Glimpse of Regret

"Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so."

-David Grayson

Prologue:

He wadded up another sock and chucked it into the laundry basket with a flourish. How did she get him into these messes? She should have never taken the mid-level courier assignment. Had she been listening to what he wasn’t saying, she would have realized. Amanda had no business being in this line of work. She was a mother of two, who belonged at home with her children, not out with him chasing down the bad guys.

Lee picked up another item of clothing and sifted through it looking for the blasted microdot that would save three agents’ lives. He knew they wouldn’t find it in her laundry, but they had to look.

“All right let’s . . .” Is she kidding with this? “What is thi . . .” He turned the offending garment around for Amanda to see. “You don’t really, actually wear this?” He shook the shirt for emphasis.

She stared at him from her chair in the corner of the room, embarrassment written all over her face. “Yes, Phillip and Jamie gave it to me,” she replied meekly.

“Phillip and Jamie gave it to you, did they? Huh! Well!” He wadded up the offensive T-shirt and tossed it into the basket with a loud sigh as he pulled himself from the couch. “Well, Hot Mama! Seems that three of our best agents are in a great deal of trouble right now because we lost a vital microdot. And the only lead that we have to this vital microdot is with some damn purse-snatcher named Rollo. And here I am sitting in your den going through your laundry and feeling very much like an idiot right now. So!

So . . . so, uh . . .”

He sighed heavily, regretting his sudden outburst when he saw the sad look on her face. Not able to look her in the eye, he stared at the floor. Where had all that anger come from? She was only a civilian auxiliary. ‘You pulled her into this, Stetson!’ “Oh,

I’m . . . I’m very sorry, Amanda.” He ran his hand through his hair as he walked around the back of the couch. “I lost my temper again. I seem to be always saying things that, uh . . .”

“Well, sometimes that’s when people are most honest.”

“Yeah, and the dumbest. So--”

“Lee, I think we should stop.”

“Yeah, there’s no microdot in the laundry--”

“No, I don’t mean that. I think we should stop working together, I don’t think we should be partners anymore.”

“Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!” He held up his hand to stop her from going any further as he came back around the front of the couch. “We have never been partners.”

“Oh, yes, we have. We’ve been partners!”

“I don’t work with partners, Amanda.” He pointed his finger at her for emphasis. “And you know it!”

“You’re losing your temper again--”

“I am not losing my temper!

“I know you think I really messed up this time--”

“Oh, Amanda! You make me crazy.” He rubbed his forehead, the first signs of a headache forming.

“And I know you think that I’m not right for the Agency.”

“Why are we having this discussion?” He stood with one hand in his pocket and the other moving about for emphasis, as he laughed uncomfortably.

She continued on as if he hadn’t interrupted. “And I just want you to remember that I didn’t ask to join the Agency, I mean you got me into it in the first place.

“Well, I’m not holding you there, am I?” He dared her. He wasn’t sure whose eyes were wider, hers or his.

“No,” she squeaked out.

Sighing, he rubbed the back of his neck, then laughed nervously. “Why are we talking—What are we talking about here?”

“My resignation.” All was silent in the room. She was calling his bluff. “I think I should give it to Mr. Melrose.”

“Well, you do what you think is best for you, that’s all.” He rocked nervously on his feet.

“Well, I will then . . . I guess I’ll . . . I’ll turn in my resignation.” Her lips formed a tight thin line as she glared at him, almost daring him to say more, and shrugged.

How did this happen? “Fine!” He flung his hand in the air, as if to brush off the fight, and turned to head out the back door.

“Yeah,” she whispered, as if to have the last word.

He shook his head in disbelief. They had had their share of arguments over the past fourteen months, but nothing as volatile as this had been. He stalked out the backdoor, toward his car. “I don’t believe this!”

************

There he sat, ‘super spy’, Lee Stetson. He had drunk so hard the bottle ached. Watching the lonely people come in and out of the stale bar, he wondered what had happened in their lives to bring them here. He knew what had brought him here, or rather who. Lee tried to clear his head, but nothing was working in the bar full of flies. His solitude could only be found in the tall amber bottle sitting in front of him.

‘I can’t believe it! She actually quit!’ He never thought she’d go through with it. Sure, she was upset, hell, so was he for that matter. But to actually walk out on him, leave the Agency? Leave him! It was unbelievable.

He motioned to the bartender for another drink. He’d lost count of how many he’d already had. At least he was finally feeling numb. “Leave the bottle, will ya, Nick?”

“Sure, Lee.”

Why was he so upset? She was a hassle to work with, and he didn’t need her underfoot. Sure, she helped him out on occasion but wandered into trouble more often than not. He’d be just fine without her. “Just fine,” he croaked, as he threw back another shot.

He downed drink after drink, trying to figure out why the little housewife from Virginia made him feel . . . feel . . . well, just feel, period. He was a highly skilled counter-intelligence agent. He couldn’t do his job effectively if he cared for anyone, including himself. He couldn’t get hurt if he didn’t let anyone in. That’s what it was all about, wasn’t it--getting hurt again?

The feeling that had come over him when he’d found out they were planning to sell her was nothing he’d ever experienced before. How could anyone think they could own another, especially someone as innocent and beautiful as Amanda? ‘Whoa! Stetson, get a grip.’

It didn’t matter now. Amanda was no longer in his life. He’d let her walk out without so much as a second glance. What would she have done if he’d asked to her to stay? He shrugged off that thought. ‘What does it matter? She’s just a housewife. This way of life has nothing to offer her. I have nothing to offer her.’

He stumbled home that night still wallowing in self-pity. ‘What does it matter that she’s gone? It won’t change anything in my life.’

“Scarecrow!  My office, now!” 

Billy’s roar nearly rattled his teeth.  He’d been expecting it after the evening’s earlier fiasco, but he’d held onto the hope that Billy Melrose would skip the lecture until he had a chance to get a good night’s sleep.  Sleep?  He’d nearly forgotten what that was.  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a peaceful night. 

What had possessed him to go running into that warehouse, guns blazing, without backup?  Even he knew he was losing control.  The question was, if he knew what was happening, why didn’t he stop himself?  Did he want to die?  He was tired of fighting the voice in his head.  He knew deep down it was right.  He had a future, once upon a time, but he had let it go.  He’d watched as that future quit the Agency and walked out of his life. 

Over the years he had come to terms with his decision, or so he thought.  He told himself that she was better off without him.  He would only bring danger to her life, and she would only leave him like the rest. 

He stood silently, nodding at Billy at expected moments, not paying attention to the angry man in front of him. 

“Do I make myself clear, Scarecrow?” 

“Uh, yes, sir.”

“Good, now what about those reports on the former employees?  I need the whereabouts of everyone who has left the Agency in the past ten years.  You promised me if I took you off the Spring Cleaning detail, you’d take care of them for me.  Now here it is already August, and I have yet to see them.” 

“I know.  I have them just about finished.  I only have one more left to do.”  He knew from the look on his supervisor’s face that Billy was well aware of the name on that last file. 

“Well, see that they are all on my desk by Monday morning.”

“Yes, sir.”  He gave Billy a mock salute as he walked out the door. 

Lee silently thanked him for sparing him yet another lecture about Amanda King.  The one he’d received after the whole Joe King/Estocian Government case was enough to last a lifetime. 

dddddddddddddddddd

February 15, 1985

“Mrs. King was a big help on this case.  It was good to see her again.”

“Billy, knock it off, will ya?”

“What?  I was just commenting that she was once again an asset to the Agency.  What’s wrong with that?”

“I know you, Billy!  You still think I should have asked her to stay last year.  Look, she left on her own.  I had nothing to do with it.  She’s an adult.”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

“Bil-ly!” 

His boss’s rumbling laugh was enough to annoy him, without his next words.

“Yeah, I know what you’re going to say. ‘ You don’t need her, and you’re a better agent without her.’  Am I right?”

“Damn, straight!”

“But are you a better man?” he asked in a solemn voice.  Billy strolled out of the Q Bureau, leaving Lee with his mouth hanging open.    

dddddddddddddddddd

Shrugging off the daydream, Lee picked up the phone and dialed the number he hadn’t used in years.  Funny, it was still engrained in his memory. 

“Hello?”  Came the raspy, yet familiar voice on the other end of the line.

“Uh, Amanda?”

“Yes?  Lee?  Is that you?”

“Yeah,” he choked out, then cleared his throat, and continued,  “Yeah, it’s me.  How are you?”

“I’m well.  And you?” 

She sounded shocked to hear from him.  ‘Of course she’s shocked.  You haven’t spoken in over nine years.’  “I’m good.  Look, Amanda, I need to see you.  I mean, I’m reviewing all our former employees as a favor to Billy, and you’re the last person on my list.”

“Ah, I see.” 

Was that disappointment in her voice?  “So, can we meet?”

“Well, now really isn’t a good time.  See, my flight leaves early tomorrow afternoon--”

“Listen, Amanda.  It’ll only take a moment of your time.  I just need to go through the standard questions, and then you can be on your way to . . . where did you say you were going?”

She huffed, apparently annoyed at his interruption.  “I’m flying to Hawaii tomorrow to get married, Lee.”

“Married?”  He wanted to scream.  Why did he feel like he’d just been punched in the stomach by one of the bad guys?  She was getting married?  What did he care?  She hadn’t been part of his life for years.  ‘She was never a part of your life, Stetson.  She was merely an acquaintance.’  He shook the thoughts from his head and focused on what she was saying.  

“I guess I could meet you in the morning--”

“Great, why don’t we meet at that café down the street from the Agency at ten?”

“Sure, Lee.  See you then.” 

Why did she sound so sad?  She’d always sounded so upbeat and happy.  Was she still mad at him after all this time?  

“Bye, Ama--” He heard the hum of the dial tone before he had a chance to finish. 

dddddddddddddddddd

Leaving the drycleaners after picking up his suit, Lee decided to stop off at the liquor store adjacent to the cleaners to buy some Scotch.  If he was going to have to come face to face with his past, he might as well do it with a familiar friend. 

He was just about to walk up to the counter to purchase the Scotch, when a young man sauntered in.  He wore baggy jeans that hung off his hips, a dark concert T-shirt, and several gold chains around his neck.  He seemed anxious.  Sensing trouble, Lee walked over to the wall of wine bottles the shopkeeper was always bragging about.  He pretended to search the wall for the perfect bottle while carefully watching the young man’s actions. 

“Yo  yo  yo!  Check it out, G!  You payoff for lotto here, right?”  At the cashier’s hesitant nod, the young man continued.  “Bam!”  He slapped the lotto ticket onto the counter and smiled brightly.  “238 bucks, baby!  Pay up, G!”

The elderly Chinese shopkeeper pushed the ticket back at the young black man and yelled, “You drew the lines in, I know all about this scam.  You go, or I call 911!” 

“Why you play me like that, G?  It’s real.  Check it out!  You didn’t even look at it.  Now pay up!”  He pushed the ticket back toward the man. 

“It not real!  I call cops!  Get out of here now!” The man picked up the telephone and started dialing. 

When the young man whipped out a pistol and aimed it at the proprietor, the occupants of the store drew in a collective gasp.  “Hang up the phone, G!” 

Painfully aware of the innocent shoppers in the small, dank store, Lee knew nothing good would come from this standoff.  He strode to the front of the store, intent on breaking things up before they got any worse.  Unfortunately, the man brandishing the gun saw him coming and cut him off. 

“Stupid ass white boy in $2000 suit gets capped for trying to be a hero--news at eleven.  That’s what you want to see?  He shoved the gun into Lee’s chest.  “Do you wanna die?”

“No.  I’m just looking to make a business deal.  You sell me the ticket for $200, I take it to another store, one where the cashier doesn’t have a death wish . . .” Lee glanced at the man behind the counter and shook his head.  “And I make thirty-eight bucks.  Simple as that.”

The gun-toting punk seemed to think about the offer for a second, and then grabbed the bottle of Scotch from Lee’s hand.  “Yeah, all right.”  He sauntered over to the counter and snatched the ticket from the cashier.  He looked pointedly at the frightened man.  “You blew it, man.  You blew it.  Ticket was real, dawg.”  He shook his head.  “Damn, you had your chance, too.” 

Lee stepped over to the man behind the counter, took out his wallet, and laid a twenty-dollar bill on the counter.  At the owner’s look of confusion, he added,  “For the Scotch.” 

As he stood by the door, Scotch in hand, the young man called to Lee.  “Come on, Lee.  Let’s get out of here.”  

Once they had left the store, the young black man handed him the lottery ticket.  Lee took it and tucked it in the inside pocket of his jacket.  “How’d you know my name was Lee?”

“I saw it in your wallet when you paid for the Scotch.”

Lee shook his head, wondering how he’d seen it from his position at the door, but shook it off as he handed the man two hundred dollars. 

“Nice doing business with you.”  The man turned to leave, but stopped as Lee spoke. 

“Hey, um.  Why’d you pull that stunt in there?  You might want to re-think your plan for next time.  You’re going to end up getting killed.” 

“You’re talking to the wrong person about regrets, Lee.”

“I mean there are programs out there--”

“Wait, are you actually trying to save me?  He looked around the empty street and laughed.  “This is crazy!” he shouted to the sky above.  “The man thinks I need to be saved!”

“Hey, everyone needs something.”

“Yeah?  Well, what do you need, Lee?

“Me?”

“You just said everybody needs something.”

“I’ve got everything I need.”

“Wow!  It must be great being you.”

“I’m not saying you’d be able to do it without some hard, honest work and possibly some medication, but I--” He was once again cut off by the younger man’s laughter. 

“You know, I’m going to really enjoy this.  You just remember you did this, Lee.  You brought this on yourself.”  He tossed him the bottle and disappeared into the dark night, leaving Lee standing there in confusion.

“What the hell was that all about?”

dddddddddddddddddd

He entered his apartment, tossed his keys onto the bar, and pulled a glass from the shelf.  Pouring himself a drink, Lee trudged over to the couch and plopped down, propping his feet on the coffee table.  It had been a long day.  A lot of feelings he thought he had rid himself of years ago had found their way back into his life. 

Loosening his tie, he took a gulp of Scotch.  What would it be like to see her again after so many years?  Would she bring back the same feelings he’d fought to hide for so long?  What were those feelings anyway?  Was she really flying off to get married?  ‘Face it, Stetson.  You’re too late.  Do your job and then leave her alone, for good.’  He swallowed back another shot, and then staggered to the bedroom, hoping the alcohol would allow him a dreamless sleep. 

dddddddddddddddddd

“The follies which a man regrets most in his life are those which he didn’t commit when he had the opportunity.”

-Helen Rowland

Where was he?  This wasn’t his bedroom.  Then he felt it, the slight pressure on his chest.  Looking down, he saw her.  Chestnut curls splayed across his bare chest.  But who was she?  And how did he end up here?  He remembered coming straight home from the liquor store.  The two drinks he’d consumed couldn’t have made him forget going home with someone.  Could they?

