Shatter

4247 Maplewood Dr.

 January 31, 2001

 10:45 PM

Lee picked up the bottle of Brut Cologne, staring at it. The green glass shimmered in the fluorescent light as he slowly turned the bottle in his hands:

 “Do you like it, Dad?”  Jenna had asked him as he’d unwrapped the present. “I found it in the store—I thought it smelled nice.” 

 “It’s great, munchkin.” Lee had pulled his daughter into a brief hug, kissing the top of her forehead.  “Thank you very much—Merry Christmas.” 

 Jenna had smiled then—the expression lighting up her entire face. “Merry Christmas, Dad.”  

 ‘That was then,’ Lee thought to himself.  And now—the images raced through his mind: 

 Jenna, still half in her dream world, backing away from his touch, visibly trembling, reminding Lee of a frightened animal.  Her dark eyes had been unseeing, wide with fear, her breathing rapid and shallow…

 “Don’t hurt—my name is Marcie Ann Johnston—please don’t hurt me.” She’d told him.  Jenna’s voice had been a whisper as she curled up into a ball, repeating the same phrase over and over.  Horrified, Lee had backed away from his daughter, calling out  for Amanda…

 “Shhh…” Amanda had gathered Jenna in her arms, rocking her, making soothing sounds as she held her— “Gary’s not here. He’s far away, sweetheart—he’ll never hurt you again, I promise.”

 “No.”  Jenna had shaken her head emphatically. “He was here, I smelled the cologne.”  Lee and Amanda’s eyes had met as comprehension dawned…

 Again he looked down at the bottle.

 With a sudden vehemence Lee gathered all of his strength, throwing the bottle into the plastic wastepaper basket. 

 Glass shattered, cologne spilling, splattering the sides of the basket with the contents.  Lee stared down at the basket, breathing hard. A strong odor filled the room.

  “Lee?”  Amanda walked into the bathroom. “What are you doing—oh,” she said as her gaze followed his to the contents of the basket.  

  “Did that help you feel any better?” she asked him softly. 

 Lee looked up at his wife. “A little,” he admitted, running a hand through his hair..  “Not really, though. How’s Jenna?” 

 “She finally calmed down enough to go to sleep,” Amanda said. “At least for a little while.” 

 “Thank God for that.”  Walking back into their bedroom, Lee sat on the edge of the bed. Amanda sat down beside him.

 “I just can’t believe that all this didn’t wake Mother or the boys.”  

 “They’re probably exhausted after these last few days,” Lee said. “We all are.” 

 “That’s true,” Amanda said. “Was it really necessary to break the bottle?”

 Lee’s hand clenched. “It isn’t what I’d like to break, Amanda, believe me. Seeing Jenna like that—” He took a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t want her to ever be afraid of me again.” 

 “It’s not you she’s afraid of, believe me.” Amanda took his fist, unclenching it, her smaller hand wrapping around his.    “This wasn’t your fault. There’s no way you could’ve known.” 

 “Jenna bought me that cologne this last Christmas,” Lee said. “Remember?  Now she can’t even stand to smell it because it reminds her of Gary Johnston.  That bastard might be sitting in prison, Amanda— but he still has a hold on her. I hate that.” 

 “Believe me, I feel the same way.”  Amanda paused. “Lee, I really think she needs help—beyond the help that we can give her. I really do think she needs to talk to someone.” 

 “You mean Pfaff,” Lee said. Amanda nodded. “Would he be able to help her?  She isn’t an agent—Pfaff doesn’t exactly have extensive experience with children.” 

 “No he doesn’t,” Amanda said. “But I think for security reasons we need to stay within the Agency.  And Dr. Pfaff did complete a fellowship in child psychiatry during his residency.”  

 “Would he do it?”  Lee asked. 

 “Remember this morning when I said I was going to the grocery store?” Amanda asked. Lee nodded.  “I actually went to talk to Pfaff—he said he’d be willing to help.” Amanda hesitated.  “I didn’t mean to go behind your back, Lee, but I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about this—I mean, your opinion about Doctors isn’t always the greatest and I know how you feel about Pfaff. But Jenna hasn’t had a single night of uninterrupted sleep since we rescued her. Even when she’s awake she’s terrified—jumps at every noise—I know it’s early, but I really think we need to help her now before it gets worse—”

 “Amanda, look at me.” Lee broke into his wife’s ramble, putting a finger under her chin, lifting until her gaze met his.  “It’s really okay—I agree with you. Jenna needs more help than we can give her right now. Pfaff and I  might not have the greatest relationship, but he is very good at his job. Did you make an appointment?”

 “Yes, for Monday afternoon,” Amanda said. “There’s just one more thing—he needs to speak to you privately beforehand.” 

 “I guess I can do that— for Jenna’s sake,” Lee said. “And tomorrow morning we’ll sit Jenna down and talk to her about this. We will get her through this, Amanda—I promise you that.”   

Overwhelmed

4247 Maplewood Dr.

Thursday, February 1, 2001

3:00 AM 

“Oh God, Jenna—no.”  Lee whispered.  

Jenna’s broken and battered body lay on the muddy ground, resembling a discarded doll. Her dark eyes were open and lifeless—they seemed to stare up at him accusingly.   Feeling a sob rise up in his throat, Lee knew that they had gotten to her too late.

“Munchkin,” he said to Jenna, even though he knew she couldn’t hear him anymore. “Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” 

“Stand back, Mr. Stetson,” a man’s voice ordered. “Let us handle this.” 

Lee did as he was told—watching numbly as the paramedics carefully lifted Jenna’s body, placing her remains in a bag—

Lee sat up, his heart pounding wildly. For a minute he looked around, disoriented, the nightmare images still fresh in his mind. Slowly Lee’s eyes adjusted to the darkness and he realized that he was in his own bedroom.  But that dream—that he would even be thinking such a thing was —

‘Maybe Jenna isn’t the only one who should be talking to Pfaff,’ Lee thought, and then immediately tried to push that idea to the back of his mind.

The clock on the beside table told Lee that it was three o’clock in the morning.  He looked over at Amanda, still sound asleep on her side of the bed with the blankets wrapped around her. Lee briefly considered waking her up so that he could talk to her—just hearing his wife’s voice would make him feel better—but with all that had been going on Amanda really needed her rest. Lee needed his rest too, but after that dream he didn’t think he’d be getting any more tonight.  Moving slowly and carefully Lee rose from the bed, putting on his robe and sliding his feet into his slippers. 

He’d just check on Jenna first, Lee decided, heading towards his daughter’s bedroom. After that he’d go downstairs, maybe to read something or look at whatever was on TV at this time of night. He pushed open the door to Jenna’s room, fully expecting to see his daughter curled up underneath her blankets. But the room was completely empty.

Empty? Lee clutched the doorjamb with one hand as he scanned the bedroom, finding it hard to breathe for a moment. This couldn’t be happening, he thought. Not all over again. He had just about made up his mind to call the police when his brain registered a noise-the faint sounds of the television coming from downstairs.  That must be where Jenna was.  Lee felt a wave of relief rush over him as he practically ran down the staircase and into the family room. 

Jenna was sitting on the sofa, wrapped up in the afghan, her head resting on the large sofa pillow. She stared at the cartoon on the TV screen, tears running soundlessly down her face.  

“Jenna?” Lee spoke quietly, not wanting to frighten her again—not after what had happened earlier.  Jenna looked up at him. 

“Hey Dad,” she said, hurriedly wiping at her face. “I hope I wasn’t making too much noise, but I—I just woke up again and I couldn’t get back to sleep.” 

“You didn’t wake me,” Lee sat on the sofa beside her. “I couldn’t sleep either.”  Jenna said nothing in reply, her eyes turning back towards the screen. 

“So—anything you want to talk about?”  Lee asked, attempting to break the awkward silence.

A slight shake of the head. “No, I’m fine, really.” 

It was quite obvious that she wasn’t fine, but Lee didn’t want to press the subject—he figured that Jenna would talk when she was ready. “You want some hot chocolate?”  He asked her. “I know that I could really use some.”

“With marshmallows?” Jenna asked.

“Sure,” Lee said. “I know where they’re hidden. Just don’t tell your mother I know that—okay? It’ll be our secret.”

A faint smile crossed Jenna’s lips. “Okay,” she said.

Lee patted Jenna’s shoulder and stood up, going into the kitchen.  Grabbing some milk from the fridge, he poured it into the saucepan and set it on the burner, turning the dial to medium heat. A photograph caught his attention—one that Amanda had fastened to the refrigerator with little magnets.  It was Jenna and her friends at her eleventh birthday party—wearing silly hats and making goofy faces for the camera. Lee took the photo off the fridge and stared at it fixedly—wishing that he could somehow take away everything that had happened to his daughter and turn Jenna back into the kid in the photo—the carefree and happy kid she still would be if it hadn’t been for Gary Johnston.

‘I’m a trained agent,’ Lee thought to himself.  ‘I should’ve known my child was being targeted—I should’ve been able to stop this from happening to her.’ 

But he hadn’t been able to stop it. And now—with a sigh, Lee placed the photo back on the fridge and replaced the magnets.   

The milk had begun to simmer; Lee turned off the burner and took the milk off the stove, pouring it into two mugs and stirring in the hot chocolate. The marshmallows were next—Amanda was now hiding those inside a tin in the top shelf of the cupboard above the sink.  Lee put his and Jenna’s cups on a tray and took them back into the family room. Jenna gave a little jump at the sound of his footsteps, followed by an expression of relief when she realized it was him.

Even when she’s awake she’s terrified…Amanda’s words echoed in his ears.

“Here you go.” Lee handed her the mug. “Be careful—it’s hot.” 

Jenna sat up.  She wrapped her hands around the mug and took a small sip, putting it down on the coffee table. “Thanks Dad.” 

“You’re welcome,” Lee said.  More silence from Jenna.  Lee sipped his hot chocolate slowly, looking over at his daughter. Even in the dim light of the TV set he could still see the bruising around one eye and the stitched wound on her forehead. Jenna shifted position slightly, twisting her torso as she did. Lee saw her wince with the pain that the small movement caused in her ribcage. The outer wounds would heal eventually, he knew.  But the inner wounds—those would take much longer. His mind went back to the broken bottle of Brut in his bathroom— to the image of his daughter—cowering on her bed, trembling, pulling away from the slightest touch.

‘What if she’s just as broken as the bottle?’ Lee wondered. ‘What if we can’t put her together again?’

He should’ve strangled Johnston when he’d had the chance. 

“Do you need any pain medicine?” he asked Jenna.

Jenna shook her head. “No—it makes me too sleepy.”

“Well maybe sleep is a good thing—you just got out of the hospital—the doctors said that you need rest so you can heal.”

“I said I don’t want any,” Jenna snapped. 

Lee decided to drop the matter. Jenna could be as stubborn as Amanda when she wanted to be. He looked at the television screen. “What exactly are we watching?” he asked Jenna.

“The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh,” Jenna said. “Before that I think it was the Care Bears.” 

“You used to love this show when you were little,” Lee watched as Tigger, dressed up like a giant carrot, and chased the other characters around. “I remember how you’d hop around the living room every Saturday morning whenever the theme song came on. Your mom said you bounced more than Tigger did.” 

“I remember,” Jenna said. “I wanted to be just like Tigger.” 

Lee and Jenna watched the cartoon in silence for several moments as Pooh and his friends tried to set a trap for the giant carrot before discovering that the carrot was nothing but a costume. Piglet was the most afraid as usual—panicking and dropping the honey jar on himself instead of Tigger. Ashamed, Piglet turned to leave and Pooh tried to stop him.

“No Pooh, when I thought you were in danger I couldn’t even help you,” Piglet sniffed. “No one needs a friend who’s always afraid.” 

Lee heard another sniff, this time coming from Jenna. He looked over to see fresh tears running down his daughter’s cheeks. 

“Hey, munchkin.” Putting his mug down on the coffee table, Lee pulled Jenna into a gentle hug, her head resting on his shoulder.  He could feel her shaking, but at least she was letting him hold her.

“It’s okay” he said, smoothing her now short hair with one hand. “Take it easy.” 

“I’m so sorry,” she said.

“What for?” Lee asked her.

“About what happened earlier, I mean—I don’t remember a lot—it was just that smell—it made me feel like it was happening all over again.” 

“You listen to me, Jenna—you have nothing to apologize for,” he told her.  “What happened was not your fault.” 

“But I hate this, Dad. I hate that I’m acting this way, I hate feeling so scared all the time—all I want is for everything to be normal again.”  

“We all want that—it’s just going to take some time.”  Lee paused for a moment, knowing that he was going to have to choose his next words very carefully. “Jenna—what would you say about maybe going to see someone who can help you deal with this?” 

“Who?”  Jenna asked.

“Just a doctor where I work—Dr. Pfaff—he sometimes helps with these kinds of problems.” 

 “What kind of doctor?” 

“He’s a psychiatrist.”

“What would he do?”

“Well, he’d listen to you—give you advice—he might be able to help you stop feeling so afraid all the time. Wouldn’t you like that?” 

Jenna was silent a long time before speaking again. “What about drugs—he wouldn’t be giving me any, would he?” 

“Why do you think he’d give you drugs?” 

“Dad, most of the other kids in my class at school take either Ritalin or they’re on some kind of anti-depressant—I just don’t—I don’t want anything like that.”

Lee took her hands in his. “I understand. When we go to see him, we’ll tell him that you don’t want any drugs—I’m sure that’ll be fine. Deal?”  

“It’s a deal—” Jenna punctuated the sentence with a yawn.  “Dad—if I go to sleep just don’t leave—promise?” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Lee told her. 

Jenna smiled again. “I love you, dad.” 

“Love you too, munchkin.”  Lee stayed there, holding Jenna until her eyes finally closed and she gradually relaxed into sleep.

Only then did he allow his own eyes to close as well.

Normalcy

4247 Maplewood Dr.

Friday, February 2, 2001

10:30 AM

Amanda chopped the celery into little sticks, arranging them on a plate, along with the raw broccoli, cauliflower, baby carrots and cherry tomatoes.  The dip was next. Retrieving a bowl from cabinet above the stove, she took the canister sour cream from the fridge and a packet of vegetable soup mix.  Amanda ripped open the soup packet and poured the powdered concoction into the bowl. Absently she wondered whether anyone actually used that stuff for soup. She certainly hoped not.  Amanda poured in the sour cream, grabbed a wooden spoon from the canister and began to blend the contents together.

“You’re cheating!”  Phillip’s voice floated in from the family room.  “You’re not allowed to roll again.” 

“No one cheats at Monopoly, dorkbreath,” Jamie said.  “The rules say I can roll again so that’s what I’m doing.” 

“We’ll let Jenna decide,” Phillip said.  “She can tell us what the rules are about wormbrains who roll twice—all right?”

“Oh that’s real brave, Phillip—pull the kid into it, huh?”  

‘I’m not a kid,’ Amanda said to herself, repeating  what Jenna would normally say on these occasions. Her ears strained to pick up the familiar sound of her daughter’s voice—but there was nothing. Only silence.

“Jenna?” Jamie asked. 

Still holding the bowl, Amanda snuck up towards the doorway. From this vantage point she could see all three of her children. Phillip knelt at one end of the coffee table, Jamie at the other end.  And Jenna—she sat on the sofa—the afghan wrapped so tightly around herself that Amanda found herself thinking of a caterpillar inside its cocoon.  The expression on her daughter’s face was blank, her dark eyes wide and staring, and when Phillip touched his sister’s hand she startled visibly.

“I’m sorry, Jenna—I didn’t mean to scare you,” Phillip said.

Amanda went back to the kitchen table, unable to watch anymore.  Tears stung her eyes. Using the spoon she stabbed at the dip viciously—making a furious clanking sound against the stainless steel bowl.

“Amanda, that cake is absolutely gorgeous,”  Dotty came into the kitchen. “Jenna is really going to love this.” 

“I hope so, Mother,” Amanda said.

“We certainly have enough food here to feed a small army,” Dotty said, grabbing a baby carrot from the vegetable tray. “Who’s coming tonight?” 

Amanda struggled to keep her voice steady. “Um,  well there’s Lisa and Christy, Billy and Jeannie, although Jeannie’s getting over a bad flu so she might not be there, there’s Francine, the boys of course— along with us and Jenna—that’s a pretty good amount and you know how the boys eat, so that explains all the food I guess.” 

Dotty nodded. “Does any of this explain why you’re trying to beat up on the vegetable dip?”  

“Mother, I’m just trying to—” Before Amanda could say anything else Dotty interrupted.

“Darling, I know what’s been going on with Jenna—all the nightmares,” she said quietly. “It can’t be easy on either you or Lee. You don’t have to pretend.”

“It’s not only at night—” Amanda said. “And it isn’t just the bad dreams. It’s everything—she jumps at every noise, every touch—it’s like she can never let herself relax.  Other times it’s like she’s not even there—it hurts me to see her this way.”

“Gary Johnston,” Dotty shuddered involuntarily. “I swear--there’s going to be a special place in Hell reserved for a man like that.” 

“I couldn’t agree more,” Amanda said quietly.

“You’re taking her to get help for this, right?” 

Amanda nodded. “We’re taking her to see Dr. Pfaff on Monday morning. Hopefully he’ll be able to get through to her.” 

“What exactly did happen?” Dotty’s face paled. “Amanda—she wasn’t—I mean, you don’t think that—”

“No,” Amanda said quickly. “At least I don’t think so. But Jenna won’t talk about the details of what happened to her, and whenever I ask she just gets upset.” 

“Maybe you don’t want to know the details.”

“But she needs to talk about them, Mother— if not to us than to someone—that’s what Dr. Pfaff said. The more she talks about these things the less power they’ll have to frighten her.”

“That does make sense.” 

“Yes,” Amanda sighed as she put the dip in the center of the vegetable tray. “But getting Jenna to open up is going to be hard.” 

“She is a lot like her father,” Dotty said.

Amanda nodded again. That was part of what worried her, she thought—how much Jenna kept inside. Dr. Pfaff’s earlier words came back to her:

“If we don’t deal with this now, this might become a lifelong issue”.  The idea of Jenna struggling with this for the rest of her life was just—

“Amanda, look at me.” Dotty said. “You don’t have to worry. Jenna has a lot of love in support here, from her friends—her family — we’ll get her through this together.” 

“Together,” Amanda repeated, whispering a silent prayer that it would be enough.

Q-Bureau

2:30 PM 

Lee ran his hands back through his hair as he stared down at the expense reports on his desk —after two hours of working on these things the numbers were starting to blur together —he just couldn’t seem to concentrate—

Again, Lee’s eyes fell on a manila folder—the one he’d requested from the FBI yesterday—why exactly had he requested it? He wasn’t quite sure himself.

‘I don’t want to look at it,’ Lee thought. ‘I don’t want to know.’ But despite himself he found his hand reaching for the folder—glancing at the title on the front:

Autopsy Report—Marcie Ann Johnston

The picture attached to the front of the folder looked like a school photo—a red-haired girl with dark brown eyes—just like Jenna’s eyes—so similar that it almost took Lee’s breath away.

Drawing in a deep breath Lee opened the file—

As he read the words bile rose up in his throat—fractured ribs—compound fracture of the right leg—multiple contusions, abrasions—his eyes went to the bottom of the report—it was there, printed in black and white:

Clinicopathologic Correlation—severe skull fractures due to blunt force trauma, resulting in massive cerebral hemorrhaging.

Lee’s mind flew back to his nightmare—the vivid image of Jenna’s body on the ground—the image that could’ve been real if they hadn’t made it in time—

‘I should’ve known.’

The knock on the door startled him. Hastily Lee shoved the folder under a stack of papers.

“Come in,” he called.

Billy opened the door. “Hope I’m not disturbing you in the middle of something.” 

“Nothing major,” Lee said.  “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to tell you that I’ll be coming to the birthday party this evening. Jeannie can’t make it—she’s still getting over a flu bug and she doesn’t want to risk spreading it to Jenna. She does send her love, however.” 

“Thanks, Billy.” 

“How is my Goddaughter?” 

 “Not good—she’s been having all these nightmares—even when she’s awake she’s withdrawn and afraid— that’s why we’re taking her to see Pfaff on Monday.” 

“Good call,” Billy said.  “Maybe he’ll be able to help her cope with this.”

“I certainly hope so.”

“How about you?”  Billy asked.

Lee looked at his boss in surprise. “What about me?” 

“Scarecrow, this situation hasn’t been easy on either you or Amanda—you two have been through so much” 

“Billy I’m fine—I’m not the one who was hurt by this man, remember?”  Lee’s voice rose slightly—he wasn’t sure why he suddenly felt so defensive. “I didn’t come close to ending up in a body bag because —” 

‘—because of me,’ he thought to himself, not speaking those words aloud. 

Billy sighed, “All I’m saying is that you might want to consider talking to Pfaff yourself.” 

“Out of the question.”  Lee stood abruptly.  “I need to go, Billy—Amanda wants me to run a few errands before the party.” 

“Lee—”

“I’ll see you tonight.”  Without another word Lee left the Q-Bureau.  The door slammed behind him.

TBC

Flashback 

Tiffany & Co.  

Friday, February 2, 2001

3:30 PM 

“Here it is, Mr. Stetson.” The saleslady came out of the backroom, the small pale blue box in her hand. “We had them put it on a special rush order.” 

“Thanks.”  Lee opened the box—looking at the small silver Scarecrow pendant hanging from its delicate matching chain.  And the inscription—he turned it over.  Amanda had told him that she’d chosen an inscription but she hadn’t said what—Lee swallowed hard, trying to keep a grip on his emotions. 

“I hope everything’s satisfactory,” the saleslady said. “I can wrap it now if you like.” 

Lee handed it back to her. “It’s perfect.” 

“Present for your wife?”  The saleslady asked, wrapping a white bow around the box.

Lee shook his head. “My daughter—it’s her birthday.”

“Well I certainly hope it’s a happy one, Mr. Stetson.”

“So do I,” Lee agreed.

4247 Maplewood Dr.

4:00 PM

It was starting to snow.

 Sitting on the sofa, Jenna watched as thick flakes fell through the sky, covering the ground with a thin layer of white.

“Won again.”  She could hear Phillip’s voice in the background. “See—even when you cheat you can’t beat me.” 

“It’s amazing to me that a 28 year grown old man can get this excited over a Monopoly game,” Jamie said.  

“Yeah, keep talking, wormbrain—you know you can’t beat me.” 

It had been snowing last week, Jenna remembered—that was why school had let off early—her brothers’ voices faded into the background….

*~~*

“Why do we have to invite Natalie?” Lisa said. “That girl snores like a freight train.” 

“She’s nice—and besides she tells great ghost stories.” 

Lisa’s voice was doubtful. “I guess—anyway it’s your party, Jenna. Look, I’ve got to run—my older sister’s coming and we’re all going to Applebee’s” 

“Have fun, see you later.”  Jenna walked down the block towards her house. Cold air stung her cheeks and made her fingertips go numb—the snow crunched underfoot as she walked.  Maybe later on she’d want to get out and play, maybe build a snowman or have a snowball fight with dad—but right  now all she could think of was getting inside and getting warm. Mom would make some hot chocolate of course—she usually did on days like this. 

A black van moved slowly down the street, lights on—probably looking for directions, Jenna guessed. It was nothing worth worrying over. 

