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Story Notes:
Disclaimer: The characters from Scarecrow and Mrs. King are the property of
Warner Brothers and Shoot the Moon Productions. I have borrowed the characters
without the consent or knowledge of Warner Brothers or Shoot the Moon. This
story, however, is copyrighted to the mentioned author. This story is for
entertainment purposes ONLY. If you would like to add it to an archive, please
just let me know.

Authors’ Notes: The song I have used is called "When You Tell Me That You Love
Me" and was originally released in 1991 by Diana Ross on the Motown label. The
version I have used was sung by Julio Iglesias and Dolly Parton. It was written
by John Bettis and Albert Louis Hammond.

You can see and hear the song on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SC-EEuyss-U

Thanks: To Cheryl and Jan for all their help in correcting my English. and
for keep encourage me to write.
THANK YOU LADIES! You are wonderful !

**“I wanna feel this way longer than time”**

“Feelings” is a word I had erased from my vocabulary a long time ago. For
years I haven’t allowed myself to “feel” anything. After all that has happened
in my life, I just didn’t want to feel anymore. Pain. Hurt. Disillusionment.
All the worst type of feelings.

After my partner had died, I decided to stop feeling.

That day from the ashes of my old life, the new Lee Stetson, the Scarecrow,
was born. I jumped on any assignment, no matter how dangerous it was. I didn’t
care about my safety any more! After I closed a case, I always made my presence
felt in one club or another. I partied with one of the many women I knew, whose
names filled my four black books. That was my life. Week after week, month after
month, year after year, the same pattern, until... one fateful morning at a
train station. I met Amanda King. A meeting that was the turning point in my
life.

Without knowing who I was, she helped me that day and two days later she saved
my life. After that Billy found ways to bring us together through work. He
always found a reason to partner her with me. All of a sudden, the dam I had
built to hold back my feelings, collapsed under the weight of emotion. Like
racing cars, forgotten feelings came rushing back. I felt that I had to be her
protector. Almost every night I’d check on her from her backyard. To make sure
nothing was wrong that she had survived another day, another case. I even felt
the compulsion to check out the men she dated, and in fact I did, quiet so she
wouldn’t find out. I wanted to shield her from any harm. I needed to keep her
safe.

I realize now that I always wanted to feel again. All I needed was Amanda to
make me see the light.

**“I wanna know your dreams and make them mine”**

From a stormy beginning our relationship grew day by day. At first all I
wanted was to get rid of her fast. To go back to my former lifestyle. But
every time I thought about returning to my former way of life I would get icy
shivers up and down my spine. I continued my late night trips to her house just
to look in on her from the outside, even when she, and everyone else, thought I
was wandering the clubs till all hours of the night. Soon I began to listen to
her stories with more interest then before. Her tales about life outside the
Agency began to burn in my soul. I wanted to experience those same things.
The house with the white picket fence, a family, camping trips, late suppers
filled with laughter, walking through the park and playing games. A world
which would soon became part of my dreams too. Maybe I needed to know her dreams
to discover that the same ones were sleeping hidden in my soul waiting to be
awakened.

**“I wanna change the world only for you”**

When did I start to think this way? I don’t know. Perhaps it was right at the
beginning of our relationship. Every time she was scared by the happenings
around us, a kidnapping, a betrayal, a murder; every time we found ourselves in
the hands of the bad guys; all I could see behind the fear in her eyes was the
undeniable trust and confidence in me. She believed in me, and yes, she trusted
me to bring us to safety. Yes, I want to make a better world just for her, to
make her happy.

**“All the impossible I wanna do”**

There is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for Amanda. She knows that I
would lay down my life for her. I can’t erase the sadness from her soul that
springs from the time when Joe left her with two little boys to bring up alone.
All I can do is make sure that she, Phillip and Jamie are happier in the future.
I can’t make Francine stop that sharp tongue of hers where Amanda is concerned,
but I can support her with the love she can see in my gaze when I look at her.
Yes, I will always try and do the impossible for her.