Lee searched his surroundings for any clue as to where he was.  He spied his watch on the dresser, and his clothes were piled up on the chair beside the bed.  Soft kisses on his chest interrupted his thoughts.  She was awake.  This was going to be extremely uncomfortable.  He tried once again to remember what had happened the night before.  Nothing came. 

“Good morning, sweetheart.” The mysterious woman's raspy voice sounded surprisingly familiar.  She flipped her hair off her face and smiled at him just before her lips descended to his. 

“Amanda?” he whispered to himself in complete shock.  This has to be a dream.  She planted tiny, wet kisses down his jaw line and down his chest.  He gulped nervously at her ministrations.  ‘Correction, this is one HELL of a dream!’ 

“Lee, what’s wrong?  You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

Before he could respond, he heard the pitter patter of tiny feet outside the door.  Then, in a rush, utter chaos filled the room.  Two small children bounced between them .  ‘This isn’t a dream, it’s a nightmare!’ 

“Mommy, Daddy!  We’re hungry!”

“Daddy?  What the . . .” Lee jumped out of the bed and threw on his clothes.  He had to get out of here.  This wasn’t really happening! 

Amanda scooped up the little ankle biters and proceeded to hug and kiss them, completely oblivious of his panicked state.  She was acting like this was all normal.  ‘Like waking up in bed with Amanda is normal?’  There must have been something in that Scotch! 

He had almost made his escape out the bedroom door, when he heard her call his name.  “Lee, please start the coffee.  I have a feeling we’re gonna need it.”  When she finished, she started tickling the little girl. 

He closed his eyes and hoped when he reopened them that he’d find himself in his own bedroom.  He turned to walk out of the room and hit his head on the door jam.  “Shit!” 

“Um!  Daddy said a bad word, Mommy!”

“Sometimes grown-ups say naughty words when they hurt themselves.  It just slips out.  It’s all right, honey.  Daddy didn’t mean to.”

What was going on?  He made a mad dash through the long hallway and down the stairs, then out what he hoped was the front door.  Nothing made sense!  He had to find some answers.  He scanned the driveway and searched the garage.  Where was it?  His car was nowhere to be seen.  All he found was an Explorer and a Taurus.  Where was his Porsche 911? 

With a loud sigh, he resigned himself to the Explorer.  ‘I guess it beats that old station wagon she had before.’  He opened the driver’s side door and hopped in.  Luckily, he found the keys in the center console and started the engine.  He had to get out of here before Amanda came looking for him. 

Mr. Chang at the liquor store was going to get an earful, once he woke up from this nightmare.  The man had obviously sold him some bad Scotch.  This was getting out of hand.

He suddenly realized he had no idea where he was and headed to the main street to get his bearings.  Once there, he drove toward his apartment.  What was he doing clear out in Rockville?

Pulling up in front of the familiar building, he sighed, never remembering a time he’d been so happy to see the tall, drab monstrosity.  Lee greeted the doorman by name, only to be stopped at the elevator by the gentleman’s hand on his arm. 

“Excuse me, sir.  May I help you?”

“Cut it out, Jimmy.  I’ve had a really bad night, and I want to go home and take a shower.”

“I’m sorry, sir.  Who are you here to see?”

“Who am I here to . . . I want to go to my apartment, Jimmy.  Quit messing around.”  Shaking off the man’s hand, he hurried to the elevator and pressed the button. 

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave, unless you can give me the name of the party you’re visiting.  These are private apartments.”

“Jimmy, I live here.  I’m in 4C.  It’s me, Lee Stetson!”  ‘Maybe Jimmy buys from the same damn liquor shop.’

“Mr. Stetson?  I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you--”

“Thank you!  It’s about time.  What’s gotten into you?”

“Sir, you haven’t lived here in years.  Last I heard, you had gotten married to that nice lady, what was her name?  Big brown eyes--”

“Amanda?”  He couldn’t understand what was happening.  Was this some sort of elaborate joke?

“Yes!  That’s right.  How is she?  She was always so polite.   Made the best chocolate chip cookies around.”

“Jimmy, when did I move out?”  He grabbed the man’s lapels and waited for an answer.

“Um, I think it was about six or seven . . . yeah, 1987, so seven years ago.”

It didn’t make any sense.  No sense at all.  He was married to Amanda?  He stomped out of the building and over to the truck. 

That’s when he heard it, the undeniable sound.  He knew her like he knew the back of his hand.  She was his pride and joy--his Porsche 911.  Who the hell was driving her?  She was stopped at the light, so he pounded on the passenger window.  As the window rolled down, he found himself staring at the man who had sold him the lottery ticket the night before.  “That’s my car!  You stole my car!  How the hell did you get my car, you son of a bitch?”  He couldn’t hold his frustration in any longer.  This day had gotten progressively worse. 

“Hi, Lee!  Get in.  I know this has been quite a shock, and it’s a lot to take in.  I’ll explain everything.”  Lee stared at him in disbelief, as the man tried once again to coax him into the vehicle.  “Come on.”

Lee slid in and waited for the explanation.  Was this some kind of enemy plot to drive him slowly insane?  If so, it was working.  

“Buckle up, this thing flies!”  The Porsche sped down the street, leaving only the sound of squealing tires behind them.

“What’s happening to me?”  Lee gasped for breath.  The man seemed to sense his dilemma and handed him a small paper bag. 

“Here, breathe deep.  A lot of guys freak out and get sick.  I’ve seen it happen before.  Just breathe into the bag.”

Lee grabbed the bag and tried to regain his composure.  Taking shallow breaths in the stale bag, he stared at the man, trying to figure him out.    

“Try not to get so worked up, Lee.  Just remember, you brought this on yourself.”

“Brought . . . what . . . on myself?  I didn’t . . . do anything!”  Lee’s hands tightened around the small brown bag as he struggled to breathe. 

“I’ve got everything I need.”  The man mimicked Lee’s words from the night before.  “Sound familiar?”   

He pulled the bag from his mouth.  “So, because you thought I was cocky, I’m now on a PERMANENT ACID TRIP?”  He couldn’t take this anymore.  The joke was over.  Why couldn’t he breathe?

“The way you intervened in that store last night . . .” The man shook his head in apparent disbelief.   “I mean you did a great thing, Lee.  It was incredible.  All the way across the board, you impressed everyone in the organization.”

“Oh, come on!  This is crazy!  Are you KGB?  Who hired you?  WHO HIRED YOU?” 

“No one hired me, Lee.  This isn’t some plot against you.  This is something good.  You’re a very lucky man to be getting this opportunity.”

“Yeah?  Well, how come I don’t feel so lucky?”  The man only shrugged his shoulders.  Leaning forward, Lee rubbed his face and temples.  “Okay, will you please just explain to me what is going on, in plain English?” 

“This is a glimpse, Lee.”

“A glimpse?”  The man nodded, his eyes fixed on the road ahead.    What the hell was he

talking about?  God!  His head hurt.  “A glimpse of what?”

“You’re gonna have to figure that out for yourself, and you’ve got plenty of time.”

“How much time?”

“As much time as it takes, and, in your case, it’s probably going to be considerable.”

He started to panic again.  This guy seemed to believe his own convoluted story.  “Okay, look, I just want my life back.  How do I wake up from this nightmare?”  The man stared relentlessly at Lee.  He tried again.  “So what’s it gonna take?  How much do you want to make this go away?” 

“It doesn’t work like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because you have to figure this thing out for yourself.  Are you listening to me?”

Lee ran his hand through his hair and pulled, leaving a large chunk of his hair standing on end.  “Figure it out?  Figure what out?”

“Let it come to you, man.”

“I don’t have time for this!  I’m in the middle of a very important case.”

“Yeah, well, you’re working on a new case now, man.”  The car came to an abrupt stop next to his Explorer.  “Time to get out of the car.”

“Wait, you’re just gonna leave me here?  What do I do?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t spend any more time with you.  I have some other business to take care of.  You’ll be fine.”

Lee felt like a lost little boy.  “You did this to me.  You can’t just leave me.”

The man smiled sympathetically.  “Okay, you want to take a walk and get some air?  I’ll explain everything to you.”

“Yes, please.”  His voice was barely above a whisper.  Maybe he would finally learn what this nightmare was really about and get his life back in the process.

When he closed the passenger side door, the car made a hasty exit, leaving Lee very alone.  His shoulders sagged as he watched the car, his car, drive away.  Alone with his myriad of emotions, he punched the air.  “Ah, hell!” 

dddddddddddddddddd

Ignoring the weekend receptionist, Lee entered the closet elevator and jabbed the “down” button.  If anyone could set him straight, it was Billy Melrose.  He pushed the coats aside and strode past the swarm of people roaming the hallway, without a second glance.  Oblivious to the ringing phones and the usual bustle and chatter of his fellow agents, he crossed the Bullpen and rapped on his supervisor’s door.  After being waved in, he sank into a chair opposite his boss, waiting for him to finish his call. 

He took a moment to study the room.  Nothing seemed different or out of the ordinary.  Francine breezed into the room carrying a file folder, and she placed it on Billy’s desk, just before turning and giving Lee a smirk. 

“I didn’t expect to see you here today.”

He quirked an eyebrow.  “Why not?”

“You never work weekends anymore.  I believe you refer to them as your ‘family time.’ 

Lee could only nod and stare at the blonde as she sashayed out the door.

They got to Francine, too!  His only hope was just wrapping up a phone call.  Billy would help him.  He had to.

“Well, if it isn’t the man in question.”

“What?”

“That was your wife.”  He gestured toward the phone.  “She’s been worried sick about you.  Said you ran out of the house hours ago, without a word, and haven’t been back since.  What’s up, Scarecrow?”

“That’s what I’d like to know.”  He jumped up and started pacing a path in front of the desk.  “Billy, I woke up this morning in someone else’s life.  When I went to bed last night, I was a single man!  I woke up this morning, and I have a wife, kids, and a mortgage!”

“Lee, it’s only natural to feel a bit out of sorts at times.  Married life isn’t always a walk in the park.  It’s a lot of hard work.  And raising a family is even harder.  But I know you and Amanda can do it.”  He put his hand on Lee’s shoulder and squeezed.  Lee jumped, not realizing Billy had moved behind him. 

“I know you two were made for each other, and so do you.  Now go home and talk to your wife.  She sounded pretty upset.”  Billy practically pushed him out the door. 

“But, Billy--”

“No buts, Scarecrow!  Go home, and that’s an order!” 

dddddddddddddddddd

“Thank goodness, you’re home!  Do you have any idea how worried I was?  I was calling all over town for you.  You left in such a hurry you forgot your cell phone on the dresser.  Lee?  Are you going to tell me what had you running out of here in such a rush that you had to leave your family for hours, without any explanation?”

‘Some things never change.’  He shook his head and chuckled to himself.  She’d always been able to talk a mile a minute.  It was good to see some things remained constant, no matter what universe you happened to be in. 

“Well?”  She stood with her hands on her hips, glaring at him. 

“I’m sorry?”  He wasn’t sure what he should say, or how to act.  The look on her face told him he’d have to give her more than that.  “I didn’t mean to upset you, I just realized I had forgotten . . . an appointment . . . a meeting, actually.”

“Yeah.  Well, next time remember to tell your wife where you’re going, huh?”  She swept past him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before heading upstairs.  When she reached the top of the landing, she turned back to him.  “Oh, did you remember to pick up the movie while you were out?”

“The movie?”  He furrowed his brow and waited.

“Lee, the movie.”  She looked at him expectantly.  “It’s Saturday!  You rent the movie, I pop the popcorn, the kids go to bed, and we . . . snuggle?”  She wriggled her eyebrows.  “Ring any bells?”

“Oh, right!  Movie night.  Um, you know it totally slipped my mind.”  He flashed her a dimpled smile and shrugged.

“That’s okay, sweetheart.” 

He sighed in relief.  At least he wouldn’t have to continue the façade of normalcy during an entire movie. 

“We’ll just watch one we already have.  It’s not like we watch much of it anyway.”  She winked and continued up the stairs.

“Oh, boy,” he grumbled, as he headed into the living room to see if there were any clues to this new life of his.      

He searched the shelves for evidence.  “A glimpse.  What did that mean?  And what am I supposed to figure out?”  After pulling down a scrapbook, he sat down on the couch and leafed through the pages.  The quicker he figured out why he was here, the sooner he’d get back to his life.

The first few pages were dedicated to a smiling Lee and Amanda, pictures of them at what looked like a wedding.  Turning the page, he saw it was their wedding.  Staring down at the picture of the happy couple, he felt like a stranger rifling through the couple’s private belongings.  Except, he was half of that couple.  He had obviously experienced it yet, had no recollection of the event.  The man in the photo gazed at his bride’s face with a look of complete trust and undying love. 

Thumbing through page after page, he saw pictures of Amanda, one with her hand on a very swollen stomach.  Another of Amanda holding a tiny baby wrapped in a pink blanket.  Beside the picture was the baby’s birth date and measurements.  ‘I have a five-year-old daughter?’  He stared at the pictures of he and his daughter playing dolls.  There were more recent photos of Amanda with a very large tummy.  There he found, in similar fashion, the birth date and measurements for the little boy.  He was only two years old, but was quite a bit smaller at birth than the little girl had been. 

A loose photo caught his attention.  It appeared quite recent and hadn’t been fixed into the book properly.  There was Amanda, her boys, her mother, the little girl and boy from this morning, and . . . himself.  The date on the photo showed it had been taken a month ago.  His expression caught on film made his stomach flip.  How could he be so happy in this life?  How could he be content in suburbia?  There was no denying the gleam in the man’s eye.  He looked as if he were on cloud nine.  Lee couldn’t remember a time in his life when he looked happier than the Lee in the photo. 

“Hard to believe isn’t it?”  The low timber of her voice sent shivers down his spine.  From behind the couch, she snaked her arms around his neck and rested her chin on his shoulder. 

“Hmmm?”  Being this close to her, he didn’t trust his voice.

“It’s hard to believe sometimes that the ‘loner Scarecrow’ and the ‘frumpy housewife from Arlington’ created such a warm, loving family.” 

“Yeah.”

“That one,” she pointed to the little girl in the family portrait, “is just like her daddy!  She’s just as stubborn and just as charming.” 

“You think?”  He couldn’t believe he had a daughter, let alone a son!  The little boy looked just like Amanda -- dark brown eyes and all.  But the little girl looked like him.  She had his eyes and apparently his stubborn streak. 

“Jenny had you wrapped around her finger the second she was born.  And you wouldn’t have had it any other way.”  She kissed his cheek and ran her hands down his chest.  

“Jenny,” he said wistfully to himself and smiled.  They named their daughter after his mother.  Somehow, he already felt connected. 

“Now Matthew.  He’s going to be a bit more serious, I think.”

“Like his mother?”

“Hey!”  She nudged his shoulder, then walked around the couch and sat down beside him. 

“Matthew looks just like you.”  At her quizzical look he continued.  “What?  You don’t think so?”

“No, no, I do.  I guess I’m just not used to you calling him Matthew.  You always call him Matt or Matty.  It just threw me a bit.”