And besides, she was nearly home—

*~~*

A black van—

Jenna couldn’t breathe. Her heart thundered in her ears—nails digging into her palms as she watched the vehicle as it slowly lumbered down the road. 

‘Coming here—he’s come back to get me,’ Jenna thought.  Every instinct was telling her to run and hide, but she couldn’t seem to move.

Nothing she could do to stop him—not this time.—he was almost here—her hands clenched tighter—

A hand touched her shoulder—Jenna cried out, trying to pull away from the strong grip.

“You’re not getting away from me, Jenna—” Gary’s blue eyes glittered—so cold that they made Jenna shiver.  He leaned closer—

SMK SMK SMK SMK

“Mom!”  Phillip’s voice. A loud crash came from the family room. The butter knife Amanda had been holding clattered to the floor.  She ran to the kitchen, her mother right behind her. Jenna was on the floor between the sofa and the coffee table.

Jamie’s face was pale—Amanda could see the terror in her son’s expression.

“I swear, all I did was touch her shoulder,” Jamie said. “She backed away and fell and now it’s like she doesn’t even see me.” 

“Jamie you did nothing wrong,” Amanda told him. “Jenna’s just having a little bit of a rough time right now.”   She knelt beside her daughter.  Jenna’s dark eyes looked huge and frightened—her breath came in shallow gasps. 

“Jenna?”  Amanda gently reached towards her and Jenna whimpered, scuttling away like a crab.

“No—please—I just want to go home,” Jenna said.

“Sweetheart, you are home,” Amanda took Jenna’s clenched hands, holding them. “Look at me—you’re home and you’re safe—look at me, Jenna.”  It took a while but finally Jenna’s eyes focused and her rapid breathing began to slow.

“Mom?”  She said. “Gary—he was here—I saw him—I saw the van—” 

 “Gary’s in prison,” Amanda told her. ”He’s going to be there for a long time—you didn’t see him, sweetheart. That was just another van.”   

“No it was him—he’s coming to get me—I know it—”

“No he’s not—you’re here and you’re safe—no one is coming to get you.”  Amanda held Jenna’s still-shaking body close, repeating those same words over and over until she felt her daughter start to relax. 

 SMK SMK SMK SMK

“Jenna had a what?”  Lee asked. He walked through the grocery aisle, cart in hand and cell phone balanced on his shoulder. As he spoke his eyes scanned the shelves.

“It was just a little episode,” Amanda said.

 “What kind of a little episode?”  

“She saw a black van coming down the road and she thought it was Gary coming back to get her and I guess she panicked or had some sort of flashback.” 

“A flashback?”  Lee’s voice rose slightly—a woman walking by with two kids in tow gave him a curious glance, but he ignored her. “Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure—for a little while there it was like she couldn’t even see or hear me.” 

“Amanda, that doesn’t sound good at all. Maybe we can take her to see someone now —forget waiting until Monday.”

“Lee, relax—Jenna’s just fine,” Amanda said. “I just held her and talked to her until she calmed down.” 

“And is she calm now?” 

“I told you, she’s fine—she does have a little bit of a headache, though—mother and I put her to bed.”   

Nightmares and now flashbacks—Lee ran a hand back through his hair. “I think we should cancel the party, Amanda—it’s just too much for her. She only got out of the hospital three days ago.” 

“Jenna says that she still wants the party.” 

“Yeah, well—Jenna doesn’t always know what’s best for her. Suppose she has another episode?” 

“Actually I was thinking that we should go ahead,” Amanda said.  “If it gets to be too much for her we can always cut it short.” 

“A-man-da—”

“She’s been looking forward to this party all week—even if we have to scale it down a little I would hate to have to cancel it outright.”

“I just don’t know.” Lee said. “Look— I’ll get these groceries and then I’ll come home—we can talk about it then.” Flipping his cell phone closed, he placed it back in his pocket.

“Dad, can I get an ice-cream cake for my birthday next week?”  Lee looked over, seeing a girl who looked to be about Jenna’s age—maybe a little younger—her blond hair pulled back in a ponytail, the way Jenna used to before—the girl’s father sighed.

“I don’t know, Jess—last time we got one it was so frozen that the knife broke when I was cutting it.” 

“But they’re my favorite—please, dad?” 

Lee watched silently as the man smiled, ruffling his daughter’s hair with one hand “Yeah, I know it is –we’ll see, okay?”   Hand in hand they disappeared down the aisle. 

‘That should be Jenna,’ Lee thought. Twelve years old—she should be thinking about her friends, school, clothes—all the normal things girls her age thought about.  But Gary Johnston had put a stop to all that. Even worse, Lee had been too blind to notice.  And now Jenna was—

‘Come on, Stetson. Did you really think anyone close to you would remain unscathed?’ Lee closed his eyes briefly, pressing his hand against his forehead and trying to quell the taunting inner voice.

SMK SMK SMK SMK 

“Lee, from what you’ve told me it does sound like Jenna had a flashback,” Dr. Pfaff said.

“I don’t need you to tell me it was a flashback,” Lee paced the length of the bedroom as he spoke, the phone clutched in his hand.  “What I need you to tell me is what I can do when she has one.” 

“The best thing you can do is what your wife already did— reassure Jenna, remind her of where she is and let her know that the trauma is over—that it’s not happening all over again.” 

“That’s it? That’s all you can tell me?” 

“Well, once I actually start to treat Jenna,” Pfaff said. “We can develop more specific techniques. Also, I still don’t see any reason why she shouldn’t have a normal birthday party tonight.”

“I just don’t know whether she’s ready for that.”

“Your daughter needs normality, especially after the trauma she suffered—I think the party would be beneficial.”  

“Maybe, but what if she has a flashback or some other episode during the party? That could set Jenna back—make her withdraw and build walls around herself—I just don’t know if I want to take that risk.” 

There was a long silence. “Who exactly are we talking about here?” Pfaff asked.

“What do you mean who are we talking about?”  Lee said.  “We’re talking about Jenna.”

“Yes, and Jenna isn’t you, Lee—she has her own issues to deal with and she isn’t going to react to trauma in the same way.” 

Lee felt suddenly defensive.  “I know that.” 

“I’m not so sure you do.” Pfaff said. “I think that you might be transferring your own fears and anxieties onto your daughter.” 

“Transferring—” Lee shook his head.  “Doc, cut it with the psychobabble, all right?” 

If Dr. Pfaff was at all ruffled by Lee’s tone he didn’t show it.  “Maybe it wouldn’t hurt for you to come in for a few sessions on your own.” 

“I don’t need any sessions,” Lee snapped.  A noise outside his door alerted him.  “Look, I need to let you go—I’ll talk to you later.” 

Check

IFF Headquarters

Tuesday, February 6, 2001

8:19 AM

A stress disorder.

Lee showed his pass to the guard as they pulled into the Agency's parking lot
and he pulled into his assigned space and turned off the engine.

He glanced over at Jenna. She had brought a magazine with her this morning--her
head was down as she slowly turned the pages.

As Lee watched her the questions from the form he and Amanda had filled out late
last night filled his head--looking at that form had made Lee realize what he
did know about Jenna's experience--but at the same time it also made him acutely
aware of the things--the details that they didn't know yet.

'Where did the event occur? Who was with your child? How often did this
happen? How long did it last? How badly was your child hurt?'

Stress disorders--that's what the checklist had said. Dr.Pfaff had said it was
for diagnostic purposes--he hadn't made an actual diagnosis, though--not yet.

A stress disorder.

The mere thought of it made Lee feel cold inside. Stress disorders were
something that affected soldiers in the midst of war--burnt out agents who
needed to be reassigned to desk duty--as a marine and agent, Lee had witnessed
his fair share of these things--men who just finally cracked under the pressure.

But Jenna wasn't a soldier--she wasn't an agent--Lee didn't like to think that
she could be suffering the same sort of stress--

And yet the signs-- the bad dreams, physical complaints, flashbacks--it was all
there in black and white.

"Dad, are you all right?" Jenna had closed her magazine--she was staring at
him, her expression concerned.

'She has enough worries of her own--she shouldn't have to be worrying about me
on top of it all," Lee thought.

"Dad?" Jenna repeated.

"I'm fine, munchkin," he told her. "I was just thinking about stuff. How are you
doing?"

"Okay--I'm a little nervous, but not nervous like I was before. I think it'll be
okay--Francine said that I can take things slow."

Francine. Last night Jenna had actually managed to sleep through the entire
night--no nightmares at all. The flowers he was having delivered to her were
small compensation. Lee knew that he really owed her--big time.

"She's right," Lee said to Jenna. "No one's going to try and rush you or
pressure you--I promise."

"I know." Jenna sighed. "It's not going to happen overnight."

"No, not overnight--but it will happen." Lee said. "Just do what your mother
said--trust him." Part of Lee still couldn't quite believe he was saying that.
He could feel the form in his inside jacket pocket as he helped Jenna unfasten
her safety belt. They hadn't told Jenna about the form on Pfaff's
recommendation--He had said that it would only create needless anxiety. And
after the nightmares that Lee had been having anxiety was the last thing he
wanted to cause his daughter.

"I'll try," Jenna said as they got out of the car and walked towards the
building. "Dad--why do you ring the bell to come in to the office?"

"It's just a security measure," Lee said. "Listen--do you mind sitting out in
the lobby for a little while again this morning? I just want to talk to Dr.
Pfaff first."

"Sure--there's nothing wrong, is there?"

"Nothing's wrong," Lee said as the door opened for them. He handed Mrs. Marston
a card with the password written on it. "I promise--there's just something I
need to discuss and it'll just be a short time. Okay?"

Jenna smiled. "Okay--I'll just read my magazine. You'll be right back out,won't
you?"

Lee hugged her. "I won't be long at all."

SMK SMK SMK SMK

"Thank you for this," Dr. Pfaff took the form from Lee--scanning it quickly
before putting it on the desk. "I'll study it in greater detail later. How have
the past two nights been for Jenna?"

"Well, Monday night was pretty bad," Lee said. "Tuesday was a good day for
her--she managed to sleep through the whole night."

Dr. Pfaff raised his eyebrows. "Really? That's promising. What happened Monday
night?"

"Well--" Lee hesitated. "I--that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about.
I was the one who had a nightmare Monday night."

"About the kidnapping?"

Lee nodded. "The thing is--my nightmare woke Jenna up--she didn't hear the
details, thank God, but still it upset her--she was worried that she was a
burden. I can't risk that happening again."

Dr. Pfaff was silent for a moment. "Are you saying that you want to schedule an
appointment for a session of your own?"

Lee didn't meet the Doctor's eyes directly as he spoke. "If it stops these
nightmares and helps Jenna--then yeah. I want to do it."

"I see."

"I just--" damn, this was hard. Lee ran his hand back through his hair. "I don't
want her to go through anything else because of me. The kidnapping was bad
enough."

"Lee, the kidnapping wasn't your fault." Dr. Pfaff told him. "You know that,
don't you?"

Did he? Lee couldn't seem to bring himself to reply. After a while he heard Dr.
Pfaff sigh.

"All right--I'll schedule a session for you tomorrow morning--one for now. We'll
see how it goes from there."

IFF

Wednesday, February 7, 2001

8:35 AM

"Good morning, Jenna," Dr. Pfaff said. "Don't you look nice today."

"Thanks," Jenna said.

"Did you want to sit in the armchair again or would you like to try the couch?"
Dr. Pfaff asked.

"The chair," Jenna held the arms of the chair as she slowly sank down into the
cushioned seat.

Dr. Pfaff watched her. "Are you still in a lot of pain?"

"A little bit," Jenna admitted. "Not that much right now, though. Some days are
better than others."

"I see," Dr. Pfaff said. "And your head?"

"About the same." Jenna put the magazine in her lap.

"Is that one of those teen magazines?" Dr. Pfaff asked.

"It's Bop--I was mainly looking at the pictures." Jenna didn't tell him about
how she had tried to read an article--only to find that she couldn't
concentrate--after reading the same paragraph three times she'd finally given it
up.

Dr. Pfaff knelt beside the freezer and pulled out an ice cream sandwich. "Sure I
can't interest you in any ice cream?"

What was it with Dr. Pfaff and ice cream anyway? Maybe if it was hot outside,
but in February--"No,I'm fine," Jenna said quickly.

Just like he'd done before, Dr. Pfaff sat in the chair facing her. He leaned
forward slightly as he unwrapped the sandwich. "You were saying that some days
were better than others with the pain. Do you have pain medication?"

"Some." Jenna looked over at her dad, standing there as he had before--keeping
himself in her sight. She turned her head and met Pfaff's eyes. "I have a
prescription at home, but I don't take them."

"Why not?"

"They make me feel sleepy and out of it--I don't want to be out of control."

"You like to be in control?"

"Yeah." Realizing how that sounded, Jenna tried to explain. "In control of
myself I mean--I don't mean that I want to be in control of another person or
something."

"I think I understand what you mean." Dr. Pfaff said. "Your dad was telling me
that you had a good day yesterday."

Jenna smiled. "Yeah, I went out with Francine--we went to lunch and we talked a
lot--I got my ears pierced and a new outfit and some new shoes."

"Sounds fun."

"It was fun," Jenna said. "Oh and I got some makeup too--but that's just for
the house and maybe special occasions."

"That's a smart idea. My daughter didn't wear makeup until she was in high
school."

"How old is your daughter?"

"She's grown up now--I went to her wedding this last October." Dr. Pfaff took
another bite of the ice cream sandwich. "Were there any bad dreams last night?"

"No--if I dreamed anything I don't remember it."

"What kind of things did you and Francine talk about?"

"Clothes,school, even boys a little bit--" Again, Jenna looked over at her dad
as she spoke--she knew how he felt about the boys issue. "But not a whole lot
about boys--and then we talked about this--and she told me that she'd been to
see you before."

"That's true," Dr. Pfaff replied. "What else did she say?"

"That talking to someone would make me less afraid."

"Do you believe her?" Dr. Pfaff asked. "After all, talking to her made you feel
less afraid."

"I guess it did." Jenna hadn't really thought about it that way, but now that
she did she could see Dr. Pfaff's point. "But talking about the
kidnapping--about what happened there--it's different."

Dr. Pfaff finished the ice cream sandwich and threw the wrapper into the
wastepaper basket. "In what way is it different?"

Jenna stared down at her lap. "It's just that talking about--it--the
kidnapping--it makes me feel like it's happening all over again--like it's going
to happen again-- I mean, I know it isn't but I can't--I can't stop feeling that
way. And you probably think I'm crazy now--"

"Look at me," Dr. Pfaff said. Jenna lifted her head. "Jenna, I do not think that
you're crazy. Everything you're feeling right now is very normal for someone
who's been through a very frightening situation."

"I'm normal?" Hearing that made Jenna feel a little better.

"Very normal. But still, you'd like to be able to talk about it without feeling
so much anxiety."

Jenna nodded.

"Why don't we try something?" Dr. Pfaff said. "We'll start to talk about what
happened to you--and whenever you start to feel anxious--or if you start to feel
like it's happening again--I just want you to focus on something in the room and
concentrate on your breathing--on taking slow breaths."

"I can't take really deep breaths," Jenna said. "Not with my ribs."

"No," Dr. Pfaff told her. "I don't want you to take really deep breaths--I just
want you to breathe in slowly--hold it for a couple of seconds and then exhale
slowly--like this--like I'm breathing. Try it."

Breathe in slowly, hold it, and exhale slowly-- Jenna did it a few times-- there
didn't seem to be any pain. "I don't see how this will help."

"Well how it helps is that it gets your body to relax," Dr. Pfaff told her. "It
slows your heartbeat and lowers your blood pressure. There are more relaxation
techniques we can practice later on, but this is a good one to start with. Do
you want to try?"

Jenna wanted to--in her head she could hear her Mom and Francine, telling her
that it was okay, that she could trust him--keeping it inside wasn't helping,
she knew that, but still--

"Munchkin?" Dad's voice broke into her thoughts. "No one's going to rush
you--we're going to take this slow and stop whenever you start to feel
uncomfortable."

"Okay." Jenna said. "Just stay here, Dad--please don't leave."

"I'm not going anywhere." Dad said.

"Maybe you'd feel better if your dad sat next to you." Dr. Pfaff suggested.
Jenna nodded. Dad picked up another chair and sat it beside hers.

"Let's start when you were coming home from school." Dr. Pfaff said. "What time
was that?"

"It was after eleven," Jenna said. "They sent us home early because of the snow
and Lisa and I were walking together. We were talking about my birthday party."

"Where did you say goodbye to Lisa?"

"About a block from my house--it was only a block, so--I thought it would be
okay to walk the rest of the way home."

"You'd done that before."

"Yeah, a couple of times." Jenna wrapped her arms around herself. "I thought--I
really thought it would be okay. When I got closer to the house I saw a black
van--it was going in the same direction--but I didn't think anything of it--not
then. The lights were on--it was cloudy. I remember feeling cold--I--I--just
wanted to get inside where it was warm." The memories washed over her--Jenna
couldn't control the shaking of her voice.

"Breathe," Dr. Pfaff told her. "In and out, just like we practiced." Jenna
did--after a minute or two she began to feel calmer.

"You said you wanted to get inside where it was warmer?" Dr. Pfaff prompted her
gently.

"Yeah, and so I went inside, put my backpack on the hook and then--someone--I
mean Gary--he grabbed me from behind. I tried to fight but I was surprised and
he was stronger--there was a cloth over my face and everything went dark."

"What do you remember after that?"

"I woke up in a bedroom--the door was locked, the windows--they all were boarded
over. I felt sort of sick." Jenna's hands clenched. "I tried to get the door
open, the window open--tried to call for someone but nobody came."

"How did you feel?"

"Scared--confused--especially after I saw my face in the mirror with short red
hair--and there was a photo of her--Marcie--on the bookshelf--she looked just
like me--and then I heard footsteps--"



"I'm not Marcie...My name is Jenna Leigh Stetson..."

"Get back in the room...there's a good girl..."

"Suzanne, why don't you go and make some coffee? I can handle--Marcie..."

His eyes, so blue, so cold behind the gun--he towered over her--his hand
grabbing the back of her neck, squeezing so tight--

"No--" Jenna tried to breathe the way he told her to do but her chest felt
tight--she couldn't get enough air into her lungs--her head began to pound--

"Jenna," Dr. Pfaff's voice broke through. "You're here--all of that happened in
the past--it's over now. You're safe."

Safe. A hand was holding hers, Jenna realized--Dad's hand. As her breathing came
back down to normal the rest of the world settled back into focus.

"I'm sorry," Jenna said. Her head was now throbbing in earnest. "I guess--I
didn't get very far."

"You did fine," Dr. Pfaff told her. "But I think that's as far as we'll go for
now--see you again this Friday."

Part Fourteen- Confessions/Class C

4247 Maplewood Dr.

Thursday, February 8, 2001

10:30 AM

"Hey there," Amanda greeted Lee at the front door with a kiss. "I didn't expect
you back quite so soon."

"It didn't take as long as I expected either," Lee said. "Where's Jenna?"

"Upstairs getting ready--mother and I are going to take her shopping for fresh
school supplies--maybe even a new backpack--hopefully that will make her feel a
little more enthusiastic about going back on Monday."

"Hopefully," Lee agreed.

"So?" Amanda's dark eyes peered into his. "How did it go with Dr. Pfaff?"

"As well as can be expected, I guess," Lee led his wife over to the sofa where
they both sat down. He kept his voice low--even if Jenna was upstairs he didn't
want to risk her overhearing. "We talked about the nightmares that I've been
having."

"And what did he have to say?"

"Same thing you said, basically." As he spoke, Lee took Amanda's hand in his,
running his thumb back and forth over the top. "That my guilt over what happened
to Jenna could hurt her--even lead her to blame herself for what
happened--Amanda, that's the last thing I want to do."

"Believe me, I know that."

"But I did hurt her, Amanda," Lee said. "That night--when I went to speak to her
after my dream--the pain in her face, in her eyes was--" his voice broke off.
Amanda squeezed his hand.

"Well you've always been a very protective father--it's only natural that you
feel responsible for not being able to stop this. But what happened--Lee, it
wasn't your fault."

"I just can't shake this feeling that there must have been something that I
missed--something that I could've done to stop this." Lee's fist clenched. "How
did I miss the signs?"

"That's something I wonder about too," Amanda confessed. "I keep remembering the
party that night, meeting that man--I had a bad feeling about him then. It was
just the way he looked at Jenna's photograph, you know, and the things he
said--but I guess I just pushed it into the back of my mind."

"You showed him Jenna's photo--you showed everyone that photo--you couldn't have
possibly known what he would do, Amanda--no one could've guessed that."

"No, maybe not," Amanda said. "But the thing is, we can't keep looking back--we
wish that it hadn't happened to her--but it did. And now we need to deal with it
and focus on helping her."

"That's the most important thing--but we still don't know exactly what did
happen, and until we do, dealing with it is going to be tricky."

"You mean that she might've been--" Amanda's voice broke off and Lee could see
the fear in her eyes.

Lee nodded, his expression grim. "That's what I mean."

"Jenna's been making progress in therapy--hopefully she'll get to a place where
she feels safe enough to open up to us. You'll keep going with her, right?"

"Yeah--until she feels strong enough to go on her own--in the meantime--I think
I'm going to keep seeing Pfaff myself."

Amanda's eyes widened with surprise. "For how long?"

"Dr. Pfaff said that we can start with a few sessions," Lee said. "I'm
not--exactly crazy about the idea, Amanda--but if it can stop this guilt--and
these nightmares--I think that it'll be worth it. I want to be able to help
Jenna--I don't want to be the source of any more pain for her."

"You won't." Amanda pulled him close. "We're all going to get through this,
Lee--we'll all come through and we'll be stronger."

"I'm ready to go when you are, Amanda." Dotty walked into the family room, purse
in hand. "Where's Jenna? I thought she'd be down by now."

"I'm sure she'll be here soon, mother," Amanda said.

Lee stood. "I'll go--see what's holding her up."

SMK SMK SMK SMK

"Jenna?" Lee walked into his daughter's bedroom. "Come on, your mother and
grandmother are waiting downstairs--" his voice faded away as he saw Jenna
staring at herself in her bedroom mirror--an open bottle of foundation beside
her on the dresser.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked. "You know the rules--the makeup is
for the house and special occasions only, Jenna--clean that stuff off."

Then Jenna turned to look at him--comprehension dawned as Lee saw her face.

"Oh," he said. "Munchkin, it's just--"

"It looks bad, doesn't it?" Jenna said. "I swear, all I wanted to do was cover
it up a little."

"No, it doesn't look bad, exactly--" Lee knew he was walking an emotional
minefield here--he struggled to choose his words carefully. "It's just--trying
to cover it up with all this actually makes it more noticeable--here." He took
a tissue and handed it to her. "You look just fine without this--I promise."

Jenna took the tissue, staring down at it. Suddenly she crushed it in her hand
and threw it across the room.

"Jenna--"

"I don't look fine," she spat out. "I have a scar, and it looks awful--I look
awful, and ugly--everyone will stare at me, they'll know what happened--you can
say anything you want to, Dad, but I don't look fine--and I'll never look fine
again." Jenna flounced down on her bed, her hands over her face. "So just
leave, okay?" her voice was muffled. "I'm not going anyplace looking like this."

"Jenna." Lee sat down beside her--she moved away, keeping her hands over her
face--he could hear how hard she was breathing. "Jenna Leigh Stetson, look at me
right now."