When I ask her what she wants and she says, “only your love, Lee, only your
love”, I wish I could lay the entire world at her feet. How could I not love her
forever?

**“I wanna hold you close under the rain”**

When did I start wanting to hold her in my arms? Looking back I think it was
the first time I danced with her at that costume party during the first case we
‘worked’ on together. Moving to the music with her in my arms, I realized that
it felt right. Even though I tried to find impersonal ways to ask her to
embassy parties, it seemed like she was my ‘date’ more often than not. I always
needed to touch her, to keep her close to me, either by placing my hand at the
small of her back to guide as we walked or I held her hand as we ran. There
have been times when I held her when she was scared or sad. Her eyes would fill
with tears that would make me want to hold her even tighter and take away her
fear. Now when I pull her towards me it’s for a kiss. I love the feel of her
body next to mine.

**“I wanna kiss your smile and feel your pain”**

Kissing Amanda… the thought haunted me for years! From that kiss I stole when
I impersonated a football player to the sweet kiss we shared in San Angelo. One
little peck hadn’t been enough, and I had leaned in for a second one. Her sweet
lips had touched mine and my soul craved for more. I knew that my eyes had
betrayed me, but I was chicken and had let her go. I felt her pain after ‘my
speech’ and I could feel my own soul crying for the pain I had caused her to
feel. One day Amanda King! One day I will do all in my power to chase away all
the pain from your soul!

**“I know it’s beautiful looking at you”**

I need to have my eyes checked. At least that’s what I thought after I woke
up one morning many months ago. The previous evening Emily Farnsworth had
invited us to a party. At first I was annoyed because I’d wanted to spend my
night with a new entry in one of my black books. Her name? I don’t even remember
and now I really don’t care who she was, but back then I thought she was
important.

But Emily was and is a dear friend, so at seven that evening I was ringing
Amanda’s doorbell. When the door opened my heart skipped a beat and rose in my
throat. My lungs screamed for air and my eyes . . . well my eyes were glued on
a celestial vision. On the doorstep stood an angel. She wore a deep blue, ankle
length, dress, the bodice all lace and rhinestones. Her creamy shoulders were
bare and when she turned to pick up her white fur wrap I noticed something
wonderful. The gown was slit all the way up to her right thigh. My eyes had
feasted on the brief glimpse of her long shapely leg which was set off to
perfection by her high heeled dress shoes that matched her dress. Once again I
had found it difficult to breathe. She had been worried about my silence and
asked if I was all right. After struggling to find my voice again I had mumbled
an almost incoherent ‘yes’.

**“Here in a world of lies, you are the truth”**

My adult life has always been made up of secrets. I have gone on countless
undercover missions. I have had friends turn into enemies. Hell, my life was
one big secret. My entire career as an agent I have been alone. Confronting
danger and never trusting anyone or anything apart from my job, my gun and my
country. Until I met an Angel. Amanda! She changed me, she taught me to live
again. Through her I learned to laugh, to trust and to reach out and touch
another person. I know she’ll always be there for me. I know she’ll always be
there for me making my future brighter. Knowing that I can rest my head in her
lap, and fall asleep with her fingers gently combing through my hair, will drive
away the fears and nightmares. She will always bring comfort and peace to my
life. With Amanda standing beside me and holding my hand I feel I can take on
the world and win.

**“I wanna make you see just what I want”**

What do I want?

If anyone had asked me many years ago what I wanted more than anything else in
the world, I would have had only one wish: to have my mother and father back.
But no one had asked and even if they had, my wish would never have been
granted.

When I joined the Agency, I thought I had found my place in the world.
Suddenly my life was all excitement, travel and women. Not long after I had
joined the spy community, Paul Barnes had taken me under his wing, given me my
codename and made me part of the Oz Network. I also met Dorothy, and she became
my world only to be cruelly taken from me before we even realized what we had.

Years later I met Eva and once again I thought I had met ‘the one’, and which
hindsight I’m glad that wish hadn’t been granted either.