“Sorry.  I guess I’m just feeling a bit out of it today.”

“Anything I can do?”  She brushed the hair off his brow and let her hand drop to his shoulder.  Her touch was so soft, and her voice so soothing.  He would need to get used to this newfound closeness between the two of them.  It wouldn’t do him any good to jump every time she touched him.

“No, but thanks.”  He gave her a reassuring smile and closed the book. 

“Well, dinner should be ready soon.  Why don’t you go play with the kids, while I finish up the salad?”

“Play with the kids?”  He was sure the look he gave her was one of pure horror. 

“Yeah, you know, your children?  They’ve been asking about you all day.  We told them we’d take them to the park today, remember?”

“Oh, right.  I’ll have to make it up to them.”  ‘A trip to the toy store should do the trick.  It worked with that Alexi kid, didn’t it?’

“Just give them some of your time, that’s all they want.”

“Right.  So, I’ll just . . . go upstairs and, uh . . . play with them.”  She smiled and shook her head.  He felt like an inmate taking his walk to the electric chair.  ‘How hard can it be?  They’re only children.  You’ve been trained to withstand torture from the enemy. This will be a snap.’  He slowly climbed the stairs and searched the bedrooms, and found them in Jenny’s room, sitting around a small table having a tea party.  The light pink walls and stuffed animals were an obvious giveaway. 

“What’s that, Mrs. Buggles?  You’d like more tea?  Why certainly.”  The little girl delicately poured the non-existent tea into the tiny cup.  Matthew appeared to be enjoying himself.  Chocolate covered his entire face, no doubt from eating the chocolate cookies piled in front of him. 

Lee turned to slip out, figuring he could study the rest of the upstairs, when he felt a tiny hand slip into his.  “Hi, Daddy!  You’re late for the tea party, but we’re glad you made it.” 

He tried to protest, but she tugged him into the room and pushed him into a tiny chair.  “You can sit there, Daddy, next to Mrs. Buggles.  Let me just get you a cup of tea and some cookies.  Matthew!  You ate them all!  Daddy, Matt ate all my cookies!  Now we can’t finish the party.”  She slouched back in her seat, and crossed her arms over her chest.  Lee didn’t think her lip could hang any lower.

“He didn’t mean to eat them all, did you, Matthew?”  He picked up the toddler and brushed the crumbs off his shirt.  Looking over at Jenny, he added,  “Besides, who says you can’t have a tea party without cookies.  I much prefer tea by itself.”

“Really?”

“Oh, yeah!  Definitely.”  His heart warmed at the smile on the little girl’s face--a face that mirrored his own.  “Now, what do you say we get this little guy washed up before your mom sees him like this?”  Lee followed her into the bathroom down the hallway with Matthew in his arms.  He was certain he’d entered the kid’s bathroom when he saw the multi-colored fish that covered the small room.  Placing Matthew on the counter, Lee turned the water on. 

“Mommy always makes sure the water isn’t too hot by touching it with her wrist.”  Lee looked at her skeptically.  “Like this.”  She demonstrated. 

“Oh, right.”  He had no idea why that was the method of choice but decided to go with it.  Grabbing a washcloth, he ran it under the warm water and squeezed out the excess.  “This won’t hurt a bit, buddy.”  Matthew disagreed and began whining and squirming.  “Hold on!  I’m almost done . . . well, I guess that will have to do.”  Lee lifted the toddler off the counter and watched as he ran out of the bathroom with Jenny close behind. 

“Dinnertime!  Jenny, Matthew, wash up!” 

When he stepped off the landing, Lee found Amanda at the foot of the stairs. 

“What was wrong with Matthew?” 

“Nothing, he just didn’t want his face washed, I guess.” 

“He never does,” she said under her breath, as they headed into the kitchen.

dddddddddddddddddd

“Well, the kids are finally asleep.  You know, I don’t remember the boys being that hard to get to sleep at their age.”   She sighed as she plopped down beside him, throwing her legs over his lap.  “So what movie did you pick?”

Surprised by her closeness, he tried to focus on her question.  “Um, . . . Jurassic Park.  I’ve been meaning to see it for a while now.”  He turned the box over and read the description.  “Looks good.”

“Very funny, Stetson!”  She slapped him lightly on his arm.

“What?”  What had he said that was so funny?

“You and the boys must have gone to see it three times while it was still playing at the theatres last summer.  Why do you think I bought it when it came out on home video?  It’s practically worn out, you’ve watched it so many times.”  She laughed.

“Right.  Well, we can watch something else.”  He tried to get up to take the tape out of the VCR, but she held him firmly in place. 

“No, no.  This is fine.  When I get scared, I’ll just snuggle up to you.”  She smiled seductively and wrapped her arms around his left arm. 

‘Oh, boy.  This is going to be a very long night.’  “If you’re sure.  I don’t mind watching something else.”

“Nope, this is perfect.”  She pulled a large bowl of popcorn into her lap and popped a kernel into her mouth.  Picking up another kernel, she brought it to his lips.  He opened his mouth to allow her fingers entrance, but nearly lost it when she allowed her fingerstips to linger on his lips.

Lee was finding it difficult to focus on the movie.  She was so very close.   And she smelled wonderful--like vanilla.  He reached his left hand into the bowl, only to encounter her hand there as well.  Snatching his back as if he’d been burned, he couldn’t comprehend the jolt of electricity that flowed through his body at her touch.  ‘It’s just Amanda.’  When she took his hand in hers, and held it in her lap, he swallowed hard.  Surprisingly, he liked the feel of her touch.  He more than liked it.  It felt safe and warm.  All his will power was slowly draining from his body.  ‘Focus on the dinosaurs, Stetson.’

Minutes later, he heard her slow even breathing.  She had fallen asleep on him.  He let out a deep sigh, relieved that he had dodged any type of intimacy with . . . his wife.  Shaking his head, he turned off the movie, lifted her off the couch and carried her up to their bedroom.  ‘To sleep, perchance to wake up from this bizarre dream.’

dddddddddddddddddd

Lee awoke Monday morning, resolved to the fact that he was stuck in this world for the time being.  Wanting to make the best of it, and tired of fighting the inevitable, he rolled over to speak to Amanda, but found the bed empty. 

He lay there thinking about the time they had spent over the weekend, together as a family.  They had enjoyed a leisurely Sunday at the park with the kids.  He always knew Amanda was a good mother with Phillip and Jamie, but to see her in action with Jenny and Matthew was eye opening.  She was so patient with them and so willing to show her love. 

He had tried to distance himself from them, not wanting the kids or Amanda to realize he was different from the Lee they knew.  While Amanda and the kids were playing on the swings, he had gone off on his own for a walk.  He needed time to think.  What if he never got his life back?  What if he was stuck in this world forever?   

He tried covering for his apparent memory lapses, not remembering their favorite thing to do at the park, or even how to get to the park, but the odd looks that they gave spoke volumes.  This was so hard.  If he told Amanda what was really going on, she’d think he was going crazy.  Hell, he thought he was going crazy. 

Matthew’s crying pulled him from his thoughts and dragged him out of bed.  How was he going to get him to stop?  What did he know about kids?  He’d never been around them before.  Amanda would know what to do.  He walked over to their bathroom door and knocked.  Hearing music, he knocked louder.  Still no response, so he cracked open the door and called for her.  What was that sound she was making?  Was she actually singing?  He had to laugh.  Never picturing Amanda as a singer . . . “Oh my God!”  He stood ramrod straight in utter disbelief.  There was Amanda in all her glory, very wet and very beautiful.  She was gyrating to the music behind the glass shower door. 

Upon seeing him enter the room, she poked her head out of the shower.  “Morning, sweetheart.  What’s wrong?” 

“Um . . .”

She looked at him expectantly.  His gaze darted anywhere but in the direction of the shower, and he said the only thing that he could think of.  “That baby’s crying.” 

“By baby, do you mean your son?”  She laughed. 

“Yeah, Matthew.  Are you going to get him?”  He made the mistake of looking up and made eye contact with his very naked wife.  He had always known Amanda was a trim and fit woman, but to see the actual curves and her satin-like skin was nearly his undoing. 

“Don’t even think about it, Stetson!”  Her head popped back behind the shower door.

“Think about what?”  Could she read his mind?   

“It’s Monday!  It’s your day to get Matt ready for daycare and take Jenny to school.  And you know it!  Don’t even think of pawning it off on me.  Besides, I have an early meeting with Billy today on the Whitfield case.”

The steam enveloped him as he stood in the doorway and watched her shower, until he realized he had to leave--before he required a cold one himself.  Grabbing his bathrobe from behind the door, he headed to the toddler’s room. 

dddddddddddddddddd

On his way to Matthew’s room, Lee found Jenny standing in the hall, rubbing her eyes.  “Good morning, Jenny.” 

“Morning, Daddy!  Did you know Matt’s crying?” she asked.

“Yeah, thanks.”  He rubbed his face before opening the door, and finding the small boy standing against the rail of his bed, crying.  “What do you think is wrong with him?” he asked the little girl, hoping she’d have some insight.  An army of KGB would be more welcome than this situation.  Why did it have to be his morning? 

“Probably a wet diaper.”  He watched as she padded over to the changing table and she pointed to the diapers knowingly. 

Lee looked down at the small child, grasped him under his arms, and picked him up, holding him at arm’s length.  He laid him on the table and stared at the soggy diaper, wondering what mayhem he would encounter once he pulled back the tabs. 

“UGH!  How can such a little boy make such a mess?”  ‘I’m going to kill that guy when I see him!  I’ll give him a glimpse!’  He pulled off the diaper, trying to keep from gagging, and looked around the room for a place to put it.  Jenny tugged on his robe and pointed to a tube with a lid.  Apparently that’s where the biohazard went. 

After disposing of the offending item, he looked to the little girl for his next step.  She didn’t disappoint.  It wasn’t the first time he’d noticed how bright she was.  When he went for the wipes, he was aghast at the fountain of pee that greeted him upon his return.  Matthew just laughed as the golden shower tinkled all over him and Lee.  “Oh crap!  Come on kid, give me a break, will ya?”

“You’re not really my daddy, are you?” The small voice piped up from beside him.  It was almost more of a statement than a question.

Lee faced the little girl, planning to feed her some line about his strange behavior, but when he caught the sadness in her eyes, he just couldn’t lie.  “No, I’m not.”  He smiled weakly, trying to reassure her.  “I live alone in the city, in a very tall building with a doorman.  This isn’t my life.  It’s just a glimpse.”  Strangely enough, having someone to confide in made him feel a little better, even if it was a five-year-old girl. 

“Where’s my real daddy?”  Her voice was shaky. 

“I don’t know, but don’t worry.  Wherever he is, he loves you, and I’m sure he’ll be back very soon.”  He tried to comfort her with his words. 

Jenny marched over to the small chair in the corner of the room and picked it up.  She carried it over and set it down in front of him.  She climbed up on it, and touched his face with her hands, as if looking for something.  “They did a good job.”

“Who?”

“The aliens.  You look just like him.” 

“Thanks.”  He closed his eyes to hold back a laugh.  How could it be possible that he was part of this wonderful, smart, beautiful little girl’s life?  When he opened them, he saw she was crying.  “Oh, please, don’t cry.  I don’t think I could deal with that now.”  Should he have kept this to himself?  Did he damage her for life?  ‘Ah, hell!’

She swallowed hard, trying bravely to hold back the tears.  “Do you like kids?”

“On a case by case basis.” 

“Do you know how to make chocolate milk?”

He thought about it for a moment.  Granted, he’d never made chocolate milk before, but if he could make a bomb out of clay and a few wires . . .“I think I could figure it out.” 

“Promise you won’t eat my little brother or put stuff in our brains?” 

“Sure.”  He smiled at the little girl’s sincerity.

She smiled up at him and he felt as if she could see his soul.  “Welcome to our family.”

 dddddddddddddddddd

“Okay, this is daycare.”  Jenny waved her hands around for emphasis.  She seemed quite content in being the teacher rather than the student.  “Grown-ups take their kids here while they work.”  She continued to advise him as they pulled up to the small brick building.  The toys littering the front lawn were telltale signs of its trade.

“Check.”  Lee parked the truck and unbuckled himself before getting out and reaching into the backseat for Matthew.  He fumbled with the car seat, looking for a release, but found none.  ‘Come on!’

“You hafta push the red button.” 

“Huh?”  She pointed to the bottom of the seat.  “Oh.  Thanks.”  She was turning out to be quite the little helper today.  Lee snapped the button, releasing the toddler, and then grasped him under his arms, and scooped him up.  He carried the boy to the teacher stationed outside the building and, handed him off.  “Do I get a receipt?”

The woman shook her head and smiled nervously.  Lee slid back in the truck and headed for Jenny’s elementary school.  ‘One down and one to go.  This wasn’t so bad.’ 

“Okay, I have ballet at two-thirty and violin at four o’clock.  Don’t forget.”

“Ballet and violin.  Got it.”

She climbed out of the Explorer and skipped toward the front entrance.  He rolled down his window and called out to her.  “Jenny?”

She turned expectantly and ran up to the passenger side.  “Yeah?”

“Have a good day.  And . . . thanks!”  He flashed her a broad smile.

“No problem.  But remember our deal!  No messing with our brains!”

“Scout’s honor!”  He gave her a mock salute and a quick wink before she turned on her heel and ran into the building. 

dddddddddddddddddd

“What are you reading?”

“Hmmm?”  He was so focused on the file in front of him he hadn’t heard her come into the office.  Looking behind him, he saw her slide by and wrap her arms around his shoulders.   “Oh, I was just reading an old case.”  He indicated the folder in his hand.  “How was your meeting with Billy?”  He hoped the change of subject would be overlooked.

“It was fine.  He’s completely updated on the case.”  Looking at him suspiciously, she lifted the file and read the front.  “The Sacker case file?  That was nearly ten years ago, sweetheart.  Why on earth would you need to read that?”  She rubbed her hand slowly up and down his back, and he closed his eyes at her soothing touch.  “Lee?”

His eyes shot open as he realized he had become too relaxed.  “Oh, um . . . just felt like reading about how we worked together in the early days.”

“Just felt like reminiscing, huh?”  Well, that was one heck of a case.”  She lifted her hand from his back and walked over to her desk, sitting on the edge.

“What do you mean?”  He was curious to get her side of things.  Maybe he could learn what wasn’t in the file. 

“Don’t you remember?  We were chained together and running for our lives in the backwoods of Virginia.”  His hopes of finding any new information were dashed.  “Then there was our near miss kiss,” she added and smiled shyly at him from her perch.

“What?”  He stared at her and held his breath.  ‘Now we’re talking.’

“Come on, like you don’t remember.  We were cuddled up together, sharing body warmth, and you faked a leg cramp, so you could pull me close to you and then our lips touched . . .”

“Then what?”

“What do you mean, then what?”  She smiled and shook her head.  “The same thing that always happened back then when we were trying to discover our personal feelings for each other.  We were interrupted.”