"Why?"

"Because--I said so, that's why." When his daughter didn't reply, Lee touched
her shoulder. "Come on, don't be this way--"

Slowly she removed her hands, looking at him--he could see tears filling her
eyes, threatening to fall.

"You listen to me," Lee said. "You are a beautiful girl--and I'm not just saying
that because I'm your father, I'm saying it because it's true--inside and out,
you are beautiful. I don't want to hear you call yourself ugly again."

Jenna's hand touched her forehead. "But this." Her voice quavered. "I mean, it's
just--"

"How about this?" Lee took her hand, guiding it to his upper left temple, just
below the hairline. "Feel that? That was about fifteen stitches."

Jenna frowned as she touched his forehead. "I can hardly see it now--what
happened?"

"It was a car accident--it happened when you were little." Actually car chase
might have been more accurate, but Lee knew he couldn't tell her about that. "It
used to look just like yours, but it faded over time--and here--look at this."
He rolled up his left sleeve. "This is more recent--only about a year old."

Jenna looked down at the thin white line that ran from his wrist to his elbow.
"That's funny--I don't remember you hurting your arm."

"Ahh...well you wouldn't really remember, munchkin--" Lee said, thinking fast.
"It happened while you were at summer camp and we didn't want to worry you."

"It must have been a lot of stitches," Jenna said. "How did it happen?"

"Just a little accident with a knife." Lee prayed that she wouldn't ask any
more questions. "The point I'm trying to make is that scars will fade--to you it
might seem like forever, Jenna--but they will--everything will get better with
time."

"I sure hope so."

He pulled her into a hug. "It will," he said firmly. "Want to tell me about when
you got your scar?" he asked, keeping his voice as calm and neutral as possible.
"I know it's scary--but I'm here, you're safe right here--it might make you feel
better to get it off your chest."

"Oh dad, I don't know--"

"Just try--remember what Dr. Pfaff said--if you get nervous just focus on your
breathing."

"I'll try." Jenna was silent for a few moments. "I got out of the house--I hid
behind some bushes in front of the house--then I called you on his cell phone."

"I remember," Lee said, recalling the overwhelming relief he'd felt at hearing
his daughter's voice--followed by the fear when the phone had suddenly cut off.
"What then?"

"He--he found me," Jenna said. "He had the gun again--told me to stand up and go
back inside the house."

Again? Part of Lee wanted to ask when Gary had used the gun before, but if he
pressed her too hard she might freeze on him.

"Did you go back inside the house?" he asked her.

"No--not right away, anyhow. I had a fork that I had saved from before--I
thought that maybe if I was fast enough I could get out of there. So I pretended
to call out to someone and when he turned around I stabbed him in the arm with
the fork and pushed him down--then I ran as fast as I could."

Lee had heard part of that story the night of the rescue--but until now he
hadn't known all the details. He felt a sudden surge of pride. "Jenna, do you
know how incredibly brave that was?"

"I didn't feel all that brave," Jenna said. "Anyway, I ran down the street--I
thought maybe I could find a payphone or go to someone's house and call from
there but he knocked into the back of me and I fell on my chest--it hurt so
bad--for a moment I couldn't breathe and then--" her breathing quickened
"--and--and then he--"

"Concentrate on your breathing," Lee told her. "Really slow, Jenna--just in and
out." He waited a little while until he felt her calm down. "What did he do
after that?"

"He put the gun to the back of my head--told me to get up or he'd blow it
off--told me to nod if I understood and I did. He jammed my arm up behind my
back and marched me back inside."

Lee's grip tightened slightly around his daughter--part of him wanting to march
down to the prison, find Johnston and beat him to a bloody pulp--but while that
might make Lee feel a hell of a lot better, it wouldn't actually help Jenna at
all. "So, you went back inside the house and then--

As Lee spoke his own memories came to the surface:

Running into the house--the blood on the floor--Suzanne Johnston lying
there--her sweater covered with her own blood--Gary had shot her, taking Jenna--

"--needed to take her somewhere--to be punished for what she did."

Those were the words that Suzanne had used. Had Jenna witnessed the shooting?
And what else had happened there?

"Jenna?" he asked again. "What happened next?"

"I don't know."

"Munchkin, if it's scary--just remember that I'm here and you're safe, okay?"

"Dad, it's not that--I can't--I mean I guess he must have hit me on the
head--with the gun, but I can't remember what happened."

Lee heard the anxiety in Jenna's voice. "It's all right," he said. "That's
perfectly normal."

"It is?" Jenna asked. "Really?"

"Sure it is," he told her, masking his own growing anxiety. He gave her a kiss
on the forehead and then stood. "Let's go downstairs, huh? Your mom sent me up
here to get you--she's probably going to send a search party after us if we keep
her waiting too much longer."

Part Nineteen: Panic/Ruined

Wednesday, February 14, 2001

4247 Maplewood Dr

5:10 PM

"Mmm...that smells good." Lee bent down to nuzzle his wife's neck from behind.

"Is it me or the chili?" Amanda turned to face him.

"Both." Lee smiled as he pulled her body close to his. "I love you and I love
your chili."

"Well you better, buster." Amanda teased as their lips met in a long and
satisfying kiss.

"Oh, and I stopped to pick up a little something." Reaching into his jacket
pocket, Lee pulled out a heart-shaped box of chocolates. "Happy Valentine's Day.
I know we did presents last night, but still--"

Amanda smiled. "Lee, this is wonderful--I got you something too--it's upstairs."

"Upstairs?" Lee said. "Something to look forward to later?"

"I would say it's worth looking forward to, yeah."

"Well that sounds wonderful, Mrs. Stetson."

"It should be." Amanda ran her hand down his arm. "And mother's out with
Captain Curt--I'm not sure how late she'll be, but she said not to wait up for
her."

"So, everyone gets a little romance tonight--that's good."

"It should be--though last night was pretty romantic too," Amanda said.
"Lee--what else have you got in your pocket?"

"I almost forgot." Lee pulled out the small pink and red stuffed turtle. "I got
this for Jenna--thought it looked cute."

"It's adorable." Amanda held the turtle, looking at the nametag. "Squirtle the
Turtle--Jenna will love it."

"Where is she?"

"In the family room, watching the news," Amanda said. "She wanted the lights off
though--she said her head hurt a little."

"Since when is Jenna interested in the news?"

"Her social studies assignment is to watch the local news for two weeks and
write a paper," Amanda explained. "It's not unusual--I seem to remember either
Phillip or Jamie having to do something similar when they were in school."

"How was she when you picked her up--did she seem like she had a good day?"

"Well I think so." Amanda turned back towards the chili to stir it as she
spoke, lowering her voice. "I get the feeling that something is worrying her but
she wasn't exactly forthcoming. Did she tell you anything at all this morning?"

Lee tried to think back. "Only that she was having trouble concentrating on her
schoolwork--that everything was harder than it used to be. I told her to give it
time."

"And Dr. Pfaff said that trouble concentrating is part of PTSD?"

Lee nodded. "He said it's hard to concentrate when your mind's constantly
telling you that you're in danger."

"That does make sense."

"I guess--it just seems--"

"Like something else happened to her?"

"Amanda, I just want to know," Lee said. "I need to know--exactly what he did to
her. The fact that she can't remember what happened during the head injury--it
bothers me--she's still so frightened--I don't know if we can make that fear go
away if she's holding back on us."

'Look who's rambling now, Stetson,' he thought to himself.

Amanda nodded. "Dr. Pfaff is right--hypnotherapy could help."

Yeah." Lee cast a brief glance out into the family room--checking that Jenna
was still watching TV before turning back to his wife. "The problem is getting
Jenna to go along with it--it could be a scary thing for her."

"I think if we talk and explain everything she'll be all right," Amanda said.
"But you know that even if we find out that Jenna was--if she was assaulted in
that way, it isn't your fault. Right?"

Lee hesitated--at that point the phone rang--saving him from having to answer.
Breathing a silent sigh of relief he picked up the cordless. "Stetson
residence."

"Lee, it's Francine--I just wanted to give you a heads up on the Johnston case."

Lee's hand tightened around the receiver. "What kind of heads up? What's going
on?"

"Johnston's hired a new legal team and get this--the head of that team is Dennis
Baylor."

"Baylor?" Lee repeated. "As in Dennis "The Hammer" Baylor? That jerk who never
misses a photo op?"

"The man's a media whore." Even over the phone Francine's voice dripped with
contempt. "I just got off the phone with the Commonwealth's
Attorney--defense-wise Johnston doesn't have a leg to stand on but that's not
going to stop this creep from talking to everyone he can and--oh no."

"What is it, Francine?"

"Yours truly is on local news right now--he's holding a press conference."

Local news--and Jenna was watching--"Oh God--" Lee's mind raced--he ran a hand
back through his hair. "Francine, listen--there's a little emergency--I'll call
you right back." Without waiting for a reply he hung up the phone and ran into
the family room with Amanda following.

Baylor's smug features filled half the screen--the other half showed a photo of
Johnston at his arraignment hearing. The former councilman was in handcuffs and
ankle cuffs, wearing an orange jumpsuit but his eyes--that smirk across his
face--

What Lee wouldn't have given at that moment to be able to put his hands through
the screen, wrap his fingers around Johnston's throat and just squeeze--

"It's very easy to judge, but there are two sides to this story," Baylor was
saying. "My client is innocent until proven guilty, and once all the facts come
to light, I'm sure that Gary Johnston will be exonerated and released. Good
day." Cursing silently, Lee grabbed the remote and turned off the set.

Then he turned to look at his daughter.

Even in the dim light he could see the fear in her wide eyes--she clutched a
pillow tightly in her arms, rocking back and forth.

"Munchkin?" Lee knelt beside her. "He's never getting out--I promise you
that--Gary can't hurt you anymore--you're safe." Her hands--Christ, they felt
icy--he could feel them trembling as he took them inside his own. Amanda turned
on a nearby lamp, illuminating the room--Jenna's eyes looked huge in her pale
face--the pupils so dilated they were nearly black.

"I'm not--" Jenna said. "That other man--he just said--"

"Oh, sweetheart," Amanda sat beside Jenna, putting an arm around her, holding
her close. "It'll be all right--Lee, the afghan, she's shivering--" Lee could
see the anxiety in his wife's eyes. Together they wrapped the blanket around
her.

Lee took Jenna's hands again--still so cold--he began rubbing them vigorously,
trying to bring some warmth back into her skin.

"Listen to me," Lee said. "I don't care what that--excuse for an attorney says.
Gary Johnston is not getting out--there's way too much evidence against him."

"Your father's right," Amanda told her. "That man's in jail and that's where
he's going to stay for a very long time."

If Jenna heard any of their reassurances, though--she gave no sign.

"He'll find me--find me and I--I can't go through that again--" her voice was
nearly a whisper."I can't--I just can't do it."

"Can't do what?" Lee asked. "What can't you go though again? Munchkin,
please--please answer me."

Jenna looked down at her arm.

"I lost it--" she said. "Dad, where did it go?"

Lee shook his head, flummoxed by the sudden change of subject. "where did what
go?"

"My watch." Jenna's voice rose. "Where did it go?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Lee said. "What watch?"

"The Disney watch--the one you bought for me--"

"Jenna, I--honestly, I don't know," Lee said. "Why are you so worried about your
watch all of the sudden?"

"You probably misplaced it," Amanda suggested gently. "Don't worry--we'll find
it again."

"No! You don't understand," Jenna said. "I'm sure I had it on--I know I did--I
had it on before he--"

"Before he what?" Amanda asked. "Sweetheart, what did he do? You can tell us."

"No," Jenna said vehemently. "I don't--I don't --know--I can't--" her breathing
was quick and shallow--her chest rose and fell rapidly...

"Jenna?" But she wasn't listening, Lee realized. Her eyes were glassy--skin so
pale--she began to wheeze slightly with each breath.

"Can't--Dad--" she managed to gasp out. Her hands pulled out of his and
clutched blindly at the arm of the sofa--Lee could see the panic in her
expression.

Hyperventilating, he thought. "Amanda, get Kelford on the phone--" he said.
"Pfaff too, if you can--I want them on standby." Amanda nodded and stood, going
into the kitchen.

Lee knew he had to act fast--he sat beside Jenna on the sofa. "Look at me," he
told her--fighting to keep his voice calm. "Look at my face, Jenna, right into
my eyes--" He wasn't sure how many times he repeated this but finally Jenna's
gaze turned to meet his.

"Yeah, that's it--now breathe," Lee said. "Slowly, in and out--you're doing
fine--slowly--don't stop breathing."

It felt like forever--as gradually Jenna's breathing returned to normal. Lee
watched in relief as color started to creep back into his daughter's cheeks.

"How do you feel?" he asked her.

"Better, I guess--my chest hurts but it's not bad--" Jenna's eyes filled with
sudden tears. "I'm sorry--for acting that way--I don't know why--it was just
seeing--"

Lee wrapped his arms around Jenna, pulling her close. "Shhh..." he soothed. "I
know--don't worry about it."

"I wish I could forget it, you know? Forget his face--" Jenna said. "But I
can't--and every time I close my eyes he's there, waiting for me--waiting to--"
Lee felt Jenna's body shudder slightly "--and I just get so scared--his eyes--"

"Well, if it helps you feel better--remember that when you saw Gary Johnston
just now his hands and ankles were cuffed. He's in a cell, Jenna--he's the
prisoner now--not you--and he'll never have the chance to hurt you or anyone
else, ever again."

"I'll try--"

"Want to talk about it? About what--about what he did?"

"Not right now, Dad--it's just--it's just hard."

"What about your watch?"

Jenna was silent for a few moments--Lee held his breath--hoping that he hadn't
triggered another episode by pushing for too much too soon.

Jenna sighed. "Oh, I don't know--not even sure about why I thought about it, but
when I saw him--Gary--somehow that brought it back--I could've sworn that I had
the watch--but now--you know, everything's so screwed around in my head that I'm
not sure of much--maybe I just thought I had it on that day." Another sigh.
"This is frustrating."

"Well memories can be that way. Just don't rush it--there's no hurry."

"But--I'm not being very helpful, am I? I'm sorry."

"You're just fine," Lee told her. "And just remember--whenever you feel like
talking your mom and I will be here."

SMK SMK SMK SMK 

 8:30 PM

"At least Jenna managed to eat some of her dinner." Closing the bedroom door,
Amanda sat down on the edge of the bed. "Poor thing--that really took a lot out
of her."



"Yeah, it did," Lee said. "You know, she was so tired that she might sleep
straight through for the second night in a row--" he laughed shortly "--I guess
we should be grateful for something out of all this mess, huh?"



"Dr. Pfaff says he'd like to see Jenna tomorrow--an early morning session--she
might miss homeroom and her first period, but I can work it out with the school
in the morning."



"Sure--why not--the way things are going she's probably going to have to end up
repeating the grade anyway."



"Lee--"



"Amanda, I'm sorry--I really didn't mean it like that--it's just--I thought
Jenna was doing pretty well and then this happens and it feels like we're right
back at square one--"



"Yeah, I know what you mean."



"She's not going to do any more of these assignments at school--I'm not having
her watching the news--we can't risk this happening again." Lee sat down beside
Amanda on the bed.



"I agree," Amanda said. "We'll talk to the school tomorrow--see if they can
arrange an alternate assignment."



"We'll also need to talk to the Commonwealth's Attorney," Lee said. "See how we
can play this--I never expected things to happen this quickly--I thought we'd
have more time."



"Time moves fast." Amanda gave a small sigh.



"That it does. It's funny, you know? All I wanted was a nice evening, for us to
have a good evening, for Jenna--" Lee took the stuffed turtle out of his pocket,
looking down at it. "I didn't even get a chance to give her this--her
Valentine's Day present--it was all ruined. I swear, I'd like to take that
slimeball of a defense attorney by his throat and--"



"Believe me, I know exactly how you feel?"



"That man could just plead guilty, Amanda." Lee's voice rose. "He knows what
he's done--the weight of the evidence against him. He could spare us all a hell
of a lot of pain and trouble, but he won't--and do you know why? Because he
enjoys this--he enjoys the idea that he's hurting Jenna--causing her fear and
pain--I swear the bastard gets off on terrorizing her--at this point I wouldn't
put anything past him."



"You still think he--"



"Yes, I still think that--what else am I supposed to think? Look at the
physical reaction she had just from seeing a photo of the guy on TV--there's
something else there--I'm just not sure what yet."



"Where does the watch fit in?"



"Well there's the million-dollar question." Lee ran his hands through his hair.
"I just wish I knew the answer--Jenna knows, but she's either too frightened to
say or she's repressing it somehow. I don't know. But the thought of my daughter
being at the mercy of someone like that is--" He couldn't bring himself to
finish the statement.



Amanda fell silent for a moment, biting her lower lip. "That's not the only
thing missing," she said. "You remember that black belt I had, the one with the
silver buckle and the little rhinestones on it? I lent it to Jenna that
morning--she wanted to wear it with her jeans."



"I remember now--it was in the missing person's report." Lee said. "Amanda, how
do a missing watch and a belt go together?"



"I'm not sure yet, but I think it all fits in with her missing memories
somehow--and I don't think it deals with the kind of assault you're thinking
of."



"How can you be so sure?"



"I'm not completely sure," Amanda said. "But my instincts are telling me that's
not what happened--it's just a feeling."



"Your feelings are usually right on target, though." Lee took her hand. "And in
this case I certainly hope they are."



"Me too."



"What gets me so frustrated is that I feel helpless--when she was little and she
scraped her knee I could always make it better--now I can't fix everything--I
can't make it all better."



"But you do." Amanda squeezed his hand. "You have. Lee, this could've been a lot
worse. Dr. Pfaff said that if you hadn't helped Jenna control her breathing she
would've gone into shock and probably ended up in the hospital. I'm just glad
you were there--to help her through it."



"Yeah, I'm glad I was there too." Lee said. "By the way--what was the
Valentine's Day present you said you had for me?"



A red, sexy nightgown--" Amanda covered a yawn with her hand. "Only now I think
I might be too tired. "



"That's okay--" Lee pulled his wife into his arms--together they lay back on the
bed, her body spooned against his. "There'll be other nights--for right now I'm
just happy to be like this--with you."



"Mmm...this is nice," Amanda murmured, her eyes slowly closing. Lee planted a
soft kiss on her lips."



"I love you, Mrs. Stetson."



"Love you too."

Part  Nineteen: Slipping/ School Hard

IFF

Thursday, February 15, 2001

7:30 AM


"How are you doing this morning, Jenna?" Dr. Pfaff asked.

"Not so good." Jenna stared down at the carpet,
tracing a small circle with her toe. "My chest hurts, and I just feel
like--" it seemed like she was always complaining these days--part of her
wondered how long it would be before everyone got sick of her.

"I'm sorry," she said finally.

Dr. Pfaff sat in the chair, unwrapping his ice cream.
"Sorry for what?"

"Do you ever eat anything besides ice cream?"
Jenna asked suddenly.

"Yeah--I like all kinds of food, but I do particularly
like ice cream. Why do you ask?"

"No reason--I just wondered."

Dr. Pfaff nodded sagely. "That makes sense--and I was
wondering why you apologized."

"I'm just--I'm sorry that I'm not doing so good this
morning, that's all." Jenna stared
at the opposite wall where there was a painting--a meadow--a girl sat in the
meadow, looking at the farmhouse in the distance, her thin hands grasping at
the dry grass. It was strange how she'd never noticed it before, but something
about the painting made her feel sad and lost--she shivered slightly.

"Munchkin?" Dad's voice broke into her
thoughts--Jenna looked at him sitiing beside her.

"I'm fine," she told him.

"Do you like that painting?" Dr. Pfaff asked.

"No." Jenna shook her head. "Not really--it
seems sad to me."

"Really," Dr. Pfaff raised his eyebrows. "In
what way?"

"Because the girl wants to get to the house--she wants
to get home, but she can't--her legs can't move--and pretty soon it's going to
rain and she'll be left all alone,"
Jenna said. "I'm sorry--that sounds silly."

"No, actually it's a very interesting
interpretation," Dr. Pfaff told her. "So--back to the earlier
subject--why do you think you need to be sorry?"

Jenna struggled to pull the right words from her brain.
"Because--I should be doing better--I want to be doing better--all I want
is to make everyone happy so they won't worry."

"Okay." Dr.
Pfaff took a bite of his ice cream. "What about making you happy?"

Jenna stared. "I don't understand."

"We're here for you, Jenna--this is about helping you
feel better--dealing with your fears--on your time, not ours. You don't have to
feel rushed or pressured about anything--and you certainly don't need to
pretend."

Dad took her hand, squeezing it. "He's right,
Jenna--this is about you."

"I know you had a bad night last night," Dr. Pfaff
said. "Your mom had me on the phone when you were
hyperventilating."

"Yeah--"
Jenna remembered her chest tightening--the feeling of not being able to
take in enough air--so cold--her heart pounding so rapidly that she imagined it
bursting through her chest, falling onto the floor--her hands felt numb--then
the sound of her father's voice, telling her to look at him, to breathe--

"It was pretty bad," she told him.

"I can imagine," Dr. Pfaff said. "What
happened before that?"

"I was watching the news when they
showed--him."

"You mean Gary Johnston?"

Jenna nodded.

"Tell me more about that."

Jenna hesitated--she could feel dad's hand still holding
hers--it was comforting. "They showed a picture of him--and his
lawyer--his lawyer was saying that his client was going to get out--that the
charges would be dropped--and then I saw his picture--his face--and it--I guess
it scared me."

"It scared you pretty bad, from the sound of it,"
Dr. Pfaff said. "Why did it scare you?"

"Because they said he was getting out--I thought he
would come for me--" Jenna's voice faltered.

"But just because his lawyer says it doesn't make it
true," Dr. Pfaff told her. "That man is paid to defend him."

"It could happen though," Jenna said. "It's
possible."

"Well anything is possible--but there's a lot of
evidence against him--hard evidence."

"Yeah, and Dad said to remember that he's in
handcuffs--that he's a prisoner and I'm not."

"Your dad is right," Dr. Pfaff said. "So, was
that all it was about? You were worried he was going to be released?"

Gary Johnston stood over her, floating in and out of
focus--suddenly he grabbed her arm by the wrist, twisting it until she cried
out--Jenna tried to move but her body wouldn't cooperate--her head throbbed and
it was taking all of her concentration just to remain conscious.

"You won't be needing this, Jenna--not where you're
going..."

"My watch--where did it go?"

The last part--Jenna could hear her own voice in her
head--the panic in those words--she was pretty sure that had been from last
night. But where had the first part come from?
The harder she struggled to recall the more the memory slipped away

"That was all," Jenna said out loud. "I was
scared he was getting out."

"I see," Dr. Pfaff said. "What about your
watch?"

"I don't know--I thought I had it on when I was
kidnapped." Jenna's head began to throb slightly. "I think I maybe
lost it or--but I'm not sure."

"Not sure that you had it or not sure how you lost
it?"

"I don't know," Jenna repeated--using her free
hand to rub her forehead. "I was probably wrong but I don't know. Maybe I
just replaced it somewhere--it doesn't really matter anyway."

For a few minutes Dr. Pfaff was silent, just looking at her.
"How do you feel about Gary Johnston being in handcuffs and behind
bars?"

"I feel--like that's where he belongs," Jenna
said. "I want him to be where he can't hurt me again--where he can't hurt
anybody else either."

