Title: Say Anything
Author: Lynda Mayfield
Summary: Another “what happened next” episode. I’m focusing on John and Delenn’s developing relationship, primarily. I rewatched Anna’s episode and J/D decided I should write on it. Nuff said.
Disclaimer: None of the B5 characters belongs to me, and I have in no way harmed them during this writing.
John paused when Delenn said ‘”please,” the first time. They had been through a lot, grown close. He was so angry he couldn’t think straight. But maybe she’d say something that would take the pain away.
Say something, Delenn. Say anything to mend this rift in our hearts. As much as I am wounded, I know that I’ve hurt you too. Tell me this isn’t real. Tell me this isn’t happening, John thought, Look at the time, the effort we’ve put into it. Anna’s changed everything. She’s so real. Say she isn’t!
As John stood staring straight ahead, Delenn told him that she loved him. He knew she meant more than anyone she’d known. He knew she was acknowledging what he’d admitted, about working hard to develop their relationship. That was good to know, but right then, it wasn’t enough.
John walked out, down the corridor toward Sickbay. He couldn’t go back to his quarters, because Anna would be waiting there for him. And Stephen was expecting him to come for the results of the tests.
John’s mind wandered back to Delenn. He’d been misled in the worst way, and he couldn’t let her actions stand. He’d confronted her, gotten the truth. He didn’t know if punishment was what she deserved, aside from the same hurt he felt and the lack of trust he told her he had.
Stephen looked up and saw the captain headed his way. He put away the reports he was looking at and grabbed the portable data pad to hand to John.
“Find out anything?” John asked as calmly as possible.
“Yes,” Stephen said with concern, “The scars on her neck match Caroline’s. She was in a Shadow ship.”
John looked at the data pad, “Thank you for checking Stephen.”
“You’re welcome. Let me know if I can do anything else for you,” Stephen said, hoping John would take him up on the offer. Instead, the captain nodded and walked away, the data pad foremost in his thoughts.
She wasn’t wrong. What have I done? Anna DID serve the Shadows. Why? Why would Anna do that? John wondered to himself. He knew then what he had to do.
He would have to go to Z’Ha’Dum and confront the Shadows. Somehow. And he owed Delenn an explanation. He couldn’t let her think she was the only reason he’d left to go to Z’Ha’Dum.
I wish I could say something to her now. I wish I could forget the universe and make up for the hurt I’ve done. If I do that…the rest might not work out. I can’t say anything.
Delenn attempted to meditate in her quarters after her argument with John, but she couldn’t. She kept reflecting on his angry words, his voice. She hadn’t known what else to tell him than that she loved him. He’d paused a moment, but didn’t even turn to her in acknowledgement. He’d just stormed out.
Why did I listen to Kosh? Why did I say nothing? Could I have been that jealous of a memory that I wanted it dead? I did not think so. Perhaps. Certainly the information Kosh gave me was important to John. We knew then. I see now what a grave mistake it was to keep the possibility of Anna being alive our secret. What can I do now? Delenn asked of herself.
John had left so angrily that she dared not follow him. And he had hurt her. Taken his trust in her away. They had trusted each other so long now. She trusted him with the Rangers…the White Stars… and he told her he trusted her when they “stole” Babylon 4. With his life no less.
She hoped against hope that he wouldn’t stop loving her. That he would see she had meant only to keep him safe, to fight the war they had to fight. She never meant for him to be pushed away from her.
Should I go to him? Apologize? He won’t listen to me. Why should he? Perhaps, in a few days, his thinking will change. For now all I can do is wait. Delenn told herself.
Delenn stared at the comm. screen and whispered, “Please, say anything.”