Why did he feel so disappointed?  He picked up another file and quickly reread it.  “What about this ‘Stemwinder’ case?” 

“What about it?”  The look in her eyes told him she had mixed feelings about it.

“How could you just leave your family behind to go on the run with me?”  He was having difficulty resolving the Amanda he knew in 1984 with the Amanda in the here and now.  She must have really trusted him to leave everything and everyone she loved behind.

“You were my partner and the man I loved.  I trusted you with my life, and I knew that you were innocent.  So I had to go with you to watch your tail.”  She smiled softly as she settled into her chair..  “I believe my exact words were ‘we work best together as a team.’  And you know what?”

“What?” 

“We do.  Always have.”  She smiled broadly at him.

“I’m beginning to realize that,” he mumbled to himself, as he picked up yet another file on the infamous ‘Scarecrow and Mrs. King’. 

They worked in silence for several hours, until Lee whispered aloud, “Oh, my God.” 

“What’s wrong, Lee?”

He hadn’t meant to startle her.  The file he was reading on ‘Karbala’ and its notorious leader Addi Berol surprised him.  The things she'd endured were unbelievable, and his stomach tightened as he read about her ordeal.  As he read about the lengths that he'd gone to in order to rescue her, he started to understand the connection they had formed.  It was as if they were two halves that made a whole. 

“Lee?  Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I was just . . .” He couldn’t continue.  It was so difficult to learn about their relationship by combing through file after file.  He wanted nothing more than to just ask Amanda about their past, but knew she would think he was crazy.

“Look, it’s almost lunchtime.  Why don’t we go grab a bite to eat, huh?”  She looked at him hopefully. 

He smiled faintly.  “That sounds good.”  She seemed to always know what he needed, just when he needed it most. 

dddddddddddddddddd

Later that afternoon, on his way to see Billy, Lee stopped off in the break room to grab a cup of coffee.  As he was filling his cup, he felt himself pressed to the counter.  Before he could turn around, he felt warm breath on his neck and a seductive voice whispered in his ear.

“Hi there, Lee.”

“Uh, hi, uh . . .” He turned around to face a tall voluptuous red head.

“Kimber,” she supplied.  “Don’t tell me that you forgot me when your wife slipped that ring on your finger?”

“Of course not.  How could I?”  He’d never forget a body like that.  Kimber Davis was anything but forgettable.  Lee found her long legs and thick red hair extremely alluring.  He thought back to the nights they had spent together, well before his life had changed, and smiled.  Maybe that’s what he needed, something familiar to help him relax. 

She smiled and ran her flawlessly manicured nail down his chest.  “Please tell me you’ve finally become bored with suburbia and are ready to come back to the real world?  Amanda would never have to know.”  She moved her index finger to his lips as if to silence his possible protest then pulled out a slip of paper.  After jotting down her number, she slipped it into his palm.  “Just think about it.”

Lee looked down at the note in his hand and watched the sexy woman from steno sashay out of the room.  When he heard a heavy tread, he jumped and faced his supervisor.

The look he received from Billy was one of a disappointed father.  ‘He must have caught that little conversation.’  He sighed and took a sip of his coffee.  “What’s up, Billy?  I was just on my way to see you about Senator Phillips’ case.”

“You do realize any man in his right mind would give his right arm to be with Amanda, don’t you?  She’s amazing, and you’re going to go and screw it up!”

“What?”  He tried to shake off the uncomfortable question.   

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Lee.  You’d be crazy to ruin what you have with Amanda just for a quick romp in the hay with the pick of the week from Steno.”

Uncomfortable now, he rubbed his brow and laughed nervously.  “Relax, Billy.  No one is ruining anything.”  ‘Besides, there’s nothing to “ruin”.  It’s not like we’re really married to each other.’  He tucked the paper into his jacket pocket and followed his supervisor out of the room.

dddddddddddddddddd

Waking up from a fitful sleep, Lee found himself downstairs on the sofa watching television.  He threw the remote down in utter disgust at the lack of quality programming at three o’clock in the morning.  Rummaging through the collection of videotapes, he stumbled across one with the words “Our Wedding: Redux” written in Amanda’s handwriting.  Curious, he popped the tape into the VCR. 

Lee was transfixed--he had never seen Amanda look more beautiful.  She absolutely glowed.  The simple white suit she wore accentuated her feminine curves and made her look so delicate.  She wore her hair up on top of her head, and little tendrils framed her face.  He wore a tailored suit that made him look even younger than he was.  Or was that just because of the sheer joy on his face?

The happy couple kissed at the prompting of the minister, and was introduced as “Mr. and Mrs. Lee Stetson”.  There was no denying that the ‘domestic Lee’ on the tape was head over heals in love with his bride.  Rubbing his eyes with his thumb and index finger, Lee forwarded through the tape, stopping occasionally to watch.

He was suddenly bombarded with feelings of jealousy.  ‘Jealous?  How can I be jealous of myself?  His inner voice mocked him. 

He shook the thoughts from his mind as he heard her light laugh.  Gazing at the screen, he was amazed at the joy he saw between the couple that had just professed their love and devotion to one another.  Judging from the look in the groom’s eyes, he had found that one true thing--his everything. 

Was that what the man at the liquor store was trying to tell him?  Was that what he was supposed to find by coming here?

Lee pulled himself off the couch and slowly walked over to the desk.  Pulling his suit jacket from the back of the chair, he searched one pocket and then the other until he found what he was looking for.  He read the note and shook his head in disbelief when he saw she had dotted her ‘i’ with a heart.  “Why doesn’t that surprise me?” he muttered.  Giving the note one last look, he crumpled it up and threw it in the trash.  “I need to figure this all out and Kimber Davis isn’t the way to do it.”  Feeling a bit more relaxed he went back to bed.

dddddddddddddddddd

“Okay, we’re almost out of here, guys.”  Amanda said as she wrestled Matthew’s stroller out of the elevator. 

“Don’t forget my ‘Mary Janes’, Mommy.  You promised!”

“You’re right, I did promise, Jen.  Okay, we’ll stop at the kids shoe department first, then we’ve got to pick up Daddy’s watch at the battery store, and then I need to go to the linen

store--.”

Lee rolled his eyes listening to the women in his life go on and on about shopping.  “Why don’t we go to all the stores--every single store in this God forsaken shopping mall?  Wouldn’t that be fun?” he growled sarcastically and pasted on a fake smile.

Amanda turned around and glared at him with a shocked expression.  “Why don’t I take the kids and you . . . you can hang out in the men’s department or something.  Come on, guys.”

Lee sighed loudly and then turned his back as she stalked away.  He was sure he’d pay for that little outburst later.  Would this day ever end?  Shopping with two women and a toddler was not one of his favorite pastimes.  A root canal would rank higher. 

He spent several minutes looking at ties and suits until boredom set in as he anxiously awaited their return.  “Where the hell are they?”  Just as he was about to initiate a search for his “family,” a charcoal-gray suit caught his eye. 

“It’s perfect for your frame.  Why don’t you try it on?” the salesman said, as he pulled it down off the wall and guided Lee into the fitting room.

Looking over his shoulder into the three-way mirror, Lee appreciated the designer suit.  “Might want to take an inch out of the back.”  As he turned around, he added, “And lengthen the sleeves.”  It felt good to be pampered.  It had seemed so long since someone did something for him.  He felt important again.  Not just someone’s husband or father, but secret agent. 

Looking into the mirror once again, he spotted Amanda admiring him.  “You look amazing in that suit.  I mean really, wow--off the charts great!”  She smiled as she looked him up and down.  She really sounded sincere in her compliment and it was nice to hear. 

He smiled knowingly.  “It’s an unbelievable thing.  Wearing this suit actually makes me feel like a better person.”  He continued to model the suit.  Making eye contact with her in the mirror, he added, “I’m gonna buy it.” 

She walked over, lifted his sleeve to read the price tag, and swallowed hard.  “It’s two thousand-four hundred dollars.  Are you out of your mind?”  Her eyes widened. 

“She got those shoes!”  He knew he sounded like a child but didn’t care.  He wanted this suit.  He worked hard and shouldn’t have to ask to buy something he wanted. 

She laughed at his obvious childishness.  “Those shoes were twenty-five dollars.  Come on.  Take it off, huh?  We’ll go to the food court and get you a piece of that cake you like so much.”  Did she really think she could buy him off?  He heard her mutter under her breath to the kids, “Daddy’s a silly guy.”

“No,” he said adamantly.  When she turned to face him, he continued, “Do you have any idea what my life is like?  I wake up in the morning to the sounds of utter chaos.  I drop the kids off.  I go to work.  I pick the kids up.  I come home and play with the kids--I even take out the garbage.  Then I go to bed and get about six hours of sleep, if I’m lucky--only to start it all over again in the morning.   So, what’s in it for me, Amanda?  Huh?  Where are my ‘Mary Janes’?”  He cringed at his own selfishness, but the frustration that had built over the past week was too much to contain.  He had to let it out somehow. 

She waited until he was done with his diatribe.  “You know, it’s sad to hear your life is such a disappointment to you.”

He laughed sarcastically.  “I can’t believe it’s not a disappointment to you!  Jesus, Amanda!  I could have been a thousand times the man I am.  I could have . . . How could you do this to me?”  He threw his hands up in the air.

“Who are you?” 

He sighed.  “All right.  Look, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I was such a saint before and I’m such a PRICK now!  But maybe I’m just not the same guy I was when we got married.”  His jaw was clenched, and he could feel the blood rushing to his head. 

Her face was flushed and she was looking around the store, clearly embarrassed.  “You know what?  Maybe you’re not!  Because the Lee Stetson I married would not need a twenty-four hundred dollar suit to make him feel better about his life!”  Her voice raised an octave near the end of her last statement and she tried to continue more quietly.  “But I’m telling you, if that’s what it’s gonna take then buy the damn thing, Lee.  We’ll take the money out of the kids’ college fund.”  She huffed toward the store’s exit, pushing the stroller and holding Jenny’s hand.

“Forget it!  We’ll go get some cake!  It’ll be the highlight of my week!” he yelled, hoping the louder he spoke the madder she’d get.  It would serve her right.  It wasn’t his fault he was mixed up in this ‘glimpse’.  So it must be hers.  Looking into the mirror, he caught the salesman staring at him with a shocked expression.  “What?”

dddddddddddddddddd

Lee's attention flickered between the silent woman next to him and the road ahead.  “Listen, I’m really sorry about what happened back in the store.  I don’t want to fight with you.  I just wonder sometimes how we ended up here.  I mean, when we got married did you see us here? 

He thought for sure she was going to continue with her silent treatment, but was relieved when he heard her quiet voice.  “Life has thrown us a few surprises, you know that.”

Now was his chance.  Perhaps she could fill him in a bit on their life prior to his little glimpse.  “It really has, hasn’t it?  So, if you had to, what would you say was the biggest surprise?  Just out of curiosity.”

She glanced at the sleeping children and then turned back to him.  This time she spoke more quietly, “Well, Jenny for one.” 

“Right.  Surprise!  We’re pregnant!” he said trying to sound as if he had lived through the event.  “Yeah, that must have been . . . I mean, yeah, that was a very unexpected moment.  But what are you gonna do?”  He shrugged.

She continued to look out the passenger side window.  “I think it turned out all right.  Don’t you?”

“Yeah!  I really like Jenny.”  He was being honest.  She was a sweet girl.  If he had a daughter, he’d want her to be just like her.   

Amanda stared at him as if she couldn’t believe what he’d said.  “Well, great, Lee.  Maybe we’ll keep her,” she replied sarcastically.

That hadn’t come out right.  “No, I love her.  I love Jenny!”  He had to admit he really was getting quite attached to both of the kids.  They were so pure and innocent.  He couldn’t remember much about his life with his parents at Jenny and Matt’s age.  He knew they were both lucky to have a loving and caring mother like Amanda.

Wanting to change the subject he tried to learn more of “their” past.  “What other events do you think shaped our life together?”

“Where do I start?  Do you want to talk about the first year of our mystery marriage?  Or perhaps when I was shot on our honeymoon?  Or maybe when we finally told the family and the Agency we'd been secretly married for a year.  There are just so many.” 

“You were shot?”  He couldn’t help but repeat her words.  He'd brought her into this world of espionage, and he felt responsible for her.  It was what he had always feared would happen when she started working with him.  Shot on their honeymoon?  He cringed at the thought.

“Stop it, Lee.  I’m still mad at you.”  Her lips twitched as she fought the smile on her face. 

Thankful that she thought he was merely joking, he tried to sum up their life together.  “We meet, we start working together, we get married, and we have kids.  Our life in a nutshell.” 

“If you want to look at it that way.”  She rolled her eyes and shook her head as she turned her head to stare out the window.

“How would you look at it?”  He asked curiously.

He had to struggle to hear her.  “A great success story.” 

dddddddddddddddddd

Lee stumbled downstairs for a snack and found Amanda working at the kitchen table.  “You’re up late.”

“Yeah, I was just paying the bills.”  She looked at her watch.  “I thought you went to bed an hour ago?” 

“I was watching the news, and I got hungry.”  He opened the refrigerator door and searched the shelves, but came up empty.  “Where is it?”  He mumbled to himself.

“What are you looking for, sweetheart?”

“The piece of chocolate cake I saved from dinner.  I was still nauseated from that awful meal we had at the food court.”  He continued his search, then turned to her.

“You mean this cake?”  She picked up her fork and slowly took a bite of the rich dessert.   “Mmmm.  Delicious!” 

“Hey!  That’s my cake!”  Grabbing for the plate, Lee stumbled around a chair, only to find she had snatched it away before he could grab it.

“It is?” she asked innocently, as she slid past him.  She took another exaggerated bite.  “It’s just so good.”

Lee started toward her as she picked up her fork for another stolen bite. “Give me back my cake, Amanda.”  She grabbed the plate and ran through the kitchen and into the living room.  He darted in the opposite direction to head her off.

She saw him coming toward her and squealed, flying toward the stairs, only to be stopped by his much stronger hands.  He grabbed her around the waist and yanked her off her feet, pulling her down.  They both lay on the steps laughing. 

“You want this piece of cake?”  She taunted him.

“Yes, I want my piece of cake!  You know, the one you stole from me.”  He was practically laying on top of her now and lightly tickling her sides. 

She giggled, the goose bumps on her arms were an indication of his affect on her.  “Okay, just remember, you asked for it.”  She picked up what was left of the cake and shoved it into his mouth, smearing chocolate across his face in the process.  The sound of her laughter filled the room. 

“Thank you,” he snipped sarcastically.  He burried his fingers in the torte, and smeared a glob across her lips.  “I guess I should share, huh?”  They were both laughing at the mess they had made, and then he met her eyes.  Silence filled the air.

Only trust and love were reflected in her dark eyes.  He glanced up the stairs at the closed doors of the kids’ bedrooms.  They were asleep.  It was just the two of them.  Alone.  He gently placed his hands on either side of her face and pressed his lips to hers in a soft, sensual kiss.  Tasting the chocolate, he hungrily kissed her again, this time even more fervently. 