"For how long? What would you like to see happen to
him?"

"I don't--all I want is to not be hurt again--I want
him far away."

"Have you actually thought about a trial? About what
would happen there?"

Dr. Pfaff's question made Jenna pause for a moment while she
tried to sort out her thoughts. "I hadn't really--I mean, I guess I know
there will be one sometime but I hadn't actually thought about what would
happen."

"What if you had to testify--with Gary sitting in the courtroom?"

Testify--telling everyone what he did to her--and he would
be there--those eyes looking at her--Jenna swallowed hard. In her mind's eye
she imagined seeing him--his eyes so cold--holding her in place, not able to
move--"I don't--" she choked out "--I don't know if I--"

"Breathe," Dr. Pfaff reminded her. "Like you
did last night--I don't want you to hyperventilate again." Jenna felt her
breathing slow.

Dad squeezed her hand again. "Good job, munchkin."

"Is that what happened last night?" Dr. Pfaff asked.

"Pretty much," Jenna told him. "I guess I
panicked--the breathing with Dad--it helped."

Dr. Pfaff took another bite of the ice cream. "What
about the relaxation exercise? Did it help?"

"It helped--" Jenna admitted. "At first it
felt scary, and I felt silly when I had to tense all the muscles in my face,
but --after that everything felt better. And I didn't have any nightmares that
night."

"That's good," Dr. Pfaff said. "And I want
you to keep doing that exercise with your parents--soon you'll learn how to do
that all on your own if you start to panic. There's also another thing we can
try to help you relax. Have you ever heard about hypnotherapy?"

"Hypnosis?" Jenna remembered seeing something on a
talk show once--people who were hypnotized pretending to be ballet dancers or
something. "Isn't that like mind control?"

"No, Jenna--hypnosis isn't mind control, it's a
completely natural state--it just helps you to relax and focus--sort of like
the relaxation exercise that you've already done, and that wasn't bad at all,
was it?"

"No--it wasn't bad--it was nice." Another thought
occurred to her. "I wouldn't have to lie down for it though, would
I?"

"There's no need to lie down," Dr. Pfaff said.
"Sitting in a chair would be perfectly fine--whatever helps you to feel
safe is all right."

"What would the hypnosis do--apart from relaxing
me?"

"Well--it would help you to be able to talk about the
things that happened to you without feeling so anxious."

Not feeling anxious--that was a feeling that Jenna would
definitely like to have. "What about memories? Some of the things that
happened are--blurry--it's like I try to remember and then I can't."

"Well the more you push yourself the harder it can be
to remember," Dr. Pfaff said. "Sometimes it's best just to relax and
allow memory to come back naturally. But you might be holding back memories
that frighten you--hypnosis might make some of these memories a little less
frightening so you can talk about them."
He looked at the clock. "We wouldn't have time today, but we can
try it at your next session, if you like."

It did sound good, Jenna thought--but
still--"Dad?" she looked over
at him. "What do you think?"


"I think the decision is yours," Dad replied.
"You're in control here, Jenna--what do you want to do?"

What did she want to do? "You'll be there, right?"
she asked her Dad. "You won't leave?"

"I won't leave--I promise. I'll be right there the
whole time."

The whole time--Jenna looked at Dr. Pfaff.

"I'll do it."

 Kenmore Middle School

9:45 AM

"Well here we are," Lee said as they pulled in front of the school. "You missed
homeroom but with any luck you'll be able to catch most of your first
period--what is your first period?"

"Social Studies," Jenna said with a small sigh. "Now I have to explain why I
have no notes for my essay."

"Munchkin, your mother called the school this morning--she spoke to the
Principal and the guidance counselor--I'm sure your teacher will understand."

"You don't know Mrs. Taitz, Dad--she yells at you if your homework is even
wrinkled. She wasn't exactly happy with me yesterday, but now--"

"Jenna--she hasn't been yelling at you, has she?" Lee asked, looking closely at
his daughter.

"No, not yelling--not exactly--but I can tell she's disappointed in me--the
stuff she says."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Yesterday when I got a 74 on a pop quiz she just sighed and said 'Well, I guess
that's the best we can expect from you'--" Jenna's voice faltered slightly. "She
said it so that the whole class heard--one boy even laughed. I'm trying, but I
guess it's just not good enough for her."

In front of the whole class--Lee controlled his anger, making a mental note to
talk to Amanda about Jenna's teacher later on.

"You're doing fine," he told Jenna. "I used to hate pop quizzes at school."

"Yeah, I don't like them either. You went to a lot of different schools, didn't
you?"

"You have no idea--being an Air Force Brat--you know, one year I went to six
different schools in four different countries--they even discussed holding me
back that year."

"Wow--did they?"

"No--the Colonel wouldn't hear of it," Lee said. "But I know what it's like to
have a tough time in school. "You'll be just fine."

"Maybe." Jenna looked down at her hands.

"What is it?"

"I used to be good at Social Studies--I really was--before all this happened."

"Hey--" he touched her shoulder. "You still are good at Social Studies--you're
just having a rough time at the moment."

"A rough time? Dad, I can't even read a whole chapter--yesterday I read one page
four times and I couldn't even remember what it said."

Trouble concentrating--the PTSD--Lee tried to think of a way to explain this to
her. "Look--sometimes when you're under stress--you know, frightened--the way
you've been--sometimes that makes it hard to concentrate on things. But it's
only temporary, munchkin--I promise."

Jenna was silent for a few moments. "But what if it isn't temporary?" What if
it's--" her hand flew to her forehead. "You know--some sort of damage?"

"Damage? You are not damaged--they ran lots of tests in the hospital and they
all turned up just fine. Any problems would've showed up then."

"I was looking on the internet," Jenna said. "And they were talking about
traumatic brain injury--that some damage can be delayed. Some guy was hit on the
head and not even knocked out--"

"Jenna--" Lee said, but his daughter kept talking.

"--then his personality changed and he had mood swings--he went on disability
and filed a lawsuit--I was hit on the head a lot worse than that--"

"Well I've been hit on the head a few times and I'm still fine." Lee broke into
his daughter's ramble. "Trust me, okay? I know about these things. There is
nothing wrong with your brain. It's just stress and fear making everything
harder."

"Stress and fear?" Jenna repeated.

"That's right--stress and fear--and Dr. Pfaff and your mom and I--we're helping
you with that. This hypnosis will help you too, you know. Things will start to
get better--they really will."

"Okay," Jenna said. "I should probably go--before it gets any later."

"Well, here's something to take with you--" Lee removed the stuffed turtle from
his jacket pocket. "It was supposed to be for Valentine's Day."

"Oh, he's so cute." Jenna took the turtle--"And soft--he's got adorable eyes--"
she looked at the nametag and smiled. "Squirtle the Turtle." Her arms wrapped
around his neck. "Thanks, dad."

"Have a good day, munchkin--I love you."

Part  Twenty-One :Testimony/Calm

Arlington County Courthouse

Office of the Commonwealth's Attorney

Thursday, February 15, 2001

11:30 AM

"If you'll just have a seat, Mr. and Mrs. Stetson," the receptionist said. "Mr.
Dutton will be with you shortly. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"No, thank you--we're fine." The receptionist left, closing the door softly
behind her. Lee and Amanda sat on the sofa facing the desk.

"How did it go with the school?" Lee asked.

"Pretty well," Amanda replied. "Getting her excused from school this morning was
no problem--the assignment was a little more difficult."

"Difficult how?"

"Well, first I tried talking to Jenna's teacher."

"You mean Mrs. Taitz."

Amanda made a face. "That's the one. Lee, that woman--I swear--"

"Yeah--Jenna was telling me about her," Lee said. "So what did she have to say?"

"At first she said that she couldn't make an exception for Jenna alone--that
while the circumstances were 'unfortunate', she wanted me to remember that she
had other children to consider."

'I'll give her 'unfortunate,' ' Lee thought grimly."What happened next?" he
asked.

Amanda paused. "Well--"

"What?"

"Usually I don't lose my cool, Lee, but when it comes to my children's safety,
I--"

"I know." Reaching over, Lee squeezed his wife's hand.

"It's just the way she said it, you know? That condescending tone of hers--it
really got to me."

"Amanda--just tell me what you said."

"I asked her how many of the other children have had a panic attack from seeing
their kidnapper on the news--and I told her that Jenna had nearly gone into
shock--how I very nearly had to call an ambulance."

"Yeah--and?"

"Then she had the nerve to say that Jenna didn't have any problems--that if we
just ignored it and quit 'overindulging' her--all of the problems would just go
away."

"Overindulging her?" Lee repeated incredulously. He had half a mind to go down
there and give Mrs. Taitz a piece of his mind.

"Her words." Amanda's voice shook slightly, her hands clenching in her lap. "She
just--she has absolutely no idea. I had to hang up before I said some things
that I might've regretted."

"Oh believe me, I wouldn't have regretted it." Lee said. "So, does that mean
that Jenna still has to do the assignment? That's just not possible."

"No, that's not what it means," Amanda said. "I went over Mrs. Taitz's head and
spoke to the principal--he said that he would make sure that Jenna was able to
do an alternate assignment. Lee, I hated to do it, but I'm not having Jenna go
through a repeat of what happened last night--not if I can help it."

Lee remembered the things that Jenna had told him about her teacher. "This
woman--she won't take it out on Jenna, will she?"

"Oh. she better not. But just in case I also put in a request to see if I could
have Jenna switched to another Social Studies class for the remainder of the
year."

"Good idea."

"How did the therapy session go?"

"Actually it went pretty well--we talked to her about hypnotherapy and she
agreed to give it a try."

"Lee, that's wonderful."

"Yeah. Pfaff said that it make take a few sessions, but hopefully it will let us
get to the bottom of what's frightening her so badly."

Just then the door opened--a heavyset white-haired man with glasses entered.

"Mr. and Mrs. Stetson, how do you do?" He extended his hand to each of them in
turn. "My name is Robert Dutton--I'm the Commonwealth's Attorney for Arlington
County."

"It's nice to meet you, sir," Amanda replied as she shook his hand.

"How is Jenna holding up?" Sitting at his desk, Mr. Dutton began to rummage
through a stack of papers.

"Not very well," Lee said. "She's been having nightmares and flashbacks--we're
working through that in therapy."

"I see," Mr. Dutton said. "And is she on any medications? Anti-depressants or
something similar?"

"No, sir--we decided against that route," Amanda said.

"I understand," Mr. Dutton said. "I'm glad you've come to see me--I was planning
on contacting you myself shortly, regarding the preliminary hearing."

The preliminary--oh God--with everything else that had been going on, Lee had
almost forgotten about that. "When is that?"

Mr. Dutton looked at his calendar. "As of now it's set for April the first, but
that's only a tentative date."

"And would Jenna be required to testify at that hearing?" Amanda asked.

"Ordinarily, yes," Mr.Dutton said. "The preliminary hearing is like a short
trial--it usually lasts about an hour--all we need to do is establish probable
cause that the crime occurred--in this case, the kidnapping and attempted
murder--Jenna's testimony would help us with that. Any questions?"

"The testimony is what we needed to talk to you about," Lee replied. "We were
just wondering if there would be any alternative to Jenna testifying in open
court--maybe a videotaped deposition?"

Mr. Dutton shook his head. "Not in the General District Court--which is where
the preliminary would be held. Your daughter's testimony is necessary--the
police statement she issued wasn't exactly comprehensive."

Lee recalled the moment vividly--Jenna in the hospital bed--dark eyes fearful as
she'd gazed at the police officer, answering all of his questions with
monosyllables. "What about Amanda and me? You have our statements."

The Commonwealth's Attorney shook his head again. "The victim is the one who
actually experienced it--hers is the testimony the judge will need to hear. I
understand your hesitancy--these things can be very frightening for children,
but--"

"Sir, I'm not sure that you do understand," Amanda said. "Last night when Jenna
was watching the news--she saw Gary Johnston and she had a panic attack--she
started shivering and hyperventilating. If my husband hadn't managed to bring
her breathing under control she may have gone into shock and ended up in the
hospital. I'm just not sure that she would be able to sit across from that man
and testify--I worry that it might cause her even more trauma."

Mr.Dutton was silent for a moment. "I wouldn't be able to do the deposition, but
she might be able to give her testimony via closed-circuit television--it allows
the court and witness to interact without having to be in the same room. Also,
due to the nature of your work--and since the case involves a minor--I may also
be able to petition to have the courtroom closed to the media and general
public."

"Thank you, sir, we'd appreciate that." Amanda said.

"Your Agency has been very helpful to me," Mr. Dutton said. "I would also need
Jenna's medical records to give to the judge--to make a case for CCTV testimony.
Afterwards they could be entered into evidence for the hearing and the trial."

"Would the defense be able to look at them too--the medical records?"
The thought of Gary Johnston looking at the details of what he'd done to their
daughter caused bile to rise in Lee's throat. He glanced over at Amanda, knowing
from her expression that she was feeling the same way. He gave her hand another
reassuring squeeze.

"Yes," Mr. Dutton said. "Both the defense and the prosecution have access to the
evidence that will be presented."

"And the press?" Amanda asked. "Could they--"

"Well technically when a minor is involved we try to shield things from the
press, but they've gotten out before," Mr. Dutton said. "Look at the Jon Benet
Ramsey case with the autopsy photos."

Lee and Amanda exchanged looks. "We'll agree for the records to be given to the
judge," Lee told the attorney. "But we'd like to hold off on their use in the
hearing or the trial--for now."

Mr. Dutton shrugged. "Your call, Mr. Stetson." he picked up a pamphlet from his
desk. "This is more information about CCTV testimony--you should find it very
informative. Let me know what you decide about the medical records."

Amanda took the pamphlet. "Thank you, Mr. Dutton--you've been very helpful."

"My pleasure, Mrs. Stetson."

4247 Maplewood Dr.

8:45 PM

"Hey, munchkin--I thought you were going to bed," Lee said.

Jenna looked up and gave a small smile. "In a minute. I'm just going over this
book for my new class."

"You mean social studies?"

She nodded. Lee walked over to sit beside his daughter on the bed, glancing over
her shoulder as she turned the pages. "Isn't that a little small to be a
textbook?"

"Dad--it's not a textbook. Mrs. Graham called it a Pitkin Guide--she gave it to
me for my new project."

"Comparing the Houses of Parliament to Congress, right?" Lee said, remembering
what Jenna had told them over dinner.

"That's it," Jenna said. "It's harder than the other project, but I think I'll
like it--and Mrs. Graham is nice--better than Mrs. Taitz--not so much yelling.
Mrs. Taitz was always yelling at someone."

"Well that's the most important thing." Lee gave a silent prayer of relief that
Jenna was out of that woman's class for good. "And maybe that'll make it easier
to concentrate."

"Yeah," Jenna turned another page. "I think the relaxation exercise helps too."

"Well it's like I was saying this morning--stress and fear make it hard to
concentrate."

"True," Jenna said. "So maybe I'm not dain bramaged after all."

Lee raised his eyebrows. "Dain bramaged?"

"Just some kid at school saying stuff--don't worry about it." Jenna said. "Did
you know there's been a Parliament in Britain since the fourteenth century? But
they didn't always meet in the same place."

Lee wondered about the sudden change in subject but decided to let it go.
"That's right--they used to meet in Westminster Palace, the Abbey--and then in
St. Stephen's Chapel until the 1830s."

"Wow," Jenna said. "You know a lot about this."

"Well,I've been over there quite a few times--you pick up things--and you know
how your mother always likes to read those little plaques they put next to
exhibits."

"Yeah, she does that when we go to the Smithsonian too."

"Hey, you see those little circles--right there at the top of the chairs in the
House of Commons?" Lee pointed to the photo in Jenna's book. "Those are little
loudspeakers--so that Members of Parliament--the MP's can hear what's going on.
Also, it probably helps to wake them up if they start to fall asleep."

To his amazement Jenna actually giggled. "I bet--if I was taking a nap, hearing
a voice right by my ear would make me jump--what is it?"

"Nothing," Lee ruffled her hair. "It's good to hear you laugh, that's all."

"Thanks," Jenna covered a small yawn with her hand. "Hey--I would love to go
there someday--to England."

"Well someday you will--I promise--we'll go see your Aunt Emily."

"That would be great. Your Mom--she came from England, didn't she?"

"Yes, she did."

"What was she like? I've seen pictures--she looks so beautiful."

"She was beautiful--she was also very nice, very sweet--she would've loved
you--probably spoiled you the way that all grandmother's like to." Lee watched
as Jenna's eyes began to close. "Come on, munchkin--you really do need to
sleep." He helped her to climb under the covers and tucked her in.

"Scarecrow doll?" Jenna asked--her eyes starting to close again.

"Here you go." Lee tucked it under the covers with her and kissed her on the
forehead. "Good night." He turned off the main light--the nightlight filled the
room with a soft glow.

SMK SMK SMK SMK

"What's that you've got there?" Lee asked his wife, sitting beside her on the
bed.

"Just a manual for a training seminar that I'm supposed to teach next week. I
want to be sure that I'm fully up-to-date on the newest stuff before I go in
there."

"I'm sure you'll be fine."

Amanda closed the book and placed it in her nightstand drawer. "I certainly hope
so--I know that Francine and Billy have been trying to keep us on light duty
because of Jenna--courses, security checks--but what's going to happen if a case
comes up that we can't avoid?"

"I guess we'll deal with that when we come to it."

Amanda sighed. "Guess so. How was Jenna? Did she get to sleep all right?"

"Seemed to--she was in a pretty good mood--seemed relaxed--I just hope it
lasts."

"Why shouldn't it?"

Lee ran his hands back through his hair. "Because it feels like we're waiting
for the other shoe to drop--things might go well momentarily, but it doesn't
seem to last."

"We knew there would be ups and downs with this."

"I know that, but we've got some awfully big hurdles coming up--dealing with
what the hypnosis uncovers--her testimony at the preliminary hearing--all of
this means more stress for her, more nightmares--right now all we have is the
calm before the storm."

"Sure--but we'll get through this storm, Lee--I know we will." Amanda rested
her head against his chest and Lee pulled her close.

"Amanda, when Dr. Pfaff asked Jenna how she felt about testifying it nearly sent
her into another panic attack--I don't know how to say it in a way that won't
upset her."

"We'll talk to Pfaff--get his advice--and no one said that we had to tell her
right away," Amanda said. "Just like you told me about what might happen at the
Agency---we'll deal with these things when we come to them."

"Sure, Mrs. Stetson--throw my advice right back in my face, why don't you." Lee
grumbled, but he was smiling.

"That's what wives are for."

"Which reminds me," Lee murmured into her ear as he ran his fingers sensuously
down her side, to her hip and back up again. "I still didn't get my Valentine's
Day present."

"Oh yeah--I remember." Amanda smiled as her palm made lazy circles on his chest.

"The red sexy nightgown?"

"It's like I've said before, Stetson--sometimes it's better without the
nightgown."

"Shall we find out, then?" Lee said, as his lips descended upon hers.
 

Failed

4247 Maplewood Dr

Sunday, February 18, 2001

5:30 PM

"This get-together was a good idea, Scarecrow." Billy sat down on the family
room sofa. "The salmon was just fantastic--Amanda really is a wonderful cook."

"Well I hope you saved some room for dessert." Lee sat in the armchair opposite.
"Amanda helped Jenna make a lemon meringue pie."

Billy grinned. "Oh, believe me--there's always room for lemon meringue pie.
Where's Mrs. West?"

"Out with Captain Curt." Secretly Lee thought there was an engagement lurking
in his mother-in-law's future, but he didn't want to say until he knew for
certain. In the distance they could hear the pleasant-sounding voices of Amanda,
Jeannie and Jenna as they played a game of Uno at the kitchen table.

Billy lowered his voice. "Jenna seems to be doing pretty well."

Lee nodded. "Yeah, she's had a pretty good run since this Thursday--no
nightmares or panic attacks."

"Things have been that bad?"

"Pretty much--the smallest event can trigger an episode--a nightmare or a
flashback--Wednesday night she nearly went into shock after seeing Johnston's
picture on the news."

Billy's expression darkened. "I heard about that press-conference--that man
deserves to be under the jail."

"Whatever they decide to do to that creep, Billy--believe me--it won't be
enough." Lee's fist clenched. "I'm not sure it ever could be."

"How's she been doing with Pfaff?"

"Pretty well, I think--she likes him--thinks he's nice--though she still wants
me to come to the sessions with her."

"She likes Pfaff?" Billy's tone was incredulous. "Wonders never cease."

"Yeah, I know." Lee said. "I do have to admit that he's done a good job--the
relaxation and breathing exercises have really helped her anxiety--she's even
agreed to let him hypnotize her."

"Why hypnosis?"

"There are some--" Lee blew out his breath and ran one hand back through his
hair "--some blank spots in her memory--when it comes to the events leading up
to and after her head injury. Pfaff says that it's possible that she might be
repressing something that happened."

"Uno!" Jenna's voice rang out. Both men fell silent for a moment until the flow
of voices resumed once again.

"You realize that it's equally possible that the head injury caused the memory
loss," Billy told him. "It's happened before."

"Of course I realize that," Lee snapped. "I just want to know for sure. She's so
frightened--"

"This is my goddaughter we're talking about--and if you're suggesting what I
think you're suggesting--then I sincerely hope you're wrong."

"I hope I'm wrong too, but right now I don't know. When you've seen your own
child shrink away from you in fear because the smell of your cologne reminds her
of her kidnapper, it's just--I picture that bastard hurting her and it makes me
feel--" Lee's fist clenched even tighter, his nails digging into the skin. "I
just want to know for sure--and I want Jenna to be able to deal with everything
that happened to her--she can't do that if she's holding it inside."

Billy nodded. "I have to agree with you there. But how are you going to feel if
you find out that something of that nature did happen to her?"

"What do you mean?"

"I know you, remember? And I know that you tend to blame yourself whenever
something happens to those you care about--even when it isn't your fault."

"Well don't worry, all right? I'm still seeing Pfaff myself."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Everyone says it wasn't my fault--Amanda, Pfaff--even Jenna told me that--I
just can't seem to tell myself." He paused. "Maybe it's because I already know
the truth."

"Which is?"

Lee looked down and away from him. "That I let Jenna down--I failed her. And no
matter what anyone says--I know this."

"Look, man--I raised three daughters," Billy said. "And as hard as you try, it
just isn't possible to protect them 24-7. You didn't fail her--you just didn't
know."

Lee was about to reply when Amanda came into the kitchen, the cordless in her
hand. Her face was pale, dark eyes wide. Something was wrong.

"Amanda, what is it?" Lee asked.

"That was McJohn at the Agency. The state police found a plastic bag last
night--by the side of I-81 south--" Lee could hear the tremor in his wife's
voice. "The things--they think they probably belong to Jenna."

Why would Gary have--Lee swallowed very hard. "Jenna--she didn't hear--"

"No, she has no idea," Amanda said. "But McJohn wants us down there as soon as
possible."

"You go,Lee--" Billy said. "Jeannie and I can stay here with Jenna."

 Agency Lab

6:15 PM

"The things are over here." Dr. McJohn led them over to a table near the back of
the lab. The antiseptic smell assaulted Lee's nostrils--reminding him of how
much he hated places like this. "There weren't any prints--everything was wiped
clean. Feel free to handle them--we've run all the necessary tests."

