Titillating Sweets
Amanda attempted to turn the doorknob. It wouldn’t budge. Locked. Drat. She’d left the main house, without bringing the key to her mother’s cottage. Usually, the door was open, and she’d just be able to walk inside. Oh, well. Good thing they always left a spare key hidden for emergencies. Counting the huge rocks in the flowerbed next to the front door, she found the eleventh one and clicked open the hidden compartment. Nestled inside was the extra key.
Maybe her mother had gone out with friends. Although, since the family lived so far out in the country now, Mother mostly drove to meet them. But her brand-new, red Mustang had been parked in the garage when Amanda and Lee had returned home.
When she opened the door, the first thing that hit her was the sweet aroma permeating the house. It smelled like a candy store. Pans clanging told her that her mother was in the kitchen.
As she pushed on the swinging door, she found the room--and Mother--covered in white. She had no idea whether it was sugar or flour. Pots and pans towered in the sink, waiting to be washed.
“I didn’t realize you were home yet. Is it that late already?” Mother glanced at the wall clock and swept the floor around Amanda’s feet.
“We just got home. Lee had to make a quick phone call. So I decided to come over, instead of waiting for the line to be free. We wanted to see if you’d like to go . . .” She stopped speaking as she eyed the dozen of trays on the kitchen island.
“Go where, dear?”
“Mother, what are you doing?”
Mother stopped sweeping and leaned on the broom handle. “What does it look like? I’m cleaning my kitchen.”
Amanda shook her head. “No, Mother. I meant what are you baking? It looks like you’ve been at it all day. And it smells delicious in here.”
“I have.” After emptying the dustpan into the trash, she put the broom away in the closet. “It’s for our new business. I’m making samples.”
“What new business?” What had her mother gotten into this time?
Mother poured two cups of coffee. “Come on, dear, sit down.” She led Amanda to the breakfast nook. “Well, you know Edna’s daughter, Julie, started her bakery business.”
Amanda took a sip of the hot brew. “Yes.” The bakery had done well, but it’d really taken off since Julie added erotic cakes to her inventory. In fact, the “adult only” confections were now her only items for sale. Business was that good.
“Well, the adult store a couple of blocks away from her was closing, and they allowed her to scrounge through their storage room. She found a bunch of molds for baking, and since Edna and I came upon our delicious chocolate recipe a while back, she asked if we’d like to have a little candy corner in the bakery. She thought it’d be a wonderful opportunity for us to make some extra spending money and show off our talents as candy makers.”
“What kind of molds?”
Mother looked up at the ceiling. “Well . . . ummm . . . you know . . . molds.”
“Mother!”
“Okay, they’re erotic molds. I took some, and Edna took the others to experiment with. To see what would work and what wouldn’t. We thought they’d make great novelty gifts for couples. We even have a name already. ‘Titillating Sweets.’”
Did she really want to see what kind of candy her mother made? From the breakfast table, she eyed the kitchen island, which was lined with covered cookie sheets. Curiosity got the better of her. It always did. Lee once told her that was one of the things that made her an excellent agent.
Amanda rose and walked over to the island, crowded with tray upon tray, and gingerly pulled the towel off one of them.
Oh my gosh!
Penises!
Chocolate penises lined up on wax paper like little soldiers. Some still in their molds.
“Mother, those are . . . are . . .”
“Yes, dear, they’re called penises. Cocks. Shafts. Manhoods. Phalluses. There’s a ton of names for that particular body part. But a penis is a penis, and that’s the proper name.”
“I know they’re penises. It’s just that I never saw them this way before. Made of chocolate.”
“There’s a first time for everything, dear. I got the penis molds, and Edna took home the ones that had couples in erotic poses.”
Amanda couldn’t keep her eyes off the penises. She could see how they would be a big seller at an erotic bakery. All sizes and shapes. The smaller ones were flat on one side, and some were no bigger than her thumb.
Larger ones were three-dimensional. Wondering if they were solid or hollow, she reached down to pick one up.
“Be careful, that one is hollow.”
“Are they all hollow?” She turned it in her hands, admiring the craftsmanship. The resemblance to the real thing was extraordinary. There was even a vein running down the underside of the shaft.
“No, some are solid. I had to make half a dozen or so, before I figured out the best way to keep the hollow ones from collapsing when I took them out of the molds. We don’t want them deflating now, do we?”