She ran her hands wildly through his hair, causing desire to course through him that was almost too much to bear.  Wanting nothing more than to take her upstairs and make wild, passionate love, he fought to control his emotions.  This was Amanda.  It didn’t matter if they were married in this universe.  He couldn’t pounce on her.  She wasn’t one of his typical bedmates. 

Lee dragged himself from the kiss.  Picking up the plate, he started cleaning the mess up off the stairs.  From the look on Amanda’s face, he could see she was not only confused at what had just transpired, but also annoyed.  One moment they were in a deep passionate kiss, and the next he was cold as ice.  He felt he should offer an excuse, no matter how lame it sounded.  “I thought I heard one of the kids.”  She listened, before lifting herself off the stairs and drifting into the kitchen.  Her hurt, disappointed expression made him feel even worse.  He’d need to watch himself.  It would be too easy to fall for her. 

dddddddddddddddddd

“Good morning, Lee,” Dotty said cheerily from her seat at the kitchen table, peering over her newspaper. 

“Good morning, Dotty,” Lee replied gruffly.

“You’re up awfully early.” 

“Uh, yeah.  I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep,” Lee said, as he staggered over to the freshly brewed coffee.  He grabbed a cup from the cupboard, and filled it, inhaling the invigorating aroma.  After adding a bit of cream, he sat down next to his mother-in-law. 

He had found it difficult to be around her this weekend--not only her, but Phillip and Jamie as well.  It was hard enough dealing with this glimpse when it only included a wife and two kids.  Adding mother-in-law and two stepsons, well, it was a bit overwhelming.  But it was Labor Day, and there wasn’t anywhere else he could go.

Phillip and Jamie had arrived late Friday for the long weekend, while Amanda was at the airport picking up her mother and Kurt.  Leaving him to watch Jenny and Matthew.  Lucky for him, Phillip and Jamie arrived shortly after Amanda had left.  The younger kids had been too pre-occupied playing with their older brothers to bother with him. 

It was surreal, finally meeting Amanda’s boys.  He had only known them from afar, always on the outside looking in.  To have them treat him as if they had known him for years was disconcerting.  They had turned out to be good-hearted, responsible men.  He knew they would.  They had a wonderful role model in their mother. 

He had spent most of Saturday afternoon with Phillip and Jamie in the barn, after deciding to take the horses out for the afternoon.  The boys reminded him of himself at their age--accomplished riders and in love with horses.  When he’d asked them where they had learned to ride so well they had promptly told him, “You taught us, Lee”.  He smiled at the thought; they certainly were fine young men.  By the end of the afternoon he really felt connected to the two boys.  Men now.  He felt at ease around them.  They seemed to like him too.  The pride he’d felt could not be denied.

Dotty’s voice pulled him from his reverie.  “Lee?”

“Hmm?  I’m sorry.  What were you saying?”

“I was asking if there was something wrong.  You seem so . . . uncomfortable.  Did I do something to upset you, son?”

Son?  She called him son.  It felt right.  She had doted on him the entire weekend-- since the moment she arrived.  At first, he was uncomfortable with the attention, but then he started to enjoy it.  It had been nearly forty years since he’d known what it was like to have a mother.  It felt good. 

Realizing he hadn’t answered her, he cleared his throat.  “No, not at all.  I’m fine.  Just a bit tired, I guess.  Those boys sure can wear me out.”  He smiled in reassurance. 

“They absolutely adore you, Lee.  You and Amanda have done such a wonderful job raising them.”  He looked into her eyes and saw the sincerity of her words. 

“I didn’t have much to do with that.  That was all Amanda.”  She really was a wonderful mother to all of her children.  Unfortunately, that wasn’t what he was brought here to learn.  He knew that before he was brought into this glimpse.

“Oh, don’t sell yourself short, Lee.  You have been so supportive of the boys for so many years.  Not just as a friend, but as a true role model.  It really is amazing how much they are like you.”

“Me?  In what way?”

“Phillip has your gift of charm for one.”  She smiled, and Lee bowed his head in embarrassment.  “I’ve seen and heard him with the ladies.”  She rolled her eyes.  “And Jamie has your love of horses.  I still remember the day the four of you came home with them.  I’ve never seen Jamie so vibrant.  He spent so many hours out in that barn with you, learning everything he could.  They look up to you, son.  We all do.”  She patted his hand and pulled herself up from her seat.  “Well, I think I’m going to go jump in the shower, before the Stetson/King household wakes and there isn’t any hot water left for this old woman.”

“You aren’t old.”

“Thank you, darling.  There’s that charm I was referring to.  Enjoy the peace and quiet.  It’s sure to be short-lived.” 

dddddddddddddddddd

Lee strolled out to the deck to see what he needed for the cookout they were having later that day.  After deciding charcoal was the only item on his list, he drove to the grocery store. 

After several minutes of searching, he found what he was looking for.  “Four dollars and ninety-nine cents?  It’s just charcoal, for crying out loud!”  Shaking his head in disgust, he carried a bag to the front of the store.   

“Charcoal?  Look at you, getting all domesticated and everything.”  Lee looked up at the cashier, only to see the man who had caused his predicament. 

“YOU!  Listen . . .” Grabbing the man by the shirt, he read his nametag. “Marcus!  I don’t know who you think you are, but I have been trained to kill a man with my bare hands, and I am not above killing you if you don’t get me out of this . . . this . . . whatever this is.”  Looking around the store at the shocked customers, Lee let go of the man’s shirt and tried to collect himself. 

“It’s not time yet, Lee.  Don’t worry, I’ll let you know when it’s time to go.” 

“Yeah, well, it better be soon.  Do you have any idea what I’ve been through over the last ten days?  Hmmm?”  His jaw clenched as he yelled at the cashier, but he never wavered.  “I’ve been ripped from my life and thrown into ‘Father Knows Best’!” 

“You need to relax, Lee.  Things will become clearer when you do.”

“I don’t want to relax, I want to go home.  I’ve been pissed on and shit on by a toddler!  Do you have any idea how that feels?” 

‘Okay, so he’s adorable and sweet, but still the fact remains.’ he argued with himself.

“Jenny figured out I’m not really her dad!  She thinks I’m an alien and that I’m going to plant something in her brain!” 

‘I should have figured she’d see through me.  She’s so smart.’ he continued his internal rant. 

“Then there’s Amanda!  She . . . she drives me crazy!  If we aren’t arguing, she’s looking so damn sexy . . . Well, just get me out of here before it’s too late.” 

‘You mean before you get so attached to them that you can’t leave them?  It’s too late for that, Stetson.  You’re hooked, and you know it!’  He shook the disturbing thoughts from his head. 

“It’s not real!  None of it’s real!”  He threw five dollars on the counter, grabbed his bag of charcoal, and stalked toward the door.

“Enjoy the time you have, Lee.  And thank you for shopping with us!”

Lee turned to give the man one more parting glare, then grumbled under his breath as he headed for the car. 

dddddddddddddddddd

Lee gave the hamburgers another flip and inhaled the delicious aroma.  He’d never grilled out before, but this was definitely something he could get used to.

“Mom, could you grab the ketchup while you’re in there?”  Jamie yelled at his mother’s retreating form.

“Sure.  Anyone need anything else?”

“Is the lemonade out here already?”  Dotty began her search for the tall pitcher of lemonade. 

“I’ve got it right here, Grandma,” Phillip called as he carried the pitcher past his mother at the patio doors. 

“Thank you, dear.  It wouldn’t be a cookout without your mom’s famous lemonade.”

“Oh, Mother.”  Amanda handed the ketchup bottle to Jamie and then walked over to Lee, who was guarding the grill.

“You know, no one is going to touch your grill, sweetheart.  You don’t have to hover over it.”

“Well, I just want to be sure nothing burns.”  He caught her smirk and shrugged in defeat. 

“How are the burgers coming, Lee?  I’m starved.”

“Just about done.  And since when aren’t you starved, Phillip?  Amanda, could you open some cheese slices for me, please?”  He indicated the small stack of American cheese sitting on the table next to the grill.

“Sure.  Who wants cheese on their burger?”  Amanda looked around at the raised hands. 

Lee gave the juicy patties a final flip, and Amanda systematically covered them with cheese.  He had to admit they were quite a team, professionally and personally.  He couldn’t help but smile at the notion. 

When they finally sat down to eat, it was, well . . . chaos was the only word that came to Lee’s mind.  Phillip and Jamie inhaled their food, while Matthew played with his.  Jenny seemed to prefer talking to Dotty and Kurt to eating.  She’d talk their ears off if they let her.  Amanda just seemed to bask in all the love and family togetherness that surrounded her.

Clearing his throat, Lee stood and raised his glass of lemonade toward the rowdy group.  When they ignored him and kept talking, he put his fingers to his lips and blew a piercing whistle.  That did it.  They were startled into silence.  “Thank you for your attention, everyone.”  He laughed lightly.  “A toast.”  He looked at each of their faces and said the only thing that came to mind at that moment.  “To family.”

dddddddddddddddddd

Lee lay in bed watching the evening news, enjoying the rare quiet time.  He turned the volume up to drown out the noise coming from the bathroom down the hall.  Jenny had just finished her bath, but now it was Matthew’s turn. 

Amanda breezed in later.  “The kids are asleep!”  She moved to the window and closed the drapes.  “Sweetheart!  The kids!”  He watched as she pulled off her socks and pulled her sweatshirt over her head.  “Sweetheart, the kids are asleep.”

“That’s great.  Those little monkeys can be a real handful.”  She stood in front of the television, blocking his view.  He rolled onto his side to see around her.  Motioning her to move aside, he was surprised when she reached behind her and pressed the power button off.  “Hey!  I was watching that!”

“Not tonight,” she purred, as she turned on the radio sitting on the dresser.  Soft music filled the room.  She grabbed his foot and seductively pulled off one sock, then the other.

“Please, leave my socks alone.”  What was she doing?  He’d never seen her like this.  Her eyes were wild, hungry.  Suddenly he felt like prey, and she was the hunter. 

“Wait.  You want me.”  He was astonished.  He could see it in her eyes.  She wanted him bad. 

“That is the general idea, yeah.”  She giggled. 

“Oh, well, maybe we should grab a bottle of wine first.  You know, sorta break the ice.”  He was going to need more than a bottle of wine.  This was Amanda.  He couldn’t take advantage of her.  She was under the assumption that they were married.  But they weren’t, were they?  His eyes roamed over her taut body, and he allowed himself to envision them tangling and thrashing about on this very bed.  Technically--for all intents and purposes--they were married, right?  Wait!  This was Amanda.

“Yeah, that’s very funny.  It’s ten-thirty.  By eleven o’clock, you’ll be snoring like a bear.  That’s sweet though, we’ll have to remember that for next time.”  She began her slow climb up his bare-chested body. 

His skin tingled everywhere she touched.  This was going to take a lot of self-control.  Her tongue burned a path up his chest, until it encountered his mouth.  All bets were off.  He couldn’t hold on any longer.  “Whatever you say, babe.”  He flipped her over onto her back and devoured her mouth. 

When they came up for air, he pulled himself up and hovered over her.  Looking into her big brown eyes, he was amazed.  “God, you’re beautiful!”

“Thanks, Lee.”  She smiled up at him, clearly happy with his comment.

“I’m serious.  You’re really stunning.”  His sincere words surprised even him.  The emotion he felt for her was overwhelming.

“This is good stuff.  I want you to keep this up.”  Laughter bubbled through her husky voice, before her mouth clamped onto his neck.

“No, I mean, you’ve always been pretty . . . there’s no question about that.”  He pulled back once again from her grasp.  “But . . . this . . . when did you become so beautiful?”

“How can you do that?” she whispered.  Her eyes danced as they peered deeply into his. 

“What?” he asked barely above a whisper, mesmerized by her natural beauty. 

“Look at me like you haven’t seen me every day for the last seven years.”  Before he had a chance to answer, she wiggled out from under him, jumped off the bed, and ran into the bathroom.  “Okay, wait.  Don’t move.  Stay right there.  I have a surprise.”

He assumed she was changing into something more comfortable and no doubt sexier.  How was he going to keep his hands off her?  She was incredible.  It finally hit him.  She was perfect--smart, caring, understanding, beautiful, and sexy as hell.  He'd nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw the lust in her gorgeous eyes.  How was he going to control himself when she returned?  Did he want to?  He ran his hand through his hair and then down his face.  This was an impossible feat.  She’d be out soon.  He needed a plan--and fast. 

When he heard the doorknob turn, he was suddenly struck with an idea.  He turned over, facing away from the bathroom, and slowed his breathing.  He heard her reenter the room and squeezed his eyes shut. 

She hovered over him and brushed his hair off his brow.  Her warm breath tickled his ear, causing him to shiver.  Her voice held a tinge of sadness as she whispered into his ear, “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

Feeling the bed give to her slight form, he slowly opened his eyes to rest on her delicate neck.  He inwardly sighed.  ‘Goodnight, Amanda.’

dddddddddddddddddd

“Lee, I don’t understand what the big deal is?  You know Jenny and I have a ‘girl’s day out’ on the last Saturday of every month.  You’ve never had a problem watching Matthew before.  What’s wrong?”

‘I wasn’t me before, that’s what’s wrong,’ he mocked himself.  ‘Come on, Stetson.  He’s just a baby.  You can take on a roomful of enemy agents, so you can certainly handle one child.’  He eyed the little boy playing with his trucks in the den.  “You’re right, we’ll be fine.  You ladies have a great time.”  He tapped the little girl’s nose.  “Go on, go do your women things.  We men will be fine on our own, isn’t that right, Matthew?”  A loud scream was his only reply, as the boy crashed the truck into the coffee table, over and over again. 

“Okay, you boys behave.  We’ll be back after dinner, so go ahead and feed him.  We’ll stop and grab a bite on our way home.”  She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.  As she disappeared out the door, she called over her shoulder, “Come on, Jenny.”

“Bye, Daddy.  Have fun.”

“Bye, Jenny.  You, too.”

Matthew toddled out of the den, and Lee picked him up.  “So, Matty.  What do you think we should do first, huh?” 

“Truck.” 

“You want to play trucks?  Okay, that seems easy enough.”  They stepped into the den and sat on the floor near the baby’s trucks.  Lee chose one and carefully scrutinized it.  What did it do?  There were no batteries, no wires, nothing.  He handed it back to the toddler.

“Truck!  Vrooooooooooom!”  His small hands pressed the truck to the floor, skidding it from the couch leg to the coffee table.

“That’s it?  That’s all it does?”  Disappointed, Lee picked up the offending toy.  “Come on, Matty.  We’re going to buy you a real toy truck.”  He scooped the brown-eyed reincarnation of Amanda up off the floor and strode through the front door. 

dddddddddddddddddd

Lee watched Matty in the rearview mirror and smiled.  The little boy was happily pushing the buttons on the large red fire truck sitting next to him.  They had scoured the isles of the toy store until they found the perfect truck.  It took the most batteries, went the fastest, and made the loudest noise, and they both beamed with excitement at their new plaything. 