He had pretty much known what to expect--but still--as Lee approached the table
and stared down at the items--the wristwatch and the belt--he suddenly realized
he was shaking. Amanda picked up the belt.

"This is torn," she said to McJohn, lifting up the two pieces.

"Not torn, Mrs. Stetson--" McJohn said. "It was cut, probably by a sharp
pocketknife."

Lee could see the shock in his wife's eyes. "Why would he do that--cut her belt
off?" Her voice trembled--Lee's hand reached for hers.

McJohn shrugged. "At this point your guess is as good as mine. All we know is
that the items were found by a couple of hikers just outside Front Royal --in a
Ziploc bag--it had been partially buried. They thought it looked suspicious and
informed the State Police."

"I asked Francine to file a report on the missing items Friday," Amanda said
softly. "I wasn't sure if anything would come of it--but I thought--just to be
on the safe side."

"It was a good idea, Amanda." Lee squeezed her hand. "And hopefully it's more
evidence against Johnston."

He looked down at the table--at the watch. The gold Mickey gleamed on the
watch's face. Lee remembered that day at Disney World--letting Jenna choose a
watch as a souvenir--he could even picture it on her wrist.


"Dad, it's so pretty--thank you..."

  Then he thought of Gary's hands removing with watch, cutting off her belt and
then--Lee wrenched his gaze away from the items, feeling suddenly ill.

"Do you--" part of him was surprised that he still had the power of speech. "Are
there results from any of the tests yet?"

"Those will take a while." McJohn picked up a clipboard from a nearby stool.
"But we did receive some other results--I have Jenna's toxicology report."

"Toxicology?" Lee stared at the Doctor in confusion and then he remembered the
nurse back at the hospital who'd taken two vials of Jenna's blood--she'd said it
was for testing. "What do the results show?"

Dr. McJohn ran his finger down the page. "A couple of things--traces of
chloroform, which we expected--but there were also traces of chloral hydrate--"

"Chloral hydrate?" Amanda repeated.

"It's a sedative and a hypnotic--from the amount which was in her bloodstream we
think it was probably used at least twice."

Knockout drops--Lee had used the drug quite a few times in his profession. He
remembered when he and Amanda had paid Johnston a visit--to question him--he'd
mentioned his daughter Marcie--said that she wasn't a morning person. And all
that time Jenna had probably been lying upstairs in a drugged stupor--

But when else had Gary used it? When Jenna was already wounded,
bleeding--drifting in and out of consciousness? Vivid and sickening images
popped into his head--of Gary leaning over his daughter's prone form, his hands
touching--

'Stop this,' he thought. 'I have to stop doing this--'

"Lee?" Amanda's voice. Her dark eyes stared into his, filled with concern.

"I'm fine," he told her. "Really--I'm all right."

"Did you want the wristwatch back?" Dr. McJohn asked. "We have no further use
for it."

"No." Lee shook his head firmly. "No, you keep it--we don't want it anymore."

SMK SMK SMK SMK

4247 Maplewood Dr.

7:40 PM

"It's no good, Jenna," Billy was saying as Lee and Amanda entered, hanging up
their coats on the rack. The Agency's Director was seated on the sofa, holding
one of the controls for Jenna's Playstation 2. "No matter how I try-- I just
can't get Spyro to reach that darn ledge."

"It's easy--" Jenna's tone was patient. "Just turn him around to face the other
way--there's another ledge you can glide to before that one--only don't slip on
the ice because--oh no--" Lee watched the screen as the purple dragon fell into
the abyss.

"Well that's okay--you have one more life I think," Jenna told Billy. Lee found
himself unable to suppress a grin as he watched the scene.

Billy looked over at his wife. "Why don't you play, Jeannie?"

"No, thank you." Jeannie smiled as she turned the pages of the magazine. "I'm
really enjoying watching you."

"Ha ha," Billy said. "How about you, Lee?"

"No--that's all right," Lee said. "Believe me, I'm not any better at it than you
are--probably worse."

Jenna turned around. "Mom--Dad--hey." She ran up to them. "Is everything all
right?"

"Everything's just fine, sweetheart," Amanda said. "How are you?"

"I'm good," Jenna replied.

Lee looked down into his daughter's face--her luminous brown eyes--his throat
tightened suddenly--

"Dad, what is it?" Jenna asked, her smile fading a little. "Something's wrong."

"No." Lee wrapped his arms around her. "No, nothing's wrong at all, munchkin--I
promise."

She was alive, he thought--alive and warm and breathing--he could feel her in
his arms and she was safe--

Maybe if he kept telling himself that he would really start to believe it.

"Dad--I can't breathe--" Jenna's voice sounded muffled against his chest.

"Sorry, munchkin." Lee loosened his grip and kissed her forehead. "I just--I
love you, that's all." Looking over at Billy he saw the questions in his
face--Lee made a mental note to explain things later.

"Love you too, Dad."

Part  Twenty-Three : Things We Cannot Change

IFF

Monday, February 19, 2001

8:30 AM

"Well I was going to ask if you wanted any ice cream," Dr. Pfaff said. "But from
the look of you I almost think you need something stronger."

Lee rubbed his eyes. "Just point me to the coffee, all right?"

"Over there." Pfaff pointed. "Help yourself." Lee's hands shook slightly as he
poured the steaming brew into a styrofoam cup and added some half-and-half,
stirring the mixture with a plastic spoon.

"Did you get any sleep at all last night, Scarecrow?"

Lee sipped the coffee as he lowered himself into a nearby chair. "Here and
there--it wasn't a whole lot."

"And why was that, exactly? Nightmares?"

Lee nodded. "One nightmare."

"Different than the others or the same?"

"Different."

Dr. Pfaff sat across from him. "Are you always this talkative?"

"Save it, Doc," Lee snapped as he downed the coffee in one swallow. "I don't
need this right now."

"I can't help you if you don't talk to me, you know that." Pfaff took a bite of
his ice cream. "Let's start with your nightmare--what was it about?"

The nightmare. Lee drew in a deep breath. "Jenna was lying on the ground--and
he--Gary--he was hurting her, touching--and I--I couldn't--" his voice trailed
off--just talking about it was causing the images to re-form in his brain.

"And you couldn't what?"

"I couldn't stop him." Lee crushed the now-empty cup between his palms. "It was
like I was frozen--all I could do was watch--I couldn't move or even speak. I
was helpless."

"You didn't like feeling that way--that something was out of your control."

"No, of course I didn't. Who does?"

"Probably no one. But you're a man of action--you're used to shaping
events--being in control of what's going on."

Lee stared. "I don't know what you're trying to say."

"I'm saying that maybe you need to start accepting the fact that you weren't in
control of what happened to Jenna."

"What do you mean?"

"That this man Johnston was determined to get her--and if he hadn't taken Jenna
that day he would've chosen another time, another place--eventually he would've
succeeded."

"No--not if I'd stopped him first--not if I'd been paying attention."

"Lee, I've seen what kind of father you are--no one in their right minds could
ever accuse you of not paying attention. Quite the opposite."

Lee's voice was low. "But I wasn't there for her--not when it counted--when
Jenna really needed me to protect her, I didn't."

Dr. Pfaff shook his head. "Not through choice. A good agent accepts that there
are events which are simply out of their control--a parent needs to be the same
way."

"It's--" Lee shook his head. "Why do we keep rehashing this?"

"Probably because you're being so hard-headed about it--you think you failed her
and you won't stop torturing yourself with these thoughts. It's not doing you
any good--and it certainly isn't any help to Jenna."

"I know that--" Lee ran a hand through his hair. "But I can't seem to stop. I
look at her hurting and I just want to make it stop--I want to take all the hurt
away."

"What you want to do is turn back the clock," Pfaff said. "And you can't. You
can't change what happened to her and you need to accept that."

"What happened to her should never happen to any child."

"True, but we still don't know everything that happened." Dr. Pfaff's voice was
calm. "And until we do, we--"

"Oh, come on--" Lee's voice rose. "You know about the things that were found
yesterday--you know about the drugs in her system. For Christ's sake, Pfaff--the
man took a knife and cut her belt off! What else do you need, huh? A signed
confession?"

"Yes, I know about what was found," Dr. Pfaff said. "I just don't think that
it's as straightforward as you imagine it to be."

Lee drew in a deep trembling breath. "Right now--I can only think of one reason
why someone would cut off a girl's belt." He thought of Jenna, lying on the cold
ground while Gary stood over her--she had probably tried to fight him, tried to
struggle--but with the drugs and her injuries it would've been a losing battle--

"Listen to me--" Dr. Pfaff's voice broke into Lee's thoughts. "Jenna displays
signs of someone who has been badly frightened and physically assaulted--but
psychologically speaking I don't see clear signs of any other kind of assault."

"That's no guarantee."

"Maybe not--so let's talk about the physical examination when she was brought
into the emergency room."

Lee sighed. "They didn't find anything--I already know that--but I doubt they
were actually looking."

"The records show that she was unconscious at that point--and since she was
brought in as a kidnap victim, they did a full examination to be on the safe
side--which includes a pelvic exam."

"Pelvic?" Lee repeated. "No one told me--"

"It was on the consent forms you and Amanda signed when she was brought in."

"All I remember is a lot of paperwork." Lee ran a hand over his face. "We were
both so tired--and I was scared to death for Jenna--I just basically signed
whatever they held in front of me. I didn't know--" his voice shook. "Would she
have been--traumatized--you know--by the exam itself?"

"Jenna was unconscious throughout the entire exam--she doesn't even know that it
was done."

'I should've been there for that,' Lee thought. 'Even if she was unconscious--I
could've at least held her hand.' Out loud he said "The doctor didn't mention a
pelvic."

"Well, it didn't go beyond the basic examination--nothing was found--no
injuries, no trauma to the area that warranted anything further."

No trauma--part of Lee was relieved, but --"Something still might have
happened--things like that don't always leave clear signs."

"Possibly--but unlikely--we'll see what the hypnosis uncovers." Dr. Pfaff
paused. "Now what I'd like you to do, Lee, is to begin to focus on the
positive."

"What is the positive?"

"That you and Amanda found her safe and alive--that's a rare thing in these
cases. If it hadn't been for you, Jenna would've suffered the same fate as
Marcie." Pfaff paused. "When it counted, when she needed you--you were there.
You saved her life. Think about that."

'Good, but not quite good enough.'

"Yeah maybe--" Lee admitted. "It's just that--all these problems she has--"

"They'll heal with time and help--and Jenna is going to need all the help she
can get--with the hypnosis, the upcoming hearing, the trial--for her sake, you
need to find a way to push all this guilt and anger aside and focus on her. See
if you can do that."

4247 Maplewood Dr.

4:30 PM

"Hey there, Mrs. Stetson." Lee's arms wrapped around his wife--he whirled her
around to face him. "Did the seminar go well today?"

"Pretty well I think," Amanda said. "But it seems like the recruits get younger
every year--or maybe it's just that I'm getting old."

"You?" Lee raised his eyebrows. "Never. You're in the prime of
life--beautiful--"

Amanda grinned. "Flatterer."

"Oh, always." Lee bent his head down towards hers--their lips met in a brief,
passionate kiss.

"How did your session with Pfaff go?" Amanda asked.

Lee hesitated. "Where's Jenna?"

"She's out in the garden with Mother."

"Good--I don't want to risk her overhearing anything. Let's sit down, huh?" he
led Amanda over to the sofa.

"What is it? Lee--just tell me. You told Pfaff about the nightmare last
night--didn't you?"

"Yes, I told him." Lee took her hands as he spoke. "He said that I needed to
accept the fact that I wasn't in control of what happened to Jenna--that I
couldn't change what Gary Johnston had done."

"That's true--you know that."

"My head knows it--" Lee ran his thumbs along the back of Amanda's hands. "But
knowing and feeling are two different things. And then there's what--what might
have happened."

"You mean what you dreamed about."

"Not just that--I keep coming back to that belt. Why cut it off, Amanda? Why
would he do that unless he wanted to--" he took a breath before continuing "--to
gain access?"

Amanda was silent for a few moments. "Where does the watch fit in with that?"

"I don't know," Lee said. "I don't--I just keep picturing Jenna lying there,
hurt, probably drugged--unable to fight him off while he--" he broke off when he
saw the pain in Amanda's eyes. "These--images--they just come--when I look at
her--when I close my eyes at night--I don't seem to be able to make them stop."

"Lee, I understand--but you've got to stop torturing yourself this way." she
squeezed his hands. "None of this was your fault."

"That's what everyone says--I just wish I could believe it."

"What else did Pfaff say?"

"That he didn't think Jenna had been assaulted sexually--the psychological signs
didn't point to that kind of abuse."

"That's the same way I feel."

"What about when we rescued her? Remember how she reacted when the paramedic
tried to check her ribs?"

"Jenna has a fear of being physically vulnerable--that can just as easily be
traced back to the physical abuse--when Gary hit her. That doesn't necessarily
mean the other."

"No--maybe not--I hope not." Lee drew in yet another deep breath and blew it
out in a whoosh. "There's another thing. Pfaff told me that they had given Jenna
a pelvic exam back at the hospital."

"A pelvic exam?" Amanda repeated.

"Yeah--it was on one of the consent forms we signed that night."

"Oh my gosh," Amanda's voice shook slightly--her face had grown pale. "I
remember now--it slipped my mind--"

"Amanda--"

"Lee, how could I have forgotten a thing like that?"

"Look--they gave us so many forms that night--you had to be as tired as I was--I
got to where I was just signing every damn form they put in front of me." Amanda
didn't say anything. "You can't blame yourself either," Lee said.

"No--maybe--it's just--that must have been so frightening for her--I mean, I
know they try to be as gentle as possible with those types of things--but she's
never had that kind of exam before."

"Jenna was unconscious through the whole thing--she doesn't know anything about
the exam."

"I still would've liked to have been there--" Amanda said, voicing Lee's
sentiments from earlier. "What did they find?"

"Nothing--no inflammation or tearing--no bleeding or bruising to the area--no
signs that any activity had taken place," Lee said, quoting from the medical
records that Pfaff had shown him after the session. "After that they decided not
to proceed to anything more comprehensive--they didn't think it was necessary."

"Well that's good--it probably means that she wasn't harmed in that way."

"Yeah--maybe--it still doesn't rule out everything." Lee said. "She's so
frightened--there must be something more that happened--otherwise it just
doesn't track."

"Why doesn't it track?"

Lee stared at his wife. "What do you mean, why doesn't it track? Amanda, she was
held prisoner less than three days--and from what we definitely know so far, she
was hit, drugged, and tied up. That isn't nearly enough trauma to warrant the
kind of problems that Jenna's experienced."

"Lee--do you remember when Darrell Prescott grabbed Jamie in the gym and held
the gun on him? Jamie had nightmares for nearly a week after that."

"I remember," Lee said. "But I still don't see--"

"And what about when Zinoviev kidnapped me--thinking I was you? They shoved me
in a crate--I was absolutely terrified and they didn't even hurt me--but when
Zinoviev said they were going to kill me if the trade wasn't made--I was really
scared."

"Yeah--I held you, told you everything was all right--"

"That was my first experience with something like that," Amanda said. "And I was
an adult. You've been kidnapped before."

"Sure--quite a few times now."

"Do you remember how you felt--the very first time it happened? Were you
afraid?"

"Maybe--I don't really remember, though--I don't understand what you're trying
to say."

"What I'm saying is that Jenna is a child. She's smaller, weaker--she doesn't
have your training--your experience--none of the tools that an agent would have
in order to process and cope in that type of situation. Lee, the kidnapping
itself would've been frightening enough--but add to that the physical assaults
and the attempted murder--"

"Yeah--you're right." Lee hadn't been looking at it through Jenna's eyes
before--not really--but now that he did he could see-- "So you don't think that
anything else happened?"

"As I said before, I think something else happened--just not the kind of thing
that you're thinking of." Amanda said. "From what I've seen and heard of
Gary's--work--something would've turned up on the pelvic exam."

"He's a sick bastard," Lee said softly. And Jenna had been totally at his
mercy--even without anything else that was still a frightening thought. "But if
he didn't do that, Amanda--what did he do? What is she blocking out?"

"Well, we'll wait and see what the hypnosis uncovers. "

"And then?"

Again Amanda squeezed his hands. "The we'll all get through it--together."

Part Twenty -Four : Cry in the Night

4247 Maplewood Dr.

Wednesday, February 21, 2001

1:30 AM

"No!"

Lee sat straight up in bed, jerked out of a sound sleep.

What was--what had--

He was in bed--moonlight shone in through the window--illuminating the familiar
shapes. Lee's breath gradually slowed as he looked around. Everything was
fine--everything looked fine--except--

"Amanda?" Lee called out her name. Panic surged through his veins as he saw the
empty spot next to him on the bed and then he remembered--Amanda had left with
Dotty earlier--going to Richmond. Aunt Lillian was in the hospital with a bad
case of pneumonia.

"Are you and Jenna going to be all right by yourselves?" Amanda had asked as
she'd loaded the suitcases in the back of the Taurus.

"We'll be just fine--don't worry," Lee had assured her.

And it had been a good evening--he'd made Jenna one of his frittatas--she loved
those--helped her with her homework--after that it had been relaxation exercises
and finally bed.


Everything had been fine then--as far as he could tell everything was fine
now--so what had woken him up?

"Dad!"

Jenna's scream--dear God--Lee jumped out of bed and tore down the hallway to his
daughter's bedroom. In the dim glow of the nightlight he saw her, she thrashed
back and forthâ€"her limbs tangled up in her bed sheets.

"Jenna--" Lee turned on the main light and sat down on the bed beside her. He
held her by the arms, trying to calm her violent movements. "You're having a bad
dream--just please--calm down."

"No--" Jenna struggled weakly, trying to pull away from him. "Let me go,
please--just let me go home--all I want is to go home--"

"You are home," he told her. "You're home and you're safe. Everything is all
right."

"No--" Jenna whimpered. Tears escaped from beneath her lashes, running down her
cheeks. "My name is Jenna--Jenna Leigh Stetson--it's not Marcie--I'm not
Marcie--you can't make me say it anymore--"

The fear in her voice broke Lee's heart. He tried to pull her close but stopped
when he felt her body stiffen. "I know what your name is--I know your name is
Jenna--just please--please--just look at me."

"No--you'll hurt--please don't hurt me--"

"No one's going to hurt you, munchkin--you're safe--no one will hurt you here,"
he soothed. "Open your eyes."

Jenna opened her eyes--slowly focusing on him.

"Daddy?"

"It's me, Jenna--I'm right here."

"Daddy--he was here, Gary was here--he had a knife--"

"No, he wasn't," Lee told her. "That was just a dream, Jenna--he was never
here."

Without warning Jenna began to cry, her body convulsing with the force of her
sobs. Lee just held and rocked her, rubbing her damp back. He wasn't sure how
long he did this, but gradually the sobs turned into sniffles and hiccups and
then stopped all together.

"I'm sorry," Jenna whispered, pulling away from him--wiping at her cheeks and
nose with her pajama sleeve.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Lee took her hands. "There's nothing wrong
with crying--it's good for you." He paused. "Want to tell me what your dream was
about?"

"It was--" he could see Jenna taking slow breaths as she fought to relax
herself. "I was here, in bed, and Gary--" suddenly she frowned. "No, it wasn't
here--it was in the back seat of the car--I was --I was lying on the seat--my
head hurt--and Gary, he--"

"What did he do?"

"He wanted me to--he grabbed my nose and I had to open my mouth--I couldn't
breathe--he poured something down my throat--said I had to swallow it or else
but some of it made me cough--it tasted awful--I felt so sick--"

The chloral hydrate--Lee thought--it had to be what Jenna was talking about. He
fought to keep his voice very calm. "Tell me what happened after that."

"He grabbed my wrist--twisted it until I cried--took my watch off--said I
wouldn't need it where I was going and then he--he lifted my sweater--there was
a knife--" her voice faltered. "And then--"

"Then what?" Lee asked. "What happened after that?"

"I don't--I don't know--I can't--" her breathing started to quicken--he felt her
hands beginning to shake in his, and when he pulled her close he felt her
shivering.

"It's okay, you don't have to remember any more right now--just breathe slow,
try to relax." He wrapped the blankets around her tightly, lifting her into his
arms. "Look--I'll take you downstairs--you can have some hot chocolate and watch
some television--maybe some cartoons or a nice movie."

"But Dad--I have school in the morning."

"Don't worry about it--we'll take you to see Dr. Pfaff in the morning--after
that we'll decide what to do about school." He carried her down the stairs into
the family room, placing her on the sofa and situating the blankets around her.
He turned on the television, switching it to the Cartoon Network. "Is that all
right?"

"It's fine," Jenna said. "Dad--what do you think happened to me? With Gary and
the knife? Why can't I remember?"

"You're just scared--it was a frightening dream."

"But was I--I mean, did he--Dad, please tell me."

Her dark eyes looked intently into his. She needed reassurance, he realized. Lee
sat down on the sofa facing her. "Listen to me, Jenna--I don't know exactly what
he did do--but I don't think--I don't think he did that. I really don't."

"Then what? What did he do?"

"I don't know--but the hypnosis--that should help. Will you be all right, doing
that tomorrow?

Jenna was silent for a moment, biting her lip. "Yes--I want to know the truth."

Lee kissed her on the forehead. "I'm very proud of you." He stood. "I'll go get
us some hot chocolate, all right?"

"Don't forget the marshmallows."

Lee smiled. "I won't--I love you, munchkin."

"Love you too."

IFF

8:30 AM

"Jenna,are you comfortable?" Dr. Pfaff asked.

Jenna nodded. "Pretty comfortable--what is the blanket for?"

"Sometimes people can feel cold under hypnosis," Dr. Pfaff said. "Now, I'm just
going to recline the chair--it should help you relax a little bit more."

His shadow fell over her--for a moment Jenna tensed, grabbing the arms of the
chair.

"Dad?" she called out.

"I'm right here, munchkin." Dad's hand took hers. "I'm sitting right
here--you're safe."

Jenna forced herself to breathe slowly as the chair began to recline. "Not too
far back."

"No, not too far back--don't worry," Dr. Pfaff told her. "How's that?"

"It's okay," Jenna said.

"Good." Dr. Pfaff sat in front of her. "Now--we're going to start this the same
way you do your relaxation, Jenna. First I need you to close your eyes--very
good. Now tense each muscle--starting with your toes and working up--and then
relax--keep breathing, very slowly--feel your muscles loosen--notice how good it
feels--just feel all the tension pouring out of your body--with every breath you
become more and more relaxed--your arms and legs growing heavier--just keep
concentrating on your breathing--the sound of my voice--and how relaxed you
feel. Relaxed and peaceful."

Relaxed and peaceful--the words repeated themselves in Jenna's mind. She could
still feel dad's hand holding hers--making her feel safe--she kept doing the
slow breathing--listening to Dr. Pfaff's voice as he continued speaking.

"Now, I'm going to count down from ten, Jenna--with every number you can feel
yourself relaxing even more. 10--9--8--7--6--5--4--3--2--1. You are completely
relaxed now, Jenna--how do you feel?"

"Okay," Jenna said. "But I feel normal--I don't feel hypnotized."

"You're supposed to feel normal, Jenna--hypnosis is a very natural state." Dr.
Pfaff said. "Just keep remembering that you're very safe--and that you're in
control."

"I'm in control," Jenna repeated.

