I look in the mirror, knowing for the first time since my divorce how selfish
I have been, and how I managed to shutout what was so good: Amanda and the boys.
I see it clearly now just when I realize it’s too late to make a move to get
them back.
After I finished Law School, I found myself with a wife and two little boys I
didn’t know what to do with. Make no mistake, I loved my boys, but I didn’t know
how to interact with them. I loved Amanda but I wasn’t able to see that she had
given up all her dreams just to follow mine. It was then I was offered a job for
EAO in Estoccia - Africa. I wanted them with me but Amanda was right - the boys
were too small, they needed a stable home – not a desolate place in sun-baked
Africa.
I left alone and came home rarely, and eventually accepted her papers
requesting a divorce. All I had to do was my job around the globe. Back then I
was kind of glad about the decision, but now after a few years, I’m not so sure
it was the right decision at all.
Some weeks ago the Prime Minister was assassinated in Estoccia, and I ended up
being accused of murder. I ran home to the States to hide; only phoning Amanda
when it was safe to tell her that I was in trouble.
Like always, she was glad to help me (even if I didn’t deserve it)
When I saw her, I was stunned, it was the same Amanda, but different, in so
many subtle ways. What had changed?
Amanda was always beautiful but now she was glowing, her brown eyes sparkled
and not just because they reflected the light - it was there, deep inside, a
special light, and I saw her once or twice scanning the crowd at
Dooley’s…searching. For something or someone – I wasn’t sure which. She appeared
to be so self-assured, so confident.
I told her what had happened only to find she had been in called by the Agency
for questioning. Later she introduced me to Lee Stetson, the agent in charge of
the case. When I saw him I had a strange feeling, he was …how should I put this?
…I’m a man but he was a very good looking guy. That wasn’t what made me feel
strange, I noticed that he kept glancing at Amanda, when she wasn’t paying
attention. And there in his eyes was something I couldn’t put my finger on:
warmth, fear, sweetness, anger and something more, but it slipped away in a
blink. I had a feeling that he knew her more then he was admitting and seconds
later I caught Amanda looking at him with a gentle smile, and it looked like she
wanted to reach out and touch his hand. NO…I must have been imagining it, I was
tired, I hadn’t slept properly in days not knowing what the next day would
bring.
The case was quickly solved and I was amazed by how Amanda handled a
danger-filled situation with our boys at the school, when my boss (who turned
out to be a thief) put a gun to Jamie’s head. It was again Mr. Stetson who saved
the day, knocking down Prescott.
After other agents took an unconscious Prescott out of the gym, Amanda checked
the boys and once she was assured they were ok she sent them running towards me.
I kneeled down to catch the boys in my arms and looked around for Amanda
assuming she was following them. I was shocked to see her hugging Mr. Stetson,
thanking him.
Yes, I know he was the hero but must she be so demonstrative? Seconds later I
saw it again - that look in his eyes! Stetson was looking at her lovingly!! I
couldn’t see her face, it was glued to his chest; their arms were around each
other, wrapped in a tight embrace. Suddenly they became aware of the
surroundings and reluctantly broke the connection and after another thank you
Amanda made her way over to where the boys and I were huddled in a group hug.
During the drive home Amanda’s eyes were clouded with worry until a wide smile
spread across her face, as if a sweet memory had come from nowhere. I was
intrigued and decided to find out why the sun had suddenly appeared on her face.
I had a confession to make: this new Amanda appealed to me; she was not the same
woman I had married, she wasn’t even the same woman I had divorced. I secretly
hoped she would want to go back to being a family again.
That evening, I invited her for pizza at Dooley’s. On the road, I caught a
glimpse of a silver car parked in the neighborhood, and asked Amanda who could
afford a Corvette – and wondered why her only response was a gasp as she didn’t
answer my question.
I quickly forgot it, because the wheels turning in my brain were trying to
find a way to ask her if she would be willing to be mine again.
After the pizza, I told her that she had changed and that the change suited
her. After a little sip of wine she admitted that, she had new interests and a
purpose to her life that hadn’t been there years before. A wistful look passed
over her beautiful brown eyes.
Tentatively I asked if we could became a family again, but in a flash I knew
the answer before she said it, she wasn’t willing to go back, she was looking
forward towards the future, and by the look on her face it seemed to be a great
one.
With a sigh I asked her to dance with me but after a few minutes on the floor
I felt her stiffen in my arms, her eyes looking over my right shoulder. Curious,
I followed the direction of her glance and there he was: Lee Stetson, the
federal agent.