“Daddy, vroom vroom!” he squealed from his car seat, smiling a big toothy grin. 

Lee laughed.  Maybe this kid thing wasn’t so hard after all.  Maybe he did have what it took to be a parent.  Amanda certainly made it look easy enough. 

Lee thought back to the dinner they had shared at the small diner.  It seemed like a good idea at the time.  Just a nice, quiet dinner out for the guys--much easier than cooking.  He couldn’t have been more wrong. 

dddddddddddddddddd

The waitress brought their dinner, and Lee made sure Matthew’s wasn’t too hot before handing him a spoon--little did he know the mayhem that would ensue after that simple act.   

Taking a big bite of his French Dip sandwich, Lee didn’t see the child flip the mashed potatoes, until they hit him square in the face.  Before he could grab the spoon from Matthew’s hand, he was nailed again, this time in the arm.  Diving for cover behind a menu, he snuck up behind the little assassin. 

Within seconds, Lee had the shooter under control.  Unfortunately, seconds was all Matthew needed to dump his dinner all over himself.  How could one small child make such a big mess?   They needed to get home and cleaned up before Amanda and Jenny got back. 

dddddddddddddddddd

“Well, at least we got all the globs of potatoes off you.  A quick bath and then straight to bed with you, my friend.”  Lee expertly pulled the small child out of the car seat and carried him into the house.

“Bath, Daddy!” 

Lee laughed at Matthew’s excitement.  ‘I thought little boys weren’t supposed to like baths?’ 

dddddddddddddddddd

“We’re home!  Sweetheart?” 

“In here,” Lee’s tired voice drifted from the den.  ‘God, what a day!’

Jenny ran into the room and gave him a kiss on the cheek before racing upstairs with her bags. 

“Hi, Jenny.  Bye, Jenny.”  He laughed.

“Hi, there.  You look tired.  How was your evening?”  She rubbed the back of the little boy sprawled across Lee’s chest. 

“Fine.  Piece of cake.”  He wasn’t about to tell her about dinner, or the ensuing chaos that followed during Matthew’s bath.  He’d just let her assume he’d been in complete control at all times. 

“Lee?”  She sat down next to them on the couch. 

“Hmm?” 

“Are those mashed potatoes on your forehead?”

He smiled weakly.  ‘Oh, well, so much for that façade.’

dddddddddddddddddd

“Amanda, that was . . . incredible!  You saved my life!”  Lee said, as she tinkered with his handcuffs.

“That’s what partners are for, Lee.”

He felt the cumbersome cuffs give and brought his sore hands up to inspect them.  He felt her cool, soothing touch on his wrists as she rubbed them. 

“Are you okay?”  After releasing his wrists, she began an inventory of his body, checking for any broken bones. 

“I’m fine.”  He slowed her hands.  Whenever she touched him, it sent shivers down his spine.  It was best to keep his distance.  “Amanda, how did you knock that guy out?  They took our guns.”

“Well, first I picked the lock on my cuffs, and then I slid up behind him and knocked him out with a loose floor board.”

He shook his head in amazement.  She was no longer the hapless housewife she’d been when he first recruited her.  She was a trained agent--and a damn fine one at that. 

“Let’s call this in and head back to the Agency.  I’m sure Billy’s going to want to see our report by the end of the day.”  She retrieved her gun off the floor in the corner of the room and re-holstered it. 

“You got it, partner.”  Lee smiled in admiration as he followed her out of the building.

dddddddddddddddddd

“There.  All ready for Billy.”  Amanda signed the report and brought it over to him for his signature. “I’ll just take this downstairs, and then we can head home, huh?”

“Yeah, sure.  Uh, Amanda?”

Her hand on the doorknob, she stopped and turned to look at him.  “Yeah?”

“Do you remember that case where you were kidnapped and almost sold into white-slavery?”

“How could I forget?  You told me I should quit the Agency.”

“No, you said you should quit the Agency.”

“Well, you didn’t disagree with me.”

He shrugged, knowing she was right, but not wanting to pursue that particular topic.  “Do you remember why you stayed?”

“Sure.”  He waited to hear her reason.  “You asked me to.”

“That’s all it took?  I just had to ask?”  He couldn’t believe it.  That’s all she’d needed to stay in his life.  

“Yep!”

He shook his head--it was so hard to believe.  He was so used to the high maintenance women he had dated that he was surprised at how little effort it took to please this woman before him.  She was worth more than all of those women in his black books combined, and he was finally beginning to realize it.

“I’ll be ready to go when you get back.”

She smiled and nodded before she sauntered out the door.

dddddddddddddddddd

Lee awoke in a great mood.  He was beginning to feel like he really belonged here.  This was his family, and he wanted to be with them. 

Amanda sauntered into the room looking like the proverbial cat that ate the canary.  Lee sat up and leaned against the headboard.  He noticed she was hiding something behind her back.  She moved to the bed and leaned down, placing a soft kiss on his lips, and sat beside him on the edge of the bed. 

“You’re up early.  What’s the occasion?”  He smiled at the flirtatious gleam in her eyes. 

“Very funny, Stetson.”  She put whatever she was carrying down on the floor next to the bed.  “You know exactly what today is, well, not really today, but what we’re celebrating today.  Since the actual day is on Monday and we’d be too tired to celebrate after working all day, we decided to celebrate it today.” 

He still found it unbelievable how much she could say in one breath.  After trying to decode her ramble, he thought about the significance of Monday’s date.  Was it the second of October?  No.  The third.  What was so special about that date?  He had looked at their marriage certificate when he was first thrown into the glimpse, and he remembered they were married in February.  So what was so special about--

“Lee, you didn’t forget, did you?”  The sadness in her eyes was unbearable.

‘The train station!’  The day they met.  “Of course not.  I know today is the anniversary of the day we met.”  He held his breath, hoping he’d gotten it right.

“Oh, you!”  She playfully slapped at his arm.  “For a second, I really thought you’d forgotten.”

“What?  Can’t a guy have a little fun with his wife?”  Wife.  That sounded . . . good.

“Sure, after we open our gifts.”

“Open our what . . .?”

She laughed.  “Oh, no, you don’t.  You’re not getting me again.  We always exchange our gifts before the kids wake up.  So come on.”  She grinned and winked at him.  “Hand it over, big fella.”

“It’s just that . . . well, I want to give you your present tonight.  It’s a surprise.”  ‘Yeah, so much of a surprise even you don’t know what it is,’ his inner voice mocked.  ‘Great, now what are you going to do, Stetson?’ 

“Okay, I guess I can wait till tonight.”  She stuck out her lower lip in a feigned pout.  “At least you can open yours now.  She reached down and pulled up a fairly large box wrapped in bright red paper. 

His stomach flipped in excitement.  He suddenly felt like a little boy at Christmas.   Ripping the paper off and yanking off the lid, he stared in shock at what lay inside.  Speechless, he slowly pulled out the suit from the department store. The one they had argued about.  The one he had acted like a spoiled brat over.  Guilt washed over him as he looked at her.  “How did . . .?”

“I know it isn’t the exact same one, but it is the same brand.  The color’s slightly off, but it’s close, isn’t it?  I bought it at their clearance center.  I hope you like it.” 

He pulled the suit coat out of the box and held it up to his chest.  He caught her hopeful expression and smiled.  “I love it.  It’s even better than the other one.  Thank you, Amanda.”

“Oh, good!  You’re welcome, sweetheart.  Happy anniversary.”  She leaned over and kissed him. 

Overwhelmed, he drew her close, his hand on the back of her head.  He was not about to let her go.  It was about time he allowed his lips to taste what they had been craving.  Finally, he allowed the wall he’d constructed to keep her and everyone else away, to crumble to dust.   He wanted to feel her pliant lips under his.  Hell, he needed it.  He gave himself to the feelings that she evoked in him.  This was right.  This was . . .

When he heard Jenny running down the hall toward their room, he reluctantly let her go. 

dddddddddddddddddd

“Do I look all right?”

He looked up to see her glide down the stairs.  She was a vision in her beautifully tailored black gown.  The sweetheart neckline allowed him a lovely view of her neck and shoulders that would no doubt drive him to distraction throughout dinner.  The sexy slit up the side gave him the added benefit of seeing her toned thigh.  What a dress!  What a woman! 

He met her at the bottom of the stairs and took her hand, bringing it to his lips and placing a delicate kiss in her palm.  “You’re breathtaking.” 

“You aren’t so bad yourself.”  She gave him a teasing look.

“Shall we go?” 

“Are you sure Phillip is okay about spending the evening with the kids?”

“A-man-da!  I already told you, and so did he.  He’s fine with it.”

She laughed.  “Okay.  Okay.  Let’s go.” 

dddddddddddddddddd

“Oh my gosh.  I couldn’t eat another bite.  That was absolutely wonderful, Lee.”  She pushed the plate of half-eaten chocolate mousse away and took a sip of her wine. 

He leaned in and kissed the curve of her lips.  “You had some mousse . . .” He indicated the corner of her mouth. 

“Oh, thank you.”  She smiled as she picked up her napkin and dabbed at her mouth. 

“Anytime,” he teased.  “You aren’t too full to dance with your husband, are you?”

“Never.” 

He helped her out of her seat and guided her to the small dance floor.  The band played soft jazz as the couple danced, and, as they swayed to the music, the outside world melted away, leaving only the two of them.  He loved they way they fit together, as if they were made for each other.  Perhaps they were.

“Amanda, I want to apologize--”     

“Apologize?  What on earth for?”

“For the way I’ve acted over the last month or so.  I haven’t been myself, and I’ve taken it out on you and the kids.  I want you to know that I’m very sorry for that.  I won’t take you for granted ever again.  And I . . . I love you, Amanda.  More than I ever thought possible.  You and the kids mean everything to me.  Thank you for staying with me.”  He lifted one of the curls framing her face and wrapped it around his finger. 

“Oh, sweetheart.”  She caressed his face.  “We’re your family.  We’ll always be here for you.  And I love you, too.” 

They danced to yet another song until Amanda broke the silence.  “I’ve had such a wonderful time, Lee.  Thank you.  I hate to see the evening end.”  She grasped his shoulder more tightly and pulled him even closer. 

“It doesn’t have to, you know?”  There, he’d said it.  Now the ball was in her court.

“Well, what about the kids?  Phillip’s expecting us home soon.”

“I kinda asked him to spend the night.  I got us a room at a Bed and Breakfast over in the next county.”  He pulled back to see her reaction.  “I hope you don’t mind.”

“Mind?  I love it!  Thank you!”  She laid her head back on his shoulder and whispered,

“Can we go now?”   

He released the breath he’d unknowingly been holding and grasped her hand.  Together, they strolled back to the table.  After gathering Amanda’s purse and paying the bill, they left the restaurant, hand in hand.

dddddddddddddddddd

“It’s beautiful, Lee.”  She fingered the lace on the bed and walked over to the window.

“You’re beautiful.  I’m sorry it took me so long to see it.”  He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her small waist. 

“That was a long time ago, Lee.”  She snuggled deeper into his embrace. 

“Yeah, a lifetime.”  He sighed.  The light fragrance of her perfume surrounded him.  This was exactly where he was supposed to be.  They were destined to be together.  No matter how much his foolish mistakes had conspired against them, they were here.  Together. 

Amanda slowly turned around, loosened his tie, and then began unbuttoning his shirt.  “Have I mentioned how good you look in this suit?”  She nibbled at his ear. 

“No . . . you didn’t.”  He shivered at her touch.

“How thoughtless of me.”  She laughed seductively.  “I’ll have to make it up to you.”

She put her hand in his and they entangled their fingers--swaying to unheard music.  It was the first time he’d allowed her to get this close, no barriers.    The need to push her away before she got any closer was nearly overwhelming, but he fought to gain control of the fear. 

His lips seemed to be on their own mission.  They moved slowly over her face, raining soft, tender kisses on first her eyelids, then her nose, then her earlobes, and finally, her lips.  When their lips met in a soft sensuous kiss, he felt like he had finally found his place in the world.  He was home. 

His tongue traced her lips until she granted him entrance into her warm mouth.  Running his hands through her hair, he was finding it difficult to control his emotions.  He needed to slow things down a bit.  Over and over, his mind screamed, ‘This is Amanda!’  Slowly opening his eyes and seeing the love in hers, the last of his resistance melted away.  ‘Yes, this is Amanda.  You love her, and she loves you.  It’s okay to let her in.’

Her gentle hands lightly caressed his chest, and he gave in to the powerful feelings she stirred within him.  This was meant to be.  They were both ready for this.

dddddddddddddddddd

“Mommy, Daddy!  You’re home!”  Jenny ran into the kitchen, with Matthew not far behind. 

Lee let go of Amanda’s hand to scoop Jenny up into his arms and spin her around.  “Good morning, Jenny girl.”  The little girl giggled at his antics. 

“Did you have a nice anni . . . anniversary?  Phillip said you were on a date.”

“Your big brother was right.  We had a wonderful time.  Your mommy is the best date a guy could ask for.”  Amanda’s hand squeezed his shoulder from behind.  “Speaking of your brother.  Where is Phillip?”

“He’s still sleeping.”  She leaned over to his ear conspiratorially.  “I think Matty wore him out.” 

“I see.  You had nothing to do with it, of course.”  Jenny shook her head adamantly; Amanda tried to stifle a laugh. 

Jenny cupped Lee’s face with her small hands.  She inspected every feature on his face, her eyes penetrating his.  Before he could ask her what she was up to, she smiled brightly at him.  “I knew you’d come back to us, Daddy.”  The hug that followed nearly knocked the wind out of him.  He smiled into her hair and set her down on the stool at the breakfast bar. 

Lee looked over to Amanda, who was feeding Matthew in his high chair.  “What do you say we go on a picnic?”

She smiled and nodded.  “I think that sounds like a great idea.  What do you say, Matthew?”

“Park!”

Before he could turn around, Jenny had jumped off her stool and darted up the stairs.  “I’ll go get our shoes!”

dddddddddddddddddd

“Amanda?”  Lee called softly to the still form lying next to him.

“Hmm?”   

“Are you awake?”  He touched her shoulder, and she rolled over.

“Uh-uh.”  Came her sleepy reply.

“What do you think about going on a vacation over the Christmas holiday?  We could go see your mother and Kurt.  Phillip and Jamie will be on break, and so will Jenny.  Your mother would love it.  She’s always trying to get us to come for a visit.”

“But we wouldn’t be at home for Christmas.”

“It doesn’t matter where we are as long as we’re together, right?” he asked the back of her head. 

“Yeah.  That sounds nice, sweetheart.  Can we talk about it tomorrow?  I’m really sleepy.”

“Yeah.  Goodnight, I love you.”

“Love you, too.”  Lee was sure she fell back asleep before the words left her mouth. 

He smiled.  It felt good to have a future.

dddddddddddddddddd

“Of all the words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these... it might have been.”