"That's right," Dr. Pfaff said. "We're going to go back now--and look at some of
the things you remember from the kidnapping. Try to remember that whatever you
talk about is in the past--just a memory now--and it can't hurt you anymore. Do
you understand?"

"Yes." Jenna nodded once more. "They're just memories now."

"Very good, Jenna," Dr. Pfaff said. "Now last night you had a bad dream--was it
about something that really happened?"

"It was--only I had forgotten it at first."

"That's perfectly normal," Dr. Pfaff said. "Do you want to go back to that dream
right now, Jenna--and see what happened?"

"Yes," Jenna said. "No, wait--there's something else--things that happened
before."

"What kinds of things?"

"After--after I tried to escape--he--Gary--he put my arm up behind my
back--marched me inside the house--and then he threw me on the floor--I tried to
crawl away from him but I couldn't go very far and my chest was really starting
to hurt. He laughed at me--called me little girl--he said there was nowhere to
run."


"Nowhere left to run, little girl...."


"And what happened next?"

"I told him that I had called my dad--that someone would be here soon--he told
me they would be too late--lifted the gun--I really--I thought he was going to
shoot me--but then Suzanne--she grabbed his arm and tried to pull him away--told
him not to do it--so instead--he turned and pointed the gun at her--said it was
the last time she would interfere and then he--"

"What did he do?"


The crack of the gunshot echoing in her ears--Suzanne slumping to the
floor--blood spreading across her sweater like a flower--smearing and pooling on
the floor--so much blood---


"Then he shot her." Jenna said.

"How did that make you feel?"

"Scared--shaky--I've never seen anyone get shot before--she looked like she was
in so much pain--her eyes were--there was so much blood. And then Gary turned to
me--bent down beside me--asked if I wanted to take a little ride--I tried to
back away some more but I couldn't--he ran the gun up the side of my face. All I
wanted to do was go home--he told me to say goodnight--and then--there was a
sharp pain in my--" one hand touched her scar "--my head and then everything
just went black--I guess he knocked me out--because after that--"

"After that what?"


"You just used up your last chance, little one..." Gary smiled. "I'm going to
make you wish you'd never tried to defy me..."


"I remember--I remember him standing over me--telling me that I'd be sorry for
what I did--that he was going to make me pay--punish me--everything kept going
in and out--I could feel him moving me around--I tried to fight but there was
just too much pain--"

"And what then, Jenna?"

Jenna felt her dad's hand--giving her own a gentle squeeze--providing her with
the strength to continue.

"The next thing I remember is waking up in the backseat of the car--I could hear
the motor running--and my head hurt--my chest--everything was blurry."

"Were you tied up?"

"No--not then--at least I don't think so--" Jenna said. "Everything was so
blurry--hurt so bad--and then I saw him--Gary. He was leaning over me. I
could--feel--" her voice quavered. "I could feel his breath on my face--he
wanted me to drink something but I wouldn't open my mouth--that's when he
grabbed my nose--squeezed it--"


"You can't breathe, can you? See what happens when you don't obey me?"


"I--I had to open my mouth because I couldn't breathe--that's when he poured it
down my throat--it was bitter--made me cough and my stomach felt like--I was
scared that I was going to throw up."

"You didn't want to throw up."

"No--not in front of him--he would have--he would've enjoyed that--he liked to
hurt me."

At these words Dad's grip tightened around her hand.

"Tell me what happened then," Dr. Pfaff said.

"Gary grabbed my wrist and twisted it--I was trying to hold back but the pain
was too much--I cried out--and then he took the watch--said I wouldn't need it
where I was going. And then--then--he lifted my sweater--took a knife and--"

"Control your breathing," Dr. Pfaff reminded her. "You're in a safe place and
these are only memories--remember that. What did Gary do next?"

"He--he cut the belt off my jeans--didn't want anything to identify me--I told
him no--I told him not to do that--he called me Marcie--said I was bad--I
wouldn't listen to my--to my father--I said he wasn't my dad--he never would
be--I was Jenna Leigh Stetson and after that he--"

"After that he what?"

"He--he put his hand--touched--my stomach--told me--"


"Time for a lesson about your name, Marcie...just so you never forget..."

His smile--so frightening--the coldness in his expression, in his eyes, made her
shiver...


"--told me--" Jenna tried to continue, but the rush of memories--the fear--it
was all too much.

"I want to stop now," she said. Tears pricked her eyes. "Please--no more today."

"That's just fine, Jenna--" Dr.Pfaff said. "Now on the count of three you're
going to wake up--ready? One--two--three--"

Numb


4247 Maplewood Dr.

Wednesday, February 21, 2001

11:00 AM

'Talk to me,' Lee thought to himself. 'Come on, Jenna--please.'

As he came to a stop at the light turning onto Glebe he looked over at his
daughter. Jenna's head was down, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. She'd
been this way ever since the end of her session--quiet and
subdued--withdrawn--not like herself at all. It frightened him.

"Numbing herself is a form of self-protection, Lee," Dr. Pfaff had explained.
"She's probably feeling a little overwhelmed--she has a lot to process. Give it
some time."

Process. Lee remembered the first shooting he'd ever witnessed--he remembered
crouching on the tarmac beside Dorothy's body, her hand in his as she'd
died--the smell of roses pungent in the air. He had been twenty-four at the
time--a grown man and a trained agent. How the hell was a child supposed to
process something like that--any of it? Being hit--threatened--drugged--Lee
thought of Gary lifting Jenna's sweater, putting his hands on her--his fist
clenched--even if nothing else had happened the thought made him feel cold
inside.

"He liked to hurt me." That's what Jenna had said. Part of Lee still yearned
to find out how Gary Johnston enjoyed being hurt himself. Thoughts like that
wouldn't help Jenna, though--right now she needed him to help her heal.

"Munchkin?" Lee said. Slowly Jenna's head lifted. Dark eyes turned towards
him--so much like Amanda's eyes--and the pain he could see there felt like a
knife being twisted in his gut.

"You okay?" he asked her quietly.

For a moment Jenna was silent, staring straight ahead. The light turned green
and Lee made the turn.

"Fine," Jenna said finally. "I guess--maybe I'm just tired."

"I know--" Lee said. "We'll be home soon--you can rest--watch some TV--and I'll
make us a nice lunch. How does that sound?"

"What about school?"

"Dr. Pfaff gave you a note for today and tomorrow." Lee reminded her gently.
Billy had also given him a two-day family leave--no one was sure when Amanda and
Dotty would be back and someone needed to be there with Jenna.

"But I'm supposed to have a math test tomorrow."

"You can make that up later--believe me. It'll be all right." They turned onto
Maplewood.

"What if he gives me a zero?"

"Jenna--it's an excused absence--you're fine. He won't give you a zero."

They pulled into the driveway and came to a stop--he helped her unfasten the
seat belt. It had started to rain--Lee pulled Jenna close, sheltering her head
with his jacket as together they ran for the door. Lee hung his jacket on the
rack and slipped out of his now-muddy shoes, glancing over at Jenna. She had
removed her shoes, but now she just stood there, looking down at them. Her arms
were wrapped tightly around herself. Lee touched her shoulder and she gave a
little jump.

"Why don't you go and take a hot shower and get into your pajamas?" Lee told
her. "I'll make us some soup and grilled cheese sandwiches--some hot
chocolate--and we can watch a movie together--any movie you want."

"Mary Poppins?"

It would have to be that wouldn't it? Lee ran a hand through his hair. It would
probably be good for Jenna though--as far as he could remember there wasn't any
violence and nothing scary--just dancing penguins and bad cockney accents--

"Mary Poppins it is," he said finally. If it would make Jenna happy he'd go for
it.

"Thanks," Jenna said. For a moment she just stood there. Lee wanted to give her
a hug but she looked so closed-off--he wasn't sure how she'd react.

"Get into your pajamas, munchkin," he said. "I'll have lunch ready before you
know it." Jenna nodded to herself and turned away. Lee stood there, silently
watching as his daughter went up the stairs.

SMK SMK SMK SMK 

"Lillian's doing a little better," Amanda said. "But it's still going to be a
couple of days before she's completely out of the woods. In the meantime she and
Mother are driving each other crazy--their latest argument started over tapioca
pudding."

Lee grinned, balancing the phone against his shoulder as he took the cheese
slices, along with some ham, out of the fridge. "Sounds pretty typical. Give
Lillian my best--tell her that Jenna and I are thinking of her."

"I'll do that," Amanda said. "How is Jenna, by the way?"

Lee went to the foot of the stairs, looking up. No sign of Jenna, but he kept
his voice low just in case. "She's at home--we just finished her first hypnosis
session."

"I thought the session was in the afternoon. Why isn't she at school? Did
something happen?"

"You could say that--she had a nightmare last night."

"How bad?"

"Pretty bad." Lee walked back into the kitchen, opening the cabinet and grabbing
a can of soup. "She was so frightened, Amanda--shaking--crying in my arms--it
took me a couple of hours just to calm her down-- after that she wasn't in any
state to go to school."

"Believe me--I would've done the same thing," Amanda said. "How did the session
go?"

"Well according to Pfaff everything went pretty well." He pulled out a saucepan
and a skillet--pouring the soup into the saucepan and placing it to simmer on
the burner.

"You don't sound convinced."

"I'm sorry--I just—it's hard--watching her re-live those memories--the pain she
had to go through--I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for her."

"What did she remember?"

"She remembered Suzanne being shot--Gary shot his wife right in front of Jenna."

He heard Amanda's sharp intake of breath. "Oh my gosh--I thought she'd probably
seen it--but I guess I was hoping that she hadn't."

"Yeah, I was hoping the same thing--no child should have to see a thing like
that. Apparently Suzanne was trying to stop Gary from shooting Jenna--so he shot
her instead."

"Does she remember what happened after that?"

"Some--most of it's in bits and pieces--" Lee's hands were beginning to shake at
the recollection. He put some margarine to melt in the skillet and assembled the
sandwiches, putting ham in between two slices of cheese. "He'd hit her pretty
hard--she was going in and out --but she remembered him threatening her--telling
her that he was going to make her pay. Then--" for a moment he tensed as a sound
came from upstairs—but no other noises followed.

"Then what? Lee--please tell me."

"She woke up in the back seat of his car--he was bending over her. He forced her
to drink something--probably the chloral hydrate--after that--she remembers him
taking off her watch--lifting her sweater and cutting off her belt-- he said
that he didn't want anything to identify her." Lee put the sandwiches in the
skillet. "My guess is that he was planning on using Jenna's things to mislead us
about the location of her body."

"It--um--it sounds like that." Amanda's voice was trembling now--Lee could tell
she was on the verge of tears--he wished he could be there with her--holding her
through all this. "Was there anything else?"

"Gary--he called her Marcie--she told him that she was Jenna--she remembered him
putting his hands on her stomach--"

"Why? What was he going to do?"

Lee sighed. "I don't know--we had to end the session there--it was all too much
for her."

There was a long silence on the line--not even the sound of breathing--for one
minute he thought the line had been disconnected.

"Amanda?"

"I'm here." Amanda sounded resolved. "How is Jenna doing?"

"It's hard to say--after the session she was so quiet--barely said a word on the
way home--Dr. Pfaff said that this was natural--that she's probably overwhelmed
emotionally--she needs time to process--but I just don't know if that's
possible--she's only twelve years old."

"Where is she now?"

"Upstairs, getting into her pajamas. I made her some lunch and we're going to
watch Mary Poppins together."

"You?" Amanda teased. "Watch the "Dancing Penguins Movie" again?"

"Look, if it's what she wants to watch--if it helps her at all--I'm willing to
sit through it."

"It should help--give her a chance to rest and gather her strength. Hopefully
after all this is out in the open we'll be able to help her heal. Is the next
session tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow morning." Lee heard Jenna coming down the stairs.

"Give Jenna a hug for me, okay? Tell her I love her--I just wish I could be
there to hug her myself."

The sandwiches were done--Lee transferred them to a plate.

"I will--we'll talk more later, Amanda--I love you."

"Love you too, Lee."

SMK SMK SMK SMK

"Are you sure you don't want to eat any more?"

Jenna put the half-eaten sandwich back on the plate. "I'm really not that
hungry--I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize--I just think you might feel better if you try and
eat a little bit more."

No reply. Lee watched as Jenna pulled the blankets tightly around herself and
curled up onto her side, her eyes fixed on the television screen as Dick Van
Dyke danced with the cartoon penguins.

"That is actually some really good dancing there," Lee said.

"Yeah," Jenna said. "I used to think it was funny."

"Well--it can be funny--it is kind of neat how they put the animation in with
the people." They watched for a few moments in silence--as the dancing penguins
turned into a horse race.

Jenna turned her head, looking over at him.

"Dad--I know this isn't one of your favorite movies to watch.You don't have to
pretend to enjoy it."

"Munchkin--what I'm enjoying is spending time with you--it doesn't really matter
what we watch."

"It's just--I'm not--" Jenna drew in a shaky breath. "Not--really good company
right now."

"You're just fine. Are you sure you don't want to eat any more?"

"I'm sure."

Another song--how many songs did this movie have, anyhow? Lee looked over at
Jenna--wishing he could see just one smile on her face--even a little one.

"What word are they singing here again?" Lee asked.

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."

"Super--what?"

"I already said it once."

"Can you spell it?"

A sigh. "Yes--but not out loud."

"Can you say it five times out loud--really fast?"

A small grin--there it was.

"Now you're just being silly," Jenna said.

Lee ruffled her hair. "Yeah, I'm being silly."

"I was so scared of him." Jenna's voice was so faint that Lee had strain to
hear. "All the time--I didn't know what was going to happen to me next."

Lee rubbed her shoulder gently, relieved when she didn't flinch or pull away. "I
know."

"That first night--after he--after he hit me--he wanted me to eat my dinner and
I said I wasn't hungry. He--kicked the tray--broke everything--the food
splattered all over the wall."

Lee looked over at Jenna's half-eaten lunch. "Jenna, I hope--I would never want
to remind you of--"

"No--" Jenna sounded shocked. "Dad--of course not."

Listen--don't overreact--that's what Dr. Pfaff had said. Jenna sat up and
reached for her cocoa, taking a few small sips before putting it down again.
Lee watched his daughter carefully--holding his breath--waiting to see if she'd
open up a little more.

"It's just when he--when Gary kicked the tray like that," she said. "I kept
thinking--if that had been me he kicked--I--"

Lee's throat tightened as he thought of his dreams--and of what had been done to
Marcie--thank God Jenna didn't know about any of that yet. "It wasn't you,
though."

"But he did want to kill me-- and when I saw him shoot Suzanne--I really thought
he'd shoot me next." Jenna paused and looked at him. "Suzanne was trying to
save me--wasn't she?"

"Yes, she was--she even told us where to find you."

"But she didn't--she didn't save me from everything." Jenna's eyes filled--her
voice starting to shake. "And all these memories, Dad--what he did--I try not to
feel them--not to be scared--but--"

Lee pulled her close, his arm around her, her head resting on his shoulder.

"Jenna listen--" he told her. "It's okay to feel fear--it's natural. All of your
feelings are normal--just like Dr. Pfaff said. I just don't want you to shut
yourself off--You know that you don't ever have to deal with this alone." A
lesson that he hadn't learned until later in life--Lee thought to himself.
Hopefully Jenna would learn it a lot sooner.

"But what's going to happen tomorrow--what will I remember? I'm not so sure I
even want to know."

"We'll deal with that tomorrow--I promise--whatever it is—it'll be all
right--we'll work it out together. All right?"

"All right," Jenna repeated--giving a yawn at the end of the sentence.. "If I
fall asleep you won't leave, will you?"

Lee kissed her forehead--her eyes were already starting to close. "I'm not going
anywhere."
 

Part Twenty -Six: Survived

4247 Maplewood Dr.

Thursday, February 22, 2001

7:10 AM

"What's your name?"

His shadow loomed over her--his hand felt rough on her bare skin.

Jenna wanted to move, but her limbs didn't seem to want to obey--her head
throbbed and every breath felt hard. The world started to spin now, slowly at
first.

"Tell me."

Tell him what? Jenna had forgotten what he wanted. The spinning grew
faster--the colors whirling and melding together—--her stomach lurched and she
swallowed hard, fighting to keep everything down--

'I can't throw up--not in front of him…'

"Say your name."

Her name--that was it. "Jenna," she whispered--her mouth felt like it had
been scrubbed out with a piece of sandpaper.

"That's not your name, Marcie."

Without warning a sharp pain spread throughout her chest--the pressure--she
fought to breathe--fought to stay conscious as the world began to darken.

A hand patted her cheek gently.

"Jenna--come on, munchkin--it's time to wake up."

Jenna opened her eyes--someone was bending over her--panicked, she tried to
move away but the person grabbed her, holding her in place.

"Let me go," she begged. "Please--"

"Jenna!" her dad's voice. Slowly she focused on him--he was the one bending
over her--his hands were holding her--she was home, in the family room--she was
safe--

"I'm sorry," she said. "For a minute I thought it was--" tears pricked her
eyes.

"I'm sorry," she repeated.

Without saying another word Dad pulled her into a hug. Jenna closed her eyes,
letting herself relax--at least for a few moments. She breathed in and out
slowly--trying to stop the trembling--Dad rubbed her back, rocking her.

"Everything is okay." He told her. "It was just a bad dream."

A very bad dream, Jenna thought. The images and sounds were already starting
to fade from her memory--but the fear was--she shivered slightly and she felt
Dad's arms tighten.

"Want to talk about it?"

Jenna shook her head. "No--I'm fine now. I'm fine."

Dad pulled away. His eyes stared into hers, his expression unreadable. For a
moment Jenna thought he was going to say something--but he just kissed her
forehead. "Okay." He stood. "Why don't you go upstairs and get changed and
I'll make us both a big breakfast."

"You?" Jenna stared at him in amazement. "Dad, usually you just have coffee and
toast."

"Well, I can change." Jenna just kept looking at him. Dad sighed. "Okay--well
how about I make you a big breakfast? You need something before your
appointment."

The appointment--more memories--Jenna felt a knot beginning to form in her
chest--she clenched her hands and then unclenched them--staring down at the
little crescent marks on the inside of her palms.

"I'm still--I'm just not very hungry."

"Jenna, you have to eat something--you barely ate anything at all yesterday."

"But I don't feel like it--I just don't."

"What about waffles?" Dad said. "Special waffles."

"What are special waffles?"

"Waffles with--um--powdered sugar, chocolate syrup, strawberries, ice cream,
whipped cream with sprinkles on top--"

"Dad--Mom would say that's way too much sugar and calories."

"Well that's why it's a special treat--come on, munchkin--what do you say?"

Jenna paused. She really hadn't eaten much yesterday--her stomach was starting
to rumble slightly--

"Okay."

"Excellent." He smiled--despite everything Jenna found herself smiling back.
"Go get changed--I'll have them ready for you right away."

SMK SMK SMK SMK 

"Jenna, try to eat just a little bit more--just a few more bites."

Jenna wiped her mouth off with her napkin. "Dad--I ate over half--they're huge!"

"Yeah but you've got all those calories to make up from yesterday--come on."

"But I'm stuffed--I don't think I could eat any more even if I wanted to."

"Well how about just one more bite--" Dad took her fork and cut off a corner
piece. "See? Look at all that ice cream there."

"Okay," Jenna took the fork and speared the waffle--popping it into her mouth.
The sun shone in through the blue curtains--from outside she could hear the
faint sound of birdsong. The television wasn't on--Dad used to watch the news
every day but lately he'd been keeping the set off. Except for the ticking of
the nearby clock the house was silent and peaceful--Jenna put the fork down
beside her plate and took a sip of her orange juice. She scooted her chair
closer to the table and her ribs gave a sudden twinge--by now she should be used
to the pain, but it took her by surprise.

Gary's hand resting on her stomach--

Suddenly things didn't seem so peaceful anymore.

"I can't do it." The words came out of Jenna's mouth before she could stop them.
"I just can't do this--maybe I don't want to remember."

"Munchkin--"

"What if it's something really bad? What if he--" she couldn't finish her
sentence.

"Listen to me." Putting his coffee down on the table, Dad knelt beside her
chair. "Whatever it is, we'll get through it. It'll be fine."

"No," Jenna shook her head. "I can quit now--I don't have to do this
anymore--you can't make me--no one can make me do it." She knew she sounded
childish but she couldn't seem to stop.

"That's true, no one can make you do anything," Dad said. "But I promise that
whatever's bothering you--no matter what it is--it'll be ten times more
frightening if it stays inside your head. It's always better to get it out--so
we can deal with it. All right?"

At that moment the phone rang. Dad stood up and picked up the cordless.

"Stetson residence--hey, Amanda--how's Lillian? That's good news--tomorrow?
Yeah, believe me--we've certainly missed you." Dad looked over at Jenna. "We're
going in a minute--just finishing up breakfast now--okay, I'll put her on. I
love you too--here she is." He handed the phone to her.

"Mom?" Jenna said. "How are you? How's grandma?"

"We're fine, sweetheart. Lillian's fine too--she's getting out of the hospital
later today and we're coming home tomorrow."

"That's good--" Jenna clutched the phone tightly. "I miss you."

"I miss you too." There was a pause before Mom spoke again. "Jenna--I know how
scared you must be, sweetheart--I can't even imagine how you're feeling--but I
just wanted to let you know that I love you and I'm thinking of you--I know you
can do this today."

"Thanks Mom--I love you too--goodbye." Jenna couldn't say anymore past the lump
in her throat. Her hands shook as she handed the phone back to her dad.

"I'll do it," she whispered as she stood. "I'll just get my coat so we can go."

Dad took the phone from her--suddenly his arms enfolded her, holding her close.

"It's going to be all right," he told her. "Everything will be all right."
  IFF

8:35 AM

"7--6--5--4--3--2--1" Dr. Pfaff said. "How do you feel, Jenna?"

"Relaxed," Jenna said. She could feel Dad holding her hand.

"Are you cold?"

"No--not right now."

"That's good--now we're going to go back to where we left off yesterday--just
remember that these are only memories. They don't have the power to hurt you.
You're here in my office--your father's here and you're safe. Do you
understand?"

"Yes." Jenna nodded.

"Let's go back to where you were lying on the car seat--Gary had just cut your
belt. What do you remember next?"

"Gary was holding my sweater up--the air felt cold--I wanted him to put it
down--I wanted him to stop--told him--but I couldn't move. He called me
Marcie--I told him I was Jenna--he put his hand on my--my stomach."

"When you say stomach, what do you mean?"

"Here--" she placed her free hand on her sweater just below her ribcage.

"That's where his hand was?"

Jenna nodded again.

"Tell me what happened next."

"He said--that I needed to learn a lesson about my name--—he asked me my name--"

"What did you tell him?"

"Nothing--not at first--my head hurt--everything was spinning around fast--I was
scared that I was going to be sick and I didn't want to do that--not in front of
him. He asked me again--I told him I was Jenna--and then--he--"

"Then he what?"

"He pressed down hard--right on my chest--and I couldn't--my ribs already
hurt--there was so much pain--it hurt to breathe--everything got dark--I thought
I would pass out--"

"Tell me your name, Marcie--just tell me your name and this can be over.
Wouldn't you like the pain to stop?"


"He kept telling me to say it--" In her mind she could see Gary--kneeling over
her, his blue eyes glittering. He was strong--so much stronger than she was.
His hand pressed down even harder--she gasped--fighting for each breath--

"Stop--" she managed to gasp. "Please stop--I'll--I'm begging."