My former partner had taken a bullet meant for me. And once again I had
wanted to turn back time and stop Fate from being so cruel.

The one thing I definitely didn’t want after that was another partner. But
Fate had other ideas and she sent me an angel in a nightgown and trench coat.
Amanda’s eyes pierced my soul and she took up residence in my thoughts and life.

What do I want now?

I want for Amanda to see that I will always be there for her. That every time
she raises her eyes, she will see me. That she will never reach out in bed and
find only a cold empty place. That she will wake up every morning for the rest
of her life in my loving arms. That I will be there for Phillip and Jamie when
they need a father, if Joe isn’t around. And that I will help Dotty tend a
garden that will be the envy of all the neighbors.

What do I want?

I want Amanda, now and forever!

**“Show you that loneliness and what it does”**

For many years loneliness was my best friend, my constant companion. I
couldn’t get hurt if there was nobody for me to care about. I couldn’t grieve
if I wasn’t afraid of losing anyone. I couldn’t be betrayed if I didn’t lean on
anyone.

I was alone and I was happy... or I thought I was. Then I met Amanda and she
became my reason for living. The loneliness I had treasured in the past was
gone and I didn’t miss it. I realize now that loneliness was an ugly monster
that had had me in her claws for years and had almost pulled me under with her.
Now, Amanda and others have made me see the light. Now if I get hurt Amanda is
there to heal my soul.

Every day when we go out in the field my life is in her hands and hers in mine
and I’ll be damned if I’ll let anything happen to her. When she’s not with me,
my heart is wrapped in an iron circle of fear and I drive my Corvette on
autopilot towards her house, just to check on her. Sometimes I’d watch in
silence just making sure that everything was all right. As I would watch normal
life happening in the King household I would be whispering within my heart that
I never wanted to be alone again. I wanted someone like Amanda who would tend
to me when I was hurt or unwell. Someone who would hold me in their arms and
tell me that everything was going to be all right. Someone who would give me
comfort, when the past would rear its ugly head to haunt me. But not just any
‘someone’. Only Amanda could do that for me.

**“You walked into my life to stop my tears”**

The only time I’ve ever cried was when I was five and I’d been told my parents
had died. My uncle had seen the tears as weakness and told me not to behave
like a girl. Tears were not for men. I never cried again. Not even when
Dorothy died or when my partner had been killed. But Amanda only had to look
into my eyes to know that my soul cried tears of blood. She knew that I needed
to stop bleeding. Only she knew that pain, sorrow and loneliness had broken my
soul into a million pieces and needed to be glued back together. She knew I
couldn’t do it alone. She knew I needed her.

That fact was clear in my mind when I looked in her chocolate brown eyes that
sparkled with joy and happiness. I knew I wanted my eyes to mirror that
happiness. Day after day, step by step, my soul healed. With a gentle caress on
my cheek; a warm ‘thank you’ hug; an arm around me when she somehow knew I
needed it; a sweet kiss on my cheek when she wanted to thank me for something I
did for her family; a look of gratitude for any small gesture toward her; she
healed me. Little by little, the tears of blood that ripped my soul apart
stopped flowing, allowing real tears to fall hot down my cheeks. Standing by my
parents graves, she held me tightly in her arms while I allowed myself to cry
again for their death after finally clearing their names.

**“Everything is easy now, I have you here”**

Why does having her here make things seem easier? In Amanda’s presence I can
be myself, the real me, Lee Stetson, not Scarecrow. The simple act of keeping
my hand in contact with hers makes life seem so much brighter. I instinctively
reach out for her hand, sometimes I don’t even know I’m doing it. Every time
Amanda takes my hand, or steps into my embrace for comfort, or when we dance and
she puts her head on my shoulder and her hand over my heart, I know without a
doubt that I could never be much happier. With Amanda by my side every thing
goes far more smoothly.