-John Greenleaf Whittier

As they walked into the school’s auditorium, Lee spotted something out of the corner of his eye.  Something alarming.  He hurried Amanda and Matthew to their seats.  After assuring Amanda that he wouldn’t miss Jenny’s performance in her first big recital, he rushed back to the vestibule. 

There he was, the man he’d seen on his way in.  “You again.  Why are you here?  You’re not sending me back.  Do you hear me?  I’m not going back!  Understand me?”  Lee fought to control his emotions.

“Relax, Lee.”  The man smiled.

“You can’t do this.  You can’t keep coming in and out of people’s lives, messing things up.  It’s not right.”   

“A glimpse by definition is an impermanent thing, Lee.”   

This wasn’t happening.  Not when he’d finally found what he was missing.  “You think you can just come waltzing into my life, throw me into a new one, let me fall in love with my wife . . . in love with my children, and then rip me out again?  This is my life, man.  Don’t you understand that?  I don’t want to go back to who I was before.  I belong here.  They need me.  I need them!”

“I’m sorry, Lee.  I told you in the beginning.  You would only be here until you figured some things out.”

“I’ve got kids!”  His eyes pleaded with the man.  He met the unrelenting stare.  “I’m going to go watch my daughter be the best damn violin player there is.”  He turned and stalked back to his seat. 

dddddddddddddddddd

Lee lay awake, holding Amanda in his arms.  He needed to be with her one more time--something to remember.  “These past several weeks, I know I’ve done some unusual things.”

She laughed.  “It’s been interesting.  That’s for sure.”

“I’ve done some good things, too, haven’t I?”

“You’ve been Lee Stetson, and that’s always a good thing.”  She brushed her hand gently across his arm. 

He snuggled closer to her.  “I need you to remember me, Amanda.  How I am right now--at this very moment.  I need you to put that image in your heart and keep it there.  Keep it with you, no matter what happens.”  The timbre of his voice grew solemn. 

“Are you okay?”

He nodded.  “Yeah.”

When she tried to pull away from his tight embrace to study his face, he stopped her, unable to look her in the eye.  “Please.  You have to promise me, Amanda.  Because if you don’t, it’ll be like it never happened, and I don’t think I could live with that.”

“I promise.”  She let out a nervous laugh.

“Promise me again,” he whispered into her ear and closed his eyes, relishing the sound of her sweet voice. 

“I promise, sweetheart.”  This time there was worry in her voice.

dddddddddddddddddd

Lee slowly tore himself out of bed, careful not to wake his wife.  He walked into Matthew’s room, leaned over his crib, and watched the rise and fall of his son's tiny chest.  Brushing back the sweat-slicked hair from his brow, he slid his index finger in between the boy’s curled fingers, relishing the feeling of their softness. 

“I love you, son.”  He turned and, without a sound, left the room.

Reluctantly, he walked across the hall to Jenny’s room.  The harsh glow from the lamp on her desk cast a strange hue on the soft pink walls.  Looking down at her angelic face, he begged the powers that be to allow him to stay, even for just one more night.  One more night to read to her, to listen to her tall tales from kindergarten, just one more hug . . .

He leaned down and kissed her cheek.  Watching her wake from his touch, he chided himself for disturbing her peaceful sleep. 

“Is it morning already, Daddy?”

“No, baby.  Go back to sleep.”  He smiled as she nuzzled back into her pillow.  “I’m going back to the mother ship.”  He couldn’t help but laugh at the memory of his daughter telling him she knew he was an alien.  She had bargained for her little brother’s safety, as well as her own.  But when he thought about it, that’s what it felt like.  He would be going back to an alien life.    Why couldn’t he just stay?     

dddddddddddddddddd

It was nearly four o’clock in the morning.  Lee sat in the bedside chair next to Amanda, watching her sleep.  Maybe if he stayed awake, fate couldn't tear him away from her.  He'd thought about it all night.  During the argument with Marcus at the school, he had blamed the strange man.  He knew, now, that he could only blame himself.  He did this.  It was his doing. 

He had let Amanda walk out of his life.  Not Marcus.  He threw away the best relationship he’d ever had.  And why?  For what?  Because he was scared? 

He slid in next to Amanda and rested his chest against her comforting back.  He just needed to hold her, one more time.  “Please don’t forget me, Amanda.  If I can get back to you, I will.  I’ll do whatever it takes.”  He kissed the top of her head and snuggled closer.  His eyes no longer able to stay open, he drifted off, nestled with his life. 

dddddddddddddddddd

"Regrets are idle; yet history is one long regret. Everything might have turned out so differently."

-Charles Dudley Warner

Lee awoke to a loud ringing sound.  He threw his arm onto the alarm clock, but the ringing continued.  Realizing the clock was not the source of the obnoxious sound, he fumbled for the phone.  “Hello?” 

“Hi, Lee.  It’s Amanda.  I--”

“Amanda?  Where are you?  Why aren’t you here?”  What time was it?  What day was it?  He had thought it was Saturday, but why would she be anywhere, except lying next to him?  And why hadn’t the kids come in already? 

“Lee, I thought we were meeting at the café down the street from the Agency?  I only called to let you know I was running about twenty minutes late.  It’s taken me a bit longer to pack than I had thought.”

“Pack?”  His conversation with Marcus the night before came crashing down.  He jolted upright and looked around the room.  “Damn!”  It was too late.  He was back in his old life. 

“I’m sorry, Lee.”

‘Not as sorry as I am.’  “No, no, Amanda.  I didn’t mean . . . Don’t worry about it.  I’ll see you there in forty-five minutes.  Will that be okay?” 

“Sure.  See you then.”

“Bye.”

Lee dropped the receiver back on its cradle and slumped back in bed, running his hand through his hair.  “Why, Marcus?  Why now?  Just when things were so . . . perfect.”  He threw off the sheet, dragged himself from the bed, and headed for the shower. 

dddddddddddddddddd

Lee strolled into the café and immediately spotted Amanda sitting at the corner table.  How could she look so different?  Hadn’t he just seen her last night and watched her sleep?  Her hair was straight and several inches longer than it had been.  The woman was still as beautiful as ever, but she seemed sad.  Her confidence was missing.  As if she just wanted to blend into the wall.  Her eyes were the most telling.  They looked sad and lonely--lifeless. 

As he walked up to the table, she greeted him with a small smile.  They shook hands awkwardly, and he took a seat across from her. 

“Thanks for meeting me on such short notice, Amanda.  How are you?”  He signaled the waitress over and ordered coffee.  He watched her carefully, trying to determine what was so different about her.  She was a stark contrast from the woman he fell in love with over the course of the past several weeks.  He fought the urge to pull her to him and kiss her senseless. 

“No problem, Lee.  I’m good, thank you.”

“Go ahead and order breakfast if you’d like.”

“I’ll just stick to coffee, thanks.”  She nodded to the waitress and handed her back the menu. 

“I thought you always said breakfast is the most important meal of the day?” 

She frowned slightly.  “I guess I’m just a bit nervous this morning.”

“Right, your trip.”  He remembered their conversation before he was pulled into the glimpse.  “So, you’re flying off to Hawaii to get married, huh?  Who’s the lucky guy?”  His stomach was tied in knots waiting for her answer.  He should have asked the guy's name that night so he could have had a full background check run before he arrived at the restaurant. 

“Well, his name is Tom Sundry.  He’s a computer salesman.  He’s at a conference in Hawaii, so I’m meeting him there.  We thought we’d take advantage of the trip and just elope.  We’ll have a small reception when we return.”

“That’s great,” he lied.  She should be marrying him, not some bozo salesman.  He had to change the subject.  “How are the boys and your mother?” 

“They’re doing great.  Phillip graduated from college this past summer, pre-law like his father.  He’ll be starting Georgetown in a few days.  Jamie will be a junior at George Washington University, studying biology.  My mother is doing well; she’s married and living in Arizona now.  I miss her terribly, but she’s very happy.  Actually, I miss them all.”

“Well, I’m glad they are all doing well.”  He straightened his silverware nervously.

“How about yourself?  What’s new with you?”  She stared at him for a moment. 

“Oh, you know.  Same old, same old.”  He felt like she could see right into his soul.  It was the same feeling he had whenever Jenny watched him.  Luckily, the waitress delivered their coffees, breaking the silence.

“So, let’s see.”  He pulled his file out and started reading through the questions, as if on autopilot. 

After what seemed like hours, but in reality, had only been thirty minutes, Lee was finished with the standard review questions, adding a few more for good measure. 

“Does Tom know what you did for a living before you two met?”  It was difficult to look her in the eyes, and he was afraid she’d see right through him, as she always did. 

“No, he wouldn’t understand.”  Funny, she had that same sad look on her face that she had when he first saw her from across the room. 

“So, what are your plans after you get back from your . . . uh . . .” He couldn’t even say the word.

“Honeymoon?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Well, Tom’s job is based out of New York, so we’ll be moving there shortly after we return.”

“Won’t you miss seeing Phillip and Jamie?”  He couldn’t believe she’d move away from them.  They were her life.

“They're not little boys anymore, Lee.  They have lives of their own now, and so do I.”  Was she trying to convince him or herself?  Either way, she sounded a bit defensive. 

“What will you do there?  You don’t know anyone.  How long have you known this Tom?”  The questions poured out of him, and he was having difficulty controlling his frustration. 

“I’ll get a job as a secretary or something and make new friends, I suppose.”  She shrugged, as if she hadn’t really thought it out completely.  “I’ve known him for about four years now.”

This was not the same Amanda he knew.  She would never leave her boys, no matter how old they were.  “Are you sure you’ve thought this through?  Do you really love this guy?  He’s making you move hundreds of miles away from your home, you have to leave your boys--”

“How dare you?  You haven’t spoken to me in nearly ten years, and you think you know what’s best for me?” 

“You think I haven’t thought about you at all during that time?  Wondered what you were doing?  Whom you were doing it with?”  She stared at him wide-eyed.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to upset you.  I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” 

“I appreciate your concern, Lee, but I’m a grown woman.  I can take care of myself.”  Her voice had softened but still held an edge. 

He smiled and nodded, knowing first hand how well she could take care of herself and everyone else around her.  Lee breathed deeply, trying to steady his nerves.  ‘Here goes nothing.’  “Amanda, if I had asked you to stay on at the Agency all those years

ago . . . well, would you have?” 

“That was so long ago.  What does it matter now?”  Her eyes pleaded with him to drop the subject. 

He refused.  “Please, just answer the question.”

“Lee, what is it you want me to say?”  She ran her hand along the side of their table and then looked into his eyes.  “That I wished you had asked me to stay in this crazy spy world of yours all those years ago?  That I’d be happier as your partner, chasing down God knows whom, all over the world?  Risking my life to save my country, instead of getting married to a man who loves me and can provide a stable, albeit predictable life.”  She finished in a rush, taking a deep breath and looking down at her tightly clasped hands.  Perhaps her nerves were as frazzled as his.    

There, he saw that look again.  What was it?  What was she saying, without really saying it? 

“Lee, we all have regrets . . .” She stopped abruptly, as if she’d said too much.  She breathed in deeply, and, with renewed determination in her voice, she continued.  “Look, I’m getting married in less than forty-eight hours.  The past is just that, the past.  It’s not like it matters anymore.  We can’t go back.”  She stared at him from across the table, almost daring him to press her further. 

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.  Maybe too much time had passed between them.  Damn!  He’d really messed up.  Not only had he allowed ten years to go by without talking to her, he’d let another man take his place beside her.   ‘It’s your own fault, Stetson.  Billy tried to warn you that you were letting the best thing that ever happened to you walk out of your life.  And you just sat there and watched her leave.  You deserve to be alone.’  The voice in his head left no room for excuses.  He ploughed his hand through his hair and studied the beautiful woman across from him.  What could he say?  He’d obviously hurt her when he let her go without a fight. 

“Lee?” 

“I’m sorry, what were you saying, Amanda?”  He grabbed a glass of water and took a big gulp, trying to calm his nerves. 

“I said if there’s nothing else . . . I really do need to catch my flight.”

“Oh, right.  No, I guess there’s nothing left to say . . . I mean ask.  I’ve got everything I need to complete the review.  Look, Amanda . . .”

“Yes?”  She reached for her glass of water and nearly toppled it.  Righting the glass, she looked at him expectantly. 

“I . . . uh, appreciate you taking the time to meet me.  I mean, I know how busy you must be with your . . . uh, wedding and all.”

“No problem, Lee.  It was good seeing you again.”  She placed her napkin on the table and slid her chair back. She was clearly uncomfortable being there with him.  Maybe he should have just asked her the questions over the phone. 

No, he had to see her.  See if she was happy.  She was, wasn’t she?

He stood as she rose to leave.  “Yeah, you, too.  Have a safe flight, and . . . congratulations.”  He handed Amanda her purse and watched as she, once again, walked out of his life. 

This time, it was much harder to let her go.  Was it because he knew she was on her way to become a married woman?  Or was it because this time, he knew what he was letting go?  He heaved a heavy sigh as he threw money on the table and then trudged back to his car. 

He had a lot of thinking to do.  

dddddddddddddddddd

On the short drive home, he replayed his conversation with Amanda.  He couldn’t get over how sad she'd seemed.  She had tried to hide it, but he knew something was wrong.  She didn’t have that sparkle in her eyes that she once had.  That same sparkle that warmed his heart when they had made love for the first time. 

This was all so confusing.  He wasn’t sure what reality was anymore.  What did he want?  That was perfectly clear.  He wanted his life with Amanda and their four children.  But that wasn’t possible, and now he knew it could never be possible--she was on her way to marry someone else.  “Someone . . . someone . . . she didn’t love.  That’s why there was no light in her eyes.  She was miserable!”  The realization finally dawned on him.   

He had to stop her.  He couldn’t let her marry someone she didn’t love, someone other than him.  She needed him, and he needed her.  The glimpse proved that they were great together, that they belonged together.  Now he just needed to convince her of that.

Slamming on his brakes, he made a U-turn in the middle of the street and punched the gas.  ‘There can’t be that many flights to Hawaii in the next few hours.’  He wasn’t sure what he was going to say to her but hoped something would come to him.   

dddddddddddddddddd

Running through the airport, he was nearly out of breath and ready to collapse when he saw her.  There she was, in line to board the plane.  What was he going to say to her?  She was nearing the front of the line--he had no time to think.  He did the only thing he could think of.  He yelled across the crowded terminal.     

“Amanda!” 

She, along with everyone else in line, turned to him.  “Lee?”  Her shocked expression wasn't comforting, but he plunged ahead. 

“Amanda, you can’t go!  Don’t get on that plane.” 

She shouldered her way through the crowd, separated by the divider.  “Lee, what are you talking about?”  Her voice was tight and strained--she always did hate drawing attention to herself. 

“All I’m asking is for you to have a cup of coffee with me.  We need to talk.  I . . . I need to tell you some things.”

“Lee, Tom is waiting for me.  We’re getting married in two days!  Whatever this is about, it’ll have to wait.”

“No, it can’t wait.  I’m sure there’s a later flight you can take.  Please?”  His eyes pleaded with hers.  He needed to get her to understand the urgency. 