Gary's other hand cupped her bruised cheek roughly, forcing her gaze to meet
his. "Tell me your name, Marcie. Say it!"

"My name is Marcie Ann Johnston--please—that's my name--please don't hurt me
anymore--no more hurt--please--" The words tumbled out of her mouth--jumbled,
incoherent--tears damp on her face--


"I told him my name was Marcie--" Jenna said. "I just wanted the pain to stop--I
begged him--just to make it stop hurting."

"Jenna," Dr. Pfaff's voice broke into the memory. "Just breathe--focus--remember
that you're here--with me, with your father--you're in a safe place. No one's
going to hurt you."

A safe place. Dad's hand gripped hers tightly--someone had covered her with the
blanket--but when? She could feel the fleece soft against her cheek--it was
comforting.

"I'm okay." She told Dr. Pfaff.

"What happened after that?"

"I remember him tying my ankles--my wrists behind my back--he pulled the ropes
tight--and after that I don't--I don't know--I think that whatever he gave
me--it started to kick in--everything went black."

"It sounds like it was a frightening experience."

"It was--I just--"

"You just what?"

"I think I should've tried to fight more--to not give in."

"You were injured and drugged--you hadn't eaten in over two days--fighting would
probably have made things worse."

"Probably--I just--I hated feeling that way--helpless."

"No one likes feeling that way--but you survived this, didn't you?"

"No--I was lucky."

"There was some luck, but look at it this way--you kept yourself alive long
enough for help to get to you--and they were only able to do that because you
stole Gary's cell phone and let your dad know where you were. You survived--and
that's a rare thing. Think about that."

'I survived--'Jenna tried to think of it that way--but all she could think about
was--she could still feel how cold Gary's hand had been against her stomach--the
pain-- she shivered and felt Dad's hand squeeze her own even tighter.

"We're going to end the session here, Jenna," Dr. Pfaff "Now when I count to
three--"

IFF

Thursday, February 22, 2001

9:15 AM

“Here, munchkin—let me help you with that,” Lee leaned over his daughter, taking the seatbelt from Jenna’s hand, fastening it securely around her. “There—that should be—” his voice faded away as he saw that Jenna’s eyes were tightly closed, her fists clenched—breathing rapid.

He had leaned over her—Lee silently cursed himself for not thinking about that—especially after what this last session, what Jenna had remembered—

“Jenna—keep breathing—open your eyes, you’re safe—just look at me.”  After a few minutes her dark eyes opened and focused on him.

“I’m sorry,” he told her. “I never meant to scare you.”

“Dad, really— it wasn’t you,” Jenna said. “I don’t know why I acted that way—I guess I just—”

For a few moments Lee just looked at her—her face was so pale, eyes huge—dark hollows underneath her eyes—a testament to how little sleep she’d been getting these past couple of days—still-damp hair stuck to her forehead—even her hands shook slightly. 

‘She’s only a child—she’s been through so much—too much.’ Lee could feel his anger rise. Pfaff had warned him it wouldn’t be easy, but this was just—

“What’s wrong?”  Jenna asked him.

“Nothing’s wrong—nothing at all.” He started the car and put it into gear as he pulled out of the parking lot. “Don’t worry about it—we’ll get you home and then you can get some rest.” 

“Yeah, rest sounds good,” Jenna’s eyes were starting to close. “Is it okay if I—”

“It’s just fine.” 

Within seconds his daughter’s head slumped to one side—Lee listened as her breathing became slow and even—her chest rose and fell—her chest—

He remembered when they’d found her—the way Jenna had panicked when the paramedic had checked her ribs.  Lee remembered thinking at the time that the bruising was a little severe for a simple fall—he’d certainly had his share of bruised and broken ribs in his lifetime—but in the rush of activity that thought had been shoved to the back of his mind and forgotten.   Bruised ribs were painful enough, Lee thought—and pressure to the area would’ve produced severe pain. A grown man would’ve— Christ, even he himself might have broken under that, given enough time. And Jenna had already been injured—drugged, so weak by that point—Lee’s hands tightened on the wheel at the thought—in his head he could imagine his child’s voice—tearful, shaking—telling Johnston what he’d wanted to hear, anything—begging him—just to make it stop. To make the torture stop—because that’s what it had been—that bastard’s only goal had been to cause Jenna more pain.  

“Daddy—there’s a monster in my closet.”

“Monsters aren’t real, munchkin…even if they were, daddy would never let them get you.”

How wrong he had been.

With a shock Lee realized that he was pulling into his own driveway—he’d been so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even remember the drive. He looked over at Jenna.

“Munchkin, we’re home,” he said softly. She didn’t stir—he raised his voice slightly. “We’re home now—come on.”  Reaching over he unfastened her safety belt and gently shook her shoulder. At that Jenna murmured something unintelligible and turned onto her side. 

“Jenna,” Lee called her name one more time before coming to a decision. He was going to have to carry her— but could he do it without her panicking on him?

‘Only one way to find out.’

Getting out of the car on his side Lee opened the passenger door and bent over Jenna—supporting her back while he slid one arm under her knees, lifting her, cradling her sleeping form against his chest. Jenna’s eyes opened slightly as he balanced her, fishing for his house key.

“It’s okay,” he told his daughter. “I’ve got you now—you’re safe.”  He watched in relief as her eyes closed once more.

 4247 Maplewood Dr.

 9:35 AM

 Carrying Jenna inside, Lee placed her on the sofa, removing her shoes and covering her with a soft blanket. Again Jenna’s eyes opened briefly.

 “Dad? What—where—”

 “Shhh… Jenna—you’re home—you’re safe.” Part of him wondered how many times he’d have to say those words before she started to believe it—before he started to believe it himself. He took one of Jenna’s hands in both of his, squeezing gently. “Just rest now.” 

 “Home?”

 “Yeah, you’re home.” 

 “Okay—little sleepy now—just rest—”

 Lee sat there for a few moments, just watching Jenna, making sure that she was completely asleep before he released her hand. 

 SMK SMK SMK SMK

 10:45

 Where was it?

Lee scanned the shelves in the family room. It had to be here—Amanda was scrupulous about keeping those kinds of things in specific places. His eyes fell on a stack of photo albums

There it was—on the very bottom— a thin, pink volume stuck in between two blue ones. The binding had acquired a thin layer of dust—Lee brushed it off. The gold leaf letters on the front proclaimed “Jenna Leigh Stetson, born 1/30/1989—My Baby Book.”  Lee could still remember when Dotty had given it to them—the day they’d brought Jenna home from the hospital.  A late shower present, she had called it—and a family tradition.

On the sofa, Jenna made a soft sound—stirring slightly in her sleep.  Lee held his breath as he watched his daughter—finally releasing it once she’d relaxed back into sleep.

He went into the kitchen, sitting down at the table as he opened the book.  The inside of the cover was a scrawl of blue and purple  crayon—Lee’s mistake for letting a then three-year-old Jenna take a look at the book. Personally—he thought it added to the charm. He flipped past the statistics page listing the height and weight, time of birth—Jenna’s first photo—looking slightly dazed—but didn’t every newborn?  Photos of Dotty holding Jenna, Billy, Jeannie,  Phillip and Jamie—there was even one of  Francine—they should’ve gotten the photo where Jenna had spit-up all over Francine’s new blouse, Lee thought, smiling at the memory.  His eyes fell on the photo that was his personal favorite—Amanda had taken it—the photo showed Lee in the rocking chair in the nursery, holding Jenna while he was sound asleep, his eyes closed—head nodding forward. On the white space underneath the Polaroid photo his wife had taken a black Sharpie—calling the picture “Sleepy Daddy”.  Lee ran his fingers over the photograph as the memories flooded back:

“Hey, munchkin, what’s wrong, huh?” he’d  bent over the crib—Jenna had  wailed, her small fists clenched—face damp with tears. He’d lifted her, checking her diaper—relieved to discover that she wasn’t wet or messy—the whole diaper thing was something he hadn’t quite adjusted to yet. 

“Are you hungry?”  He’d asked. “Is Daddy’s girl hungry?” He’d carried her downstairs to the kitchen.  Amanda always kept a bottle in the fridge. Lee had pulled it out, running it under warm water and testing a few drops on his wrist. He’d carried Jenna back upstairs to the nursery and rocked her as she fed, emptying the bottle—putting a cloth over his shoulder he’d burped her.

After that he’d just held her, watching her eyes slowly closing. The chair had creaked slightly as he’d rocked her—holding her against him as she’d relaxed in his arms—

Then Lee thought of Jenna, lying helpless in that backseat as Gary’s large hand covered her ribs and abdomen—smiling at her terror—pressing down until she cried out in pain—

‘I have to stop this,’ he thought—trying to close his mind to the images that thought had produced. . ‘I have to.’  Pfaff had told Lee to focus on the positive—that Jenna was home now—they had found her. She was safe and sound—though part of Lee still wasn’t completely convinced about the ‘sound’ part.  While he was relieved to find that Johnston hadn’t actually violated Jenna—what he had done was bad enough. And now that it was out in the open would Jenna really be able to deal with it? Would she come through without permanent scars? 

He just wasn’t so sure.

The ringing of the phone jerked Lee from his thoughts—going into the kitchen he picked up the cordless.

“Stetson residence.” 

“Hey,” Amanda said. “I just thought I’d call—see how everything is going. How’s Jenna?”

Amanda’s tone was deceptively casual—Lee could detect the underlying anxiety. Somehow he didn’t think that he should tell her the latest over the phone—she’d been so upset yesterday—Lee wanted to wait until he was actually with her—until he could hold  Amanda in his arms and comfort her.

“She’s fine—” Lee lowered his voice slightly.  “She’s sleeping in the living room—she fell asleep in the car coming home.” 

“Is she all right?  She’s not sick, is she?”  

“No—she’s not sick, Amanda—just tired—it’s all just—it’s taken a lot out of her.” 

“What’s taken a lot out of her?  What did the session uncover?” 

“So—uh—” Lee’s mind raced. “How’s Lillian?  Is she doing better?”

“Lillian is fine, Lee—please don’t change the subject. Just tell me.” 

“I—” Lee ran his hand back through his hair.  “I think I should wait to tell you face to face.” 

“Tell me what? What is it? Gary Johnston didn’t—”

“No—thank God—no he didn’t.”  

“And you’ll tell me when I come home?” 

“When you come home tomorrow—I swear.”  

“Not tomorrow—I’m coming home this evening. Mother’s staying behind for another day—Captain Curt showed up and she’ll get a ride home with him.” 

“He just shows up in Richmond?” 

“I know—things are definitely getting more serious between them,” Amanda said. “Lee this cell phone’s about to die—I’ll see you later—we’ll talk then, all right?” 

“We’ll talk then, Amanda—I love you.”

“I love you too, Lee. Give Jenna my love—I’ll see you both soon.” 

Lee turned off the phone. 

Coming home tonight—his heart sank as he took in the stains on the counter, the dirty dishes in the sink—the rest of the house wasn’t much better—with all that had been going on housework hadn’t exactly been foremost in his mind.

‘I have to clean—Amanda can’t possibly come home to this mess.’ 

And if he was going to make any headway he needed to start—right now.

4:30 PM

Lee finished scrubbing and rinsing the last of the dishes—putting them in the drainer—he didn’t dare to attempt the dishwasher—Amanda was the only one who really knew how to handle that machine.  The laundry had been done and folded—he’d even managed to dust the furniture—well, some of the furniture, anyway.  He wasn’t the housekeeper that his wife was but the place certainly looked better than it had. The only thing Lee hadn’t done yet was the vacuuming, but with Jenna asleep in the living room it wasn’t exactly a good idea.

Walking into the room he stared down at his daughter, still asleep on the sofa. She had been sleeping on and off for most of the day—her eyes would open for brief periods—looking around, probably reassuring herself, Lee guessed—and then closing again. No nightmares, thank God—and she seemed relaxed—not all curled up—but some of that could just be sheer exhaustion—these last two days had been emotionally and physically grueling for her.

He sat beside Jenna on the sofa—she stirred slightly but didn’t awaken.  A lock of hair fell into her eyes—Lee reached out and gently brushed it to one side. So pale, he thought—she really hadn’t been eating enough these past two days. Sudden inspiration struck him— something Jenna would love—he only hoped there was enough in the kitchen to make it work. 

 5:30 PM

It was ready.

Lee put the bowl on Jenna’s plate. Carrying it into the living room, he placed it on the tray table that he’d set up beside the sofa. What else?  Something to drink, that was it—running back to the kitchen he poured her a big glass of milk.  Holding the glass he grabbed some napkins—Amanda was always telling him not to forget the napkins.

Lee went back into the living room and put the glass and the napkins next to the plate on the tray table.

“Munchkin,” he shook her shoulder gently, praying that he didn’t startle her. “Come on—wake up.”

“What—” Jenna’s eyes opened, slowly focusing on him. “Something wrong?” 

“No—nothing’s wrong—I just want you to eat a little something—that’s all.” 

“Eat—No—I’m not—hungry—not now—I just want to—let me go back to sleep.”

Lee sat beside her. “Jenna—come on,” he urged. “You need to eat something—just a little something and then you can go back to sleep.”

Jenna sat up, rubbing her hand across her face. “But I’m really not hungry.”

“Please?  Look, I made some soup—it’s beef and vegetable—you love that kind.”  Picking up the spoon he moved it towards her mouth. “Just a little bit.”

Jenna frowned. “Dad—I’m not a baby.” 

“I know that—I know you’re not—here, you take it.” 

He handed her the spoon and she took it, sipping the soup. Lee moved the tray table closer to her, watching as Jenna ate a few more spoonfuls. 

“It tastes good, Dad—thank you.” 

 “Don’t mention it.” 

“When’s Mom coming home?” Jenna asked.  “I think you said, but I can’t remember.”

“Tonight—she was going to stay one more day, but since your Grandmother’s getting a ride home with Captain Curt she decided to come home early. She’s missed you.” 

“I’ve missed her, too.”  Jenna took another spoonful. “Do you think that Grandma’s going to marry Captain Curt?”

“It’s hard to say—but it’s possible.” 

“I like Captain Curt—he said he’s going to teach me how to fish one day.”

“That sounds like fun.” 

“Hopefully—I wouldn’t go fishing now—it’s too cold.” 

Lee liked to hear her talking like this—about normal things—her face definitely looked less pale now—a faint tinge of pink colored her cheeks and lips. “I think he means in the spring, munchkin. How are you feeling?”

Jenna took another spoonful. “Okay, I guess—a little better—I’m still sleepy, though—is that normal?” 

“It’s very normal. Look—your body needs to rest. These past two days haven’t exactly been easy for you.”

Jenna’s expression clouded. ”No—that’s true,” she said softly. “It hasn’t been easy at all— Dr. Pfaff said that getting everything out will make things better, but—”

“It will, Jenna—I promise. I know it might not feel that way right now, but give it time.”

“I’ll try.” 

Lee watched as his daughter put down the spoon and reached for her milk—wincing slightly from the pain in her ribs. “Want to talk about it?” 

A slight shake of her head—Jenna took a swallow of milk and put it back down. “Not now—maybe later, though?” 

He ruffled her hair. “Whenever you want to—I’ll be here.”

“Thanks, Dad.”   Jenna covered a yawn with her mouth. “I think I might sleep a little more— if that’s okay—” her head was already down on the pillow by this time, eyes closing. “’Night.” 

Lee kissed her forehead, covering her again with the blanket. “Night, munchkin.” 

9:30 PM

“Lee,” the woman’s voice said—Amanda’s voice. “Lee—wake up.” 

Lee opened his eyes to see his wife’s face in front of him. 

“I’m sorry,” Lee rose from the armchair, stretching.. “I was waiting—guess I must’ve fallen asleep.” 

“Well to tell you the truth I thought I’d be here a lot earlier,” Amanda said. “But Lillian and Mother had another fight and Lillian locked herself in the guest room—that made it a little difficult to get my suitcase.”

“Those two never stop, do they?” 

“No—and they probably never will.”

Lee wrapped his arms around his wife. “I’m just so glad you’re home—I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, Stetson.”  Their lips met in a deep and satisfying kiss—Lee reluctantly broke it off when the need to breathe became more urgent.

 “Wow—now that was worth coming home for.” 

Lee smiled. “Glad I could oblige.”  Their lips met once more, the kiss brief this time— but just as passionate. 

Amanda walked over to the sofa where Jenna lay, still sound asleep. “How is she doing?”

“All right, I think. She’s slept most of the day straight through but I did get her to wake up long enough to get some dinner into her.  No nightmares at all.” 

“Thank goodness for that.” Amanda bent over Jenna, smoothing the side of her cheek and kissing her forehead before straightening—she looked at Lee. 

“Tell me what the session uncovered,” she said. “What happened to her—to my baby?” 

“Let’s go upstairs—” Lee kept his voice low. “I don’t want her to hear us.”   Together they went upstairs—Lee made sure the door was closed before he spoke again.

“Let’s sit down, huh? I think we should both sit down.”  He led Amanda over to the bed.

“Lee please—just tell me.”  Amanda’s voice shook slightly.

“Okay,” Lee said. “You remember that Jenna said that Gary cut her belt off.” 

Amanda nodded. “He didn’t want anything to identify her.” 

Lee took a deep breath and then let it out in a whoosh. “Well, after he did that—he called her Marcie—she told him her name was Jenna—that’s when he put his hand on her stomach,” God, this was hard, he thought. Amanda needed to know—deserved to know—but seeing the pain in her eyes was— “Gary said—he said he was going to teach her a lesson about her name.” 

“What kind of a lesson?” 

“He—he pressed down, Amanda—right on her ribs.”  Amanda was as white as a sheet now—the expression in her eyes was one of shock and disbelief.  “He pressed down until— until she said her name was Marcie—until she begged him to take the pain away.” 

“I—” Amanda’s eyes were filled with tears.  “Oh my gosh, Lee—that must have hurt so much—she must have been so frightened—she’s only twelve—so much smaller than Gary—why would he—why did he do that to her?” her voice broke. Lee gathered his wife into his arms—he could feel her trembling.  He stroked her hair, rubbing her back soothingly.

“She was no threat to him,” Amanda’s voice was shaking now—Lee could hear the anger behind those words. “He didn’t have to hurt her like that.” 

 “I know, Amanda, I know—just take it easy.” 

“But Lee— how is Jenna supposed to deal with this? How can we possibly get her past something like that? I mean I’m glad that he didn’t—but this—” 

Lee sighed.    “I don’t know—I wish I had the answer—I think all we can do at this point is make her feel as loved and safe as possible.”  His arms tightened around his wife. “But whatever happens, we’ll get through it—I know we will.” 

 Part Twenty-Eight :Delayed

4247 Maplewood Dr.

Friday, February 23 2001

2:30 AM

"No!"

Amanda watched helplessly as the man lifted Jenna--kicking and struggling--into
the air.

"No--Jenna--no--stop this--please--"

She looked into her daughter's eyes--the fear she saw--it chilled her. Amanda
tried to move forward--to help her daughter--save her--but it felt like she was
swimming in molasses--she couldn't move fast enough. The man pressed a cloth
against Jenna's face, covering her nose and mouth--the muffled screams
stopped--her child's body sagged limply.

Gary Johnston looked up at Amanda and smiled--his hand closing possessively over
Jenna's helpless form.

"She's mine now, Mrs. Stetson--thanks for giving her to me."

"Amanda!" Lee's voice.

"Lee, he took her--Gary--he took my baby away--I couldn't stop him--I
couldn't--" Amanda's breath came in gasps--tears running down her face. "I
tried, but I couldn't--I couldn't get there in time."

"Jenna's fine--she's sleeping downstairs--she's safe."

"No--she's not--he got her--I wasn't there--"

"Amanda--open your eyes--look at me--look at me!" Amanda stared into her
husband's eyes--she was in her bedroom--Lee was there.

"Jenna's safe," he repeated. "She's downstairs--she's perfectly safe."

Amanda felt her breathing start to slow--all a dream--it had all been a bad
dream--but it had felt so real.

"Lee--I'm sorry, I just--" somehow she couldn't seem to stop shaking--

"It's all right, Amanda." Gently Lee brushed the tears from her face. "I
promise--it's all right."

"I know--it's just that dream--it was so--just hold me, Lee--please hold me."

"Always, Mrs. Stetson." Lee pulled her body close, her head resting against his
bare chest. Amanda could hear the steady drum of his heartbeat--it calmed
her--her eyes began to close once more.

8:00 AM

Lee straightened his tie as he came downstairs--he stopped as he heard the
raised voices coming from the kitchen.

"Mom, I'm fine--I want to go--just to get out of the house. Please?"

"Sweetheart--believe me, I understand--I just don't think you're quite
ready--the last two days were pretty rough--if you want to take another day I'm
sure they'll understand."

A sigh from Jenna. "But I don't want to take another day. I feel good--I'm all
right."

"Jenna, you need to rest--I don't want to hear any more arguments."

"But Mom--" Jenna stopped speaking as Lee came into the kitchen--both she and
Amanda turned to look at him.

"What's going on?" Lee asked.

"I want to go to school," Jenna said. "Mom's trying to make me stay home--Dad,
please tell her that I can go."

"Lee she's not ready yet--I'd feel better if she could just rest for one more
day."

They both looked at him expectantly--Lee's mouth felt dry--he wondered why his
tie suddenly felt too tight.

"Ahh--munchkin--you probably do need some more rest," he said. Jenna let out
another sigh. "However--" he looked at Amanda "Your Grandmother's not home yet
and Billy's requested to have us both in this morning--we can't leave you here
all by yourself. You can go."

"Great!" Jenna smiled. "I'll go get my backpack." She ran upstairs. Lee
exhaled in relief but stopped as he saw Amanda's face--he knew they'd be
discussing this later.

 IFF

9:30 AM

"I can't believe you did that." Amanda followed Lee into the Q-Bureau, giving
the door an uncharacteristic slam. "Why did you undermine me? Telling her that
she could go when you know she needs to rest."

"Amanda, come on--I did not undermine you. Jenna wanted to go back to
school--she feels bettera33;isn't that a good sign?"

"Maybe--if she was ready--but you heard what she went through--Johnston tortured
her. She's going to need time to recover from that."

"Her ribs are healing--she doesn't even wear the belt anymore."

"Damn it, I'm not talking about physically, Lee--I'm talking about emotionally."

"I know--" Lee started to say but Amanda kept talking.

"You told me how she reacted when you leaned over to fasten her seatbelt. This
is still affecting her--she hasn't had time to fully process it yet. One day of
sleep without nightmares is good, but it's not enough time."

"Two days wouldn't be enough time either--you know that."

"Lee, if she has any kind of an episode while she's in school today--"

"If she does, the school's been informed--they know how to deal with it--they'll
contact us."

"I just--" Amanda shook her head. "Jenna didn't have to go today--you said
yourself--you said she needed more rest--then you have the nerve to turn around
and tell her she can go--what were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that Billy wanted us both in the office today and your Mother's
not home yet--or did you want Jenna to be at home all alone? "

"No, but--I'd just--I'd feel better if I could--"

"What?" Lee asked quietly. "Keep your eye on her at all times?"

Amanda nodded, her eyes brimming. Lee quickly closed the space between them and
pulled his wife close.