**“And baby, every time you touch me, I become a hero
I’ll make you safe no matter where you are
And bring you everything you ask for, nothing is above me
I’m shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me”**

How can I put into words all the feelings coursing through me when Amanda
touches me? One small touch and I’m pulled back to the first time we met. From
the very first minute when I took her elbow and asked her to “just walk with
me”, I felt electrical charge between us.

I always knew that most of the women I had dated thought of me like I was some
kind of hero. Even with the lies I told them. The lies that were such a
necessary part of my life. Amanda on the other hand made me feel like a hero.
Her hero at least, and that’s all I want to be. The man who could be all she
needed in a man, a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, a friend to lean on in
times of need, a partner to count on, a husband to share responsibilities with
and a lover to hold her in his arms in the afterglow of tender, sweet and
passionate lovemaking.

From the very beginning my first feelings for her were for her safety. Seeing
her love of life, and her excitement for a new assignment, made her safety my
only goal in life. I couldn’t let anything happen to her. So many people
depended on her. Her mother. Her sons. Even her friends. I know I’m
over-protective when we’re working. I get frustrated with her when she gets mad
at me when I tell her to stay in the car. But I love it when her eyes flash
with anger and her cheeks flush – she is so beautiful. Okay I admit that I
sometimes tell her that just to tease her. Truth be told, I need her to keep me
safe. But I don’t just want her to be safe at work. That’s why I’m constantly
checking up on her at home. At first I just watched through the window, never
letting anyone know I was there. Later I would tap gently on the door to get
her to come out where we could talk in private about a case. Then, after our
feelings had blossomed, we wouldn’t talk, we would just
hold each other, embracing and kissing. We didn’t need words to show that we
loved each other.

To be there for her, to be able to see the light in her eyes when she sees me,
her sweet smile when I would pull her into my arms, and the light flush on her
cheeks when I told her she meant the world to me; that’s all I ask.

I know that I’m not good with words. They’ve never come easy to me. It took
me three years to tell Amanda that I loved her even though deep in my heart I’d
admitted it long before. After I’d had the courage to tell her that I loved
her, I realized that she already knew. I had given myself away in so many
different ways. The way I held her hand, the way I always had my hand on her
back as we walked. She’d just been waiting to hear the words before she told me
what she was feeling.

Just admitting to myself that I loved Amanda made me happy, but the moment she
told me that she loved me too was the most precious moment in my life. In that
precise instant I knew why, so many months earlier, I’d told Harry Thornton that
I’d follow her blind through a blizzard at midnight. When she opened her heart
to me I knew what love really meant. I was transformed like a candle burning
with life. A candle that now burned brightly in the flame of her love, guiding
us on the path to happiness. I was the candle to light the way for our
children, Phillip and Jamie, and a candle to welcome our own children someday.
A candle to warm Dotty’s smile when she sees her daughter in love and happy
again. A candle to light my beloved Amanda’s face when I take her in my arms and
kiss her with passion and desire. A candle that would burn brightly and watch
over our family as we sleep peacefully in each other’s arms. A candle is what I
am and what she is, for her, for me, for
our family.

**“In a world without you
I will always hunger
All I need is your love
To make me stronger”**

A world without Amanda? That is my worst nightmare. I don’t know how I lived
before her.

I remember that she once asked me, “How on Earth have you managed to stay
alive in this business? Before you knew me you were so stubborn and hot headed,
I’m surprised you managed to survive.” Her question sounded loud in my head, and
I really didn’t know how to answer. Maybe, someone, somewhere, had been keeping
me alive so that she could come into my life.

When she’s not with me, it’s as if part of me is missing. She gives me
strength to stay alive in the worst scenarios. Strength to pull through whatever
is difficult so that I can come back to her, to our family. Their love is what
keeps me going. My Amanda has made me stronger, made me the man I am today. A
new man. A man so different from the Scarecrow that I was four years ago at that
train station.

I wrap her small frame into my arms and whisper in her ear. “Thank you Amanda,
for being there for me, that day!”


THE END

Chapter End Notes:

 

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