.
"What's up, Lee?" she closed the door behind her.
"I need your help on a case tomorrow. Can you come in to the office?"
"Sure, Lee. What's it about?"
"There've been..."
"Amanda!" Dotty's voice drifted down the stairs and out to the backyard.
Amanda turned to look in the window. "I need to go."
"Oh, okay." Lee paused, disappointed that their meeting had been cut so short. "I'll...brief you in the morning."
"Okay. Bye, Lee."
"Bye." He watched her disappear behind the door just as her mother came into the kitchen.
"Oh, Amanda, there you are. Where is the aspirin? I've looked everywhere."
"Uh, right here, Mother," Amanda crossed the kitchen, picking up a bottle of pills from the counter next to the sink.
"Thank goodness," Dotty took the bottle from her, "I have a terrible headache."
As if on cue, the boys came pounding into the kitchen. Philip yanked open the refrigerator door and grabbed the container of milk. Jamie dropped his math book on the counter, looking perplexed.
"Mom, I need help with this." Amanda draped her arm across Jamie's shoulders, looking down at the thick textbook.
Philip frowned. "I don't see why you're doing it anyway, Wormbrain. It's not even part of your assignment."
"Shut up, Philip," Jamie said.
"Philip, do not call your brother names, and Jamie, don't tell Philip to shut up." Jamie made a face at Philip and Amanda gently turned his head back toward his book, ruffling his hair affectionately.
"Well, I'm going to bed," Dotty said, rinsing out her glass in the sink. Amanda kissed her cheek and a chorus of 'goodnight's' followed her out of the kitchen.
Lee watched all this, looking in from outside. The feeling of being left out surprised him. He'd never had that closeness and he found himself thinking it might be nice.
As he made his way back to his car, he tried to remember what it had been like to be part of a loving family, but it had been so long ago. He had been so young. There were just images, really, and feelings; no complete memories.
He could admit to himself that he was changing. A year ago, he would not have turned down a date with Kari. Now, he just wanted...more. However, he didn't think anyone he knew would believe that.
As he passed Amanda's house on his way out of Arlington, he changed his mind. He had a feeling Amanda just might understand that he had changed.
***
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin on
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Part 3 - shortly after Dorothy's death
Few things were left in the modest apartment in Alexandria. The rooms were bare; the walls were bare. Twenty-four year old Lee Stetson had sold most of his furniture and was now packing what was left of his few personal items.
Gathering odds and ends, he placed them carefully in the box before him. This was the last trip he had to make between his old apartment and the new one...the last tie that bound him to what had happened.
Keeping his mind off of Dorothy had taken all his strength in the past two weeks, though he rarely found success. The thought of Dorothy's simple, formal and unemotional funeral kept permeating his mind. How could everyone accept that kind of a good-bye as 'okay'?
The worst part was the note that was now in her file: terminal betrayal. That couldn't even begin to explain what they had been through. The single, most awful moment of his life, summed up in two words. But her file was closed now, she was no longer important to The Agency and he was supposed to just accept that.
'Why?' his mind screamed. 'Why did it have to end this way?' She deserved so much more than a bare, conservative service and an epitaph that read only 'agent lost: betrayed.'
Uncomfortable feelings rose up in him, feelings he didn't know how to deal with, and he felt like he would explode. Without looking, he picked up the object nearest him and flung it across the room. Hitting the wall with force, the glass shattered and fell like broken ice to the carpet.
He stood still for a moment, bent over, breathing heavily. Finally, he regained some amount of self-control and he pushed his anger and sadness and fear deep down inside him.
Crossing the room, he went to see exactly what had suffered the wrath of his outburst. Among the shards of glass was a simple picture frame with a picture of Dorothy and him.
He kneeled to the floor to pick up the picture that had fallen there. The memory captured on that day had not been that long ago. They had been hiking, simply enjoying life. In the picture, they were both smiling, on top of the world. He turned it over, lingering on the note Dorothy had written before she'd given it to him.
'Lee - Oz never had it so good. - Love, Dorothy'
"Hm," Oz was a dream, a fantasy, and it was over now.
Looking once more at the image, he stood and put it in his back pocket. He would keep it someplace safe -- to remind him what had been taken from them and to remind him of what he needed to do.
Lee had decided to move soon after Dorothy's death, to a new apartment in DC that was closer to The Agency. She had spent so much time in his apartment with him that everything there reminded him of her...her touch, her voice, her smell. They had connected almost immediately, both having lost their parents and neither having much family. She was the first person he had ever allowed himself to love, and she had been taken from him so suddenly and horribly, just like his parents.
As he finished with the last box of his things, he replayed the conversation he'd had with Harry earlier that day. Harry had tried to lift his spirits and give him some amount of hope. Lee appreciated the sentiment, but none of what Harry said mattered to Lee now. All he cared about was avenging Dorothy's death. He swore to her, before they had pulled him away, that he would find the person that had betrayed Oz to the Russians and he would make them pay for it. Someone had to answer for her. He wouldn't let her down.
Still, Harry had tried to assure Lee that life would go on, that it wasn't his fault, and he would love again. But Lee didn't want that, didn't even want to think about it. If he were to find someone else, they would surely be taken from him, as well, and Lee knew he couldn't bear to go through this hell again. He didn't regret what he had shared with Dorothy, but he would learn from his mistakes. They had acted like they had all the time in the world, not knowing how short a time it would be.
Lee returned the key to management and left the building for the last time. He stopped for gas and then merged onto the George Washington Parkway, heading for DC.
No, it wasn't worth risking again, because, now, he had nothing. Nothing except a box of memories and a vow to avenge the unfair and untimely death of the one woman he had ever really loved. He couldn't imagine ever finding someone like that again, though he knew his feelings were tainted with the recentness of his loss.
As Lee drove into DC, he decided two things. They were the only two things he knew would get him through this without going crazy. He would concentrate on work and he would find the person responsible for this if it was the last thing he ever did. After he found justice, maybe then...maybe, he could move on.
***
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road...
I'm movin on
The End
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: Scarecrow and Mrs. King is the property of Warner Brothers and Shoot the Moon enterprises. This story is for entertainment purposes only. No infringement of rights is intended. "I'm Movin' On" was written by Phillip White and D. Vincent Williams and performed by Rascal Flatts
Author's Notes: This story is a songfic and it's in three parts, one part for each verse and the chorus at the beginning. The first part takes place after marriage is made public knowledge, second part takes place mid third season, and third part takes place shortly after Dorothy's death. Lyrics are preceded with ***, each new part is preceded with ~~~~ It will be on FF.net with original formatting. Thanks to Cheryl for all her help and Lynda and Lorna for betaing, as well.
Great minds think alike, so any similarities to Dix's story are pure coincidence. I, too, was intrigued by this song and my muse would not leave me alone, so I sat down and wrote this story in record time (for me, anyway :) I honestly thought no one would even know what song I was writing about, but I'm happy to be proven wrong and you guys get two for one ;)
Author's Notes: This story is a songfic and it's in three parts, one part for each verse and the chorus at the beginning. The first part takes place after marriage is made public knowledge, second part takes place mid third season, and third part takes place shortly after Dorothy's death. Lyrics are preceded with ***, each new part is preceded with ~~~~ It will be on FF.net with original formatting. Thanks to Cheryl for all her help and Lynda and Lorna for betaing, as well.
Great minds think alike, so any similarities to Dix's story are pure coincidence. I, too, was intrigued by this song and my muse would not leave me alone, so I sat down and wrote this story in record time (for me, anyway :) I honestly thought no one would even know what song I was writing about, but I'm happy to be proven wrong and you guys get two for one ;)