“Do you need some type of closure, Lee?  If you do, you’ve got it.  I know we didn’t end our friendship on a great note, but I’m okay.  Really.”  She gave him a small smile. The smile never reached her eyes and only confirmed his suspicions. 

He watched her mouth as she spoke.  This was not about closure.  He could feel his chest tighten, and he was breathing heavily.  She wasn’t getting what he was trying to say.  How could he make her understand?

Her gaze darted to the moving line behind her.  “I’ve got to go, Lee.  If you want, I can call you when Tom and I get back home.  We can talk then.”  She turned and headed back to the much shorter line. Almost everyone had already boarded the plane.

He watched in dismay as she showed her boarding pass to the attendant.  Running his hands through his hair, he started to walk away but stopped and turned back.  “We have a house in Rockville!” he yelled. 

She turned around once again and stared at him. 

“Horses, we’ve got horses.  Phillip and Jamie love ‘em.  We have two kids of our own, too.”  He grinned from ear to ear.  "Jenny, she’s five.  She’s not much of a violin player, but she tries real hard.  She’s a little precocious, but that’s only because she says what’s on her mind.  And when she smiles . . .” He trailed off, fighting the lump that had formed in his throat.  He missed her already.  Pushing back the thought that he’d never see his children again, he tried again.  

Amanda was now standing about ten feet away from Lee, as if mesmerized by his words. 

“And Matty, he’s two.  He has your eyes.  He doesn’t say much, but we know he’s smart.  He’s always got his eyes open.”  He motioned around the room.  “He’s always watching us.  Sometimes you can look at him and know that he’s learning something new.”  He smiled.  “It’s like witnessing a miracle.”  Swallowing hard, he struggled to continue--he didn’t want to lose her attention now. 

“The house is just the way we want it.  A bit chaotic, but it’s ours.  Well, it will be in 118 payments.  And you and I, we’re partners.  Real partners, at home and work, just like you said we were.  I’ve never had a better partner than you.  We play off each other’s strengths.  We’re the best team Billy has!” 

Now that he had her complete attention, he walked toward her.  “And we’re in love.  After seven years of marriage, we’re still head over heals in love.  We’ve had our share of problems--you were shot on our honeymoon.  I nearly lost you . . . but we survived, and we came out even stronger in the end.”  When he was only a foot away from her, he stopped.  “You’re a better person than I am, and you make me a better person just by being around you.  I don’t know, maybe it was just a dream, and I went to bed one lonely night in August and imagined it all, but I swear nothing’s ever felt more real.”  She stared at him wide-eyed.  “If you get on that plane right now, it’ll disappear forever.  I know we can both go on with our lives, you can marry Tim--”

“Tom,” she squeaked out, with tears welling up in her eyes. 

“Tom,” he corrected.  “And I can go on alone, but I’ve seen what we can be together, Amanda.  And I choose us.” 

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. 

“Please, Amanda, one cup of coffee?  You can always go to Hawaii.  Just not tonight.”  He held his hand out to her, his eyes pleading with her to take it. 

Glancing around the terminal, she smiled faintly.  “Okay, Lee.”  She grasped his hand, and he brought her hand to his lips, placing a delicate kiss on her fingers.

“Okay,” he whispered.  He released the breath he was holding and smiled triumphantly--‘One small step at a time.’ 

dddddddddddddddddd

Lee entered his apartment with a spring in his step.  He had just left Amanda at her place, after spending the evening talking over coffee. 

It was so easy to talk to her.  She calmed him in a way he’d never experienced with anyone else.  They filled each other in on their lives.  She even opened up about her relationship with Tom Sundry.  How she had met him at a time in her life when she was most vulnerable and needed someone to love her.  She hadn’t realized how unhappy she was in her relationship with Tom, until she saw Lee at the restaurant earlier in the day.  Over time, she had forced down her feelings for Lee. She'd tried to make a life without him, only to find that she constantly compared Tom to him.  She admitted how unfair it was to Tom--that she never really gave herself a chance to truly love him.

As she spoke, his heart beat faster.  Seeing the sparkle return to her eyes was overwhelming.  Happiness washed over him, knowing that no matter what happened in their past, they would always be together in the future. 

Then, like a rock, it hit him.  Yes, he would get his happily ever after with Amanda, but what about Jenny and Matt?  What would happen to them?  His heart ached to hold them again, to hear them laugh or call him ‘Daddy.’ 

That perfect glimpse would always be a reminder of the devastating mistake he had made letting Amanda walk out of his life.  He had taken the first steps in correcting that mistake earlier in the day, but he knew deep down he had sacrificed the possibility that Jenny and Matt could be a part of their reality.  And for what?  His pride?  Grasping onto the thought that at least Amanda didn’t know what she was missing, he sighed.  She wouldn’t miss the unmistakable sound of tiny feet padding down the hallway toward their room in the wee hours of the morning.  She wouldn’t miss the sweet smell that hung in the air after the kids had had their baths for the evening.  She wouldn’t feel the longing to hold them just one more time. 

Lee dragged himself from the couch, strode to the bar, and poured himself some liquid courage.  With a quick gulp, he stood tall.  He resolved to do whatever was necessary to insure Amanda would always be with him.  He loved her, and they would have a long life together.  Lee stared at the empty glass and then threw it against the wall in disgust.  He had Amanda back; he didn’t need anything else for courage. 

He smiled, shaking off the melancholy that had invaded his consciousness. After turning off the lights, he headed into his bedroom to get some much-needed rest.  Tomorrow was the start of a new life for him--for both of them. 

He only hoped Amanda would be able to sleep.  She had spoken to Tom from the airport, letting him know she would not be coming to Hawaii.  After a long discussion, they had agreed to talk about it in the morning. 

Lee could see the pain it was causing her.  His only consolation was that he knew the pain would only be temporary.  She would be so much happier with him than she could ever be with Tom.  He would devote his life to making sure of it.  He'd offered to be there when she made the call, but she had said it was something she had to do on her own.  He’d respected her decision.  He knew it would be tough, but she was a brave woman.  The bravest he had ever known.

Before Lee left her house, Amanda had asked him to join her for brunch in the morning.  They still had a lot to discuss, but he knew all the hard work would be worth it.  He and Amanda would be together.  As he drifted off to sleep, his thoughts were of the beautiful woman residing on Maplewood Drive. 

dddddddddddddddddd

“Wake up, D.C.!  It’s December 12, 1984 and guess which celebrities are getting a year older today?”  Lee slammed his hand on top of the radio to quiet it, succeeding on the second attempt. 

The sunlight filtered through the window, as his eyes darted around the room.  He’d had the most bizarre dream--it was so real, leaving him feeling warm and safe.  He felt like he had slept for months, instead of one night.  Trying to recollect the dream only seemed to push it further and further into the recesses of his mind.  Shrugging off the sensation, he headed for the shower. 

Upon arriving at the Agency, he felt the strangest sense of déjà vu.  He strolled to his desk in the Bullpen, grabbed his mug, and headed toward the coffee. 

“Scarecrow!  My office now!”  Came the loud boom from his section chief.  ‘Oh, yeah, most definitely déjà vu.’

Lee walked into Billy’s office and sat down.  “What’s up, Billy?”  He was certain he hadn’t done anything recently to embarrass the Agency or the country.   

“Can you tell me why Mrs. King would be so upset that she would want to quit this Agency?”

Lee wisely looked surprised.  In all honesty, he was taken back a bit.  He thought for sure she was bluffing when she said she was quitting the Agency.  “Well, she might have mentioned it last night during a disagreement we had.”  ‘Okay, it was more like a fight,’ he mentally added.   “You know, Billy . . . it’s probably for the best.  She’s a mother of two small boys.  This is no life for her.  It’s too dangerous!  Besides that, she could really screw things up.  Lord knows, she’s tried in the past.”

“Cut the crap, Scarecrow!  She’s turning out to be a great asset to this Agency, and you know it!  Besides that, she’s the only one who can keep you on your toes and grounded at the same time.  She may just be the best thing that has ever happened to you, and you’re just going to let her walk right out of your life, without so much as a fight.”  He shook his head in evident disgust. 

Lee opened his mouth to protest the absurdity of his boss’s notion, but the look his supervisor gave him made him rethink that plan.  Just then, there was a knock at the door, and both men looked up to see Amanda. 

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything, sir.”   

“Not at all, Mrs. King.  Please, come in.  We were just discussing how sorry we are to see you leave us.  Isn’t that right, Lee?”  Billy smiled at Lee. 

Lee nodded.  “Uh, yeah, right.”  Why did he feel so torn?  He should be happy she was finally getting out of his hair. 

Amanda kept her eyes on Billy and never once looked at Lee.  She was obviously still very upset with him after last night.  ‘Of course she was upset, Stetson.  She wouldn’t be resigning from her job otherwise.’  Why did he care?  Wasn’t this what he wanted? 

He watched her, waiting for their eyes to connect.  When they finally did, he was beset by the complete sadness that he saw there.  He had seen it once before, but when?  Images flashed through his mind.  There it was again--that same odd sense of déjà vu.  They were sitting in a restaurant talking.  But they were much older than they were now.  How could that be possible?  Was this part of the dream he had woken up from this morning? 

Lee could hear Billy trying to talk Amanda out of her decision, but he focused on the images that were springing forth in his mind.  He saw a little girl with hazel eyes . . . his eyes.  Her voice, she was saying something, and he strained to make it out.  She was calling him ‘Daddy,’ and a much smaller child joined her.  His eyes--just like Amanda’s.  An overwhelming feeling of love swept over him.

Trying to shake the unexpected feeling, he cleared his throat and struggled to focus on the conversation going on in front of him, but the images wouldn’t let him.  Pictures flashed before his eyes.  He and Amanda dressed up at what appeared to be their wedding.  Images flickered, of babies and smiles and tears.  Another picture came into view, one of the two of them in a much more casual setting--sitting on a porch, each with a child on their lap.  They were the same two children that he saw moments before.  Were they their family?  How was that possible? 

Before he could think of an answer, he heard Billy calling him, pulling him from his reverie.

“Lee?  Lee!”

“Yeah, sorry, Billy.  What were you saying?”  He ran his hand through his hair and fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat. 

“I was just asking if there was anything else you needed to say to Amanda before she left?”  His supervisor raised his eyebrows and tilted his head, as if to prod him along.  He knew Billy wanted him to say something to her so she’d stay.  ‘Say something, Stetson.’  His gut was telling him he shouldn’t let her walk out of his life.  Why wouldn’t he listen to it?

“Uh, nope.  Guess there’s not much left to say.”  He stood and shook her hand.  “Good luck, Amanda.”  He walked over to the door and opened it for her.  Why couldn’t he swallow his pride and ask her to stay?  ‘It was just a dream!  I must have eaten something bad.’  He was a loner; he didn’t need anyone, especially a suburban mother from Arlington.  

She smiled weakly at him, and then Billy.  He thought for sure he saw her shoulders sag.  “Well, I guess I should go then.  Thank you again, Mr. Melrose, for the opportunity.” 

“I’m sorry things didn’t work out, Amanda.  Please be sure to give your badge to Marlene before you leave, she’ll have a few documents for you to sign.  And take care of yourself,” Billy said, as he shook her hand. 

“Yes, sir.”  She nodded to Lee.  “Lee.”

“Amanda.”  He attempted a smile but failed miserably.                                                              

Standing in the office doorway with Billy, Lee watched her hand over her I.D. and read through the documents in front of her.  Running his hand through his hair once again, he mumbled something about getting back to work and headed for his desk. 

Lee looked up from his desk to see Billy shake his head and return to his office, closing the door behind him.  His gaze drifted to Amanda.  She seemed different to him.  Or rather, he felt differently about her.  He saw something in her he hadn’t seen before.  Her voice penetrated his thoughts, and he refocused on her as she headed out of the Bullpen toward the elevator. 

He tried to concentrate on the file in front of him but could only stare at the glass doors. An unexplainable feeling of dread washed over him. Something was terribly wrong.  One image kept replaying in his mind.  It was a photograph of him and Amanda looking at each other so intently--the love between them was almost palpable.  No such photograph existed, did it?  Snippets of a conversation between himself and another man came next.  Someone he didn’t recognize. 

“This is a glimpse, Lee.” 

“A glimpse?”  The man nodded, keeping his eyes on the road ahead.  “A glimpse of what?”  What the hell was he talking about?

“You’re gonna have to figure that out for yourself, and you’ve got plenty of time.”

“How much time?”

“As much time as it takes, and, in your case, it’s probably going to be considerable.”

Lee jumped out of his chair and pushed open the glass door to the hallway.  He saw her entering the elevator.  “Amanda!”  Yelling down the hallway to get her attention, he rushed toward her.  Her hand moved to stop the door from closing, and he sighed in relief.  He wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to speak to him again.  The ridiculous argument they’d had the night before was entirely his fault.  Seeing the look of sadness on her face once again, he knew this was the right thing to do.  At that moment, he knew--dream or not--he couldn’t let her walk out of his life. 

He was nearly breathless from the sheer emotion of his decision.  She looked at him with a question in her beautiful eyes.  He smiled softly at her and shrugged.  What should he say?  Expressing his feelings was always difficult for him, but he knew this was necessary.  He felt in his gut that this was important to his future, as well as hers.  Taking a deep breath, he prayed his voice would cooperate. 

“Stay.”

dddddddddddddddddd

Epilogue:

Lee waited until the waiter removed everyone’s dinner from the table before lifting his iced-tea glass.  “Thank you, everyone!  This has been the best Father’s Day I’ve ever had.”

“You haven’t even gotten your present yet, Lee.”

“I don’t need anything else, Jamie.  I’ve got my entire family with me to share in this wonderful day.”  He beamed with love and pride as he looked at the faces surrounding him--his loving wife and his four beautiful children.  “What more could one man ask for?” he murmured.

“What more indeed,” replied the waiter, carrying a chocolate cake.  The lit candle wavered to the left as he sat the cake in front of Lee. 

Lee looked up into the man’s eyes, expecting to see their waiter from earlier.  But to his surprise, it was the man from his dreams.  Or what he thought were dreams.  Without thinking, he spoke the man’s name.  “Marcus?” 

“How ya doin’, Lee?  I see you found what you were looking for.”  His smile was wide and telling as he looked around the large table. 

“It wasn’t a dream?”  It wasn’t just déjà vu.  All those times he knew what was coming-- what was going to be said and what Jenny and Matty would look like?  It was real.

“Lee?”  Amanda called to him.  “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

Lee looked over to his wife and then to Marcus.  “Nothing.”  He shook his head in wonder. 

“No good deed goes un-rewarded, my friend,” Marcus said barely above a whisper, before he turned and disappeared into the kitchen.  Lee smiled at the man’s words and then felt his daughter tug on his hand. 

“Daddy, who was that man?” 

“A very good friend who helped Daddy see the error in his ways a long, long time ago, honey.”  Looking at Amanda, he smiled broadly.  “Now who’s gonna help me eat this cake?”

The End!