"Hey--I feel the same way," he said. "But as much as we'd both like to we
can't--we can't keep her at home forever and we can't keep her in a bubble."

"It's just--hearing about all the pain she went through--imagining what it must
have been like for her--" Amanda's voice was muffled against Lee's chest. "I'd
like to protect her from any more pain. Is that really so wrong?"

"Events beyond our control," Lee said. "That's what Pfaff said the kidnapping
was--that I have to accept that I wasn't in control and put it behind me--I'm
trying, but it's just..."

"It's hard," Amanda admitted. "The dream I had last night was so--" Lee felt her
body shudder--he pulled her closer, trying to give her some comfort. "I keep
thinking that if I had only been inside instead of out back--maybe I could have
done something."

"Weren't you the one who told me not to blame myself? You can't blame yourself
either."

"Lee--I was there--she--she probably called out to me but I couldn't hear
her--that's when he grabbed her--I should've been--"

"But you couldn't have known," Lee said. "There's been plenty of times when
Jenna's come home and you've been out back--or I have--how could you have
guessed that this would be the time that something like this happened?"

Amanda pulled out of the embrace and looked at him, wiping tears from her eyes.
"In my dream--Gary thanked me for giving him Jenna--and that's what I
did--didn't I? I gave her to him--"

"No--you didn't--" Lee stepped closer but Amanda backed away.

"I knew--the night of that Christmas party--I felt there was something wrong
about him--his hands were icy cold--the things he said--and I showed him our
daughter's picture. I made her a target--he wouldn't have known about Jenna if I
hadn't done that."

'All this time,' Lee thought. 'All this time she's been trying to comfort
me--and Jenna--she must have been carrying this inside--now it's my turn to help
her.' He took Amanda's hands--this time she didn't pull away--and led her over
to the sofa.

"Listen to me," he said. "How could you have possibly known what he
planned--what he did was so--how could anyone have guessed that?"

"I don't know--all I know is that I have a child who's hurting--who was
tortured--this shouldn't have happened to her. And now all I want to do is be
able to watch and protect her all the time--I can't do that--but it doesn't
stop me from wanting to. And when I think of her at school--all the things that
could happen to her--I know it's unreasonable--but I can't stop feeling that
way."

"Yeah, I know." Lee took a deep breath--God help him--he couldn't believe what
he was about to say. "Amanda--I know you talked once about going to see Dr.
Pfaff--maybe talking to him would help you with this."

For a few moments Amanda was silent--Lee worried that he'd said the wrong
thing--too much too soon. Finally she spoke.

"Yeah--I think you're right--I think that it might help."

10:00 AM

"Thanks for coming to see me, Amanda ," Dr. Pfaff said as she entered his
office. "Did you want the sofa? Some ice cream?"

"No thank you, sir--I'm fine." Briefly Amanda wondered whether anyone ever did
take the ice cream. She sat in a nearby chair.

Dr. Pfaff took an ice cream from the freezer and lay back on the sofa. "Billy
said that you were very upset this morning."

Amanda nodded. "Yes."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Lee and I had an argument this morning over Jenna going to school--I thought
she needed to stay home for another day."

"I see. How did Jenna feel?"

"She wanted to go back--she said she was tired of being 'cooped-up'--I just
didn't think she was ready--not after what happened to her."

"In what way wasn-t she ready?"

"I thought she needed some more rest--time to relax and start to process this."

"But Jenna didn't agree with you."

"No,sir--she slept most of day yesterday--no nightmares--she thought she was
ready to go back."

"What happened after that?"

Amanda drew in a deep breath. "Lee came downstairs--he agreed with me,
but--since Billy needed us both in this morning and Mother isn't home yet--he
said that she could go."

"That makes sense, doesn't it? You wouldn't want Jenna to stay home alone."

"Of course not--for a little while I even thought of taking her into work with
us--we have a sofa in the Q-Bureau--she could've slept there."

"Not really a good idea--Jenna doesn't know what you do for a living, and even
if she did she doesn't have clearance."

"I know--I know it's not reasonable, that I'm not being reasonable-- it's
just--"

"Just what?"

This wasn't going to be easy--Amanda struggled to put her thoughts into words.
"There are so many things that could happen to her at school--you hear on the
news about shootings--someone might even try to take her again--you just don't
know."

"School shootings and stranger abductions are relatively rare, Amanda--the media
coverage tends to blow those things way out of proportion."

"What's already happened to Jenna is relatively rare," Amanda said. "So that
isn't exactly comforting. I'd just feel better if I could keep my eye on
her--that's all. I don't want anything else to happen."

"She's been back at school for quite a few days now--you didn't object before."

"No, sir, but that was before--before I knew everything that Gary did to her."
Amanda clasped her trembling hands tightly in her lap. This wasn't easy--just
talking about it caused images to form in her mind.

"And that changes things?"

"Of course it does--she was drugged, tortured--no child should ever have to go
through something like that."

Dr. Pfaff nodded. "I agree."

"Why would he do that? Frighten her--cause her that kind of pain--when she was
too weak to fight him--she wasn't any threat--he enjoyed causing her pain."
Amanda felt tears on her face now. "I just--I want to know why."

 "Gary Johnston was an abusive man--hurting someone defenseless may have given
him a sense of power and control. Also he might have considered it a punishment
for the earlier escape attempt."

"He's sick--twisted," Amanda spoke softly. "When I met him at that Christmas
party I sensed--I sensed something about him--it creeped me out--I should've
never shown him Jenna's picture--I should've trusted my instincts." She
remembered now--the way he'd snatched the photo from her hands to get a closer
look.

'That someone could hurt a child like that--' That was what Gary had said.
Amanda shivered.

"According to Lee you showed lots of people that photograph--even around the
Agency."

Amanda nodded again. "It was from her Christmas dance recital--I thought it was
cute."

"You've shown off pictures of your boys when they were growing up--even to total
strangers."

"Sure--their Little League photos--junior trailblazers--school plays--but
still--"

"I'm betting that lots of mothers do the same thing--I doubt they think it will
lead to their child's abduction."

"True--but in Jenna's case it did."

"You couldn't have known that--even if you sensed something wrong with Gary.
There are many strange people out there--not all of them snatch children."

"Maybe, but what about when she came home that day? I was out back with
mother--if only I'd been in the house -- I could've stopped it."

"What were you doing out back?"

"Helping Mother with her winter roses--by the time I got back in the house it
was too late--the door was open--Jenna's shoe--her shoe was lying in the snow."
Amanda closed her eyes briefly, remembering the cold, sick feeling that had
spread throughout her body as she'd picked up the shoe--the single tennis shoe--

`Something's happened to my baby--'

"I'm sure there were plenty of other times that you were outside when Jenna came
home."

"Yes--that's the same thing Lee said."

"And Jenna was eleven years old--almost twelve--you were letting her walk home
from school--she wasn't at the age where she required constant supervision, was
she?"

"No--but--"

"The week before you'd dropped her off with two friends to see a movie at the
mall--you were giving her more independence--that's natural for a girl Jenna's
age."

"I don't understand what you're trying to say."

"I'm saying the same thing I told your husband--Gary was determined to get
Jenna--if it hadn't been that day it would've been another day. This wasn't
something you could control."

"Maybe not, but I can control it now--I can spare her any more pain--she's
already had too much to handle--all I want to do is keep her safe."

"By overprotecting her you're reinforcing her belief that the world isn't a safe
place anymore--by trying to protect her from fear and pain you might actually be
exacerbating the problem. You need to accept what happened and try to work from
there."

"How?" Amanda asked. "Jenna's going to have a hard enough time processing all
this herself--I don't want to make things worse--how can I help her?"

Dr. Pfaff was silent for a few moments. "Talking to her might help," he said.
"Both you and Lee together--encourage her to express her feelings about
this--you can tell her how you feel too--not the guilt, but the desire to
protect her--if you open up to her that might encourage her to do likewise.
Also--getting out of the house with Jenna for a little bit might do you all a
world of good. It might not seem like it now, but you will be able to get past
this."

Getting out of the house together--that would be a good idea, Amanda thought.
Already ideas were starting to form in her head. "Yes sir--and thank you."

"Anytime, Amanda."

 Part Twenty-Nine :Summoned

4247 Maplewood Dr.

Friday, February 23, 2001

2:46 PM

"So--goofy golf tonight?" Lee pulled the car into the driveway.

"I think it would be fun,"Amanda said. "It's been a while since we've gotten out
and done something as a family--and Dr.Pfaff thinks that it would do Jenna a
world of good."

"For once I agree with the man." Lee got out of the car and opened Amanda's
door. "And maybe--later tonight, you and I can spend some time together--what do
you say?"

Amanda smiled "It's a deal, Stetson"

As they approached the house Lee saw it--the yellow piece of paper--it had had
been folded and taped to the door. Lee knew what it was before he even unstuck
the tape. His hands shook as he unfolded the paper.

'Not now--not this soon--I thought we'd have more time to prepare--'
These were the thoughts running through his mind as he stared down at the paper.

"Lee?" Amanda came up behind him. "What is that? What's going on?"

"It's a summons." Lee handed Amanda the paper. "Jenna is due to testify at the
preliminary hearing on April sixth."

He unlocked the door, stepping inside, Amanda following behind him. The house
seemed awfully empty without Dotty's presence, but she and Captain Curt had
called earlier--letting them know that they had decided to spend a couple of
days at Pocahontas State Park.

A summons to testify--Lee tried to picture Jenna on the stand, telling the court
the details of what Johnston had done--he thought back to Jenna's reaction after
seeing that creep on the television--the stark terror in her expression as she'd
recounted the details under hypnosis--

Could she handle this? Lee just wasn't so sure.

"Mr. Dutton told us this was coming," Amanda's voice broke into his reverie.
Still holding the paper, she sank down onto the sofa. "I just--I guess I didn't
think it would be this soon."

"Yeah--me either." Lee sat beside his wife. "It's still over a month away--that
gives us time to prepare."

"I guess so." Slowly Amanda folded the paper--Lee noticed her hands were shaking
as well. "Should we tell her now?"

Lee shook his head. "No--after everything that's happened--this would be too
much right now. I'll talk to Pfaff--see how we can go from there--try and
prepare her for this."

"Good idea," Amanda said. "We also need to talk to Mr. Dutton about our options.
I've been looking at that pamphlet he gave me--you know, the one about
testifying via closed-circuit TV? I really think that's the way to go."

"But what about expelling Johnston from the court? That way she wouldn't even
have to see him."

"It's still an option, Lee--but it's granted so rarely--nine times out of ten the
judge rules against it--constitutionally the defendant has the right to face
their accuser."

'Face their accuser--' Lee thought. The thought of Jenna having to face that
monster in court chilled him to the bone. "So--closed circuit TV?" He finally
managed to say.

"Yeah--I think that really might be the way to go."

"And it would apply in Jenna's case?"

Amanda nodded. "According to law, any child under the age of fourteen who's
believed to have suffered abuse at the hands of an adult is eligible to request
the option--and as much as I hate to admit it, Jenna fits--" her voice broke off
abruptly.

Lee took her hands. "We'll talk to Dutton about it Amanda--it'll work
out--you'll see."

"I know--I know we will--it's just--" Amanda looked down at their joined hands.

"Just what?"

"I never thought I'd be in this situation--I never thought something like this
would happen to my child. Phillip and Jamie had their share of scrapes and
bruises, but for the most part it was just normal kid stuff, you know? But
this--" she drew in a deep, shuddering breath. "I can accept that this was out
of my control, but Lee--if I could've taken Jenna's place during this whole
ordeal--just to spare her all of this--and keep her from any more--I wouldn't
hesitate."

"I feel the same way." Lee said.

"Accept and move forward--that's what Dr. Pfaff said--that's what we have to do--I
just wish I knew how."

"Wish I did too." There were no other words, nothing else he could say--Lee
pulled his wife close, smoothing her hair.

 Goofy Golf

4:20 PM

"Oh no, dad, here it is--the Chipmunk of Doom," Jenna teased.

"Munchkin--please--it doesn't bother me any more." Lee eyed the concrete rodent
on the second hole--the thing always seemed to be smiling at him somehow--mocking
him.

Well, this time he would win.

"It bothered you the last time we were here," Jenna reminded him.

"She's right, Lee," Amanda said. "For some reason this hole always gets to you."

"Yeah well, not this time." Lee concentrated on the little orange ball in front
of him--all he had to do was get it through the chipmunk's legs. It was supposed
to be easy. He'd seen little kids do it in one--even Jenna had done it--but for
some reason it always took him at least four or five tries. Lee recalled the
first time he'd ever played with Amanda and her boys. Phillip and Jamie had been
almost hysterical with laughter--it was Phillip who had coined the term
'Chipmunk of Doom'--and ever since that day it had stuck.

Every day except today--today was the day that he'd finally do it. Lee readied
the club, widening his stance--he hit the ball at just the right angle--it
rolled--almost there--it would make it this time for sure--

The ball hit the chipmunk's foot and veered off to the side. Lee let out a hiss
of frustration as he glared balefully at the animal--he could almost swear that
the thing was now wearing a smirk.

"Oh Lee," Amanda rubbed his shoulder.

A hissing sound from behind startled him. Lee turned to see his daughter --she
had both hands over her mouth--tears in her eyes--her shoulders shook--crying?
Had something triggered an episode? Lee looked around--he didn't see anything
that--

Then he realized.

Jenna was laughing--actually laughing. The hissing had now erupted into full
blown giggles. It had been so long since Lee had seen her laugh--really
laugh--thata33;for a moment his throat tightened, making it hard to speak.

"Munchkin--" he finally managed to say.

"Dad--I'm sorry--" Jenna gasped out, wiping tears from her eyes. "I'm not making
fun of--really--it's just--the way you were looking at that chipmunk was--it was
just too funny."

"Hey," Lee enfolded his daughter in a gentle hug. Looking over Jenna's head at
Amanda, he could see that his wife was smiling, her eyes also filled with happy
tears. "Don't apologize for anything, okay? It's wonderful to hear you laugh."

6:00 PM

"Here we go," Lee walked back to the table, a large tray in his hand. "Burger,
fries and a water for me, Salad and water for you, and a cheeseburger, fries and
milkshake for Jenna--where's Jenna?"

"She had to go to the restroom," Amanda said.

Lee raised his eyebrows. "By herself?"

Amanda nodded, her eyes fastened on the door near the back of the cafa33;. "I'm
giving her five minutes before I go charging in."

"Good call--that's a good step." But even as he reassured his wife Lee found
that he was also watching the bathroom door--silently praying that everything
would be all right.

"Has Jenna talked to you since the last hypnosis session? You know--about
Gary--what he did to her ribs?" Amanda's tone was halting--Lee could see the
pain in her eyes--he knew how hard this was on her--the thought of her child
being hurt like that.

"Not yet," he told Amanda. "When I woke her up to feed her I asked--she said she
didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to pressure her--she'll probably
open up when she's ready."

"Probably." Amanda said. "I was glad to see Jenna laughing, though. That was a
good sign."

"It was--hopefully she's starting to heal."

"Hopefully." Amanda sighed, looking at her watch and then again at the bathroom
door. "It's funny."

"What is?"

"How we never used to think about some things--you know--letting Jenna go to a
public restroom, walk home from school--now I just--I can't quite shake the
feeling that if I let her out of my sight for even one second something horrible
will happen."

"Yeah, I know." Lee reached across the table, squeezing his wife's hand. "I
feel the same way."

"Dr. Pfaff said that if I was too overprotective it could be bad for Jenna--it
might make her think that the world is a dangerous place. But the world can be
dangerous sometimes--we know that better than anyone--so what do we do then?"

"I guess--we just take things as they come--teach her how to protect
herself--and try to keep her safe without making her afraid."

"It's not going to be easy though."

"No, it never is. But I think it'll get easier--over time."

"I hope so--but if she's in there one more minute I'm going in."

 At that moment the door opened and Jenna walked out--Lee watched as the tension
left Amanda's body--she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Your food's right here, munchkin," Lee said.

"Thanks," Jenna sat in the booth next to Amanda and picked up her cheeseburger.

"You played a pretty good game," Lee told his daughter, hoping to get the
conversational ball rolling.

"Yeah," Jenna said. "Mom's still the best though."

"Well, your Mom's had more practice than both of us combined." Lee said. "But
you played really well--and you had fun--that's the most important thing."

Jenna smiled, squeezing some ketchup from a packet and dipping her French fry.
"It was fun."

"Did you have a good day at school, sweetheart?" Amanda asked.

"Not bad," Jenna said. "Classes are okay--I like my new Social Studies teacher a
lot. But if Terri would leave me alone it would be better."

"You mean Terri Morgan?" Lee recalled both Terri and her mother--from Jenna's
ballet a few years back--not the most pleasant people. "What is she doing?"

Jenna stared down at the Formica tabletop. "She's telling people that I'm
exaggerating about what--what happened to me--that I wasn't really
kidnapped--I'm just doing this to get attention. But I haven't even been talking
about it--I haven't--and people at school seem to know some stuff without me
even saying anything."

Television--Lee's fist clenched. Francine had said a week ago that Gary's lawyer
was making the rounds of all the talk shows and news programs--even
Oprah--trying to drum up sympathy for his client. Lee didn't know what the
creep had been saying--frankly he didn't even care--but if it was getting out on
the television and other kids were watching--and their parents--what could he
do? His eyes met Amanda's.

"Jenna--" Lee began, but Jenna cut him off.

"You don't have to tell me--it's on TV, isn't it? The kidnapping--and Gary--I
mean, his lawyer--like that one night. That's why you don't watch the news
anymore like you used to."

"That's part of it, sweetheart," Amanda said. "We just don't want you to be
upset anymore--you have enough going on without seeing all that."

"Whatever that lawyer is sayinga33;--or whatever Terri or anyone else says,
Jenna--it's all just talk," Lee said. "The case against him is very strong--I
swear to you--that man's not going anywhere for a very long time."

Jenna's voice was quiet. "I hope not." She took a sip of her milkshake, staring
out the window at the golf course.

"Do all of the kids think the way Terri does?" Amanda asked.

Jenna shook her head. "No--most of them think Terri is a--that she's
mean--they're really nice to me--which is good, I guess--but I just wish they'd
forget about it so I can be normal again. Does that make any sense?"

"Perfect sense." Lee told her.

"I remember him, you know--Gary--telling me that he killed Marcie." The
statement came out of nowhere--Jenna continued to look out the window as she
spoke. Lee kept silent, waiting to see if she would continue. Finally she spoke
again.

"It was in the car, just before we reached the place where--where you found me.
I was tied up in the backseat. We went over a bump--and my chest--it hurt so bad
and I cried--I told him I wanted to go home and he said that I was a whiner,
just like Marcie--then he told me--what he'd done--he called her 'defective
merchandise'--said that he'd 'returned' her." She looked up at him--Lee could
see the pain and confusion in her expression. "How could he do that--how could
anyone do that to their own kid?"

Lee struggled with half-a-dozen answers before finally deciding on the direct
approach. "I don't know, munchkin--I wish I did know."

"He was going to kill me, too--he almost did--but he didn't--I survived. Dr.
Pfaff says that's the most important thing to remember."

"Dr. Pfaff is right," Amanda said. "You were very brave--you survived and
things will get better for you--I promise."

Jenna smiled again, faintly. "I just hope it happens soon."

Part Thirty : Spa Day

1673 Wisconsin Ave. NW

Saturday, February 24, 2001

10:30 AM

"Wow," Jenna said, stepping inside as Francine unlocked the door. "This is
really nice--it's different than where you used to live." She turned around
slowly as she spoke, looking up at the high ceilings and taking in everything.


"Yeah--I forgot that you hadn't seen this place yet--I moved from the apartment
to this townhouse about a year ago," Francine said. "Here, let me show you where
you'll be sleeping--it's not a sofa bed anymore." She led Jenna through the
foyer and up the staircase. "This is the guest bedroom--you have your own
bathroom and shower right in the room."

"Thanks," Jenna put her duffel bag and the Scarecrow doll on the bed. "The
bedspread's pretty--I love the color lavender."


Francine smiled. "I remember. Also, if you need anything tonight I'll be just
across the hall."


Anything included nightmares or flashbacks--Amanda had told Francine that Jenna
hadn't had any of those for a few nights now--but that didn't necessarily mean
that she wouldn't--and if she did, Francine wanted to be prepared.


"Do you need anything to eat?" Francine asked.


Jenna took her pajamas out of her bag, folding them up and putting them under
the pillow before sitting down on the edge of the bed. "No, I'm fine right
now--it's not lunchtime yet."


She looked good, Francine thought--she no longer had circles under her eyes--she
looked well-rested, happy. Maybe there would be no nightmares. The things that
had happened to Jenna at Gary's hands, however--that would be enough to give an
adult bad dreams--let alone a child--thinking of that man's hands on Jenna's
ribcage, pressing down--a shudder ran through Francine's body.


"Francine--are you okay?" Jenna was staring at her, a puzzled frown on her
face. "I kept calling your name just now and you didn't answer."


Francine sat down beside Jenna on the bed. "I'm fine--I just had some things on
my mind. How are you?"


"Fine--I was a little worried about Mom and Dad though--they're not going
anyplace dangerous, are they?"


"Dangerous? No--it's just a very simple milk--I mean, location shoot, that's
all. Very safe." There was no 100% guarantee--Francine knew--but Lee and Amanda
had been Billy's best team--now they were hers--and he had specifically
requested them on this mission.
"They'll be back by Sunday, I promise."

"That's good." Jenna grimaced slightly--rubbing at her shoulder with one hand.
"There are a lot of--dangerous places--a lot of bad things can happen to
people."


"Sometimes that's true," Francine said. "Does your shoulder hurt?"


Jenna nodded. "I think I slept on it wrong last night--it's funny--I never used
to get muscle pains like this--now they happen all the time."


Tension--Francine thought, as she watched the younger girl. PTSD could cause a
lot of tension--that's what Pfaff had said--and tension could create physical as
well as emotional problems.


'She needs a place--a day--to just relax, be pampered a little--something to
ease the pressure.' Francine thought.

She knew just the right place.

SMK SMK SMK SMK

Hela Day Spa

11:30 AM

"I've never been to a spa before," Jenna said as they sat down in the lobby.
Soft music piped in through the speakers--the pleasant scent of sandalwood
filled the air. "But I've heard about them."

"Well you're in for a treat--Hela is the best spa in the DC area--and believe
me, I've been to quite a few."

"What do you do at a spa?"

"All sorts of things--you can get a facial, a manicure, pedicure, even a nice
massage."

Jenna's face paled. "A massage? You mean that someone would be--"

Francine knew she had to tread gently here--she recalled reading that a massage
could be therapeutic in these kind of situations--but with Jenna's fear of
physical vulnerability it could still be tricky.

"Jenna, listen to me--you don't have to get one if you really don't want to."
Francine told her. "But it might help with all those muscle aches you've been
having."

"Maybe--I mean, it sounds nice and all, but--" Jenna's voice faltered--she bit
down on her bottom lip. "I'm just not sure--I don't know. Would I be able to
keep my clothes on?"

Luckily Francine had seen other children here in the past--she knew how it
worked. "Of course you can--and we'll make sure the masseuse is a woman--not a
man."

"And you'll be there the whole time?"

"I'll be there the whole time, Jenna--I promise."

Jenna hesitated. "Okay."

"Great," Francine said. "I'll just go sign us in--and don't worry--we're going
to have a wonderful day."