Amanda laughed at her mother’s joke. Carefully, she placed the candy back on the cookie sheet and picked up a tiny penis on a stick. She whirled the stick between her fingertips.
A penis lollipop!
What do you do with a lollipop?
Well, the only thing you could do. Amanda popped it into her mouth and began sucking on it.
“Amanda, did you . . .” Lee stopped speaking when he entered the kitchen.
“Hi, Lee. I was just showing Amanda my new business adventure.”
Lee rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. “Another one?”
Mother swatted his arm as she walked past him to the refrigerator. “If you keep that up, I won’t show you two my crowning glory.” She took out a huge mold and placed it on the counter.
He strolled over to Amanda. “What are you sucking on?”
She pulled out the penis lollipop and showed it to him, then ran her tongue along the creamy chocolate, before wrapping her lips around it again and winking.
Lee leaned over and whispered, “If you want a chocolate cock, we can pour some syrup over mine, and I’ll let you lick and suck to your heart’s content.”
“Later,” she whispered back. “Take a good look at the candy on the counter.”
His eyes grew wide as he took in the sight before him.
“Ta da! This is my piece de resistance.” Mother held up a solid chocolate penis. At least Amanda assumed it was solid, since it was life-like and the size of a real organ. “The only one in existence, according to Julie’s research. Out of 500 made, all were destroyed but this one. Behold the ‘John Van Dick’!”
As an audible gasp came from Lee, the telephone rang.
Mother placed the penis on the kitchen island and ran to the phone. While she talked, Amanda noticed Lee had become deathly white.
“What’s the matter?”
He gulped and grabbed her arm. “We’ve got to destroy that mold,” he ground out between clenched teeth.
“Why?”
Lee took a deep breath. “Because I was John Van Dick.”
“Oh my gosh! How? When?”
“One of my first assignments for the Agency was undercover at a sex toy factory, and they made a mold of my . . .” He pointed toward his crotch. “The Agency was supposed to find and destroy all of them. I don’t know how they missed this one, and I’m gonna raise holy hell with the clean-up crew.”
Mother hung up the phone. “That was Edna. She wants us to meet at Julie’s so we can figure out pricing and packaging. I need to get ready.” She placed the mold of “John Van Dick” in the sink.
“Mother, do you mind if I keep this one?” She ran her hand along the penis that she now knew was a replica of her husband’s cock.
“We’ll clean up for you, Dotty.” Lee turned on the faucet to the sink.
“Aren’t you sweet. Keep whatever your heart desires, Amanda. Oh, Lee, I’ll bring home a treat for you. Edna had some molds for men that I think you’ll enjoy. Okay. I need to put all this stuff in boxes so I can bring it all with me.”
Half an hour later, Amanda waved goodbye to her mother as she roared down the driveway, then reentered the kitchen. “We have to figure out a way to destroy that mold.”
“Already taken care of.” Lee held up the mold, which now had a very large melted burn spot on it. It was warped beyond repair.
“What are we going to tell her happened?”
“I already figured it out. While you were helping her pack the car, I was drying the molds, and I placed them on the stove, and somehow I accidentally turned the burner on, scorching several different ones.” He showed her a couple of burned molds.
She was grateful they were made of plastic. “There aren’t any other molds of your body lying around anywhere else, are there?”
“I’m positive.” Lee pulled her into his arms. “You, my dear, are the proud owner of the real-life model and the only one in existence.”
Amanda picked up the chocolate penis of John Van Dick. “Not exactly.” She licked the tip of the penis. As she ran her tongue over the tip, savoring the taste of the creamy confection, she remembered something she’d seen on a previous case. A product that would make an exact replica of a man’s ‘assets.’ She made a note to check it out the next time she made a milk run to “Sinful Pleasures.” A girl never knew what she might need when her man was out of town on a no-contact assignment. A copy of what she was missing would make the cold nights warmer.
The End
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: Scarecrow and Mrs. King and its characters belong to WB and Shoot the Moon Productions. No infringement is intended. This is written for entertainment purposes only. Please do not redistribute or reproduce this story without my permission.
Thanks: Rita and Miss Edna, you make my stories readable by catching all my grammar and other errors. And a special thanks to Cal, who came up with a name for a specific item in the story.
Thanks: Rita and Miss Edna, you make my stories readable by catching all my grammar and other errors. And a special thanks to Cal, who came up with a name for a specific item in the story.