Without thinking, I waved him over and asked him to join us. Amanda’s cheeks
were red, but she hadn’t drunk much wine, so it must have been the heat! I
looked at him, he looked a bit uncomfortable too, but nothing gave me pause.
Saying hello, I asked if he wanted a beer and when he accepted; I left them
there on the dance floor expecting them to make their way over to our table.
Waiting for the beers, I turned to face the crowd; our table was empty. Where
were they?
I looked for them and found them exactly where I had left them; on the dance
floor, gently touching each other’s arms. The music changed to a slow tune. I
intently watched every move they made: I saw her nod her acceptance to dance,
his arms almost knew their way around Amanda’s waist, her arms too, seemed to
know their way up his arms and onto his shoulders. Locked in a loose embrace
they swayed in time to the music for a few moments, then she raised her eyes to
him and I saw her face.
Oh my God!—the way her eyes are sparkling- it seemed like Stetson had plucked
the stars from the sky and given them to her to wear in her eyes. The look in
her eyes at that moment told of absolute love, trust and happiness; all the
feelings I had seen in her eyes the day I married her, but not after I accepted
the EAO job offer.
Her cheeks were flushed, and I knew it wasn’t the exertion of the dance or the
wine; it was him, the man who held her. He leaned his head and said something.
She quickly rose on her toes and pecked him on the lips, sliding her arms around
his neck, and resting her head on his chest. He kissed her hair, tightening the
embrace.
My hopes were dashed. I realized my – no, not mine anymore, Amanda was a
changed woman, but seeing her in another man’s arms hurt, especially as I was
the only one to blame for those dashed hopes. I was the one who left. I couldn’t
blame her for embracing the feelings that Stetson obviously aroused in her.
They turned again in their dance so that both their profiles were in plain
view. His face shone with the love he felt for her and it was clearly visible
from his whole attitude. Only then did I remember the glances when she had first
introduced him, the light touches on an arm or shoulder, their hug at the gym
and it was clear; they had known each other for a lot longer than they had told
me. Instantly I realized that he was the principal reason for Amanda’s refusal
to go back.
I stood looking at them; his hand began gently to caress her lower back,
Amanda lifted her face and the look in her eyes was the dream of every man in
love. There were fire sparkles, misty shadows and darkened tones of chocolate. I
had seen that look in her eyes before, back when we were on our honeymoon before
I had destroyed our happiness with the wrong decision.
With a painful twist of my heart I realized she wanted him, and from the tight
embrace it was clear that his thoughts lay in the same direction. His lips
covered hers quickly; her fingers were buried in his hair, they were acting like
they were alone on the dance floor.
Should I stay longer? Should I go?
I knew they had already forgotten that I was in the bar. They were too lost in
their own world to notice anyone else even existed.
Suddenly Amanda pulled back, embarrassed. Red faced, she looked around, but no
one (except me) was aware of the passionate kiss they had just shared. His
fingers caressed her cheek and then he gently kissed the tip of her nose, making
her chuckle and smile.
Oh, how good she looks when she’s in love!
Yes, Amanda was in love, more in love then she ever was with me.
When we were married I was too sure of her and didn’t take the time to know
the “real” Amanda, to get to learn her dreams, hopes and needs. It seems that
Lee Stetson had taken that time, and that’s why he had Amanda in his arms
looking at him with such love shining from the depths of her soul.
In that moment the truth struck me: it was time to go, to set her free to live
her own life.
I’ll always be her sons’ father, always be her friend but all her love was now
Lee Stetson’s and a tear of regret made its way down my cheek.
It was time for me to go; yet somehow my soul was lighter. It was hard for me
to learn that we had passed the point of no return. Still, seeing Amanda so
happy in her man’s arms made me feel good. I had always wanted her to be happy,
and she was now. I realized it was …
JUST TOO LATE!!

George Strait
You look so good in love


Oh how you sparkle and oh how you shine
The flush on your cheeks is more then the wine
And he must do something that I didn’t do
Whatever he’s doing, it looks good on you

You look so good in love
You want him that’s easy to see
You look so good in love
I wished you still wanted me

He must have stolen some stars from the sky
And gave them to you to wear in your eyes
And I had my chances but I set you free
And now I wonder why I couldn’t see

You look so good in love
You want him that’s easy to see
You look so good in love
I wished you still wanted me

Darling I wasted a lot of years
Not seeing the real you
But tonight your beauty is shining thru
And I never took the time just to know you
So before he takes you away
Please let me say

You look so good in love
You want him that’s easy to see
You look so good in love
I wished you still wanted me